tired...
Well, I haven't been online lately, so I haven't been able to update my journal in awhile and look at all my communities I belong to lol. Well, I finally reached my first goal weight. Its weird because i'm not as happy as I thought I would be. I'm 1 pound less than my goal weight, It was 103, so I'm 102 now. BUT....my mom went to drive my sister somewhere, so being a fat ass, I take this as an opportunity to binge and purge. I ate mac and cheese and some of these steamed dumplings my mom made. So, I just finished purging and I probably gainned weight...I'm afraid to look...ugh! Yesterday I was over Ashley's since Thursday night...so all day yesterday I was b/ped...then later on I went over Chris's since he was having a party...and ate a muffin and a sandwich Nick made...so I purged 2x there....so I b/ped like 7x yesterday...I feel like complete shit. Everytime I walk or walk up the stairs or stand up I get really dizzy, and this sucks. Anyways, I am supposed to be going to this bbq with my grandparents and I really don't feel like going...ugh. What if they make me eat, then I have to get all nervous because I don't like purging when I am home and my mom is around. ugh my life sucks. Anyways, I'm off to go weigh myself and maybe lay down I am so exhausted.