Between The Gaps; 03
Title: Between The Gaps
Author: forever_smilez
Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu
Length: Short Story [03/04]
Genre: Angst, lots of angst!
Rating: PG
Summary: All Junsu needed to do was read between the lines and he would find it. Could Yoochun make him realise before it was too late?
A/N: Thank you so much for reading and giving this fic a chance :) Enjoy!! ♥♥♥
Previous Chapters: 00| 01| 02
“Who’s moved on? You? Because I haven’t moved since the day you left!”
In the split moment that Junsu hesitated and froze on the spot before continuing to walk on ahead, Yoochun knew.
No one had moved on. Who was he trying to kid?
“You know even now you are so bad at lying. You’ll need to work on that if you want me to believe that you have truly moved on.”
“I have…”
“Liar.”
Chills ran through his whole body, he bit his lip, his eyes closed tightly. Please just let me go.
“Look into my eyes and tell me. Tell me you don’t need me, tell me you don’t love me, tell me you’ve moved on. Tell me and I’ll leave! I’ll leave you alone…”
Junsu picked his son into his arms, holding him closely, whispering in his ear.
“Are you happy Jinwoo-ah?”
“Yes.”
He held his son tighter, trying to stop his heart from beating so fast and to conceal the pain.
“I don’t need y-”
Yoochun takes Junsu’s hand and drags him towards the opposite direction of where father and son were intending of going to.
“What would you do if I said I need YOU?”
Around corners, across roads, up flights of stairs he continues to lead Junsu and Jinwoo along a route and in front of a block which soon becomes too familiar.
“What are we doing here?”
“What would you do if I told you that I still love YOU?”
The key turns in the lock, the door opens, footsteps echo through the empty house as Yoochun’s hold on Junsu’s arm loosens.
“What would you do if I told you I can’t move on without YOU?”
“But you don’t need me. You don’t love me. You can move on.”
“How do you know? Do you know what my life has been for the past five years?”
“Yes, because I saw you five years ago.”
“What? When? Why?”
“You looked happy with her, really happy in fact. Your mum told me of your marriage plans.”
“She what?”
“So you don’t have to worry about me anymore, I have Jinwoo and you have your own family.”
“And you believed her? Whatever you saw was nothing. They were never any marriage plans. My mother, that woman is gone now; she’s nothing but an interfering lying witch. I was stupid to let her come back into my life, she hadn’t change, she never will.”
“But that woman by your side.”
“There was never any woman Junsu, she was someone my mother introduced me too. A silly clingy young girl.”
“So what’s that?” Junsu points to the ring on Yoochun’s ring finger.
“Erm..that’s er.”
“We better get going?”
“No wait! Junsu look around. Does it look like I’ve moved on? I’ve never stopped loving you.”
Junsu’s eyes followed Yoochun as the older man drew the curtains revealing abandoned yet not forgotten items around the flat.
“Everything is the way you left it.”
On the edge of the bookshelf laid their unfinished novels piled on top of each other face down on the pages they were on.
“I was waiting for you to return before I finished the book, I’ve been anticipating the ending of yours too.”
Through the window on the balcony were the same plants that Junsu had maintained, yet Yoochun had been maintaining them for the past few years. The only thing Yoochun had touched were those plants, so every time he came home everything would be exactly how it was. And it was. It was EXACTLY how they left it, and it felt so surreal to Junsu.
“This is too much. We really have to go now.”
“Why? What more do you want? Why can’t you just accept that you belong here?”
“Because I don’t anymore. Everything may seem the same on the outside, but on the inside everything has changed. It can never return to the way it was. We can’t just sit here and continue with our books, watering the plants and pretend that these five years wasn’t filled with pain, regret and lies. Too much has happened.”
“What is that supposed to mean? I know it take time, but we can work on it. I don’t expect things to be the same as it was. Why won’t you take this chance?”
“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”
“You won’t.”
“Trust me I will.”
“By leaving again you will, you’ll hurt all of us all over again. What am I supposed to say to your parents when I see them at the end of the week?”
“M-My parents, you still see them?”
“Yeah, I make sure I see them at least once a week. They are still part of me.”
“How are they?”
“Why don’t you ask them yourself? They are worried sick.”
“I…I can’t”
“You have to. They are tired with worry and are so fragile; they sit by the phone every single day. Wanting to take them out for a few hours is a challenge. They are so stubborn, like their son.”
“…”
“They need to know you’re alive and well.”
“How can I face them after what I’ve put them through?”
“Call them. Just a phone call to let them know you’re ok.”
Junsu remains hesitant.
“How about you stay for a while? You and Jinwoon go and clean up; I’ll go and grab some lunch and then you can decide what to do. Okay?”
Junsu paused but eventually agrees. It’ll buy him some time to decide what to say to his parents. The past five years the thought of his parents’ pain and what they had been going through had never crossed his mind. He had become so selfish in his way of thinking that nothing mattered. What kind of example was he setting for Jinwoo?
~~~~
The bathroom door opens, the sound of Jinwoo’s giggles vibrates off the walls in the empty house. Junsu continues to towel try his son’s hair realising that Yoochun was still out getting lunch.
The little of their belonging sat beside the door waiting to be picked up and placed back to its rightful place on father and son’s shoulders, a couple of hours were too long to be left abandoned for. They didn’t belong in this environment, none of them did, Junsu knew and this was their chance.
Their unfinished novels would remain unfinished as Junsu closed both books and placed them neatly back on the shelf.
Taking a pad and pen he wrote:
I’m sorry Yoochun, but I’m not ready to do this now. Yes I’m a coward but I really can’t. Please don’t say anything to my parents yet. I will call them soon, I just need to figure out what to say. Take c-
He suddenly hears footsteps from the other side of the door and swiftly hides the piece of paper behind his back.
Yoochun returns avoiding Junsu’s eye contact, while he leaves the door lingering on open hinges, he spoke.
“I’m sorry I had to.”
Something felt wrong it sends Junsu’s heart racing in fear, giving Yoochun a confused look, a voice suddenly stabs at his heart.
“Junsu-ah…it’s really you right?”
And it drops, his heart started to hurt again. Through the door walks an elderly couple, frail and exhausted.
“Son…?”
The paper in his hand is now a screwed up ball falling to the floor, and he follows its fall seconds after.
“Appa…Umma.”
Junsu drops to the floor on his knees.
“I’m so so sorry…”
He kneels in front of his parents and bows the full 90 degrees, head against the cold wooden floor, shoulders shaking, afraid to raise his head up.
Junsu tries to bite back his sobs yet tears continue to flow.
“Daddy?”
Jinwoo, oblivious of what was going on, starts to cry alongside his father tugging at the corners of his shirt. Everything became foreign to him, who were these strangers? Since they came into Jinwoo and Junsu’s world they had experience both the high and lows in just a few hours. Everything had gone from smiles to tears, the top of the world to crumbling on the floor, luxury to even more luxury. In the eyes of a young, naïve little child.
His son’s cries brings Junsu down the lowest he had ever felt, even his son who had no idea why his father was crying was also shedding tears, tears which should not have been cried in the first place if Junsu had been a better father. He had become a failure to everyone closest to him.
“Look at us Junsu -ah.”
To face his parents after putting them through five years of misery and pain was too much to bear. He couldn’t face them seeing him in this state nor did he want to see the wrinkles on their faces that he had caused.
“Have you lost all kinds of respect for your parents after being away for so long?! Honey, he can’t even look at us anymore. Look what we have raised this boy up to be, we’ve failed, let’s go.”
“No, Appa, don’t go.”
Junsu crawls towards his father and grabs his leg in desperation.
“You have done nothing wrong. I’ve let you down. I’m the failure you have of a son.”
A pair of warm, long awaiting arms wrapped around him.
“Don’t cry son, don’t cry.”
The familiar voice with he had missed so much, the arms he had longed to envelope him, it all became so much harder to come to terms with.
“Let me have a look at you.”
Junsu became hesitant, yet his mother continues to encourage him. His head slowly rising up; eyes however remained fixated on the floor.
“Don’t you go all shy on me now.”
Her hands traces the edges of her son’s face as they reached his jawline, she pushes his chin up to face her.
The tears that wouldn’t stop flowing, she wipes away. His skin, completely soaked, she dries. The body that wouldn’t stop shaking, she holds. She holds on for dear life.
“I’m never going to let you cry again. You’re never going to be alone again my baby boy, my darling baby boy. Don’t you ever do this to us again.”
“Do you know what we have been going through? We’ve been through hell! You mother has been worried sick, she barely eats nor sleep. Five years Junsu, what the hell was going through your mind?!”
With every word his father spoke, a slap across the shoulder follows. Slaps his mother eventually shields.
“Stop it, he’s home now and that’s the most important thing.”
“I’m so sorry…”
“Shh, it’s okay. You’re home and safe now.”
His stern yet loving father. The harsh words he spoke to wake his son up from a world that he knew nothing about, he was still a child in their eyes.
Junsu observes his amazing mother. Her tired eyes, the lines that had gotten deeper due to the stress he caused, the tears he began to wipe away, everything suddenly seemed okay -if only for a moment-it felt okay as the corner of her mouth curled up, her loving smile beaming up in his dark world. The light he should follow.
“Have you been well?”
Stupid question. Though a question which became an ice breaker that sparked up small laughter in the room.
“I’ll take Jinwoo to the bedroom and leave you to catch up with your parents Junsu.”
“Yoochun-ah, thank you.”
Yoochun-ah, unintentional words which brought back a familiar closeness between both men.
~~~~
“Is Jinwoo Yoochun’s?”
“Yoochun has been as worried as we were, he would spend some nights in your old bedroom for some sort of comfort of being close to you. He would be afraid to go back to your flat, afraid of the reality of you not being there for yet another night.”
“He loves you so much son, he has never stopped loving you.”
“There had never been another person, nor will there ever be. He’s made it clear, he was you, it is you, and it will always be you.”
~~~~
The door opens to the room that once was Yoochun and his’, the feeling of warmth and love enveloped him.
In front of him was his son’s first experience of luxury. Peace, quiet, warmth, comfort, in the arms of Yoochun he laid. Junsu was thankful Jinwoo was still young and naïve enough to believe these frequent changes were all part of an adventure. If he knew how messed up his life was and realised what his life really involved, and that it was far from the adventure he believed this was, would Junsu be forgiven?
The door escaped through his fingers and slammed shut. The young child stirred in his sleep causing Yoochun to return to reality.
“Is everything okay?”
Junsu nods.
“So you’re going to stay with your parents now?”
“No, my parents won’t allow me to.”
“What? They haven’t forgiven you? Let me talk to them, I ca-”
Junsu grabs Yoochun’s arm before he was able to leave the room.
“He’s yours.”
Author: forever_smilez
Pairing: Yoochun/Junsu
Length: Short Story [03/04]
Genre: Angst, lots of angst!
Rating: PG
Summary: All Junsu needed to do was read between the lines and he would find it. Could Yoochun make him realise before it was too late?
A/N: Thank you so much for reading and giving this fic a chance :) Enjoy!! ♥♥♥
Previous Chapters: 00| 01| 02
“Who’s moved on? You? Because I haven’t moved since the day you left!”
In the split moment that Junsu hesitated and froze on the spot before continuing to walk on ahead, Yoochun knew.
No one had moved on. Who was he trying to kid?
“You know even now you are so bad at lying. You’ll need to work on that if you want me to believe that you have truly moved on.”
“I have…”
“Liar.”
Chills ran through his whole body, he bit his lip, his eyes closed tightly. Please just let me go.
“Look into my eyes and tell me. Tell me you don’t need me, tell me you don’t love me, tell me you’ve moved on. Tell me and I’ll leave! I’ll leave you alone…”
Junsu picked his son into his arms, holding him closely, whispering in his ear.
“Are you happy Jinwoo-ah?”
“Yes.”
He held his son tighter, trying to stop his heart from beating so fast and to conceal the pain.
“I don’t need y-”
Yoochun takes Junsu’s hand and drags him towards the opposite direction of where father and son were intending of going to.
“What would you do if I said I need YOU?”
Around corners, across roads, up flights of stairs he continues to lead Junsu and Jinwoo along a route and in front of a block which soon becomes too familiar.
“What are we doing here?”
“What would you do if I told you that I still love YOU?”
The key turns in the lock, the door opens, footsteps echo through the empty house as Yoochun’s hold on Junsu’s arm loosens.
“What would you do if I told you I can’t move on without YOU?”
“But you don’t need me. You don’t love me. You can move on.”
“How do you know? Do you know what my life has been for the past five years?”
“Yes, because I saw you five years ago.”
“What? When? Why?”
“You looked happy with her, really happy in fact. Your mum told me of your marriage plans.”
“She what?”
“So you don’t have to worry about me anymore, I have Jinwoo and you have your own family.”
“And you believed her? Whatever you saw was nothing. They were never any marriage plans. My mother, that woman is gone now; she’s nothing but an interfering lying witch. I was stupid to let her come back into my life, she hadn’t change, she never will.”
“But that woman by your side.”
“There was never any woman Junsu, she was someone my mother introduced me too. A silly clingy young girl.”
“So what’s that?” Junsu points to the ring on Yoochun’s ring finger.
“Erm..that’s er.”
“We better get going?”
“No wait! Junsu look around. Does it look like I’ve moved on? I’ve never stopped loving you.”
Junsu’s eyes followed Yoochun as the older man drew the curtains revealing abandoned yet not forgotten items around the flat.
“Everything is the way you left it.”
On the edge of the bookshelf laid their unfinished novels piled on top of each other face down on the pages they were on.
“I was waiting for you to return before I finished the book, I’ve been anticipating the ending of yours too.”
Through the window on the balcony were the same plants that Junsu had maintained, yet Yoochun had been maintaining them for the past few years. The only thing Yoochun had touched were those plants, so every time he came home everything would be exactly how it was. And it was. It was EXACTLY how they left it, and it felt so surreal to Junsu.
“This is too much. We really have to go now.”
“Why? What more do you want? Why can’t you just accept that you belong here?”
“Because I don’t anymore. Everything may seem the same on the outside, but on the inside everything has changed. It can never return to the way it was. We can’t just sit here and continue with our books, watering the plants and pretend that these five years wasn’t filled with pain, regret and lies. Too much has happened.”
“What is that supposed to mean? I know it take time, but we can work on it. I don’t expect things to be the same as it was. Why won’t you take this chance?”
“I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”
“You won’t.”
“Trust me I will.”
“By leaving again you will, you’ll hurt all of us all over again. What am I supposed to say to your parents when I see them at the end of the week?”
“M-My parents, you still see them?”
“Yeah, I make sure I see them at least once a week. They are still part of me.”
“How are they?”
“Why don’t you ask them yourself? They are worried sick.”
“I…I can’t”
“You have to. They are tired with worry and are so fragile; they sit by the phone every single day. Wanting to take them out for a few hours is a challenge. They are so stubborn, like their son.”
“…”
“They need to know you’re alive and well.”
“How can I face them after what I’ve put them through?”
“Call them. Just a phone call to let them know you’re ok.”
Junsu remains hesitant.
“How about you stay for a while? You and Jinwoon go and clean up; I’ll go and grab some lunch and then you can decide what to do. Okay?”
Junsu paused but eventually agrees. It’ll buy him some time to decide what to say to his parents. The past five years the thought of his parents’ pain and what they had been going through had never crossed his mind. He had become so selfish in his way of thinking that nothing mattered. What kind of example was he setting for Jinwoo?
~~~~
The bathroom door opens, the sound of Jinwoo’s giggles vibrates off the walls in the empty house. Junsu continues to towel try his son’s hair realising that Yoochun was still out getting lunch.
The little of their belonging sat beside the door waiting to be picked up and placed back to its rightful place on father and son’s shoulders, a couple of hours were too long to be left abandoned for. They didn’t belong in this environment, none of them did, Junsu knew and this was their chance.
Their unfinished novels would remain unfinished as Junsu closed both books and placed them neatly back on the shelf.
Taking a pad and pen he wrote:
I’m sorry Yoochun, but I’m not ready to do this now. Yes I’m a coward but I really can’t. Please don’t say anything to my parents yet. I will call them soon, I just need to figure out what to say. Take c-
He suddenly hears footsteps from the other side of the door and swiftly hides the piece of paper behind his back.
Yoochun returns avoiding Junsu’s eye contact, while he leaves the door lingering on open hinges, he spoke.
“I’m sorry I had to.”
Something felt wrong it sends Junsu’s heart racing in fear, giving Yoochun a confused look, a voice suddenly stabs at his heart.
“Junsu-ah…it’s really you right?”
And it drops, his heart started to hurt again. Through the door walks an elderly couple, frail and exhausted.
“Son…?”
The paper in his hand is now a screwed up ball falling to the floor, and he follows its fall seconds after.
“Appa…Umma.”
Junsu drops to the floor on his knees.
“I’m so so sorry…”
He kneels in front of his parents and bows the full 90 degrees, head against the cold wooden floor, shoulders shaking, afraid to raise his head up.
Junsu tries to bite back his sobs yet tears continue to flow.
“Daddy?”
Jinwoo, oblivious of what was going on, starts to cry alongside his father tugging at the corners of his shirt. Everything became foreign to him, who were these strangers? Since they came into Jinwoo and Junsu’s world they had experience both the high and lows in just a few hours. Everything had gone from smiles to tears, the top of the world to crumbling on the floor, luxury to even more luxury. In the eyes of a young, naïve little child.
His son’s cries brings Junsu down the lowest he had ever felt, even his son who had no idea why his father was crying was also shedding tears, tears which should not have been cried in the first place if Junsu had been a better father. He had become a failure to everyone closest to him.
“Look at us Junsu -ah.”
To face his parents after putting them through five years of misery and pain was too much to bear. He couldn’t face them seeing him in this state nor did he want to see the wrinkles on their faces that he had caused.
“Have you lost all kinds of respect for your parents after being away for so long?! Honey, he can’t even look at us anymore. Look what we have raised this boy up to be, we’ve failed, let’s go.”
“No, Appa, don’t go.”
Junsu crawls towards his father and grabs his leg in desperation.
“You have done nothing wrong. I’ve let you down. I’m the failure you have of a son.”
A pair of warm, long awaiting arms wrapped around him.
“Don’t cry son, don’t cry.”
The familiar voice with he had missed so much, the arms he had longed to envelope him, it all became so much harder to come to terms with.
“Let me have a look at you.”
Junsu became hesitant, yet his mother continues to encourage him. His head slowly rising up; eyes however remained fixated on the floor.
“Don’t you go all shy on me now.”
Her hands traces the edges of her son’s face as they reached his jawline, she pushes his chin up to face her.
The tears that wouldn’t stop flowing, she wipes away. His skin, completely soaked, she dries. The body that wouldn’t stop shaking, she holds. She holds on for dear life.
“I’m never going to let you cry again. You’re never going to be alone again my baby boy, my darling baby boy. Don’t you ever do this to us again.”
“Do you know what we have been going through? We’ve been through hell! You mother has been worried sick, she barely eats nor sleep. Five years Junsu, what the hell was going through your mind?!”
With every word his father spoke, a slap across the shoulder follows. Slaps his mother eventually shields.
“Stop it, he’s home now and that’s the most important thing.”
“I’m so sorry…”
“Shh, it’s okay. You’re home and safe now.”
His stern yet loving father. The harsh words he spoke to wake his son up from a world that he knew nothing about, he was still a child in their eyes.
Junsu observes his amazing mother. Her tired eyes, the lines that had gotten deeper due to the stress he caused, the tears he began to wipe away, everything suddenly seemed okay -if only for a moment-it felt okay as the corner of her mouth curled up, her loving smile beaming up in his dark world. The light he should follow.
“Have you been well?”
Stupid question. Though a question which became an ice breaker that sparked up small laughter in the room.
“I’ll take Jinwoo to the bedroom and leave you to catch up with your parents Junsu.”
“Yoochun-ah, thank you.”
Yoochun-ah, unintentional words which brought back a familiar closeness between both men.
~~~~
“Is Jinwoo Yoochun’s?”
“Yoochun has been as worried as we were, he would spend some nights in your old bedroom for some sort of comfort of being close to you. He would be afraid to go back to your flat, afraid of the reality of you not being there for yet another night.”
“He loves you so much son, he has never stopped loving you.”
“There had never been another person, nor will there ever be. He’s made it clear, he was you, it is you, and it will always be you.”
~~~~
The door opens to the room that once was Yoochun and his’, the feeling of warmth and love enveloped him.
In front of him was his son’s first experience of luxury. Peace, quiet, warmth, comfort, in the arms of Yoochun he laid. Junsu was thankful Jinwoo was still young and naïve enough to believe these frequent changes were all part of an adventure. If he knew how messed up his life was and realised what his life really involved, and that it was far from the adventure he believed this was, would Junsu be forgiven?
The door escaped through his fingers and slammed shut. The young child stirred in his sleep causing Yoochun to return to reality.
“Is everything okay?”
Junsu nods.
“So you’re going to stay with your parents now?”
“No, my parents won’t allow me to.”
“What? They haven’t forgiven you? Let me talk to them, I ca-”
Junsu grabs Yoochun’s arm before he was able to leave the room.
“He’s yours.”