So Many Ways...
You ever hear that phrase, "More than one way to skin a cat"? Well, I must be that cat.
Recently, I've found myself at a loss for more than one reason. I decided to give someone a "chance"....well, a guy...at work.
Bad idea.
I told myself "Yes, this could be a really healing experience", to try to give him a chance, and try to get over my past relationships and/or farces. The reason I chose a work friend..well, was because I don't TRUST anyone at work, fully. I guess I trust Gramma (Pam), because well, she's 56 for heaven's sakes, and we're both Sagittarians so I guess we have a lot in common. But on the MALE side, hell, and no. I don't trust anyone at work. I guess I got a little lax when I started talking to this guy Leo. He's my other Graver (graveyards), and it has made my life a bit easier to be able to talk to someone instead of being bored all night. Don't get me wrong, I love working at night and sleeping and/or reading and writing and getting paid for it, but sometimes it can get downright lonely. Especially when I've had a few days in a row where I just want to break down...but he has kept the air light and made it much easier to deal with things, and not to mention, the "bathroom ghost" to keep it out of our har..haha. This Leo guy, is hispanic, though he grew up in the US so he's a good all-American type guy. Only problem is, he's still a guy, and still selfish, oh...and he's taken. :| He's 21..and he reminds me a lot of how I was when I was his age. (God I feel old saying that!) I know, I know, it's only been 5 years, but in that 5 years, I have learned Soooooo much!
I seriously believe that all of the wounds built up have hardened myself to make scar tissue, and for that reason, I am glad. I have built up a resilience and resistance to these torturous things people say and/or do to me. On the contrary, I have such a thick back that it's hard to get to my emotional core, though. It's harder to let people get close to me on any level. So I just lay back and pretend most people don't exist, and that I just douse myself in reading and writing, as a wonderful coping mechanism I was taught so long ago! (*wink* thanks Teasle..LOL)
I have established that most men are not worth my time. Or money. Yeah, there are good people out there, I'm sure...but most of them are like parking spots, they are either handicapped, or taken.
When I start getting close to someone, I usually turn tail and run away...because I don't want them getting any closer. What I HAVEN'T figured out yet, is how to be a shameless flirt (that I am!) and still get away with letting them down and not being a bitch. There's got to be some happy medium?
(I'll finish this tomorrow.)