So this is what pain is. ~Nowhere to run
Martha and Vandellas -Nowhere to run
"Nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
It's not love
I'm running from
It's the heartaches
That I know will come
'Cause I know
You're no good for me
But you`ve become
A part of me
Everywhere I go
Your face I see
Every step I take
You take with me, yeah
Nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
I know you're
No good for me
But free of you
I'll never be, no
Each night as I sleep
Into my heart you creep
I wake up feeling sorry I met you
Hoping soon that I'll forget you
When I look in the mirror
And comb my hair
I see your face
Just a-smiling there
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
I know you're
No good for me
But you've become
A part of me
How can I fight a lover
That's sugar sweet
When it's so deep, so deep
Deep inside of me
My love reaches so high
I can't get over it
It's so wide
I can't get around it, no
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
From you, baby
Just can't get away
No matter how I try
I know you're no good for me
But free of you I'll never be
Nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run
Got nowhere to run"
-----------------------
I can’t describe...
mood: royally fucking pissed
Anyone know how to identify what it feels like when someone’s hollowed you out with an icecream scoop or mellon baller? that’s how I feel right now.
I can’t...define this feeling...
let me start from the beginning.
Joe has a friend, Tonya, has been her friend for like 8 years now. He and her might as well be in "love" cuz ya know what even though she’s married, she and him hang out with each other and care about each other far more than Joe and I have even tried...Today just took the cake.
See, all weekend I’ve been out of a phone, for good reason, I didn’t want to be bothered with my studying, and because I wanted to "chill" and I actually met a really awesome chick named Michelle. Anywho...when I got home, Joe says "ah I got to play model today" in a sleepy tone. He tried to talk about it but he was too tired. So I was left to look at the pics on his I/M. I was OK til I saw the ones that this girl (Heather), Tonya’s sister apparently. I have yet to confirm if she is married or not...but the red-hot poker jabbing at me screamed out "DANGER!" butI kept looking...
Apparently they went to this model thing that was probably pretty far (distance) cuz I have never seen it...go to Tonya’s profile if it is not private. See the pics. If not I will repost them elsewhere.
Anyway..I was fine with the first few. It was strangers just modelling, then the next ones were Tonya and her friend...then the next were just...wrong.
Joe was standing behind the pedestal (they are in a graveyard thingy) and the Heather chick was sprawled out on the steps, and he was "stalking her".
Next: Her gently ’playfully’ teasing his collar. WTF!!!
OK, OK, so I thought I was overreacting. Nope. Honest to god, he "says" he doesn’t like to take pix with me, and in the last 3 yrs we have all of...6? right. Most are just crappy headshots from the theatre booths for $3. I just...don’t....get it !!!
Next problem: He LIED.
I was on the computer for a moment looking these over, and they sounded a little too cheeky if you know what I mean. Not only that, but with Tonya he said "Oh I purposely didn’t ask Holly to come cuz I don’t/didn’t know how she feels."...WTF?!!! That is just fucking RUDE for one, and for two, why stab my back like that? They were GOTHIC picx?! Guess what? Maybe I would’ve ENJOYED THAT?! Maybe we could get a SERIOUS fucking picture and not just some goofy half-assed kiss pic? Come on.
I get online only to find out that he’s posted only a FEW, just the ones of him...maybe a few of Tonya. I go to hers, and guess what?! Poof, all are there. Ohhh and guess what?? The one with the collar?! That has a caption of "Aren’t I so lucky?"...WHAT SF*S)ADF*S)ADF*SD*(D(D((*****!!!!!
OK. So...I COULD have ignored just the first part..hell I could’ve just ignored the fact that he lied and back-stabbed me....but he’s not going to be with me at the end of this lease...I’m seeing a huge huge picture now.
1) He never wanted me to stay with him..I’ve always been the "safety net"...letting him do what he wants, whenever he wants...until now. once I opened my mouth, guess what, fights happened.
2) He has the hots for this girl. duh. any woman can see that.
3) He probably was doing it to make me feel jealous, and well guess-fucking-what? It worked. I’ve NEVER EVER let this feeling in...and FUCK I regret it...I can’t believe this. I’m crossed between angry, hateful, spiteful, pained, and I....just don’t know where to start or end. I’m....I don’t know how to describe it. I was talking to Jimy, and he says I am jealous...I agree...I now can say I know every emotion...good and bad.
So...who’s to say he hasn’t been having the hots for her all along? Is that why he won’t kiss me (with tongue aka make out?) Is that why he’s never wanted to ’play’?? What do I do...I’m so fucking lost......I want to just bust out in tears....but hatred....fear....lead to bad things....I’m afraid....for the first time away from my schoolwork I’m lost of words, and I’m terrified of what to say. I...I feel I’m....done...just old hat...it’s over...what do I do?
We still have 2 more months on the lease.
And I have nowhere to go...........
"Nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
It's not love
I'm running from
It's the heartaches
That I know will come
'Cause I know
You're no good for me
But you`ve become
A part of me
Everywhere I go
Your face I see
Every step I take
You take with me, yeah
Nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
I know you're
No good for me
But free of you
I'll never be, no
Each night as I sleep
Into my heart you creep
I wake up feeling sorry I met you
Hoping soon that I'll forget you
When I look in the mirror
And comb my hair
I see your face
Just a-smiling there
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
I know you're
No good for me
But you've become
A part of me
How can I fight a lover
That's sugar sweet
When it's so deep, so deep
Deep inside of me
My love reaches so high
I can't get over it
It's so wide
I can't get around it, no
Nowhere to run
Nowhere to hide
From you, baby
Just can't get away
No matter how I try
I know you're no good for me
But free of you I'll never be
Nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run to, baby
Nowhere to hide
Got nowhere to run
Got nowhere to run"
-----------------------
I can’t describe...
mood: royally fucking pissed
Anyone know how to identify what it feels like when someone’s hollowed you out with an icecream scoop or mellon baller? that’s how I feel right now.
I can’t...define this feeling...
let me start from the beginning.
Joe has a friend, Tonya, has been her friend for like 8 years now. He and her might as well be in "love" cuz ya know what even though she’s married, she and him hang out with each other and care about each other far more than Joe and I have even tried...Today just took the cake.
See, all weekend I’ve been out of a phone, for good reason, I didn’t want to be bothered with my studying, and because I wanted to "chill" and I actually met a really awesome chick named Michelle. Anywho...when I got home, Joe says "ah I got to play model today" in a sleepy tone. He tried to talk about it but he was too tired. So I was left to look at the pics on his I/M. I was OK til I saw the ones that this girl (Heather), Tonya’s sister apparently. I have yet to confirm if she is married or not...but the red-hot poker jabbing at me screamed out "DANGER!" butI kept looking...
Apparently they went to this model thing that was probably pretty far (distance) cuz I have never seen it...go to Tonya’s profile if it is not private. See the pics. If not I will repost them elsewhere.
Anyway..I was fine with the first few. It was strangers just modelling, then the next ones were Tonya and her friend...then the next were just...wrong.
Joe was standing behind the pedestal (they are in a graveyard thingy) and the Heather chick was sprawled out on the steps, and he was "stalking her".
Next: Her gently ’playfully’ teasing his collar. WTF!!!
OK, OK, so I thought I was overreacting. Nope. Honest to god, he "says" he doesn’t like to take pix with me, and in the last 3 yrs we have all of...6? right. Most are just crappy headshots from the theatre booths for $3. I just...don’t....get it !!!
Next problem: He LIED.
I was on the computer for a moment looking these over, and they sounded a little too cheeky if you know what I mean. Not only that, but with Tonya he said "Oh I purposely didn’t ask Holly to come cuz I don’t/didn’t know how she feels."...WTF?!!! That is just fucking RUDE for one, and for two, why stab my back like that? They were GOTHIC picx?! Guess what? Maybe I would’ve ENJOYED THAT?! Maybe we could get a SERIOUS fucking picture and not just some goofy half-assed kiss pic? Come on.
I get online only to find out that he’s posted only a FEW, just the ones of him...maybe a few of Tonya. I go to hers, and guess what?! Poof, all are there. Ohhh and guess what?? The one with the collar?! That has a caption of "Aren’t I so lucky?"...WHAT SF*S)ADF*S)ADF*SD*(D(D((*****!!!!!
OK. So...I COULD have ignored just the first part..hell I could’ve just ignored the fact that he lied and back-stabbed me....but he’s not going to be with me at the end of this lease...I’m seeing a huge huge picture now.
1) He never wanted me to stay with him..I’ve always been the "safety net"...letting him do what he wants, whenever he wants...until now. once I opened my mouth, guess what, fights happened.
2) He has the hots for this girl. duh. any woman can see that.
3) He probably was doing it to make me feel jealous, and well guess-fucking-what? It worked. I’ve NEVER EVER let this feeling in...and FUCK I regret it...I can’t believe this. I’m crossed between angry, hateful, spiteful, pained, and I....just don’t know where to start or end. I’m....I don’t know how to describe it. I was talking to Jimy, and he says I am jealous...I agree...I now can say I know every emotion...good and bad.
So...who’s to say he hasn’t been having the hots for her all along? Is that why he won’t kiss me (with tongue aka make out?) Is that why he’s never wanted to ’play’?? What do I do...I’m so fucking lost......I want to just bust out in tears....but hatred....fear....lead to bad things....I’m afraid....for the first time away from my schoolwork I’m lost of words, and I’m terrified of what to say. I...I feel I’m....done...just old hat...it’s over...what do I do?
We still have 2 more months on the lease.
And I have nowhere to go...........