(no subject)
I can't sleep as usual lately. Fuck anxiety and insomnia. Anyway, I'm still falling more for Mandi to this day, but I'm so nervous. We have something greatttt, but every single time we get into a tiny fight, she mentions something about breaking up or maybe we're not meant to be together. Its like she's maybe looking for a reason to end this? Its a terrible feeling but I can't tell her because she'll get mad and then think she's not doing something right and that she's not good enough for me. I don't want her to feel like that. She is good enough for me. I feel like a horrible person sometimes. I wish we could actually TALK about things more when something is wrong with her or me...instead we're both sturborn and assume shit and won't just politely ask the other to talk about a particular something. Damn it, I just want her and I want to feel secure with our relationship and not like I'm going to lose her if I say something wrong. She really is amazing and I want this to work. I've been faithful and it feels soo good. I don't want it any other way. But I'm so scared I'm not making her happy enough. I just worry to much I guess. Ahhhhh I drive myself crazzzy. Anyway, another fucking Saturday at work again. I can't wait to be at the beach in a week with her. I need that time with her more than anything. Its going to be a blast!