Away From His Hand Chapter 9
Title: Away From His Hand - Chapter 9
Current Mood: Relaxed
Current Music: The Letter by Joe Cocker
Author: forever9218
Pairing: Ennis and Jack
Genre: AU/Canon
Rating: Adult
Word Count: 4626
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain is the intellectual property of Ms. Annie Proulx. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended. Just trying to paint new horizons for our beloved boys.
Dedication: To everyone here who still believes and is willing to be patient with the slowest writer that ever graced the planet.
Away From His Hand - Chapter 9
The vibrant tiers of oranges and reds beckoned the golden pool of sun beneath the folds of the sprawling Wyoming horizon. They had been pushing forward nearly three hours now, extra time tacked on by the riveted driver’s overly conscientious ways. Today, the self-discipline that had been gripping the steering wheel since they had left the Wind River Café was more than just inborn temperament, intensified through years of acquired experience. On this particular descent from the mountain, unlike countless solitary travels he had waged in the past, something watchful, almost wary, was pushing him forward. Extra caution and care on full display, owing to the added concern for a certain passenger’s well-being.
Jack, on the other hand, seemed to be coping well, too preoccupied and excited to allow a lingering headache to take hold for long. Sitting up straighter than usual he began to fidget once HWY 789 split from Interstate 287, as a well honed muscle memory recalled the twenty-four miles that remained until they would reach downtown Riverton. He thought back to the exact moment life reawakened for him and how the lonely Childress existence he had been living instantly receded into the background. Ten years ago, he had incredibly high hopes as he traveled along this same segment of highway. Thrilled to be returning to where he was meant to be. Not because the northern trek was leading him back to the land of his birth, but because the long journey was taking him closer to a special someone who was living there, the person sitting beside him now who had finally asked him to stay after all these years. Not permanently, but at least for awhile. To Jack’s way of thinking whatever time he had been given would simply have to be enough. Just enough time to figure out a joint future together. If he allowed himself to dwell too long on the subject, he couldn’t bear to contemplate any other alternative.
He smiled to himself when he thought about the two little words hastily scribbled on a 4 cent postal card. To anyone else, the matter of fact statement might have seemed unworthy of notice, but to his weary eyes they heralded good things to come. Lureen had left for the beauty parlor to make her regularly scheduled Saturday appointment, while Bobby had been tucked away, napping in his crib after a mid-afternoon snack of mashed carrots and peas. Jack already had waged a restless vigil for eight unbearable days and nights, practically at his wit’s end by the time the postman walked up the winding footpath that mild September day. After Bobby had been born, he had hoped that maybe he would feel the pull of a normal life. Allow Brokeback to fade into memory once and for all. Give up those fanciful notions of finding that sweet life where bluebirds sang and whiskey springs flowed, and begin to move forward to something new. Onto a life he was told every man wanted. What a nineteen year old Ennis had said he wanted too - a loving wife and family.
He couldn’t deny that the birth of his son had filled him with joy from the very first time he set eyes on the tiny face looking up at him, feeling for once like he had finally done something incredibly right. That maybe he had at long last found a spot to put down roots. But, instead of experiencing a sense of completeness, the newborn’s arrival only seemed to sharpen the emptiness buried deep inside. Suddenly, having so much reminded him of the one thing he had left behind. From that point on, every month that past, made him feel more unworthy and out of place. He could tell that Lureen loved him and he tried to be the man she deserved. He wanted to make room for both her and Bobby, but Ennis already filled up too much space in his heart. Never mind the scorn he had to endure from his pompous and blustering father-in-law. From the beginning, he could tell that L.D. Newsome could not stand his guts, viewing him as some fly by night rodeo bum who was trying to steal his little girl’s fortune and youth. Those were the times he wanted to scream at the top of his lungs. Tell him that his little girl was the one who had gone after him. Picked up a perfect stranger in a bar then drove him to a secluded area to get what she wanted. Sure he had gone along for the ride, out of loneliness and need, but if left to his own devices nothing would have happened that night and Bobby would never have been conceived out of an indulgent fit of reckless abandon.
Nearly a year and half later from that first meeting in a rodeo bar, his growing frustration had expanded to overwhelming proportions. He seemingly possessed what any man would want, a comfortable home and pretty wife, a steady job, and a healthy child. Amid this treasure trove of blessings, he began to hatch the plan that maybe he could settle for what he had been given if he knew for certain that Ennis no longer wanted him. A lot could change in four years and if his shy cowboy felt even half of what Jack still did, he figured the effort would have been well worth any initiative he set into motion. He searched through the Wyoming phone books in the local public library for hours until he hit upon what had brought him there in the first place. An Ennis Del Mar was residing in the largest city in Fremont County. Never one to second guess himself, the post card was sent off to Riverton the very same day, confessing that this letter had been long overdue and that since he would be driving through on the 24th, would Ennis mind dropping him a line. Say if he would be there. Ever the optimist, Jack had never thought about what to do if no response ever came, but he had already decided that he would drive up there anyway no matter what happened. If Ennis wanted to try to punch his lights out for appearing on his doorstep unannounced, at least he would be ready for him this time.
Over a week later, Jack was rifling through the assorted delivery, his sustained aggravation just about to give way to abject misery until he noticed the corner edge of a post card stuck in-between the pages of one of Lureen’s fancy magazines. Gently sliding the thin card stock from in-between the glossy pages where it had lodged, he couldn’t remember how long he stared down at the scrawled name in the left-hand corner, almost afraid to flip the compact dispatch over and read the sender’s reply. He held his breath, stomach churning, an elated heart cycling with a Jiffy Pop excitement while he reverently rubbed his index finger over the name that was never far from his lips, Ennis Del Mar. It was at that moment that he sent out a silent prayer in the hopes his plea would be both heard and answered.
Know I ain’t always been the most deservin’ soul and ya probably think I’m ungrateful for everything you’ve given me. But no matter where I end up, ya know that Ennis was always first. Stole that shirt of his ‘cause I didn’t know what else to do. Didn’t know what else to say. Kept lookin’ at ‘im like I wanted to crawl up inside and never leave. Guess I hoped he would see what was in my eyes and ask me to stay.
Lookin’ back now, I suspect feelings were just too jumbled up that day. For both of us. But now that I’ve had time to sort things out, I know that hardheaded fool needs me as much I need ‘im. Never fit anywhere, like I fit in his arms. Don’t ask me why we seem right for each other ‘cause you was the one who put us up on that mountain in the first place. Brought us together. I know that now. Should never have driven away and left ‘im behind. If ya do this one thing, I promise I’ll always take care of ‘im. All I need is this second chance to set things right.
Jack shuttered and closed his eyes, flipping the card over, searching for redemption: “You bet.” A hitch of breath was followed by a beaming smile, fondly acknowledging the familiar brevity. The open invitation all he needed to see. Sonofabitch!
______________________
“Whatya doin’ still sittin’ in there?” Ennis grumbled, confused that Jack seemed to be intent on staying put.
Jack looked up through the half-opened passenger window, the pup stretching as if realizing they had reached some kind of destination.
“Figure ya feel more comfortable if you talked to Pillsbury Dough Boy on your own. Don’t need me to hold your hand.”
Scrunching up his eyes at the exasperating response, Ennis looked down at his boots trying to ignore the sarcasm. “Thought you was the one who didn’t want to be hidden away.”
“Ennis! Ennis is that you?” a cheerful voice drifted toward them through a squared off front porch window.
Jack leaned over to look over Ennis’ shoulder, catching a glimpse of the young man bursting through the screen door and approaching their truck at a lively pace. He appeared to be wiping off his hands with what looked like one of those red and white checkered terry cloth towels. The young man wore a brand new pair of wrangler jeans, stark white t-shirt, and the thick chestnut colored hair bouncing in the evening breeze appeared to be slightly damp. The 6’ stature was muscular yet lean, almost like an athlete.
“Ain’t he the perky one.” Jack muttered.
“Cut it out Jack. Hey there, Jim. Ain’t disturbin’ your dinner, am I?” Ennis quickly walked toward the effusive greeter to meet him half way, shaking hands more from cold sweat anxiety than from any desire to be courteous.
“I just got out of the shower and peeked out the window. Didn’t recognize the truck, but I thought it was you. Already have a meatloaf in the oven. Would you like to join me?”
Before Ennis could come up with a plausible excuse not to accept the young man’s hospitality, a confident voice interrupted his thoughts.
“I love meatloaf.”
Jack noticed how Jim’s undivided attention suddenly landed on him, the bright smile slightly faltering before resuming a friendly cast. Ennis swung around and could see Jack standing directly behind him, his eyes dancing with a playful glint. He hated being put on the spot, but he knew he had made promises that required more than just a grunt or nod of the head.
Turning back to make introductions, he tried to sound casual as if he had done this a thousand times, “Uh, Jim this is my fishin’ buddy, Jack Twist from Texas.”
Jack could tell he was being quickly sized up, although he wasn’t sure why. “Hi, Jack. Good to meet you. Ennis mentioned he was going on a fishing trip with a friend. But, I thought you weren’t coming back until next week.”
Ennis was already all kinds of uncomfortable, not used to straightforward questions about his personal business, especially when that business involved the man standing next to him now.
“Hmm, yeah that’s right. Kinda why I’m here. Ya see….”
Jack cut him off in mid-sentence. Not wanting to miss an opportunity of getting to know someone who obviously admired his quiet cowboy.
“Aw, c’mon Ennis. We’ve had a long drive. Could sure use a cold drink about now.”
Jim didn’t hesitate seeing the opening that was being presented. “Absolutely! I’m being a terrible host. How about getting out of this heat and grabbing a cold beer inside?”
Ennis looked over at the two sets of bright eyes, expectantly staring at him as if he somehow held the answer to all the secrets of the universe, or maybe had been given the privilege of announcing the exact time Christmas Day presents were to be opened. This was the kind of personal intensity that rattled his brain, tied up his tongue and stymied his ability to act. The type of situation he tried to avoid at all costs for fear he would have to be sociable and carry on some kind of small talk conversation that would inevitably lead to intrusive questions. Like where did he and Jack meet? Was he dating anyone in town or did he think he would remarry again someday? Luckily, he was saved from having to disappoint either man by the whining sound that was now coming from inside Jack’s truck, automatically transferring all attention away from his deer in the headlights expression.
Energies redirected, Jim’s voice took on an even more pronounced sense of excitement than before. “Oh, my gosh! Is that a wolf pup? He can’t be much more than 4 weeks old. Looks like it can already see and hear pretty good. Has his milk teeth already formed?”
Jack and Ennis looked at each other, surprised at the young man’s perceptive observations.
“You know about wolves, Jim?” Ennis asked.
A quiet sadness unexpectedly took hold before a tenuous deflated sigh was released, each hand unconsciously thrust deep into the front pockets of hardly worn jeans. “Before we moved to California, when I was still eleven, we lived in Bozeman, Montana. We had all kinds of dogs, mostly for hunting and watching the livestock, but pets too. One spring my Dad was out with the cattle and found a dead wolf that had been obviously nursing. He and a few of the men started searching around and eventually found a den of five grey timber wolf pups about a mile away. There was no other sign of any members of the pack around. The little tykes were maybe two weeks old and were completely defenseless. I thought I was the coolest kid around. He brought them home and I pretty much became their mother. I think that was the happiest time of my life. He let me keep one to raise myself. There was a multitude of colors in the litter, but I picked the black one like that little cutie over there. He was a real beauty with the most exquisite blue eyes that he kept into adulthood. I loved to cuddle up with him on cold winter nights. Named him…” Jim hesitated then suddenly burst out laughing, slightly embarrassed by his detailed disclosure. He looked over at the two men, sheepishly, “Named ‘im, Jack.”
“No shit!” Jack chuckled amused by the comparison until he suddenly saw how the young man’s embarrassment had turned into something more searching and cautious. Almost, as if he was trying to gauge the other two men’s reactions to his unforced candor. Ennis ever oblivious to underlying meanings and ironies stood there in complete puzzlement.
“Whut?”
“Nothin’, Ennis,” Jack softened his gaze. “Jim here was just rememberin’ how good it felt to have a friend. Ain’t that right, son?”
A glowing smile instantly returned as eyes brightened with unspoken gratitude. “You gentleman still interested in a beer?”
“We sure are,” Jack responded without a note of hesitation. “Like to take ya up on that dinner invitation too, if it’s still being offered? That is if ya wouldn’t mind makin’ an extra table settin’ for that little fella over there.”
“Got more than enough for everyone,” Jim’s enthusiasm was overflowing now and Jack couldn’t help but appreciate the sincerity and the just-beneath-the-surface loneliness he saw there. A combination of traits all too similar to another young man he once knew. That callow youth from Lightning Flat who only hoped for the best even when circumstance would tell him otherwise.
“Is it okay if I take him inside and whip up something for him to eat now?”
Jack smiled. “‘Course it’s alright. Seems to me you’re the expert ‘round these parts.”
The next minute they were completely alone, watching the young man rush toward the house, fully content with his newfound nurturing role and upcoming culinary preparations.
“What the fuck are you doin’, Jack?” Ennis grinded out in a low, but irritated voice.
“Calm down, cowboy. He might hear ya. We’re gonna have a cold beer and a home cooked meal for a change. Shoot the breeze with someone who seems friendly toward us. Nothin’ to get all worked up about.”
“I know what ya agreed to. I was standin’ right here. Just wonderin’ why you’re wantin’ to do those things our first night together. Thought ya wanted to get goin’. Settle in. Doc told ya to rest up and now you’re wantin’ to spend time with someone who’s practically a stranger.” Ennis quieted then added a final explanation as if he had just figured out the real reason for Jack’s change of heart. “Seems like maybe you’re more interested in hangin’ ‘round this kid than me. Could be I’m borin’ ya already.”
Jack grimaced, feeling the tentacles of Ennis’ self doubt tightening around them, a situation he refused to tolerate. “That ain’t so, cowboy. Can’t wait to get…” Jack gave his most smolderin’ look and lowered his voice so only Ennis could hear. “Can’t wait to walk through that front door after bein’ invited to stay. Sleep with ya in a real bed instead of freezin’ my ass off in the middle of nowhere.” Jack took a half step closer, “Didn’t ya see how lonely this kid is? Think it be nice for us to give ‘im some company. We’re goin’ to be askin’ a favor of ‘im. Road goes both ways, ya know. Besides, we could use a friend, don’t ya think?”
Ennis looked up and let a surge of pride flow through him. He may have taunted Jack about being the thinker between them, but the plain truth was he admired the man’s ingenuity and determination. His kindness was merely another aspect of a wide-ranging assortment of talents.
“We don’t have to stay long. Maybe an hour or so. Then we’ll be on our way. You can bring up your truck while we’re havin’ a beer. Loosin’ ‘im up a bit before making the final sale,” Jack winked.
Ennis averted his eyes even though no one was there, afraid to encourage the intimate gesture. “Jaaack.”
“He can’t see us all the way out here, shithead. It’s too far off and it’s gettin’ dark. Doubt the boy’s got x-ray vision. Anyway, bet he’s too busy tryin’ to fix up sumthin’ for that wolf pup. Could care less what we’re talkin’ ‘bout out here.” Jack brought the conversation back to the subject at hand. “Okay, Ennis?”
Ennis looked away, unable to sustain his anger very long when Jack was looking at him with such hopeful eyes. “You’re always pickin’ up strays, Jack.”
Jack snickered at the observation. “Lured ya away from those sheep, didn’t I?”
Wanting to make sure he took advantage of the moment, Jack’s words took on a serious timbre. “Truth is, never really felt like I needed to cast no magic spell when it came to us. Thought we were just meant to be from the time I first set eyes on ya. Wouldn’t want to change any of that.” Jack’s features took on a pensive quality, scratching behind his ear in contemplation. “What’s more, I’m thinkin’ if I can get Jim’s tongue a waggin’, he just might slip and give me that cookie recipe of his.”
Ennis shook his head, pondering the possibility. “My house ain’t much, Jack, but I rightly appreciate it if ya don’t burn the damn thing down.
_________________________
They had just pulled up to the house around 9:30 p.m., Ennis swinging round back so Jack’s vehicle wouldn’t be easily viewed from meddlesome passersby driving down the main road. Bracing for an argument about his cautious ways, Ennis was pleasantly surprised when Jack didn’t say a word; instead, the other man’s weight simply shifted in his direction, the compartment creaking with the unexpected motion. Out of the corner of his eye he could see a left leg hauled upward on the seat and an arm extended. His right hand was still resting on top of the steering wheel when Jack decided to place his on top, squeezing to gain his attention. The moment was allowed to linger between them before Ennis turned his head and heard the voice of contentment drift through the night air, “Home sweet home,” was all Jack said.
Ennis couldn’t explain the feeling that washed over him at that moment. The only thing he knew for certain was that the clarity of those three simple words sounded right. Jack was here at last, after years of shutting him out. Without changing one piece of furniture or painting one interior wall, his rundown hovel suddenly seemed more like a dwelling of extravagance and untold bounty. He didn’t know why, but somehow Jack had been the only one who could fill the emptiness inside and illuminate the gloomy spaces that inhabited his world. Weary was replaced by excitement, and the cold drafts that swept through his heart were inevitably snuffed out by a steadfast warming glow. His daughters meant the world to him, but Jack made him feel like he mattered. He could never figure out what those two blue eyes saw whenever they looked like they were trying to swallow him whole. Just knew that he didn’t mind being consumed by this creature that had dropped into his life one windy afternoon in Signal, Wyoming. He had come looking for a job that day and found a friend instead.
“Ennis?”
“Hmm.”
“Kinda tired.” Jack’s expression was tender and filled with understanding.
“I’m sorry, Jack. You feelin’ okay?”
“I’m fine. Just been a long day. Would like to take a hot shower and hit the sack.” The moonlight spotlighted Jack’s wiggling eyebrows to punctuate the hidden meaning behind the words, causing Ennis to snort before quickly growing serious again.
“Gotta be careful, Jack.”
“You’ve got a lock on that front door, don’t ya?” Jack challenged.
“‘Course I do, but….” He was cut off before finishing the explanation.
“No, “buts” Ennis. I ain’t lying on no couch. Rather sleep in the truck than let you pull that kind of bullshit.”
“Wasn’t suggestin’ that. Just…” Ennis didn’t know how to complete the next thought. He knew he had been looking forward to Jack sprawled out in his own bed, the buck naked image against white sheets haunting him since he had first made the offer. Now that the erotic vision was about to be made into reality, the idea of Jack staying in his own house, sleeping side by side, stoked longstanding fears that someone might figure out what was really going on behind closed doors. Those harrowing thoughts would inevitably lead to the gruesome image of a man lying dead in a ditch somewhere, lifeless and contorted. Dick ripped from his groin. Flies buzzing around like pallbearers, the lingering stench unbearable to breathe.
“I know I usually want to talk, but not tonight.” Jack heaved an extended sigh, eyes already filled with disappointment. “Okay, cowboy?”
Ennis squirmed a bit then opened the driver’s side door and stepped outside, stretching out the kinks. When he noticed that Jack hadn’t budged an inch he looked back inside, a mock scowl on full display. “Alright. Let’s get your lazy bones movin’. Just don’t hog all the hot water.”
Jack’s eyes grew wide at the teasing decree, glad to be able to lighten the mood. “Wouldn’t have to, if we took one together.”
Ennis grumbled, “Yeah, well people want ice water in hell too, but that ain’t happenin’ neither. Get your ass in gear.”
Walking side by side, Jack knew he shouldn’t be disappointed. After all, his man had come farther than he ever would have imagined before this trip. Still he was disappointed that every time they seemed to take one tiny step forward, Ennis would slip back into his protective cocoon. Entering through the front door, Jack was taken aback by how austere the whole layout really was. Ennis had been living here for nearly two years, yet there was hardly a sign of life anywhere. What looked like one of those free calendars from the local drugstore was taped to the front of the refrigerator, but other than the colorful May picture of horses at work and play, the dingy walls were bear. Ennis had already grabbed a box and placed a couple of towels inside, putting out a bowl of water for the pup.
“Showers through that door over there. I’ll take ‘im out before he settles down for the night.”
Jack suddenly turned off the kitchen lights and pulled the other man closer, “C’mere you,” bringing their mouths together in a torrent of hungry kisses. Lips collided as the heat between them rose to melt down proportions in an instant, bodies pushing, pulling and fusing into one. Both men panted with need the moment flesh pressed against flesh.
“Hmmmm. I needed that,” Jack pulled back just a little then nuzzled in closer. While Ennis wrapped his arms tightly around the other man’s waist, heaving a protracted sigh before resting his head on a strong shoulder.
“Can’t disagree there,” Ennis said quietly.
“I…I want to thank ya for doin’ this, Ennis,” Jack pulled back and released a throaty whisper, stroking the stubbly face and gazing with heavy-lidded eyes. “Ya have to admit that Jim was more than obligin’ when ya asked ‘im about helpin us out. Seemed pleased that ya even thought to ask ‘im. It’s a good start, don’t ya think?”
“Have to admit the evening went pretty well.” Ennis slid his hands upward and cupped both sides of Jack’s face to bring their foreheads together, groin-to-groin, leaning in to start up another kiss, one that was slow and appreciative. Tongues were allowed to explore, for a moment or two, before each man pulled away almost on cue.
When the light switch flipped back on, Jack automatically made his way toward the bathroom entrance while Ennis picked up the pup and opened the front door. Pulling back the shower curtains, Jack adjusted the cold and hot levels, then walked back to shut the door, leaving the barrier between them unlocked in the off chance that hell did freeze over. He shucked off his clothes and stepped underneath the showerhead, immediately relaxing as the water sluiced down his body, tense muscles already loosening from the massaging warmth. This was how it was supposed to be, he thought. They didn’t need to rush because they had all the time in the world, at least, until their month together was over. By that time, Jack figured some decisions would have to be made and new habits formed. Even more importantly, Ennis would see that the tire irons never came and actually begin to get comfortable with the notion of having Jack around. Knowing when he was at work, Jack would be waiting for him when he returned home.
Don’t need no cow and calf operation to build a future together. Only need Ennis. We’ll figure things out. All we need is some time.
The slightest of smiles played at the corners of his mouth. All we need is some time to build a home. Jack knew it wouldn’t be easy but, after all these years of struggle and rejection, a sweet life was finally within reach and he was determined that no one was going to divert or prevent them from getting there this time. Not even Ennis Del Mar.
Tbc
