Away From His Hand Chapter 8

[forever9218]

Title: Away From His Hand - Chapter 8
Current Mood: Calm
Current Music: The Promise
Author: forever9218
Pairing: Ennis and Jack
Genre: AU/Canon
Rating: Adult

Word Count: 4274
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain is the intellectual property of Ms. Annie Proulx. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended. Just trying to paint new horizons for our beloved boys.
Dedication: To everyone here who still believes and is willing to be patient with the slowest writer that ever graced the planet.




Away From His Hand - Chapter 8

“I’m hungry, Ennis.”

Looking over to his right, he couldn’t help but be amused by the wide-eyed gaze innocently looking back at him. Jack was many things, including remarkably pliant and forgiving, but when it came to his stomach, there was not an ounce of timidity or remorse to be had. With the wolf pup having been checked out and declared to be in a top notch physical state of good health, both men had barely slammed the doors on Jack’s truck before a certain someone’s appetite became the main focus of attention.

“What about that queasiness ya been feelin’?”

Jack grimaced at the memory, “Doc says I should eat whenever I’m hungry, ‘cause it’s hard to gauge when I’m gonna be nauseous and unable to keep anything down.”

“Mhm.”

“You don’t want me down to skin and bones do ya, cowboy?” The glint in Jack’s eyes communicated the teasing quality of his challenge.

“Mhm. Guess, I could do with sumthin’ to eat since we startin’ out so early this mornin’.”

“Doc says there’s a place about a mile from here,” an unwavering index finger pointed straight ahead. “You just go up that road and turn to ya left, then veer south a bit. It’s called, Wind River Café. Got one of them signs with a picture of a deer hangin’ outside. They should still be servin’ breakfast since it’s only around 1 p.m.”

Ennis scrunched up his eyebrows as if trying to process what Jack had just said.

“What’s the matter? Directions too difficult for ya, friend?” Jack snickered.

“No, they ain’t too difficult, dumbass. Was just wondering why that examination took so damn long. You two magpies just shootin’ the breeze in there while I was out here thinkin’ the worse.”

Jack smiled, his eyes crinkling with satisfaction.

“Whut?” Ennis was suspicious of the wordless response.

“You was frettin’ about me, weren’t ya?” Jack said with more than a little smugness.

“No, I wasn’t frettin’ about ya. Ya sure do have a high opinion of yourself, Jack. Look, I knew that hard head of yours would come in handy for us one day. Just don’t like to be kept waitin’ for no cause.” Needing some kind of distraction, Ennis reached for the pack of cigarettes crunched up inside his shirt pocket, and quickly lit up a smoke.

Jack shook his head and chuckled under his breath, knowing there was worry etched all across the man’s face throughout their drive into Pinedale. The obstinate Wyoming fool was just too darn stubborn to admit his unease. Still in all, despite the hardened exterior he projected now, Ennis had invited him to stay in Riverton. Not just for a few days, but an entire month. No shabby Siesta Motel far off the beaten path, but smack dab in the middle of the man’s own house. Before this trip, such a personal invitation was impossible to imagine, never mind make real. He hadn’t forgotten the biting sting of how not so long ago that same Ennis had turned him away almost as soon as he had arrived from Texas, stupid enough to think things had changed between them after the divorce. Back then, he had been misdirected by a single post card, thinking the out-of-nowhere gesture was a sign of better things to come. That maybe Ennis had been sending Jack a coded message only he could understand.

They may have been taking baby steps this past week but, for once, Jack felt like they might be making some hard won progress. Unlike previous efforts, an unusual occurrence was under way, which gave him good cause for optimism. Both men actually seemed to be trying to do better at the same time, causing Jack to see the faint edges of a possible future, instead of the all too bleak fleetingness of just another high altitude fuck. Of course, after all the years of disappointment, Jack was not without misgivings. He knew any steps forward could be cut off at the knees, in an instant. All that would be necessary was for someone to appear to be much too interested in Jack being there. Ask too many uncomfortable questions. Or, wonder why Ennis was being so hospitable to a Texas fishing buddy. Never mind if Alma found out. Most times, Ennis saw his kids every other week, so unless Jack hid under the bed, it was likely she would eventually find out he was hanging around.

“Bud? Ya hear me, Jack?”

Jack steeled his nerves before forging ahead, knowing what he was about to say would likely not be viewed in the most favorable light. “What’s gonna happen once we get into Riverton? I mean someone’s bound to notice my truck parked outside. And, how are we gonna get ya vehicle back? Doc says we need to get some better nutrition for this little guy. We’ll have ta…”

Ennis cut him off mid-sentence, muttering a vague conjecture, even he didn’t believe. “Don’t know, Jack. Could be no one will notice.”

“No one will notice? You must be kiddin’ me, Ennis. Of course, people will notice. And when they do, they’ll talk. When that happens you’ll probably take it out on me. Just like you always have. If it weren’t for me, you’d still be married to Alma, maybe have a good paying job with the power company. If it weren’t for me, you’d be able to see your daughters more often. If I hadn’t….”

“Shut up, Jack. You tryin’ to start an argument? I thought ya said you was hungry?”

Jack turned away and began to stare out the window, the pup nuzzling under his chin, squirming and whining, trying to distract and amuse the man who now was the center of his universe. Ennis felt like he knew the feeling all too well.

“Not hungry no more.”

Ennis slapped both hands against the steering wheel. Anger rising to the surface without even trying, wondering what he had said, or not said, or maybe should have said. Trying to make some sense out of why Jack was suddenly interested in having instant responses to questions he had no idea how to answer.

Ennis lowered his head back against the top of his seat, simultaneously releasing a hot rush of air.  Closing his eyes in frustration, he tightened his lips into a straight line while trying to steady shaky nerves, not wanting to utter something he would never be able to take back. Not so much because he was concerned about Jack’s feelings, but because he had no idea what to say. Jack was right. He hadn’t considered how any of this was going to work out. Had no clue how to even get his pickup back without putting undue attention on why he had left it up there in the first place. He thought this lack of attention to critical details had been rooted in a distracting concern over Jack’s condition. But, maybe Jack had good reason to construe what seemed like passive avoidance to be something much more akin to active sabotage. If a sensible plan was never set into motion, then Ennis couldn’t be blamed when everything blew up in their faces and they inevitably became ill fated victims of circumstance. A tragic state he had become more than familiar with over the years while learning to simply resign himself to living a hopeless and isolated existence. He often reckoned that being a no account working stiff meant that he didn’t much deserve better than that.

Shit, Jack. Here I talk about us pulling together, but seems like most times, I still wait around for ya to do the heavy liftin’. Up on Brokeback, you was the one who kept trying to get me ta talk. Thought ya was just being a nosy Nellie, but figured out ya was really just interested in hearing ‘bout me. ‘Course, I pretty much just sat like a bump on a log most days. Lettin’ ya take the lead. Without your bitchin’ ‘bout those beans and that constant proddin’ and pokin’ of yours, I would have never left those sheep that night. Wouldn’t have left them any night.  Over the years, guess I sorta got used to ya figuring things out. You always seemed to know what ya wanted. Seemed to know what I wanted too. Got me to join ya inside that tent. Wouldn’t let me be. Grabbed my hand in the middle of the night and when I tried to squirm away, you just brought our foreheads together and made me look at ya. Really look. Seeing what was in your eyes, got me feelin’ that ya wanted what I was thinkin’. Had to touch ya. Burrow deep inside ya.

Never told ya, but the truth was I wanted to look at ya the moment you got out of that rattletrap truck of yours the day we met. Later on, ya just made it easier for me to open up. Made me feel like what I had to say was somethin’ ya wanted to hear. The only one, since my mama, who cared enough to make me want to laugh. Never felt so good as when we was sharing that whiskey, learnin’ ‘bout one another. Knowin’ we was becoming friends. Knowin’ I wasn’t gonna be alone no more. And, that first night…. That first night, I needed ya so badly. Needed to have all of you. Claim ya. Don’t know why that was. Guess ya saw it too. Like always. Wouldn’t let it be neither. But, ya didn’t make me do anything I didn’t want to. I know I’ve blamed ya for what happened up on that mountain, but ya just drew out what had already grown somewheres deep inside. Let me know how much you wanted me too. Gave me somethin’ of my own. I can still remember how ya whispered your need. Sayin’ my name, spurrin’ me on to fuck ya.

‘Course later on, you was the one who took the time to figure out where I was hidin’. ‘Cause now I know that’s what I was doin’. Made contact with that post card. Came for me after four years. Bringing some happiness into my hellhole existence. Gave me somethin’ to look forward to. I knew where ya folks were. Coulda looked them up, anytime. Didn’t even try. And now, nearly fifteen years ‘tween us and you’re still the one travellin’ those long miles up ta Wyoming. A place ya told me you couldn’t wait to leave behind when ya was a kid. Don’t think I haven’t wondered what’s gonna happen when ya finally grow tired of always havin’ to be the one ta get things movin’. I can see ya losing interest in always havin’ to be the one pushin’. Person like you, bound ta have other…other friends. Lots of opportunities to pursue those dreams of yours. Shit, Jack. Bet I’ll just accuse ya of being the one to screw things up when you’ve finally grow tired of always being the one to figure things out. Doin’ all the work while I just sit back, criticizin’ and tellin’ ya how you was the one who wouldn’t leave me alone. Wouldn’t let me have a normal life. Ya don’t know how many times I’ve thought ‘bout ya growing weary of being stuck in one place. Tired of me holdin’ ya back. Refusin’ ta travel much farther than the handle on some coffee pot. Start wantin’ more than I can give ya. Might begin ta look elsewhere for...somethin’. Maybe you’ve already looked in those kind of places, huh Jack? Mexico’s not that far from Texas. Don’t think I haven’t heard what they do down there. When that happens, guess I’ll just be alone again. A nothin’, goin’ nowhere. Livin’ somewheres in a one room shack, or maybe in a beat up old trailer. Still in Riverton. Takin’ dead end jobs. Body beginnin’ to break down. Drinkin’ too much. Wonderin’ where the damn time went. Crossin’ the days off the calendar. Waitin’ for someone ta take me out of my misery. In a bar fight or a car accident. Maybe do it myself….

“Fuck!” Ennis slammed both hands hard against the steering wheel before gradually turning his head toward Jack, the stone-faced man barely flinching in response. When Jack looked over to quickly size up the situation, he simply shook his head before stubbornly returning to huddle up against the seat, silently staring out the side door window, immovable. Ennis glanced down and noticed how the one word tantrum caused the pup’s head to jerk up, ready to pounce, but with no signal from his protector to give him cause for concern, he confidently burrowed underneath the hem of Jack’s coat and went back to sleep-a baby canine sigh concluding the abrupt ordeal.

All these years haven’t changed much, have they Jack? Still, despite whatever’s past ‘tween us, you’re still the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.

Trying not to overthink the situation for once, Ennis inched the flat of his hand over the bristly seat surface of the ripped front bench upholstery, looking around for possible onlookers, before discreetly connecting to the closest hand he could reach. Once contact was made, he firmly squeezed into warmth until glowing blue eyes steadily orbited into his direction. Ennis swallowed hard from the combination of anger and pain he saw there. The stormy emotions mixed in with something tender and kind. Normally, the unrelenting challenge piercing into him right now would have had him running for the hills, tail between his legs, howling at the moon. But, this time, he dug somewhere deep inside, which was something he rarely allowed himself to do, and let a different type of thought begin to take shape. Determined not to take flight, the rumination came easily. No matter how dark his life might be those were the only two blazing stars of light he would ever need to find his way home.

Clearing his throat in the hopes that Jack would acknowledge his presence with more than just a miffed penetrating glare, he squirmed then grunted when no relief was provided.

“Jack?” followed by the perceptible release of a jittery breath of air. “‘Member me talkin’ about that new guy that’s really clumsy out at the ranch? The one who twisted his ankle the first day at work? Well, he may not be the swiftest of foot, but he’s good with all that mechanical stuff. Pretty much fixes shit like balers and heavy duty farm equipment practically blindfolded.”

Jack turned around, his eyes squinting as if he was trying to determine if this new topic was a good thing or not.

“Well, I’ve helped him a lot this past year. You know, gettin’ him settled in and all. Boss was gonna fired ‘im when he sprained that foot of his. But, I sorta convinced ‘im that we had a lot of chores to do that didn’t require ‘im ta put a lot of pressure on it. Gave ‘im some time to recover. Figure he owes me.”

“Yeah?” Jack said with an even-tone.

Encouraged by the thaw in the other man’s voice, Ennis quickly added, “Thought I could ask ‘im to drive me back up to the trailhead. Say I tried to start the truck, but the ignition wouldn’t turn over. We decided to just use your vehicle to go get some help.”

Jack pursed his lips as if he was mulling over the idea. “What’s gonna happen when he gets in your truck and it starts like a charm?”

Ennis hadn’t thought of that. “Uhm. Just tell ‘im I don’t know why it didn’t start. Act surprise.”

Jack clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth obviously displeased while Ennis braced himself for either the heat of another attack or the bitter chill of a cold shoulder.

He was more than thrown for a loop when Jack surprised him with a much more neutral approach. “Don’t get me wrong, cowboy, I like where you’re goin’ with this. And, if I weren’t staying for a month, the fluke quality of your proposal just might work. It does get cold up there in the mountains, so the engine could have frozen up that morning. I’ve got a new truck so it wouldn’t be that far-fetched for mine to not be affected while your pile of bolts failed to cooperate.”

Ennis grimaced. “Hey, now. That pile of bolts got me up that mountain, didn’t it?”

Jack smiled, “That it did, friend.”

“So what did you have in mind?” Ennis asked with a perplexed look on his face.

Jack plowed ahead like he had the whole thing plotted out. “We’ll have to tell ‘im the truth. You was on a fishin’ trip with your Texas buddy. He fell off a hillside and hit his head on a rock. Needed immediate treatment. Couldn’t take both vehicles because your friend was sufferin’ from dizzy spells and blurred vision so there was no way he could navigate those winding, dangerous curves down the mountain. Doctor checked him out once we found the nearest town. Diagnosed the injury as a Grade 3 concussion. Have to rest up for about a month.You invited me to stay with ya because I can’t drive. End of story.”

With one more helpful suggestion to consider, Jack’s face took on a reflective carriage as if he was suddenly grappling with an imponderable issue. What followed next was comically exaggerated with an easygoing Texas drawl, casually filled with all kinds of inflected innuendo. “And, if ya see fit, suppose ya could tell ‘im that the fall didn’t hurt my good looks none.”

Ennis had already started to shift nervously in his seat, upper teeth scraping over his lower lip, completely oblivious to Jack’s attempt to lighten the mood. “I don’t know, Jack. Why do we have to get into ya staying at my place? He doesn’t have to know my business. Doesn’t need to know why you couldn’t drive me back up there to get my truck. Could tell him that you had to head on back to Texas for some important reason. Didn’t have time ta drive me back up there. Some business ya couldn’t get out of, maybe. Couldn’t reschedule.”

A frustrated intake of air preceded what Ennis had to grant would turn out to be a remarkably measured response, particularly given Jack’s tendency to conniptions whenever Ennis tried to conceal him from anyone who inhabited his world. Despite the other man’s self-restraint, however, Ennis could see the beginning stages of clenched teeth taking hold of every word. “Because I don’t want to be hiding under your bed the whole time I’m there. I was thinkin’ this was gonna be a chance for us to talk. Agree on some new terms. Be able to act like normal folks for once. Eat meals together. Watch a damn ballgame on TV. Cuddle up and take an afternoon nap. Actually, sit indoors with one another instead of freezing our butts off.” Jack’s voice quieted, looking sheepishly through dark fringed lashes. “Maybe meet your girls for more than four seconds this time.”

Ennis looked over to see the pleading that had now appeared in the other man’s eyes. “Jack.…”

“Don’t go there, Ennis, please. Can’t ya see we’ve been given another chance here? I’ve been your dirty little secret since we was nineteen. Not saying for ya to announce to the world that we’re more than friends. Just that I’m a long time buddy. Look, ya might as well know now that I ain’t gonna hole up in that hovel of yours, dutifully waitin’ for ya to come home every night like a good little wife. Waking up one day to get in my truck and drive back to Texas like I was never there at all. Just so we can go back to our fuckin’ sick routine of fishin’ trips once or twice a year. Damnit, Ennis. You said you wanted to change some things. Well, here’s our chance.” Jack scooted over a little closer. “I like your idea. You did real good, cowboy. This guy…. By the way, he does have a name, doesn’t he?”

“Jim.”

Jack raised his eyebrows, waiting for more.

“Fairhurst.” Ennis mumbled.

“Good, well this Jim Fairhurst can drive you ta...whoa there. Just one goddamn minute. Is this the same Jimmy you told me about last time we was together? The one whose always hangin’ around ya. Bringin’ ya homemade cookies and wantin’ to eat lunch with ya two, three times a week?”

Ennis was surprised by the implication Jack was making. “Yeah, why? Brings stuff in for everyone. Guess he likes to cook.”

“How old is this Jim?

“Early twenties, I suspect.”

Jack paused. “He got a wife?

Ennis chuckled. “You jealous or somethin’, dumbass? No, he ain’t married. Came to the ranch last year. Down and out. From California, I think. Said he didn’t have no family. Probably, why I tried to help him out some. At least, I had a brother and sister when I lost my folks. Don’t’ think he has anyone. Plus, he’s a really nice kid. Good worker.” Ennis met Jack’s gaze, seemingly serious, about to enjoy every word he was about to speak, “Come to think of it, the man ain't bad lookin’. He's got nice eyes.”

Jack groaned at what he considered to be a poor attempt at humor. “Alright, alright. You’ve made ya point. Don’t have to be such a smartass.”

“You was the one interested in details of a more personal nature.”

“Yeah, well….”

Jack looked over at the man who had so many fears living inside of him that he wished he could find a way to make them all disappear. Convince Ennis how everything was going to be alright and get him to listen for once. This wasn’t the 1950s and they weren’t Earl and Rich. To his way of thinking times were mostly changing for the better. Several years back he had read about some riot in New York where people like them had stood up to the cops. How talk had begun about coming out in the big cities, living openly and demanding to be accepted like everybody else. There were vocal advocates who felt they were an oppressed minority just like Blacks or Hispanics and wanted folks to organize politically to support one another and not be ashamed. Push for civil rights. Jack was certain a new world was coming although he didn’t know if Ennis would ever accept who he was. Until he could come to terms with the notion that men, not just Jack Twist from Lightning Flat, were what he needed, he figured Ennis would always be uncomfortable with how he was born. Still in all, he felt his shy cowboy had come a long way on this trip and was actually trying to work toward something more. Inviting him to stay at his place was a huge step forward, a good sign for their future together. Jack felt instinctively that even though he wanted to make things easier for Ennis he couldn’t compromise now. If he gave in on this critical issue he felt, with every fiber in his body, that they would be doomed to a nothingness he didn’t even want to imagine.

“This Jim, he uhm… sounds like he wouldn’t mind helpin’ ya out. Seems like he don’t know a lot of folks around Riverton neither. Don’t see how there’d be a problem with just tellin’ him what really happened.  Lies are difficult ta remember, Ennis. We got this little guy ta take care of too. He’ll need fresh air and exercise. Can’t get that if he’s cooped up in that house of yours all day.” Jack touched Ennis’ arm until eye contact was made, knowing what he had to say next would surely sting.  “And, like I said before, I won’t stay if ya plannin’ ta keep me locked up behind closed doors like some caged animal.”

Ennis blanched at both the imagery and the finality he heard in those words, the vein on his right temple pulsating with a panic he tried to contain. He stared out the windshield to let a minute or two past between them until he finally fumbled for the key in his pocket and started up the engine without a word.

“Ennis?”

“Yeah.”

“Whatya thinkin’?”

Taking a deep breath, he looked over with an unshaken gaze, trying to release the tension that had surfaced. The whispered response was gentle, yet strong. “Time to get ya somethin’ to eat, bud. Keep your strength up.  Got a long drive ahead of us.”

Ennis paused before saying what Jack needed to hear. “Seein’ as how it’s goin’ to be past six o'clock by the time we get back, maybe we can swing by Jim’s place on our way home.”

Jack’s eyes glistened once the words were spoken, understanding this was a breakthrough of major proportion.

“I’d like that, cowboy.” Jack smiled in that sweet way that made Ennis’ stomach flutter like a little girl. “Can’t be rightly sizin’ up my competition on no empty stomach now can I?”

Ennis grunted, accepting this would not be the last time he’d be hearing about Jim Fairhurst, but confident he could give back as good as he got when Jack Twist was sparring.

“Ain’t no competition.”

Jack grinned in that cocky way he had when events were turning his way, pleased with the unqualified compliment he had just received. “Nice to hear that.”

“You can’t bake.”

Tbc