Pulling Leather Chapter 7
Title: Pulling Leather (Chapter 7)
Current Mood: thirsty
Current Music: Bad Moon A Rising by Creedence Clearwater Revival
Author: forever9218
Pairing: Ennis and Jack
Genre: AU/Canon
Word Count: 4322
Rating: Adult Concepts (Implied violence, sexual situations, language)
Disclaimer: Brokeback Mountain is the intellectual property of Ms. Annie Proulx. No money is being made from this work and no copyright infringement is intended. I’m just trying to paint new horizons for our beloved boys.
Dedication: To everyone here who still believes and is willing to be patient with the slowest writer that ever graced the planet.
With both knees creaking like two corroded hinges on the wobbly door of an abandoned shed, Ennis slowly rose from his chair and heaved a portly sigh. Except for the pounding of his heart growing louder the whole time he conversed with Alma on the telephone, the silence in the room was now jarringly distinct. Pouring a fresh cup a coffee, he trudged over to the kitchen window and peeked outside to make sure Loopey was alright. His concern satisfied immediately as he watched the healthy pup enthusiastically chomping down on his favorite toy with a concentrated determination, not a care in the world. Slowly moving his neck from one side to the other, he tried to ease the tightness at the ridge of his spinal column while he figured out what to do until Alma arrived. He had no idea what had gotten into him this morning, just knew he had to do something other than wallow in gloomy thoughts.
Never one to shy away from manual labor, Ennis made up for his lopsided initiative in his work life by hardly ever making an effort to address personal concerns. An inbred pessimism coupled with a natural conservative bent, which made Ennis prone to accept what the world dished out, regardless how skimpy the portions. The nearly starved soul he lived with for so many years deficient in not only the knack, but the get-up-and-go to even try to make life better. Now, that he was allowing Jack to fill him up in all the right ways, with no artificial imposition of a cutoff point when things became too intimate between them, he no longer seemed sapped of strength when it came to harnessing the muscle needed to begin to change his life for the better. Not surprisingly, the newfound change in his mental outlook was unsettling old patterns of behavior, preoccupying his waking thoughts as well as giving rise to unfriendly nighttime specters.
Ennis frowned. Perhaps he was having trouble sleeping lately because of that little voice inside his head which, for some reason, had been more persistent than usual the last few weeks. The common sense that was his birthright, had been telling him to stop walking around like a sad sack and to start taking stock of what still needed to be done on his side of the fence. Ennis was surprised how quickly he had returned to old habits the moment Jack had left. Old routines easy to fall back upon, especially since nothing had been asked of him while Jack was gone.
In the past, that kind of hollowed out expectation would not have been a disturbing one, would almost certainly have brought him enormous relief to be left off the hook. But, now with the joint promises they had made for the long haul, the source of his shiftlessness seemed less about a lack of something to do and more about his Pavlovian sidestepping of unresolved issues. Letting Jack do the heavy lifting in their relationship had kept them together all these years. With Jack now gone, he had even more reason to sloth off and simply wait for his fella to come back to him, safe and sound.
Initially, Ennis rationalized his idleness with the bolstering thought that Alma had made sure to cut their marital ties first and, for once, the normally impetuous Jack Twist had become the plodding tortoise lagging far behind the swift rabbit pace of Ennis Del Mar. That was until Alma had accused him of being unfaithful when she had called several weeks ago to find out about the new girlfriend Jim had conjured up with the best of intentions. Ennis still wasn’t sure what she had meant by that sharp-edged statement, but the implication was clear.
When it came to him and Jack, Alma seemed to know more than she had ever led on before. Either that or she was just grasping at straws, hoping he might let something slip that would allow her to pounce. Regardless of the explanation for her charge, Ennis had been reminded that even though the ink had been dried on their divorce papers for nearly two years, the two of them still needed to talk about why Alma had walked away. Something Ennis surely would never have done on his own. With Jack preoccupied in Texas now was as good a time as any to grab the bull by the horns and try to tie up the thrashing threads of his own loose ends. The tattered remnants of the sham marriage he had entered into after he had left Jack behind that fateful summer.
Although it took awhile for this feeling inside to grow, with Jack now gone for who knew how long, Ennis suddenly needed to take some action too. He had no idea what might happen when he and Alma were alone in the same room together, but there was not much point in avoiding the reckoning much longer. Better to deal with what had remained unspoken for too many years, while Jack was nowhere in sight, than to wait until he returned from Texas to remind her of the dirty little secret that always had been hovering in the background of their marriage.
It pained him to admit that asking the mother of his children to come over and listen to what he had to say about the collapse of their marriage had been the easy part. What he had to struggle with now was how to acknowledge Jack Twist and what had happened on Brokeback Mountain. He could feel the blush heating his cheeks and the beginnings of a headache coming on. If this kept up he would probably have an ulcer within six months. Jack had been the only one he had talked to about this time in his life and even then he could hardly put two sentences together without sputtering. Yes, there had been one notable recent exception, but the reality was that Jim shared their secret too, which almost meant he did not even count in the grand scheme of things. Ennis chuckled to himself when he thought about another confidant; a feisty member of the four-legged animal kingdom who had never judged them harshly and, if tail wags and nuzzles counted, certainly acted as if Jack was the best human ever. Heaven knew how many times Ennis had talked Loopey’s little pointy ears off since his fella had left for Texas. If everyone could be a pushover like that bighearted pup, life would be far less complicated and a hell of a lot friendlier.
Shit. What was I thinkin’? Can barely open my mouth to talk about anythin’ more personal than brushin’ my teeth. Most times just stammerin’ or feelin’ like I’m gonna upend my last meal. Even when I’ve got my dick shoved up his ass, can hardly talk to Jack ‘bout us. Now, I’m gonna try to spill my guts to Alma about the man who shared our bed every night of our marriage? Jesus Christ. Must be sufferin’ from a burnin’ fever or somethin’.”
Ennis sucked in a shallow breath, his head spinning with the heaps of guilt and regret that he had stockpiled for no apparent reason, other than his own cowardice. Dating back to that wildcat punch, which had leveled Jack to the ground the day they came off the mountain, Ennis had lived with self reproach on a daily basis ever since. Not only for all the things he had done, but for the many missed opportunities he had squandered along the way, Jack being chief among them.
What he was about to do was near impossible, but that did not mean he should not try to make an effort. Not merely because Alma deserved an explanation that consisted of more than a disconnected grunt, followed by an awkward nod and shuffle of the feet. Nor because, by standing tall, his fella would be proud of him for gathering up the courage to face his fears, the inspiring side benefit being an appreciative Jack Twist. No, for once in his miserable life, he had to do this for Ennis Del Mar. Accept that the life he once thought was worth preserving, never really existed in the first place because that person had been living a lie, going through the motions, pretending to fit in when he actually belonged somewhere else.
Being queer for Jack had made him different, someone apart. He most likely would never be fully comfortable with that idea, but that’s how it was. Jack had finally made him see that. What the two of them were about to do was not going to be easy and heading for the hills might prove tempting, if given the right moment of weakness. Maybe if he could face the cold hard facts of why his marriage had failed, there would be no way to revert back to old habits. Apart from his daughters, there really was nothing else left to keep him in Wyoming, at least not anywhere safe or welcoming. There were too many people who did not appreciate folks like him and Jack hanging around, meaning there would be no forgiveness or mercy once word leaked out. Regardless where they eventually ended up, Jack would be his home, regardless of the location on a map.
He had come to this conclusion, right after a particularly eager round of don’t-want-you-to-go sex the night before Jack had left for Texas. That’s when Ennis realized, once and for all, that he had arrived at the final fork in the long broken road of their lives. With legs fully entangled, bodies touching from head to toe, he let the little boy he had once been resurface. Nothing felt better than having Jack lying next to him, his warm cheek resting on Ennis’ shoulder while speaking in low dulcet tones about how they surely had hurt a lot of people, but this time they would be inflicting the kind of pain that had a good end. The kind of hurting that would allow everyone involved to move on with their lives for better or for worse. No more clinging to some kind of unobtainable version of happiness that was impossible to reach. That night Ennis heard what Jack was saying. The question was whether he had it in him to help with the pushing or continue to let Jack carry the bulk of the load all alone.
Dealing with feelings had never been easy for Ennis, but that evening he tested out his wings, the two of them joking around, cackling like lunatics as they allowed themselves to soar as if they were children again. For just a snapshot in time, the curve in the road was forgotten. A little boy and his older brother had never been forced to view a bloodied corpse lying in a ditch. And, the heartless father who beat a tender-hearted son for being foolish enough to laugh at all was vanquished with the slash of a dragon slayer’s sword.
They had never talked about where they were headed, not even with the peaceful allure of the stars surrounding them or the limitless skies to draw upon up on Brokeback. But, that night, with the real adventure of a shared life so close at hand they could taste it, they figured it was okay to dream about exotic places they had no intention of visiting-the tropical forests of the Amazon, the sand dunes of Timbuktu, or maybe even the cheesy side of the Moon. With Jack about to drive away again, they instinctively knew that now was not the time to talk about serious plans so they happily settled for the wide-eyed wonderment of fantastical exploration, in between sloppy kisses and goofy smiles that said much more than words alone.
For the first time, Ennis understood why Jack had to leave. There was no going forward without first facing what he had left behind. Ennis needed to do the same. Even after the divorce, life would not be easy. Untold obstacles lay before them. But, that was for another time. For once, everything was possible and Ennis refused to be the wet blanket in their bed when there was so much warmth filling up his arms.
Slowly, walking over to the nightstand in his bedroom, Ennis pulled open the top drawer and gingerly lifted the dog-eared contents he found there, a pocket-sized, bark-colored address book. Flipping over to the black tab adorned with the filigreed letter T, he was not surprised when he found the name he had been seeking in an instant. Despite being separated by so miles, this would be only the second time a telephone conversation would be taking place, the first contact occurring just a month ago. To be sure, Jack had given out his phone number to Ennis as far back as 1967, an open invitation to remain in touch from the very beginning. In his heart, Ennis had been tempted to call many times, the strongest pull coming right after his divorce from Alma, when he felt abandoned and alone. In the end, he had decided that he did not want Jack to think something had changed between them, so a post card seemed the best compromise to announce the news. Only when Jack arrived on his doorstep, did he realize the mistake he had made but, by then, it was too late to fix. He should have known that once Alma was out of the way that Jack would come to claim what he believed was rightfully his.
To be certain, whenever he was in a missing kind of mood, Ennis would open this same address book to the relevant page, the only one soiled and frayed from wear, and stare down at the hand written inscription. Times like these would have him running his index finger back and forth over the blue inked numbers, the simple ritual somehow comforting. Only ten numbers to bridge the distance between them: (940) 937-1755. He knew the sequence by heart, but felt it was better to refresh his memory anyway. Not wanting to waste money by accidently dialing the wrong number in his nervousness.
Being that Childress was an hour ahead of Wyoming time Ennis figured 9:30 a.m. was a decent enough hour for a Sunday call. He could have waited a little longer, but suddenly he was overwhelmed by the need to talk to Jack as soon as possible. Maybe if he was lucky, no one else would be at home. Not particularly religious, Jack had told him once that Lureen and Bobby often went to church more for appearance’s sake than out of any real sectarian conviction about hell and salvation. The worst case scenario might be Lureen answering the phone before she headed out, but Ennis figured Jack was smart enough to move the conversation into another room, or better yet hop inside his fancy truck and corner a phone booth somewhere downtown. At this point, either possibility would be fine with him.
Settling down into the shabby armchair that was clumsily located in the middle of the living room, Ennis sagged down a bit before wiggling around like he was trying to locate the most comfortable spot. The next thing he knew he had planted his feet squarely on the floor, almost like he was trying to fight the urge to flee by angling his body more firmly into place. Figuring the seating was not going to get much better than this, he slapped both hands down on his upper thighs and leaned over to the irksome serenade of squeaky springs. While carefully placing his right index finger into the circular opening of the ninth slot, he continued to drum up the inner courage to spin the rotary dial for the first go round. Focus was so narrowed onto the singular task at hand that he nearly jumped out of his skin when the phone actually rung before the first number could be dialed.
Cursing underneath his breath, he picked up the handset on the first shrill ring, distracted and miffed by the ill-timed interruption. “Hello?”
“How-d'ye-do, pork chop.”
The quiet man’s heart leapt into his throat. Not sure he was hearing right. “Jack? Is that you? Everythin’ okay? Where ya callin’ from?”
Jack’s mouth quirked up at his man’s breathy befuddlement and used his most soothing voice to set his mind at ease. “Whoa there, cowboy. You sound a bit...I don’t know…a bit discombobulated. Who else would be callin’ ya a juicy piece of lean meat? Didn’t disturb your beauty sleep, did I?”
“Shit Jack. Don’t make fun of me. I was worried sick, goddammit.” Ennis rubbed one hand over his eyes and grumbled something Jack could not make out.
Surprised by the edginess of the words, along with the aching tone that sliced right through the telephone line like a knife, Jack waited a few more beats before responding. Softly muttering, “Knew it would be hard being apart again, darlin’. Can’t hardly wait for this all to be over. Been thinkin’ ‘bout you all the time. I…”
Abruptly, cut off in mid-sentence, Jack was surprised to hear Ennis blurt out a string of bold declarations as if his very life depended upon what he had to say. “You be careful, Jack. Don’t know what I’d do without ya. Denied ya for so many years ya probably don’t believe me, but we’ve got a life to get workin’ on. Can’t let anyone else come between us no more.”
Jack’s eyes widened with every statement, a lump in his throat lodging dead center. His man was drowning him with a tidal wave of mixed up emotions. He gripped the handset harder and thanked whoever was listening for being given another chance to get this thing between them right.
“Called Alma this mornin’. Told her I needed to talk with her about them changes I’m goin’ to be makin’. She’s comin’ over here this afternoon.”
Jack blinked not quite sure he heard correctly. “Wait a minute, you’re gonna tell Alma ‘bout us? What about the girls? Maybe it’s not the right time with everythin’ goin’ on down here.”
Ennis shifted in his seat. “Reckon the right time is long past overdue. Been divorced almost two fuckin’ years. Ain’t a good talker like you, Jack, but she needs to know what I’m plannin’ on doin’. Got to get off my scrawny ass and show that I aim to do right by ya. Won’t be tellin’ the girls anythin’ right now. They’re too young to understand, but I don’t much want to start our lives together by keepin’ ya a dirty secret.”
Jack felt suddenly two feet tall. “Wasn’t intendin’ to tell Lureen anythin’. Least not yet. Might set some hurdles up that could make the divorce a bit messy. ”
“That don’t matter, Jack,” grimacing at the memory of all his fella had suffered, with not much reason to think anything was going to change. When he noticed how nothing else was being said, Ennis continued. Wanting Jack to know he never lacked in his eyes.
“Ya kept them shirts in your closet all them years, just waitin’ for me to get some sense knocked into my thick skull. Can’t imagine how hard it was to do that. Goin’ back to Lightnin’ Flat, after one of our fishin’ trips. Knowin’ that despite everythin’….” Jack could hear the choking back of a bucket full of unshed tears then the long shuddering sigh that followed. By the time Ennis spoke again, he seemed exhausted, but determined. “That despite everythin’, you hadn’t given up.”
“Wasn’t just one way, Ennis. Those shirts, gave me hope. Remindin’ me that there was someone out there who thought I wasn’t a fuck up, or a good-for-nothing pissant. You might never had said it, but I knew. Knew how hard you felt on me. My daddy told me I was worthless ever since I could remember. But, those shirts,” Jack hiccupped out a trembling sigh. “Them shirts were out of that damn old man’s reach.”
Ennis wanted to give Jack something in return. “Never had nobody really want me around either. After my folks died, I was just a burden to everyone. Some dumb kid couldn’t even finish high school. Then you appeared from out of the damn sky and saw what was inside of me. Never turned away, just kept watchin’ and comin’ closer and closer until you were so fuckin’ deep underneath my skin that you became a part of me.”
“You’re special to me too, cowboy. Fell hard from the beginnin’.” Jack felt his eyes prickling. “Though I can’t deny that there were times I thought I would go crazy pining over your sorry ass.”
Ennis shut his eyes and nodded. “No doubt about it. I can be a right stubborn bastard when I set my mind to it.”
“Don’t be so modest” an audible smile bursting through. “I’d say you can be a right stubborn bastard without hardly tryin’ at all, bud.”
Ennis chuckled, the urgency of their connection beginning to wane as he settled back into his chair, knowing that even though he was over a thousand miles away, they were here, right now, and that was everything. At long last ready to ask what he had wanted to get out since he had first heard Jack’s voice, Ennis added, “You bein’ safe down there, baby?”
Jack’s face softened and he smiled as he looked out the window, noticing no one in the parking lot yet. “Sure thing. Course L.D. can’t help bein’ an asshole. Been pickin’ at me for every little thing. But, I got us some good news. You’ll never believe it, friend. Lureen asked me for a divorce my first night back. Couldn’t believe my fuckin’ ears.”
“Whut? Why’d she do that?” his spine straightening in an instance. The fragile calm he had been able to muster dissolved at the prospect of someone knowing too much.
Jack shrugged before realizing there was no one there to see him. “Don’t rightly know. Since she brought up the matter, we’ve been talkin’ and makin’ plans ‘bout dividin’ up our assets. All very civil. She’s known for a long time I ain’t happy, Ennis. Lureen can be a hardass, but she’s been real decent ‘bout all this. Still a good lookin’ woman.” Jack let out a long sigh and clucked his tongue against the roof of his mouth. “Shit, I don’t know. Me bein’ gone all them weeks might of got her thinkin’. Could be she suspects I’ve got someone else and wants to move on with her life before it’s too late. Hell, maybe she already has somebody on the side. I don’t know. Don’t really care.”
Biting down on his lip, Ennis proceeded with caution. “Suspects what?”
“Ain’t no secret, I haven’t be the kind of husband she may have wanted. Maybe she’s tired of livin’ with someone who ain’t what she thought. We’ve always been more like friends than anything else. She has no problem givin’ me joint custody with Bobby. We’re doin’ all this on the quiet. She doesn’t even want her old man to know. Suit’s me just fine.”
“That’s smart. She there with ya right now?”
“Here? Hell, no. I forgot to tell ya, I’m not at home this mornin’. I’m at the office.”
“On a Sunday?” the worry began to seep into his voice again.
“Don’t worry. This is a typical L.D. move. Called late last night and asked me to show some farm equipment to a big shot rancher, thinkin’ of expandin’ his operation down south. Evidently, he ain’t from around here and today was the only time he could stop by on his way back to San Antonio. Damn old fart can’t even let me be on a day of rest. Don’t have to meet up with ‘im ‘til 10:30 a.m. though. Figured I take advantage of the situation and come in a little earlier to talk to my handsome Wyomin’ man.”
Ennis ignored Jack’s flirtatious come on. “Why ain’t the old man meetin’ up with this guy, instead of you?”
Rubbing the back of his neck, Jack’s eyebrows scrunched in concentration. “Don’t rightly know. Guess it’s because I’m the lead salesman when it comes to the latest models.”
“This guy you’re meetin’ up with, how’s he gonna move a big piece of equipment like that? I mean, how far is San Antonio from where you are anyway?”
Silence.
Worry seeped into the next question. “Jack? You still there?”
“Mighty good questions, friend. Don’t know why I didn’t think of them myself. Guess I kinda got so caught up in the chance of bein’ able to talk with ya this mornin’ that I didn’t think much ‘bout L.D. askin’ me to take care of this. Ah, hell, looks like we can’t talk much longer. I see someone pullin’ up now. Wait a minute though. Maybe it’s not him ‘cause that truck sure looks like it’s seen better days to me. Someone just might be lookin’ for directions.” There was an extended pause until the next word was spoken, “Fuck!”
“What, Jack? Somethin’ happenin?” The stress in the other man’s voice was easily detectable, even across all the states that stood between them. Ennis had been on the receiving end of Jack saying that one syllable word in a variety of situations. Good and bad. What he had just heard now gave him reason for grave concern.
“I gotta go, Ennis.”
“Wait! What’s goin’ on?” Clutching the phone in his hand, Ennis listened helplessly on the other end.
“There’s three guys gettin’ out of the truck. Don’t much look like ranchers neither.”
“Jack! Ya best be gettin’ outta there.”
“No time, cowboy.”
The next thing Ennis knew, the phone line went dead.
______________________
Tbc
