Out with Acne, In with Melanoma
Why is it that the only feasible way to eliminate these discolored marks that have accumulated over months of compulsive skin picking is to irradiate it beyond all recognition? Once my skin is effectively scorched from hours of unremitting UV exposure, all of my various skin flaws will take on a deep purplish hue which eventually retreats into the background of my crimsoned flesh. And then, for whatever reason, this scarlet mask fades into a nice sun-kissed glow for 2-3 days until the inevitable flaking sets in. The shedding process can last anywhere between 5-10 days, leaving behind a new-but-far-less-tan skin layer that is unmarred by acne spots. And do I care? Not at all. That is why I plan to get sun-drenched for the new few days without rhyme or reason or even a fleeting thought about the increased risk of skin cancer. Let those dead-weight freeloading DNA repair enzymes finally fend for themselves. I'm tired of looking like some post-apocalyptic mineshaft dweller straight from a bad 50's era horror flick that one might find advertised in the back issues of Caveman magazine.