A Post in Search of a Point
Someone asked me to comment on the implications of recent turnovers in the Bush administration and whether or not this forebodes an impending military fiasco or civilian tragedy akin to 9/11. My answer to this: Start smoking, eat McDonald's, and keep a ready supply of Cyanide® nearby because we're all DOOMED and you're going to die.
This is your future in capitalism:
Kill yourself now before its too late. Here, this should help.
I think every value meal should come with a complimentary stent to cover the partial cost of angioplasty and/or bypass surgery because that's how many you're going to need by the time you reach the ripe old age of 55. They can even call it "The McStent".
Now that McDonald's is conveniently located in your local hospital cafeteria, it should be company policy to at least offer directions to the nearest cardiac unit.
My Family and Other Baboons
Thanksgiving was an absolute blast. I got to drive 2 hours to Orlando, then 2 hours to Tampa followed by a 3 hour flight to Newark, New Jersey, which is probably the most god-forsaken city on the face of the planet. My father, being the anal-retentive pedant that he is, decided to wake me up at 4 am in the morning for a flight that took off around 8 am. I then got to spend the entire day in the company of lame-ass Republican true believers who saw fit to inform me that I was "anti-American". Oh yeah, these people are supposedly my family or something whom I haven't seen in over ten years.
Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.
I was then fortunate enough to meet the groom at my grandmother's wedding shortly before the actual ceremony. At one point he even started raving about how "stupid liberals" like me were trying to "change [his] country", presumably by advocating for those same civil liberties and constitutional rights that this nation was founded upon. Oddly enough, this holy union served as a chilling reminder of how two overzealous reptiles should be segregated at all costs.
Case in point:
I was also thrilled to learn that certain members of my estranged family are affiliated with their local police force, and as you all know my respect for our nation's law enforcement is unsurpassed.
Take for instance how they defended national security by suppressing this dangerous wartime insurrectionist who may be armed with Weapons of Mass Destruction.
I feel much safer now that middle-aged women holding peace signs have been taken off the streets and into state prison camps where they belong.
And then, every once in a while, a Liberty Officer makes himself useful.
So after being repeatedly ignored, alienated, and otherwise disregarded by the vast majority of these patriotic mindslaves, I then had the distinct pleasure of waking up at 5 am to take another tortuous flight back to Florida, this time being confined to the seat for approximately 2.5 hours before the plane finally took off.
This is something you definitely don't want to see at the airport.
But by the time I got off that plane, my ass felt like it had been violated by the entire fucking Al-Qaeda armed forces and then used as a storage depot for weapons of mass destruction by the Iraqi government.
Mark my words: I will never fly again
P.S. If you can help this post find its point, please call 1-800-GO-CHOKE or simply drive off the nearest bridge.
This is your future in capitalism:
Kill yourself now before its too late. Here, this should help.
I think every value meal should come with a complimentary stent to cover the partial cost of angioplasty and/or bypass surgery because that's how many you're going to need by the time you reach the ripe old age of 55. They can even call it "The McStent".
Now that McDonald's is conveniently located in your local hospital cafeteria, it should be company policy to at least offer directions to the nearest cardiac unit.
My Family and Other Baboons
Thanksgiving was an absolute blast. I got to drive 2 hours to Orlando, then 2 hours to Tampa followed by a 3 hour flight to Newark, New Jersey, which is probably the most god-forsaken city on the face of the planet. My father, being the anal-retentive pedant that he is, decided to wake me up at 4 am in the morning for a flight that took off around 8 am. I then got to spend the entire day in the company of lame-ass Republican true believers who saw fit to inform me that I was "anti-American". Oh yeah, these people are supposedly my family or something whom I haven't seen in over ten years.
Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss.
I was then fortunate enough to meet the groom at my grandmother's wedding shortly before the actual ceremony. At one point he even started raving about how "stupid liberals" like me were trying to "change [his] country", presumably by advocating for those same civil liberties and constitutional rights that this nation was founded upon. Oddly enough, this holy union served as a chilling reminder of how two overzealous reptiles should be segregated at all costs.
Case in point:
I was also thrilled to learn that certain members of my estranged family are affiliated with their local police force, and as you all know my respect for our nation's law enforcement is unsurpassed.
Take for instance how they defended national security by suppressing this dangerous wartime insurrectionist who may be armed with Weapons of Mass Destruction.
I feel much safer now that middle-aged women holding peace signs have been taken off the streets and into state prison camps where they belong.
And then, every once in a while, a Liberty Officer makes himself useful.
So after being repeatedly ignored, alienated, and otherwise disregarded by the vast majority of these patriotic mindslaves, I then had the distinct pleasure of waking up at 5 am to take another tortuous flight back to Florida, this time being confined to the seat for approximately 2.5 hours before the plane finally took off.
This is something you definitely don't want to see at the airport.
But by the time I got off that plane, my ass felt like it had been violated by the entire fucking Al-Qaeda armed forces and then used as a storage depot for weapons of mass destruction by the Iraqi government.
Mark my words: I will never fly again
P.S. If you can help this post find its point, please call 1-800-GO-CHOKE or simply drive off the nearest bridge.