Well I'm older now and still runnin' against the wind...
There is a distinct possibility that I will get a call tomorrow that will ship me off to southwest Missouri. I'm really not sure how I feel about that. The way my stomach has been trying to kill me for the past few days would make me think that I am not at all pleased with the possibility, but this isn't true. Sure, if I had my choice I'd stay in Indiana, but part of me thinks...well, hopes, that a change in scenery is exactly what is needed to turn this life around.
I've always been neurotic, and maybe that's an understatement, but I don't know what's happened to me the last couple of years. Perhaps a fresh start would help me relearn who I am. Maybe I'll learn to enjoy solitude again, but the thing is, once solitude gets old, rarely does it regain its previous charm. I need the company of others to keep me focused on the outside world.
The boldness and promise I once felt about my life is gone, returning only for brief glimpses, as it did on the side of a gravel road near Salina, KS last Monday night. I've always told myself that if I keep plugging away, eventually things will start falling into place. Yet I'm once again inside my own head, rehashing mistakes I've made (and they're many), opportunities I've passed by, and wondering if I have the capability to change.
...and once again I find myself uselessly complaining.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm just the kind of person that longs for stability in a life that does not offer it. Then again, we don't have much time, and I'm wasting way too much of it. Perhaps this is the kick in the ass I so desperately need.
I've never been a risk taker.
I've always been neurotic, and maybe that's an understatement, but I don't know what's happened to me the last couple of years. Perhaps a fresh start would help me relearn who I am. Maybe I'll learn to enjoy solitude again, but the thing is, once solitude gets old, rarely does it regain its previous charm. I need the company of others to keep me focused on the outside world.
The boldness and promise I once felt about my life is gone, returning only for brief glimpses, as it did on the side of a gravel road near Salina, KS last Monday night. I've always told myself that if I keep plugging away, eventually things will start falling into place. Yet I'm once again inside my own head, rehashing mistakes I've made (and they're many), opportunities I've passed by, and wondering if I have the capability to change.
...and once again I find myself uselessly complaining.
I've said it before and I'll say it again. I'm just the kind of person that longs for stability in a life that does not offer it. Then again, we don't have much time, and I'm wasting way too much of it. Perhaps this is the kick in the ass I so desperately need.
I've never been a risk taker.