August
Hello journal.
For the past two days I have craved autumn. I've never seen January as the time for new starts, they always happen better in September. So many of us need them. Polly needs one.
August has been...a rather mixed bag. Obviously getting engaged was amazing and I still love the cards and the fuss and the excitement over the ring from people at work. I also love knowing that will happen all over again in a week when I'm back at school! Being engaged is beautiful and a bit scary and fairly amazing. I am incredibly happy, I cannot emphasise that enough. He is everything I would want in a husband and a Daddy. I don't think it's happening too soon, but it is happening sooner than I thought it would - he has surprised me. This means I am all rather overwhelmed about planning for a wedding when I can't even plan for my career, and while two months ago I was planning on saving for a house deposit over the next two years, now I am saving for a wedding. So...when exactly am I going to save for that house?!
I don't really understand weddings. I don't know what ushers are, or how many you should have or who should choose them and what they need to wear. Do they pay for their own clothes? What is the tradition with flower girls? Do I NEED them? Do you still pick music if you're getting married outside of a church? What about readings? How on Earth am I going to organise everybody when I have barely any idea what I'm doing?
On the bright side I have two years to figure this out, but ideally the major stuff will be finalised before I start my PGCE next September. I know I won't juggle both successfully.
I could write for hours about how overwhelming it is that he, this boy that did so much damage once upon a time, has put a huge rock on my finger...but, I won't. You know the story, you know us, and him, and me.
My Mum announced it at her birthday party. I'm not ashamed to say that I welled up, as did she, him, and his Mum. Phew. What a journey.
There is a part of me really hoping that my engagement and wedding planning is going to be the thing that brings back together me and my Mum. Believe me, I know how naive that is, but I am clutching at straws here.
So I am moving back to Soton next week and I am living with Alex. I am almost completely happy with that plan, but anxious to say so in case it backfires. I spent one weekend there a few weeks ago and it was lovely. Really calm and relaxed. Cheap rent, lifts to school in his Audi A1, gorgeous house, millions of gadgets, calm blue room, speakers in the bathroom...honestly, what more could I need?
The thought of school without Ash makes my heart sad. Deep breath.
I never seem to learn my lesson with wishing my life away. I've never had an autumn and winter with Dave. I suppose in some ways, him being away for 6 months sort of lengthened the honeymoon period. On the other hand it threw us deep into something really dark far before we should have had to deal with it.
I want boots and tights with woolly dresses, and scarves. I want a better work-clothes wardrobe, because I froze my arse off last year. I want pumpkin pie and candles. I want joint Christmas shopping, and getting to actually see him open his stocking this year. I want trips to watch the lights being switched on and Sunday afternoons watching Christmas films against Alex's will. I want a no-tears Christmas.
For the past two days I have craved autumn. I've never seen January as the time for new starts, they always happen better in September. So many of us need them. Polly needs one.
August has been...a rather mixed bag. Obviously getting engaged was amazing and I still love the cards and the fuss and the excitement over the ring from people at work. I also love knowing that will happen all over again in a week when I'm back at school! Being engaged is beautiful and a bit scary and fairly amazing. I am incredibly happy, I cannot emphasise that enough. He is everything I would want in a husband and a Daddy. I don't think it's happening too soon, but it is happening sooner than I thought it would - he has surprised me. This means I am all rather overwhelmed about planning for a wedding when I can't even plan for my career, and while two months ago I was planning on saving for a house deposit over the next two years, now I am saving for a wedding. So...when exactly am I going to save for that house?!
I don't really understand weddings. I don't know what ushers are, or how many you should have or who should choose them and what they need to wear. Do they pay for their own clothes? What is the tradition with flower girls? Do I NEED them? Do you still pick music if you're getting married outside of a church? What about readings? How on Earth am I going to organise everybody when I have barely any idea what I'm doing?
On the bright side I have two years to figure this out, but ideally the major stuff will be finalised before I start my PGCE next September. I know I won't juggle both successfully.
I could write for hours about how overwhelming it is that he, this boy that did so much damage once upon a time, has put a huge rock on my finger...but, I won't. You know the story, you know us, and him, and me.
My Mum announced it at her birthday party. I'm not ashamed to say that I welled up, as did she, him, and his Mum. Phew. What a journey.
There is a part of me really hoping that my engagement and wedding planning is going to be the thing that brings back together me and my Mum. Believe me, I know how naive that is, but I am clutching at straws here.
So I am moving back to Soton next week and I am living with Alex. I am almost completely happy with that plan, but anxious to say so in case it backfires. I spent one weekend there a few weeks ago and it was lovely. Really calm and relaxed. Cheap rent, lifts to school in his Audi A1, gorgeous house, millions of gadgets, calm blue room, speakers in the bathroom...honestly, what more could I need?
The thought of school without Ash makes my heart sad. Deep breath.
I never seem to learn my lesson with wishing my life away. I've never had an autumn and winter with Dave. I suppose in some ways, him being away for 6 months sort of lengthened the honeymoon period. On the other hand it threw us deep into something really dark far before we should have had to deal with it.
I want boots and tights with woolly dresses, and scarves. I want a better work-clothes wardrobe, because I froze my arse off last year. I want pumpkin pie and candles. I want joint Christmas shopping, and getting to actually see him open his stocking this year. I want trips to watch the lights being switched on and Sunday afternoons watching Christmas films against Alex's will. I want a no-tears Christmas.