Donovan Bailey
My brain threatens to explode every time this commercial comes on TV. I only recently acquired CTV Toronto, so I apologise if this is older than God.
What a morning. My phone rang shortly before nine, asking if I could come into work to cover for the person on the other end. She was pretty sick when I arrived fifteen minutes later, so of course I had no problem covering. Shoplifters during the week are normal, and the cases are usually uninteresting. Catch them, call security, charge them, get the product back. Around eleven o'clock, two high school boys came in. One asked for a pair of earrings from the case, and I helped him out. As I was ringing him through, I watched in the mirrors as his buddy yanked some earrings off a card and then hid the empty card behind another pair. Stuffing them in his pockets, he walked over. Normally I'll wait until they're about to leave, but his intent was pretty obvious.
'Guy, you need to wait there.' I said. He looked totally fucking petrified.
'Huh? Why?' he said, before, 'I'll pay for them!'
'It's really too late, you made your choice. Stay there.' I went for the phone to call security, his friend waiting to pay for his earrings. Just as I picked up the phone, the kid BOLTED like a GAZELLE toward the exit by the Bank of Montreal. I told security there was a shoplifter running like a damn animal toward the exit in question. I gave the guy his change, and while I did, he had picked up his mobile and was laughing as he told a friend about what his dumbshit buddy had done before leaving himself.
There was no way this kid would be caught. He was the next Donovan Bailey. Security shows up and asks for a description, and I tell him I probably couldn't identify him if I had the chance. He looked just like every other stupid high school boy. A grey bunnyhug and a face that looked like a smug pizza. While this is going on, the stocky maintenance guy shows up. This guy seems to think he's the next Jim Lahey for all the snooping he does. Every time security gets a call, he follows them. Sometimes he even shows up before security. He's so goddamn nosy and I hate it. Anyway, he overhears the description, I tell him it was too late, and the two of them leave, the security guard joking that he didn't think the kid would be back for lunch. I fume and swear for a bit, as the kid actually paying would have helped - the morning had been lousy.
A few minutes later something weird happens. The maintenance guy parades three boys into the store, followed by the security guard. Not only are these three boys much taller than the kid who I caught, they also didn't even slightly fit the lame description I gave.
The maintenance guy puffed out his chest. 'Which one was it?'
'Pardon me?' I said. 'None of them!' The three boys looked very unhappy and complained about WTF was happening, as did I. The maintenance guy apologised to them and sent them out the door.
'When you give a description,' the maintenance guy said, 'people hear it.' Was he seriously talking down to me?
'The description I gave was of a kid running like hell toward the Bank of Montreal exit. What did those boys have to do with anything?'
'Well, which one was it? I heard them talking about how easy it would be to steal.' He looked seriously disgruntled. The security guy shrugged his shoulders.
'That's not our policy. Once they're gone, they're gone. There's nothing I could do. Even if I could identify him, I still couldn't charge him'.
'Then don't bother calling security!' he said, storming back into the mall. BITCH, I DIDN'T CALL MAINTENANCE. THE TOILET WORKS FINE. Go mop up some old person poo or something, Jesus Christ. I later called the security guy back in to discuss it, and he said that another merchant had heard these boys talking about how easy it was to steal. Of course, they had never actually said where it was easy to steal from, not to mention that none of them had a grey bunnyhug on. It was totally embarrassing, both for the boys and for me. I really didn't need to look like I'd been accusing anyone of shoplifting. Once they're gone, they're gone, and this kid ran like the wind. Why the security guy went along with the bastard maintenance guy is beyond me, but then he isn't a very good security guard in the first place. Pretty much useless.
I should have just let the kid pay for the damn earrings (which I later recovered on the floor, as he had ditched them on his way out). $8.50. Totally worth the headache.
ANYWAY. Later on I went to Shoppers Drug Mart to buy an energy drink, and skipped the queue by taking it to cosmetics. The woman who manages cosmetics is a totally rocking lady, but today she asked me if she knew anyone who was looking for part time hours. I told her I was, but that I knew dick all about makeup. She said it didn't matter, that I was outgoing enough and that she wanted me to apply. She said she'd take just an application, but I prefer to bring in a resume as well. I'm going to print off a fresh one and take it on over right now. I'm definitely a fan of just stumbling in to new jobs. Job hunting is one of my least favourite things to do, and I hate to do a lot of things.