I suppose a welcome is in order.

[forceedge]

To both the new students just entering our halls of academic learning, and to the old hands returning for another semester of toil, blood, property damage, and irrepairable psychological damage.

There are a few things I wish to point out to you all, before we reach too far into the semester. They follow below in the bulleted list.

1. The

Comments

[twins_right]

I'm not scaring them enough if they've got the nerve to complain. Perhaps you should put out a bulletin suggesting students focus on their studies and less on my complexion.

[forceedge]

Or perhaps you can visit the campus tanning salon and not look like the giant virgin bookworm you surely must be. Frankly, it doesn't matter to me one way or another.

[twins_right]

Your opinion means even less to me. And you're one hell of a dean. Like Dante with a better vocabulary.

Just shut up and stay out of my way. Even if excessive paleness were a disciplinary issue, which it isn't, I'm not interested in hearing from you or anyone else about it.

[forceedge]

It's not in my job description to be tactful.

Or what, precisely? What, really, would you do, if I were to say...Press the issue of your unhealthy skin tone?

[twins_right]

I would likely kill anyone who so much as looked at me from that point on to ensure that it remained a non-issue.

It's not in my nature to be merciful. Or to make idle threats, for that matter.

[forceedge]

Any time you feel froggy, boy. People can point you toward my office.

[twins_right]

You'd hardly be worth my time. Unlike apparently every other student in your school, I have important work to do. That doesn't include kicking the ass of an idiot dean, no matter how much personal satisfaction I'm denying myself.

[forceedge]

I'm afraid you're under the impression I'm making a request.

[twins_right]

And you're under the impression that I'd listen whether it was a request or not. If you want me so badly, just go toward the light.

Or you can stay in your office where it's safe and people actually care about the things you say. It makes no difference to me.

Private

[forceedge]

Perhaps I'll pay a visit to that ragamuffin of a brother of yours instead.

After all, if one can't get you to come, why not go to the one that most resembles a thrown away puppy?

Extremely Private

[twins_right]

You'll stay away from him if you like all of your limbs right where they are.

Private

[forceedge]

They'll grow back, whelp, so by all means.

Besides, I have a feeling he'd be more compliant of what I wish.

Re: Private

[twins_right]

I don't give a damn what you wish. Don't go near him.

Private

[forceedge]

Oh, but I am. Because I'm not in the least intimidated by your threats.

Private

[twins_right]

Then maybe I'm going to have to come see you after all. Of course, now it'll be even less pleasant for you than it was going to be before, but it's your hide.

Private

[forceedge]

And? Am I supposed to be afraid?