Liquid Testament - Elle/Sylar - [1/1] -[pg]
Title:Liquid Testament
Author: force-oblique
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I dont own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Elle/Sylar- Elle POV
Summary:If he wants to understand something, let it be the love you feel for him despite it all, despite everything.
If he wants to take something apart let it be the heart that beats only for him and if he wants to taste something let it be the shame you feel for both letting him down and fearing what he has become even though you have pushed him to it.
Author's Notes:English is not my native language so I am sorry about mistakes and typos.:D
Plus my muse is really weird and creepy and not like she used to be :(
Word Count: 2.353
Crossposted: heroes-fic, elle-tric, sylarelle
Liquid Testament
It feels surreal.
More surreal than you have ever felt before and you have felt a lot of things.
Your whole life has been surreal.
The way your hands lit up whenever you got angry. The way light bulbs in the house burst whenever you got sad…
And you got sad a lot and angry too…
At first it was magical, watching the blue lines come out of you, tingling your fingertips, pricking your insides with agitated pleasure.
And then watch the lines dance on the walls, waltz along the floor and nimble at your pretty stuff.
It looked so beautiful that sometimes you forgot that you had to stop after some while because the blue line looked so pretty only for so long before it blackened everything or melted it.
You needed to remember that all things are fragile and easily affected.
Just like you and sometimes you even forgot that about yourself as well.
But you were fragile and breakable as you later came to recognize...
Bitterly, regrettably.
You felt oppressed, suffocated and your orbs were your escape, your illusion of freedom, your faithful companion when the world around you became black, blacker than your power could ever cause it to be…
You were six when you first saw someone die in front of you and though that wasn’t unusual - so many children had born witness to some relative’s death one way or the other over the years- how many at the age of six can really say that they were the perpetrator?
Yet it was you… It was you screaming when the blue lines set the curtains on fire.
It was you screaming louder when your grandmother rushed to get you out of the house -not knowing your power couldn’t hurt you, and accidentally caught fire too until she perished.
And then the shame, the disgrace, the unspoken accusations, words left unsaid that stung more than the actually spoken words…
You knew they all despised you and it was unbearable.
Too heavy a burden for such a little girl.
You felt consumed by tears, as if you were floating in a pond filled with your own grief and that was on the good days.
On the bad ones, you were always underwater trying to breathe, trying to reach the surface and see what went on.
But you never did.
You were imprisoned, trapped inside the company with a man who said he was your father but rarely acted like it.
Still it was comforting in a way, how you knew that you would always have a place to be, someone to complain to…someone to run to.
But then you didn’t realize there was some defect in that design to begin with.
You would never have somewhere to run to when you wanted to run from there…
Still you were safe or so they told you.
The Company conducted experiments on you that hurt and weakened and disoriented, but your daddy always told you that they were for your own good and the world outside would be harsher and more cruel that they ever were.
So it was the lesser evil. Even more so since you had no knowledge of what was outside.
You had nothing to compare your anguish with.
You couldn’t measure it up to anything…
But even now after so many years, you are not sure that it could compare to any pain anyone else had ever felt.
Was it selfish of you to think that way?
Think that you were somehow the person having suffered the most in the world?
Deep inside you knew it wasn’t true, it couldn’t be…
Because if you have suffered the most and survived, then why did other people perish?
Why did they give up if you didn’t?
Surely you couldn’t be that special, though deep inside you longed for that…
No, you couldn’t be that special because if you were, you wouldn’t have been put through all that, not under your own father’s orders.
Nor would you feel so unloved and unappreciated.
If you were really special or unique your father would love you and he wouldn’t have used you as bait…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know your luck won’t save you this time.
You can’t help the tears rolling down your cheeks but it’s of no use and you know it. All is gone, everything is futile but still you can’t give up.
Not when your shocked eyes meet the familiar face of your father, mouth agape, eyes open wide, blood gushing out of him…
Not when you realize that you have no one to turn to now for consolation or even reproof.
Not even when you slowly come to terms with the sheer fact that this door of your life has now been closed forever…
You should feel lost and betrayed and resentful but all you can feel is anger and bitterness and a rage that desperately needs an outlet, something tangible to focus on instead of your lifeless, substance-less dreams and hopes.
But you’ve been called crazy and delusional and maybe that’s why everything feels so out of place, so not normal, not what it should feel like.
No! You won’t let one man break you down.
He can’t, he shouldn’t even dare because he might be on a killing spree but you are on a rightful mission and you will prevail.
No one has the right to mess up your life. This is all you know, all you have lived for.
This Company is your life, your family, your sanctuary and your prison…
And he can’t destroy it because destroying that would mean destroying your whole life, your whole world and with it your identity.
Yet there you are underneath him, his eyes on you, malicious, impending.
Black as night and you feel a shiver.
You want to scream and make a difference. An earth-shattering one, like Jesse, but Jesse is dead. This man above you has killed him, skull cracked open, brain matter exposed, splattered.
He could scream right now -with Jesse’s power- till your ears bled out, till your insides crawled inside each other and your body was rendered nothing but a humble, shameful heap on the floor.
“Sylarrrrrrrrr”, the word pours like black sugar out of your mouth, one dark grain at a time, as if trying to make sure that everyone will know.
As the consonants and vowels form into the word, you feel dizzy. It should be dizzy from the fear and the panic but instead you feel some sort of excitement.
This is it.
This is the confrontation your daddy had been talking about.
This is the confrontation he had been preparing you for.
All the experiments, all the pain, the despair they suddenly start to make sense, to assume a physical presence.
Like a creature next to you in your time of need, in your time of death as someone whom you thought was a monster challenges you.
He is strong, stronger than you had ever met and for a brief moment you search your soul for respect.
It was all about the power your father has taught you and as he raises his hand and with it the invisible yet inescapable and precise finger of doom, tears start trickling down your face.
You can’t help them and you momentarily feel ashamed. What would your father say if he saw you?
“My little girl is a fighter”
“My little girl is stronger than that”
Could you bear to disappoint him even in death?
Should there be dignity during this ordeal?
Should you keep your mouth shut and your eyes too so that the salty, liquid testament to your failure doesn’t escape your traitorous eyes?
Can he see you even from heaven? But is heaven really where he ended up?
Even after everything that he had put you through? Even after all the scheming and the destroying of lives?
Does it matter? Did it matter then? Does it matter now? Will it ever matter now that you are at Sylar's mercy?
One flip of his hands and you are flat on your back while you struggle to find the strength within you to finish this.
Finish what you started once, ignoring your better judgment, ignoring your instincts...
Maybe you are looking upon a creation of yours.
Maybe it's finally you meeting your destiny, what you deserve for everything you have done willingly or not...
He just smirks looming over you, his black eyes sparkling as if it's Christmas.
"Look what your daddy used to be able to do" he says turning the gun into pure gold and your saliva turns into bile inside your mouth.
"You killed him" you mouth but he cuts in.
"I have killed a lot of people Elle. You are as much to blame for that as anyone" he starts, a grin stretched across his face.
"Maybe even more so" he says.
His eyes pierce you and it's more than guilty, it's more than your guilty conscience weighing you down.
For a moment you feel that this is true.
It is true that you helped make him what he is now, a hideous creature of darkness who kills without remorse, a being whose mere passion is for blood and for unadulterated powers that make him more and more special or so he thinks...
He almost has you.
You were always too sentimental, too emotional for your own good.
Bennett always told you that, so did your dad...
Funny, you never thought there'd come a day on which you'd miss that.
Your father will never reprimand you again. He will never be disappointed in you.
He will never show it, anyways.
But your father isn't going to show you any more love either. There is no one you can trust now.
No one you can turn to.
Bennett was your first choice.
Your partner.
He taught you everything you know, but still it wasnt enough.
It wasnt enough for you to feel safe, feel protected or to understand Sylar and yourself...
But there was a time when you understood Gabriel.
A young, ambitious watchmaker you once saved from himself and then led him back into his own trap.
There was a time when the same black eyes that now regard you with hatred, looked up to you with kindness and fondness.
There was a time when Gabriel could get even closer to you.
He could be something more than your assignment.
Someone more than your target, your objective.
But all there is now is Sylar.
Someone you don't want to recognize.
Someone you dont want to know as well as you do.
Someone you dont want to fear as much as you do...
But there it is.
Fear, anguish and pain as he unwaveringly tries to dissassemble you.
To break you apart so that he can see what makes you tick.
He wants to see the inside of your brain not knowing that he has already seen the inside of your heart, a heart that has already belonged to him and now beats to his rhythm...
If he wants to understand something, let it be the love you feel for him despite it all, despite everything.
If he wants to take something apart let it be the heart that beats only for him and if he wants to taste something let it be the shame you feel for both letting him down and fearing what he has become even though you have pushed him to it.
Let him taste the despair you feel now, knowing that you can never go back to the time at which you could be more to each other than you had ever dreamed of...
But all is in vain now as his hunger is ripping through you and slowly pierces your skull, eager to gnaw at your brain, thirsty for your brain matter...
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh" is all you can push out as the pain becomes unbearable and you know that you cant hold it back anymore.
Electric rain rushes through you, falling down on anyone, washing down on him, shooting him to the other side of the room till everything is black and blue... Like your heart.
You watch in slow motion how everything changes.
Everyone looks free, unburdened, your outlet has showered everyone with the gift of freedom.
Everyone you had ever helped capture gone and you stuck in the middle of everywhere and nowhere, knowing that once again you have lost.
There was a crossroads in front of you and you chose the wrong turn and now nothing will ever be the same again. nothing ever was.
Gabriel turned into Sylar and you turned into this bitter, immature litte girl trapped into a woman's body with all those emotions you can't understand...
And now Sylar is captured, prisoner to the Company but you it's you who will never be free.
Never free of the shame and the guilt of not having stood up for what you believed, a man's right to choose his destiny and turn his life around even after having taken one life.
Never free of the remorse for having played on an innocent boy's insecurities to trick him onto becoming harsh, ruthless...
A killer...
Never free of the pain you feel for now having renounced the one man you have ever loved, leaving him into the hands of the Company who would never be able to understand how it feels to have poison running through your vains, a venom so dangerous and lethal that you cant even bear it yourself and you have to let it out in order to keep even a fake sense of control and sanity even if it means hurting others...
They will never understand, though they judge you, him, everyone who doesn't go by the rules, their rules and they dare call it morallity...
But you dare call it reality. The inevitable, everyone's right to live, to find meaning and purpose...
And you dare say that though they never thought it possible you know how it feels to care, to love and be loved in return...
~ Fin ~
Other comments found Here
Author: force-oblique
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I dont own anything! :P
Characters/Pairings: Elle/Sylar- Elle POV
Summary:If he wants to understand something, let it be the love you feel for him despite it all, despite everything.
If he wants to take something apart let it be the heart that beats only for him and if he wants to taste something let it be the shame you feel for both letting him down and fearing what he has become even though you have pushed him to it.
Author's Notes:English is not my native language so I am sorry about mistakes and typos.:D
Plus my muse is really weird and creepy and not like she used to be :(
Word Count: 2.353
Crossposted: heroes-fic, elle-tric, sylarelle
Liquid Testament
It feels surreal.
More surreal than you have ever felt before and you have felt a lot of things.
Your whole life has been surreal.
The way your hands lit up whenever you got angry. The way light bulbs in the house burst whenever you got sad…
And you got sad a lot and angry too…
At first it was magical, watching the blue lines come out of you, tingling your fingertips, pricking your insides with agitated pleasure.
And then watch the lines dance on the walls, waltz along the floor and nimble at your pretty stuff.
It looked so beautiful that sometimes you forgot that you had to stop after some while because the blue line looked so pretty only for so long before it blackened everything or melted it.
You needed to remember that all things are fragile and easily affected.
Just like you and sometimes you even forgot that about yourself as well.
But you were fragile and breakable as you later came to recognize...
Bitterly, regrettably.
You felt oppressed, suffocated and your orbs were your escape, your illusion of freedom, your faithful companion when the world around you became black, blacker than your power could ever cause it to be…
You were six when you first saw someone die in front of you and though that wasn’t unusual - so many children had born witness to some relative’s death one way or the other over the years- how many at the age of six can really say that they were the perpetrator?
Yet it was you… It was you screaming when the blue lines set the curtains on fire.
It was you screaming louder when your grandmother rushed to get you out of the house -not knowing your power couldn’t hurt you, and accidentally caught fire too until she perished.
And then the shame, the disgrace, the unspoken accusations, words left unsaid that stung more than the actually spoken words…
You knew they all despised you and it was unbearable.
Too heavy a burden for such a little girl.
You felt consumed by tears, as if you were floating in a pond filled with your own grief and that was on the good days.
On the bad ones, you were always underwater trying to breathe, trying to reach the surface and see what went on.
But you never did.
You were imprisoned, trapped inside the company with a man who said he was your father but rarely acted like it.
Still it was comforting in a way, how you knew that you would always have a place to be, someone to complain to…someone to run to.
But then you didn’t realize there was some defect in that design to begin with.
You would never have somewhere to run to when you wanted to run from there…
Still you were safe or so they told you.
The Company conducted experiments on you that hurt and weakened and disoriented, but your daddy always told you that they were for your own good and the world outside would be harsher and more cruel that they ever were.
So it was the lesser evil. Even more so since you had no knowledge of what was outside.
You had nothing to compare your anguish with.
You couldn’t measure it up to anything…
But even now after so many years, you are not sure that it could compare to any pain anyone else had ever felt.
Was it selfish of you to think that way?
Think that you were somehow the person having suffered the most in the world?
Deep inside you knew it wasn’t true, it couldn’t be…
Because if you have suffered the most and survived, then why did other people perish?
Why did they give up if you didn’t?
Surely you couldn’t be that special, though deep inside you longed for that…
No, you couldn’t be that special because if you were, you wouldn’t have been put through all that, not under your own father’s orders.
Nor would you feel so unloved and unappreciated.
If you were really special or unique your father would love you and he wouldn’t have used you as bait…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know your luck won’t save you this time.
You can’t help the tears rolling down your cheeks but it’s of no use and you know it. All is gone, everything is futile but still you can’t give up.
Not when your shocked eyes meet the familiar face of your father, mouth agape, eyes open wide, blood gushing out of him…
Not when you realize that you have no one to turn to now for consolation or even reproof.
Not even when you slowly come to terms with the sheer fact that this door of your life has now been closed forever…
You should feel lost and betrayed and resentful but all you can feel is anger and bitterness and a rage that desperately needs an outlet, something tangible to focus on instead of your lifeless, substance-less dreams and hopes.
But you’ve been called crazy and delusional and maybe that’s why everything feels so out of place, so not normal, not what it should feel like.
No! You won’t let one man break you down.
He can’t, he shouldn’t even dare because he might be on a killing spree but you are on a rightful mission and you will prevail.
No one has the right to mess up your life. This is all you know, all you have lived for.
This Company is your life, your family, your sanctuary and your prison…
And he can’t destroy it because destroying that would mean destroying your whole life, your whole world and with it your identity.
Yet there you are underneath him, his eyes on you, malicious, impending.
Black as night and you feel a shiver.
You want to scream and make a difference. An earth-shattering one, like Jesse, but Jesse is dead. This man above you has killed him, skull cracked open, brain matter exposed, splattered.
He could scream right now -with Jesse’s power- till your ears bled out, till your insides crawled inside each other and your body was rendered nothing but a humble, shameful heap on the floor.
“Sylarrrrrrrrr”, the word pours like black sugar out of your mouth, one dark grain at a time, as if trying to make sure that everyone will know.
As the consonants and vowels form into the word, you feel dizzy. It should be dizzy from the fear and the panic but instead you feel some sort of excitement.
This is it.
This is the confrontation your daddy had been talking about.
This is the confrontation he had been preparing you for.
All the experiments, all the pain, the despair they suddenly start to make sense, to assume a physical presence.
Like a creature next to you in your time of need, in your time of death as someone whom you thought was a monster challenges you.
He is strong, stronger than you had ever met and for a brief moment you search your soul for respect.
It was all about the power your father has taught you and as he raises his hand and with it the invisible yet inescapable and precise finger of doom, tears start trickling down your face.
You can’t help them and you momentarily feel ashamed. What would your father say if he saw you?
“My little girl is a fighter”
“My little girl is stronger than that”
Could you bear to disappoint him even in death?
Should there be dignity during this ordeal?
Should you keep your mouth shut and your eyes too so that the salty, liquid testament to your failure doesn’t escape your traitorous eyes?
Can he see you even from heaven? But is heaven really where he ended up?
Even after everything that he had put you through? Even after all the scheming and the destroying of lives?
Does it matter? Did it matter then? Does it matter now? Will it ever matter now that you are at Sylar's mercy?
One flip of his hands and you are flat on your back while you struggle to find the strength within you to finish this.
Finish what you started once, ignoring your better judgment, ignoring your instincts...
Maybe you are looking upon a creation of yours.
Maybe it's finally you meeting your destiny, what you deserve for everything you have done willingly or not...
He just smirks looming over you, his black eyes sparkling as if it's Christmas.
"Look what your daddy used to be able to do" he says turning the gun into pure gold and your saliva turns into bile inside your mouth.
"You killed him" you mouth but he cuts in.
"I have killed a lot of people Elle. You are as much to blame for that as anyone" he starts, a grin stretched across his face.
"Maybe even more so" he says.
His eyes pierce you and it's more than guilty, it's more than your guilty conscience weighing you down.
For a moment you feel that this is true.
It is true that you helped make him what he is now, a hideous creature of darkness who kills without remorse, a being whose mere passion is for blood and for unadulterated powers that make him more and more special or so he thinks...
He almost has you.
You were always too sentimental, too emotional for your own good.
Bennett always told you that, so did your dad...
Funny, you never thought there'd come a day on which you'd miss that.
Your father will never reprimand you again. He will never be disappointed in you.
He will never show it, anyways.
But your father isn't going to show you any more love either. There is no one you can trust now.
No one you can turn to.
Bennett was your first choice.
Your partner.
He taught you everything you know, but still it wasnt enough.
It wasnt enough for you to feel safe, feel protected or to understand Sylar and yourself...
But there was a time when you understood Gabriel.
A young, ambitious watchmaker you once saved from himself and then led him back into his own trap.
There was a time when the same black eyes that now regard you with hatred, looked up to you with kindness and fondness.
There was a time when Gabriel could get even closer to you.
He could be something more than your assignment.
Someone more than your target, your objective.
But all there is now is Sylar.
Someone you don't want to recognize.
Someone you dont want to know as well as you do.
Someone you dont want to fear as much as you do...
But there it is.
Fear, anguish and pain as he unwaveringly tries to dissassemble you.
To break you apart so that he can see what makes you tick.
He wants to see the inside of your brain not knowing that he has already seen the inside of your heart, a heart that has already belonged to him and now beats to his rhythm...
If he wants to understand something, let it be the love you feel for him despite it all, despite everything.
If he wants to take something apart let it be the heart that beats only for him and if he wants to taste something let it be the shame you feel for both letting him down and fearing what he has become even though you have pushed him to it.
Let him taste the despair you feel now, knowing that you can never go back to the time at which you could be more to each other than you had ever dreamed of...
But all is in vain now as his hunger is ripping through you and slowly pierces your skull, eager to gnaw at your brain, thirsty for your brain matter...
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhh" is all you can push out as the pain becomes unbearable and you know that you cant hold it back anymore.
Electric rain rushes through you, falling down on anyone, washing down on him, shooting him to the other side of the room till everything is black and blue... Like your heart.
You watch in slow motion how everything changes.
Everyone looks free, unburdened, your outlet has showered everyone with the gift of freedom.
Everyone you had ever helped capture gone and you stuck in the middle of everywhere and nowhere, knowing that once again you have lost.
There was a crossroads in front of you and you chose the wrong turn and now nothing will ever be the same again. nothing ever was.
Gabriel turned into Sylar and you turned into this bitter, immature litte girl trapped into a woman's body with all those emotions you can't understand...
And now Sylar is captured, prisoner to the Company but you it's you who will never be free.
Never free of the shame and the guilt of not having stood up for what you believed, a man's right to choose his destiny and turn his life around even after having taken one life.
Never free of the remorse for having played on an innocent boy's insecurities to trick him onto becoming harsh, ruthless...
A killer...
Never free of the pain you feel for now having renounced the one man you have ever loved, leaving him into the hands of the Company who would never be able to understand how it feels to have poison running through your vains, a venom so dangerous and lethal that you cant even bear it yourself and you have to let it out in order to keep even a fake sense of control and sanity even if it means hurting others...
They will never understand, though they judge you, him, everyone who doesn't go by the rules, their rules and they dare call it morallity...
But you dare call it reality. The inevitable, everyone's right to live, to find meaning and purpose...
And you dare say that though they never thought it possible you know how it feels to care, to love and be loved in return...
~ Fin ~
Other comments found Here