The Anti-Feast.
BBC MERLIN
Characters: Merlin & Arthur; Gaius has a cameo; Gwen, Morgana & Uther are mentioned.
Warnings: Couple of swear words, drinking (it's not cool, kids), spoilers for various series one and two episodes. Okay, mainly just series 2x05and06, because it was one of the best things I've ever seen, & its unbeta'd (which also isn't cool)
Disclaimer: Merlin doesn't belong to me. *Sad face*
A/N: So I love Merlin. I won't deny it. I have since episode one. And with the new series kicking off last night (which was fantastic, by the way) I thought, why not write a fic? So I did. And this is what I ended up with...
Merlin was lying on his bed, reading his magic book when he heard the front door to Gaius’ chambers opening. He jumped and hastily stuffed the book under his bed - it was probably just Gaius, but you could never be too careful in Camelot.
His chamber door flew open and Arthur barged in, looking very much like an anthropomorphised thunder storm. Merlin swung his legs out of the way as he plonked himself down on the bed. Merlin mentally thanked his quick reactions - he didn’t think Arthur would be too concerned about bruising (or possibly even breaking) his legs when he was in this much of a mood.
Arthur sighed, loudly, and Merlin decided just to bite the bullet and ask, because it could possibly be the only way to get rid of Arthur. Unless he cursed him, of course. He could curse him…
Merlin mentally shook himself, he wasn’t going to curse Arthur, that would be stupid even by his standards. And pointless. But he could do it.
“What’s wrong with you?” he said in a thoroughly unsympathetic way.
Arthur glared at him, forgetting Merlin didn’t care that he was being glared at by the crown prince the way normal people did.
“My father’s banned me from tonight’s feast,” he said, trying to sound wounded.
Merlin smirked, but hid it well. “Why? What’ve you done now?”
Unsympathetic again then.
Arthur sniffed, “I may have mentioned the troll incident.”
Merlin laughed, and Arthur looked at him. “What?”
“Even I could tell you that mentioning the troll was a bad idea!”
“Well, he’s having an ‘old friend’ from a ‘noble family’ over. AND she’s female. ‘Are you quite sure she isn’t a troll this time?’ just slipped out!”
Poor Arthur, he tried to sound noble even when his tail was completely and utterly in between his legs.
“Anyway, my father lost his temper a bit.”
Merlin suspected it was probably a little bit more than ‘a bit’. “And banned you from the feast?”
“Yes,” Arthur said; a look of disgust on his face. “He said that he’d be taking Morgana as a true representative of the house, as she could behave properly. I’ll be confined to my chambers with an illness.”
Merlin couldn’t help but laugh, and when Arthur glared at him he shrugged and said, “Well come on, did you really want to go?”
“Not particularly, it’ll be dull, but spending a night stuck in my room while everyone else is getting drunk isn’t exactly what I’d choose to be doing.”
“You probably shouldn’t’ve mentioned the troll…”
“Yes, Merlin. I know that now.”
Merlin laughed again, but then realised something, “Why did you come to tell me this anyway?”
Arthur looked at him like he was an idiot, “Well, because you’re my f -” He trailed off, and then regained composure. “Because you’re my manservant Merlin, I just thought I’d let you know your presence wouldn’t be required either.”
“Oh, well, I wasn’t going anyway. There was no way on earth I was about to allow you to make me wear that hat again.”
“I like the hat.”
“You’re a hat.”
“That was possibly the worst comeback I have ever heard.”
“Yeah, I know.”
Arthur lay back across Merlin’s bed and sighed again. Merlin wondered how he could act so wounded when it was entirely his own fault for bringing up a subject almost as taboo as magic, which would surely make Uther explode and obviously punish him in some way. Ah well, at least it wasn’t the stocks. He might be in a mood now, but Merlin couldn’t imagine the torture he’d endure if Arthur had been pelted with rotten vegetables.
“Well, think of it as a blessing. You won’t have to listen to boring tales of life in boring places from stuffy visiting dignitaries,” Merlin said, in a blatant attempt to cheer Arthur up.
“You should watch your tongue, Merlin,” Arthur said, but he was at least smiling so it clearly hadn’t bothered him.
“Well, you could always come down here. That way you won’t be visited by Morgana smirking every half hour.”
Arthur looked confused, “Why would I come down here?”
Merlin looked confused, “Well, you know, so you aren’t confined to your chambers, and so that you have company.”
Arthur’s face lit up as he rapidly sat up. This disturbed Merlin greatly.
“We could get some wine from the kitchens!”
Wooh! Getting drunk with Arthur in my room. What a fantastic idea that was, Merlin, a sarcastic voice in Merlin’s head said. He shushed it.
“What? Like, steal it?” he stuttered instead. Arthur tutted,
“Merlin, this is my castle. If I want a drink, I’m entitled to it.”
Merlin didn’t know whether this was sound logic or not, but it seemed like a good idea (against his better judgement, of course) and so they began plotting how to get the drink.
As the feast started, Merlin and Arthur wandered into the kitchens. The staff were too busy serving and preparing and whatever else they did when there was an important dinner going on above them, so neither man was noticed, which enabled them to grab a few crates and leg it out of there undisturbed.
Once safely back in Merlin’s chamber, they sat down on the bed and uncorked the first bottle. Arthur poured a generous amount into each goblet, and they clanked them together before taking their first sips.
“To the anti-feast!” Arthur said, gallantly, and Merlin laughed,
“Yeah. To that!”
An hour later, and they were both sprawled across the bed, giggling (in a very manly way, obviously) at things which weren’t very funny - such as how bored Morgana and Gwen would be. They were tired after dancing around the room to the music they could hear floating across from the hall where the feast was taking place, or, at least they thought they were dancing. They were mainly staggering and stopping each other falling over. And standing on each other.
“Okay, how about we tell each other things we don’t know about each other,” Merlin slurred, once again ignoring his better judgement. Arthur snorted, “I know everything about you, Merlin!”
Merlin raised an eyebrow, and Arthur rolled his eyes. “Fine, play your game.”
“You first.”
“What? Why?”
“Just, because,” Arthur would normally argue, but he was too pissed to pretend to care about Merlin’s lack of respect.
“Fine, fine,” he went faintly pink. “You’re my best friend.”
Merlin laughed, “I knew that already, clot-pole.”
“I hadn’t told you though, so it counts.”
Merlin wondered when the game had shifted so that Arthur could make the rules, but he couldn’t be bothered to argue. Plus his mouth was full as he had just taken a large gulp of wine, and he really didn’t want his bed wet and smelling of alcohol.
“Your turn.”
“I’m a sorcerer.”
Arthur tutted, “Please.”
“I am!”
“I’m not an idiot, Merlin. I’ve known that for ages.”
Merlin spat out his mouthful of wine, forgetting his last thought about how he didn’t want his bed wet and smelling of alcohol, and Arthur wiped a bit from his face as gracefully as he could muster.
“What? How?”
Arthur looked at him in his best, ‘you-really-are-an-idiot-Merlin’ face. Merlin was still completely lost.
“I saw your eyes change colour when we were fighting. And then, mysteriously, the man behind me had a tree fall upon his head. That’s when I started to get suspicious. After that, it all became clear.”
“But… why didn’t you tell me?”
Arthur shrugged, “I wanted you to tell me.”
“Why?”
“It means more that way. Plus, I didn’t want to scare you off. Getting a new man-servant would be very tedious.”
“Why haven’t you told your father?”
“Because, Merlin, I’m not a bastard.”
“No, no, I know that. But it’s magic. It’s banned in Camelot!”
“Merlin, you’ve saved my life more times than anyone else has; and because I actually value your company, which is something you don’t share with many people. I’d be bored without you. I don’t want to turn into a ‘stuffy’ old noble. Do you really think I’d turn you in?”
Merlin laughed, and refilled their glasses without using his hands. Arthur was fascinated, and Merlin for once didn’t feel self-conscious at the staring.
“When did you start to learn it?”
“I didn’t.”
Arthur looked puzzled, and so Merlin explained, “Well, some people… most people learn to practice magic. I didn’t, I was born like this. It’s in my blood. I can’t help it.”
“Wow.”
Both men sat in silence on Merlin’s bed, drinking and thinking of different things which in the end were the same.
“Do you trust me?” they both said, in union, and then laughed.
“Completely,” Merlin said, and Arthur nodded, “With my life.”
They smiled at each other, and then heard the front door bang open again. They both jumped, Arthur trying to get to his feet - but failing miserably. If Merlin wasn’t so worried, he’d find that funny. Actually, he did find it a bit funny, even if he was worried.
“Merlin?” Gaius shouted, and they both instantly relaxed. The door to Merlin’s chamber flew open, and a stunned Gaius was greeted with the sight of his ward, and the prince of Camelot lounging on the bed, surrounded by bottles. They both waited for the scolding.
“Oh, boys,” was all Gaius could muster as they smiled sheepishly up at him.
“I came to tell Merlin to go and warn you, Arthur, that the Lady Amelia is very keen to go to your chambers and see how you are. She’s protesting that she hasn’t caught sight of you since you were a child.”
Arthur paled, “But my father will stop her, right?”
Gaius shrugged, “He was protesting, but now he seems too, er, inebriated to care.”
“Damn him,” Arthur said, once again trying to stand up. Merlin attempted to help steady him, but they were as bad as each other and both just ended up back in a heap on the bed.
Gaius chuckled, “How about I tell her that your condition has worsened, and it appears to be contagious, as your manservant is now also suffering.”
Arthur smiled, “I’d be indebted to you, Gaius.”
“And I’ll tell your father that you have indeed come down with a simple stomach bug, I highly doubt you two will need to pretend too much in the morning. I’d advise you to stay here tonight though, Arthur, I don’t want to be mending any broken bones - it’s such a messy business, and you’d be unable to protect Camelot for at least three months. We’d have to leave Merlin in charge!”
They grimaced, Arthur at the thought and Merlin in annoyance; Gaius laughed again, turning to leave the room to return to the feast.
“She’s not a troll, is she Gaius?” Arthur said, and Merlin snorted.
Gaius shook his head, “I’m no expert,” he said, looking at Merlin pointedly. Merlin couldn’t be bothered to explain that Arthur knew. “But if your father falls in love in the space of a couple of days and starts acting strangely…”
“Or if she grows tusks…” Arthur added, helpfully.
“We’ll get rid of her.” Gaius said.
“Or, Merlin will,” Arthur pointed out, and Gaius looked at Merlin suspiciously. He shrugged, and so Gaius made a mental note to ask him about that in the morning.
“Don’t stay up too late, boys,” he said to the closing door, unable to help smiling to himself as he heard another bottle being uncorked.