Episode 22: Arrrr
Today is Unofficial Pirate Appreciation Day. Hooray! *Waves Jolly Roger*
Well. Since it seems I play the House of Inter ten times as often as any other, you’re getting more Inter today.
Starting with the news that Javi has been promoted to Dread Pirate! :D
No. No, Jav-Jav, you’re not allowed to smile. Dread Pirates scowl and think about booty.
“Like this?”
Very good! Well done!
“Can’t... keep it up. Face... hurting...”
Bless him, it wasn’t really his style.
He did finally master the piratical sneer, just in time to be promoted so he wasn’t a corsair any more. Doh!
“Arrr! That scurvy Zlatan. Throw ’im in the brig!” (Or something. Dammit, Javi, he’s only talking to Mutu.)
Zlatan also fixed the shower -
the only reason I include this (especially since I forgot to put the walls up) is his face of LULZ as he screams at the poor thing. (Zlatan, it’s a shower. It can’t hear you.)
Here’s Javi in his bomb disposal outfit. In the background stands Julio Cruz, totally naked, with only a ladybird house to preserve his modesty. (No, actually he is wearing trunks, more’s the pity.)
Cruzi has been busy making magical fruit juices,
one of which made him such a good cook that all his creations now sparkle, Twilight-style. No, I didn’t know what to make of that, either.
Also, he became so good at gardening that a magical plant-woman came round and told him he was great, but frankly I saw that part coming.
He didn’t appreciate being taken to the pub, and put on his best bitchpose all night.
...Zlatan enjoyed it!!
Pirate Zlatan, and his staggeringly short hair.
The pirate thing came in handy for attracting the ladies - Mamen Gonzalez was HIS.
And while Julio was telling his aubergines about the oil crisis,
Zlatan got his first pirate chance card! (Tricky decision, I must admit. And no, I can’t remember what happened. It’s still amazing, though.)
Cruzi got on with trimming the shrubs in his pants,
and when that was done, he asked Chivu if he’d like to go hiking.
Christi agreed, so, after staring at him adoringly (of which I approve),
he followed Cruzi trustingly off into the countryside.
....Oops.
Yeah, he got heatstroke. (Don’t ask me why the red bits on his shoulders don’t match up - Maxis is really crap at its job sometimes.)
I sent him to eat profiteroles with Cruzi in the hopes that the ice cream would cool him down, but it didn’t work, and yes, you may ogle him while he looks all flushed and sweaty with his shirt undone.
Christian Chivu: the only man who can look goofy and innocent while dressed as a hot pirate and being chatted up by Julio Cruz. Discuss.
However, I have a feeling that most of you would rather see someone else all red like this, so here he is:
Zlatan! Cruzi’s next victim when he felt like going for another hike.
Let’s pause while Ruby saves that picture.
Alas, Zlatan, being Swedish and unused to extreme heat, passed out on the floor DDD:
I couldn’t help but notice that Cruzi didn’t look particularly bothered,
but that turned out to be because he, like almost everyone else in this bleedin' game, was evil and just wanted to kill him.
He poured cool water on him to bring him round,
which seemed to work.
Either that, or he basted him in gravy and started planning ways to serve hm up with cheese and a nice Chianti. One or the other. (Note that even the skunk thinks he’s a nutter.)
But no, come on, he’s not entirely evil - he went to one of his orange trees (which, as you see, is Thriving) and picked some Mouthwatering Oranges to make into juice,
which made Zlatan feel a lot better, and eventually corrected the problem.
Javi, when he wasn’t swimming, gave Mancini a team talk.
“Now, remember, Alessandro - if Julio asks you to go hiking with him, say NO.”
But what’s this? Fresh meat!
Whether the fresh meat is Cesare or Julio seems somewhat debatable,
but anyway, Cruzi did indeed find another victim to accompany him on one of his Hikes of Death.
This time, however, it didn’t result in heatstroke - instead, Cesare fell in a patch of poison ivy. XD Oh dear.
So he got changed into his official Viola trunks,
and went and tried it on with Javi.
He doesn’t fancy Zlatan. Urrrrgh, say those little black hearts around his head.
Well, thank god someone around here is immune to his raging hormones!