Meh
I can't get myself to do homework right now. It's still sort of early relative to the time that I usually start working, but I got home somewhere between 3 and 3:30 and have been sucked into the tv and computer since, so I feel like I should do work/should've started earlier. I don't actually have that much, but I really should be cramming for the SATs (I think). Well, maybe not cramming, but studying anyway, because I really haven't been doing that more than once a week (avec monsieur le tutor). I just feel so weird about this test. I already took it, and was very unsatisfied with how I did, but now it's so hard to focus on it because school's practically over and it's difficult to really get that into anything. I also feel like I'm drifting aimlessly and carelessly through all my classes; french is just sort of fine, just waiting to finish, search for meaning is interesting and occasionally dull or frustrating, and I haven't written anything and I find myself becoming really apathetic even though I do all the necessary assignments, and in Shakespeare I switch off between being really interested and into it and being sick of it, and I'm having trouble getting myself to write anything (in my mind I'm using the absolutely stupidest excuses like "well everything was already said in the play", "we already said all of this in class discussions", and "none of my ideas are original or interesting enough if I can come up with anything in the first place"). Basically I am REALLY ready for this year to be over. I've accepted that people are leaving, that things will become scarier and more stressful, etc etc etc. I've gone through denial, mourning, and now am in the boredom phase. I'm ready for...not school. Hahah. I'm ready for the summer, for meeting new people and being in a new setting, doing refreshing, creative, exciting work, relaxing, doing what I want. Of course I'm excluding the studying for SAT subject tests and working on college essays and being pooped and unmotivated, but that ruins my point. Whoops, too late. Well, still, I'm ready for a CHANGE.
I really want to travel. I feel like I've been at CSW and at this desk all year. I need to get OUT and GO places! I'm getting a bit of VANDERLUST. Unfortunately I'm not going anywhere that new and exotic this summer (oo foreign Pennsylvania for a weekend!), since last year we took such a big trip + my parents just took a little trip and everyone's working working working. Eh, I'll be fine. Exotic Dover, MA, here I come.
I miss my sister! Why is she in friggin Chicago all the friggin time and it's so friggin far away and I haven't seen her since one friggin week in March and I need to friggin see her more often and the friggin phone doesn't cut it and MEH. My sister and best friend always gone! And guess what? This will go on for another SIX YEARS. After college she's going to do a graduate program that will give her a masters and PHD, either at Berkley in California (*dies*) or Harvard (*sigh of relief*) or possibly somewhere else but those are the top two because there are some top dogs there who she really wants to work with/who want to work with her. With the sciences it's all about who you've been learning under sort of like an apprentice, the recommendations you get, the connections you make through your professor and conferences and all that in college, and the people who you've connected with who want to pay you oodles and OODLES (god I love that word) of money to do your own research. It's a really intense path, but my sister is very quickly mastering it all, like at a frightening rate. A) She gets to study under a professor who's one of the top P-chemist-y people in the country and well-known throughout the nation B) She gets to be trained by her and work for her (and this woman only takes like 2 students under her wing to train up throughout their whole college career) C) She gets nominated for the Beckman Foundation 2-year grant program as one of the youngest applicants and thousands upon thousands of students apply each year D) She WINS it, and as a result not only gains so much respect and admiration from the world's science-y folk but gets paid a whole ton to work in the lab for two years E) She gets invited to go to tons of conferences where she makes amazing connections F) Now all the top people in the sciences, even the actual Beckman family, know of her and actually know her and are fighting over her. My seester's growing up and conquering the world of science! Ahhh! I miss her. A lot. A lot a lot. She'll be home on the 16th, but I start training for work on the 18th so we really don't have that much time together, and after a week she's gone. I'll visit her at some point in July, but goddamn it I miss her too much I can't stand it! I hate waiting three months to see her for one quick week before she has to dash back to Chicago. :(
On a random note, we had our first CAPSTONE meeting today with our new CAPSTONE advisers (!!!). Mine's Alison. I really like her, and I've heard good things about her as a capstone adviser. I told her my idea for my capstone (animate a short film), and was shot down by her asking me if I've done much film before (no.) and if I know how to use a bunch of film-related computer programs (no!). Shit! That just made me a little panicky because I don't have the time and money to buy one of these fancy-shmancy programs and take a class on how to use them. I thought Flash MX was good enough! Then again, I was too chicken at that point to mention that I was really just thinking in terms of little flash videos, so maybe if I tell her that then there's hope? Because that program I own and know how to use (enough for the basics at least). Ah well, I shouldn't give up hope yet. Worse comes to worse I just do a variation of this project.
Tomorrow's the two-hour finale of LOST!!! Oh man I'm going to be so stressed through the whole thing that I won't be able to breathe. I think I'll call David during the commercial breaks to freak out with him.
Shit, I haven't ordered my boat dance ticket yet and tomorrow's the last day to do so! I better remember. I will.
I am a sexual little being, teeheehee.
I kind of want to go to bed.
I've been feeling so socially weird.
Still don't want to do homework.
Two Ted classes in one mod really is not the best idea.
Friday adviser group lunch at Bertucci's! Yummm. Bertucci's pizza with caramelized onions = heavennn, no question.
I want to have a band, how cool would that be.
So many things I want to do in life. I hope I can do some of them.
I need to be a good girl and study more, damn it!
I haven't been to the movies in a million years, and I really want to and there are a bunch of things I would see either now or coming up soon, but it seems so inconvenient, I need to just do it.
Noel Fielding does look sort of like a goblin wearing a lady's wig, but I am so so attracted to him why why!
I realized I'm attracted to variations of the same face.
I really really really do not like the musical Wicked.
Steak tonight, o deliciousness.
I want to change my schedule but I've been so lazy about it.
I'm starting to really want to take calculus next year, but I still want art and idea.
I've been with too much tuncle.
I'm really sick of school.
I don't see anything in Henry IV.
Feel like I'm forgetting something.
I feel the need to neaten everything out and straighten everything up.
Bored with life.
I really want to travel. I feel like I've been at CSW and at this desk all year. I need to get OUT and GO places! I'm getting a bit of VANDERLUST. Unfortunately I'm not going anywhere that new and exotic this summer (oo foreign Pennsylvania for a weekend!), since last year we took such a big trip + my parents just took a little trip and everyone's working working working. Eh, I'll be fine. Exotic Dover, MA, here I come.
I miss my sister! Why is she in friggin Chicago all the friggin time and it's so friggin far away and I haven't seen her since one friggin week in March and I need to friggin see her more often and the friggin phone doesn't cut it and MEH. My sister and best friend always gone! And guess what? This will go on for another SIX YEARS. After college she's going to do a graduate program that will give her a masters and PHD, either at Berkley in California (*dies*) or Harvard (*sigh of relief*) or possibly somewhere else but those are the top two because there are some top dogs there who she really wants to work with/who want to work with her. With the sciences it's all about who you've been learning under sort of like an apprentice, the recommendations you get, the connections you make through your professor and conferences and all that in college, and the people who you've connected with who want to pay you oodles and OODLES (god I love that word) of money to do your own research. It's a really intense path, but my sister is very quickly mastering it all, like at a frightening rate. A) She gets to study under a professor who's one of the top P-chemist-y people in the country and well-known throughout the nation B) She gets to be trained by her and work for her (and this woman only takes like 2 students under her wing to train up throughout their whole college career) C) She gets nominated for the Beckman Foundation 2-year grant program as one of the youngest applicants and thousands upon thousands of students apply each year D) She WINS it, and as a result not only gains so much respect and admiration from the world's science-y folk but gets paid a whole ton to work in the lab for two years E) She gets invited to go to tons of conferences where she makes amazing connections F) Now all the top people in the sciences, even the actual Beckman family, know of her and actually know her and are fighting over her. My seester's growing up and conquering the world of science! Ahhh! I miss her. A lot. A lot a lot. She'll be home on the 16th, but I start training for work on the 18th so we really don't have that much time together, and after a week she's gone. I'll visit her at some point in July, but goddamn it I miss her too much I can't stand it! I hate waiting three months to see her for one quick week before she has to dash back to Chicago. :(
On a random note, we had our first CAPSTONE meeting today with our new CAPSTONE advisers (!!!). Mine's Alison. I really like her, and I've heard good things about her as a capstone adviser. I told her my idea for my capstone (animate a short film), and was shot down by her asking me if I've done much film before (no.) and if I know how to use a bunch of film-related computer programs (no!). Shit! That just made me a little panicky because I don't have the time and money to buy one of these fancy-shmancy programs and take a class on how to use them. I thought Flash MX was good enough! Then again, I was too chicken at that point to mention that I was really just thinking in terms of little flash videos, so maybe if I tell her that then there's hope? Because that program I own and know how to use (enough for the basics at least). Ah well, I shouldn't give up hope yet. Worse comes to worse I just do a variation of this project.
Tomorrow's the two-hour finale of LOST!!! Oh man I'm going to be so stressed through the whole thing that I won't be able to breathe. I think I'll call David during the commercial breaks to freak out with him.
Shit, I haven't ordered my boat dance ticket yet and tomorrow's the last day to do so! I better remember. I will.
I am a sexual little being, teeheehee.
I kind of want to go to bed.
I've been feeling so socially weird.
Still don't want to do homework.
Two Ted classes in one mod really is not the best idea.
Friday adviser group lunch at Bertucci's! Yummm. Bertucci's pizza with caramelized onions = heavennn, no question.
I want to have a band, how cool would that be.
So many things I want to do in life. I hope I can do some of them.
I need to be a good girl and study more, damn it!
I haven't been to the movies in a million years, and I really want to and there are a bunch of things I would see either now or coming up soon, but it seems so inconvenient, I need to just do it.
Noel Fielding does look sort of like a goblin wearing a lady's wig, but I am so so attracted to him why why!
I realized I'm attracted to variations of the same face.
I really really really do not like the musical Wicked.
Steak tonight, o deliciousness.
I want to change my schedule but I've been so lazy about it.
I'm starting to really want to take calculus next year, but I still want art and idea.
I've been with too much tuncle.
I'm really sick of school.
I don't see anything in Henry IV.
Feel like I'm forgetting something.
I feel the need to neaten everything out and straighten everything up.
Bored with life.