Category: Prose Rating: G Background: I was listening to Simple and Clean by Utada Hikari, and I just sorta came up with this. Yesh. I blame her and her frustrating talent and incredible range that I can't mimick. ~.^
Whoa. What happened? Did she kill him? Was it an accident? Are the flames connected to her at all or just totally random?
The writing is good, though. Only a few spelling mistakes:
"for a moment those eyes had seemed to glow as twin starts" - I think you mean stars, right?
"He had been nothing to her but an annoying jerk to her since the day he first bowled her over in the marketplace." - All you have to do is decide where you want the "to her." ^.~
That song does seem to inspire, doesn't it? The first time I heard it, it sent little scraps of ideas running around through my head, too. ^.~
Thanks for pointing those out for me! I fixed them. ^.^
*is thinking of making you my permanent Beta reader* ~.^
Hehe, I'm really glad you have questions about it. For some reason, I like writing vaguely these days. This piece seems like a prolouge to something, doesn't it? Maybe I should write a sequel...mehe. ~.^
But to answer your questions: No, she didn't kill him, the fire did, and yes, it was an accident. I haven't decided whether or not the flames are hers yet. ~.^
Well, I kinda like the vagueness. I just wasn't sure if there was something huge that I was missing. My first instinct was that it was an accident and that the flames were hers.
That was my first feeling too once the plot-bunny got a hold of my shin...*whacks the said proverbial bunny with a large blugeoning object* Leggo!
*cough cough* Anyways...
Beta reader...um...well, you know how a program/game/piece of software goes through multiple testing phases? First alpha, which is like the "I'M DONE! Now find the kinks" phase, and then the beta phase is like, "Wow, there were a lot more kinks than I thought, this is going to take a while..." People who write some of the fanfics I read refer to a "Beta reader" basically as a person who reads the fic and fixes whatever the author missed. I think? *scratches head* I'm not very savvy in fanfic lingo, still. ~.^ BUT YEAH!! I want you to be my beta reader.
*eyes get very huge and sparkly and anime-like* I'm working on a Legend of Dragoon fanfic currently. Could you beta read Chapter 1 once I'm done with it? I finished the prolouge...I posted a link in this journal...mehehehehehe!!
My Betaness is yours to command. *Flourishing bow*
^.~
My only hesitation is that I feel very inadequate for reviewing fanfic, especially fanfic for which I'm not familiar with the canon (such as Legend of Dragoon, Fullmetal Alchemist, Trigun...all the fandoms that you're obsessed with ^.~). But I'm looking strictly for grammar/spelling/punctuation and not storyline/flow/inner workings and emotions, then it should probably be fine.
Sounds good! I have the first half of chapter 1 done...I'll send it to you! *squee!* But you have to read the prolouge first...mehehehe...~.^ Here's the linky:
The writing is good, though. Only a few spelling mistakes:
"for a moment those eyes had seemed to glow as twin starts" - I think you mean stars, right?
"He had been nothing to her but an annoying jerk to her since the day he first bowled her over in the marketplace." - All you have to do is decide where you want the "to her." ^.~
That song does seem to inspire, doesn't it? The first time I heard it, it sent little scraps of ideas running around through my head, too. ^.~
Reply
*is thinking of making you my permanent Beta reader* ~.^
Hehe, I'm really glad you have questions about it. For some reason, I like writing vaguely these days. This piece seems like a prolouge to something, doesn't it? Maybe I should write a sequel...mehe. ~.^
But to answer your questions: No, she didn't kill him, the fire did, and yes, it was an accident. I haven't decided whether or not the flames are hers yet. ~.^
Reply
Well, I kinda like the vagueness. I just wasn't sure if there was something huge that I was missing. My first instinct was that it was an accident and that the flames were hers.
Reply
*cough cough* Anyways...
Beta reader...um...well, you know how a program/game/piece of software goes through multiple testing phases? First alpha, which is like the "I'M DONE! Now find the kinks" phase, and then the beta phase is like, "Wow, there were a lot more kinks than I thought, this is going to take a while..." People who write some of the fanfics I read refer to a "Beta reader" basically as a person who reads the fic and fixes whatever the author missed. I think? *scratches head* I'm not very savvy in fanfic lingo, still. ~.^ BUT YEAH!! I want you to be my beta reader.
*eyes get very huge and sparkly and anime-like* I'm working on a Legend of Dragoon fanfic currently. Could you beta read Chapter 1 once I'm done with it? I finished the prolouge...I posted a link in this journal...mehehehehehe!!
*cough cough* Yeah. ~.^ ~.^
Reply
^.~
My only hesitation is that I feel very inadequate for reviewing fanfic, especially fanfic for which I'm not familiar with the canon (such as Legend of Dragoon, Fullmetal Alchemist, Trigun...all the fandoms that you're obsessed with ^.~). But I'm looking strictly for grammar/spelling/punctuation and not storyline/flow/inner workings and emotions, then it should probably be fine.
Reply
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2422337/1/
Love!
^.^
Reply
Leave a comment