Oh gosh...
Okay, so it's three in the morning and there are two people that are consistantly crossing my mind, b/c they sort of relate to eachother I guess. I always fail to mention the amazing people in my life. After my best friends Lacey's mom died years back, I was so thankful to still have her and my mom at the same time. It was so hard for me to go through, b/c she was like my second mom, but I cannot even come close to imaging how much Lace went through that year and a half she knew.. I think the hardest thing for me was the fact that Lisa and my mom told me before Lacey and I had to see her time and time again for the next year and keep it from her. The day of Lisa's funeral, she asked me to spend the night unexpectedly.. of course I was glad to.. all that afternoon, besides at the funeral home, we didn't cry even once until I was leaving the next day. But that night we just layed there not sleeping not crying not talking, just thinking. Even though we rarely talk sadly about Lisa or that month, I know she knows I was, still am, and always will be there for her, because she is my best friend in the entire world, and she means so much to me. All of this is crossing my mind, because of Ken's post earlier tonight.. I definately do not know the story behind it, nor am I asking for it, but it has definately made me think (and not sleep).. and appricate my family, best friends, good friends, and even just aquaintences. I need to cherish every moment I get to spend with any one of you because time is so valuable. I want any of you to know that I am here for every single one of you that reads this, and I hape that the ones that don't still know that.. If you need a shoulder to cry on, I'll be there, if you want someone to listen, I'll listen, If you want someone to call or someone to talk to, even at 3 in the morning, I'll be that person.. If you want to just sit outside watch the stars and cry, I'd be glad to. That all probably sounds like just some sappy talk, but I mean it.. I love you guys no matter what.
Thank you dear Lord for blessing me with such an amazing life, and I beg your mercy, because I, nor anyone else for that matter, deserves to serve you, though that is what I strive to do.. I will always walk in your shadow, but I walk proudly. Lord, I pour out my heart to you and only ask that you to go into everyone's heart and let them know that you are there. Perhaps not in physicality, but you are here in our hearts indefinately. You are the flame in my life that keeps me going through and through, without you I would be nothing. I love you with all of my heart, Lord, and ask of you to stay with Lacey, her dad and mom are both Angels in your service now.. Keep them watching over all of us. and Dear God make things right with Ken, just let him know that everything is in your hands and will be okay, Father God, please go into Jason's life. He needs you just as much as I do, perhaps even more, just somehow, make him want to turn his life around. I know no love greater than yours, and tonight I ask for your mercy. I love you. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.
Okay, so I just started praying randomly, and typed it as I thought it.. but it all came from my heart.. anyway, this is a poem Lisa wrote before she died... I miss you Lisa <33333
Tears Roll Downhill
By Lisa Corder
Aids is a killer
Aids is a disease
It is out to hurt us
It doesn't wish to please
It can take away our strength
It can take away our breath
It can take away our soul
Until the final death
Aids is a public enemy
Aids is not our friend
Aids will bring us down
Down to the very end
Aids will get to some of us
And pass others by
Some of us can live
And some will have to die
Some will get tested
And then thank the lord
Some will get tested
And die by the sword
The sword is self-inflicted
There's no one else to blame
We didn't make the rules
But we chose to play the game
The children have been excluded
Excluded from the last verse
They didn't choose to play
They don't deserve the curse
The curse is not from God
It comes from down below
God loves us all
The devil is our foe
"The devil made me do it"
That's never an excuse
And honsetly, trying to find one
There really is no use
We have to live our lives
And try to take in stride
Whatever lies ahead
As long as we don't hide
Our faces should have a smile
Our chins held up high
Tears roll downhill anyway
If we ever choose to cry
Rest in Peace, Lisa Corder, we will all love and miss you until we are with you again