(no subject)
I don't know if it is because of Spring, I don't know if it is because it takes me a long time for shit to effect me, I don't know if there is any reason at all.
Was listening to the radio this morning when my alarm went off. It was not the normal station it has been set to the last two years. It was somehow changed. And somehow the song was playing. The song. The song I promised myself to never listen to again. It was the song that I sang on Valentine's Day in 2004 at the dinner I took Nicole to. And for some god damn reason I just couldn't turn off the radio. Couldn't bring myself to do it. So that was bad. Then the song was over.
That was good.
Then this flowed directly into the next one, "The Last Dance" which just brought back memories of prom and I totally just broke down. Man talk about a bad way to start the day. Meh.....I'm fine now, but damn this was a bad day. I am just getting absolutely no luck so far this year. Man ain't SHIT been going my way so far. I can't get a god damned break in ANYTHING.
I am not in love with her anymore, been too damn long. But the memories. The memories just kill me sometimes. I never felt such happiness when I was with her.
And honestly? That's why I drive the way I do. To escape that feeling of loss. To replace the emptiness with adrenaline and get my heart pumping with exhileration. If you want to escape an emotion, drive. 130 miles an hour on the freeway late at night heals you. It does something to your mind and helps. I don't do that anymore, but I wish I did. Might help me right now. There is no feeling like it. Not love, not lust, not anything else good in this world can replace what it feels like to match someone's reved engine at a light and launch at the green. There is no replacement for an engine redlining and the feel of the transmission when you double clutch. And there is certainly nothing else that feels how it does when you completely rape someone else in a race. There's simply nothing like it.
I may never have been happier then at that time. In that relationship of old.
But I've never felt more alive then when I race.
Fuckin' music.
Was listening to the radio this morning when my alarm went off. It was not the normal station it has been set to the last two years. It was somehow changed. And somehow the song was playing. The song. The song I promised myself to never listen to again. It was the song that I sang on Valentine's Day in 2004 at the dinner I took Nicole to. And for some god damn reason I just couldn't turn off the radio. Couldn't bring myself to do it. So that was bad. Then the song was over.
That was good.
Then this flowed directly into the next one, "The Last Dance" which just brought back memories of prom and I totally just broke down. Man talk about a bad way to start the day. Meh.....I'm fine now, but damn this was a bad day. I am just getting absolutely no luck so far this year. Man ain't SHIT been going my way so far. I can't get a god damned break in ANYTHING.
I am not in love with her anymore, been too damn long. But the memories. The memories just kill me sometimes. I never felt such happiness when I was with her.
And honestly? That's why I drive the way I do. To escape that feeling of loss. To replace the emptiness with adrenaline and get my heart pumping with exhileration. If you want to escape an emotion, drive. 130 miles an hour on the freeway late at night heals you. It does something to your mind and helps. I don't do that anymore, but I wish I did. Might help me right now. There is no feeling like it. Not love, not lust, not anything else good in this world can replace what it feels like to match someone's reved engine at a light and launch at the green. There is no replacement for an engine redlining and the feel of the transmission when you double clutch. And there is certainly nothing else that feels how it does when you completely rape someone else in a race. There's simply nothing like it.
I may never have been happier then at that time. In that relationship of old.
But I've never felt more alive then when I race.
Fuckin' music.