(no subject)
it's kind of weird sitting in someone's room alone. in a house that's completely not yours, but that you have come to inhabit alot of the time. and just kind of looking around and seeing all of their shit and kind of missing yours. there's just a feeling that you get in your own room. familiarity and comfort, i guess. my room in gainesville doesn't even really give me that. probably a) because i'm not there a hella lot and b) because i never even took the time to make it really my room. everything is just there. the walls are white, the cd player is empty, my clothes are still in permanent suitcases, and i even keep my blowdryer in the car these days.
i only have three days of school left though, so i assume the room situation up there won't be much improved.
everyone is worried about me, it seems. and the ones that think i can handle it, i don't know if i have as much faith in myself as they may. i'm fucking up a lot. and on the one hand, i'm only 19 and i probably should be fucking up. but on the other hand, i'm 19 and im old. i'm one year from not even being a teenager anymore and then..well, then what am i going to blame this stupid shit on?
it's true, growing up is hard to do.
and summer..as for summer, i dont know. summer seems to bring bad things. maybe it's just something in the air. maybe everyone is just stoked on the thought that it's summer and that means it's time to get ragingly fucked up 24/7. who knows.
i've been thinking about taking a month off of drinking. but then right after, i think go fuck yourself, taylor, you don't have the willpower to do that kind of shit. but if i do have it and if i can find that willpower, then i'll do it. i think it could bring my fucking up down a litttle bit. maybe like 23/7 or something. a good hour a day of doing the right thing. that's all i want. 1 hour.
well, this dog is snoring and bugs are in the other room, so it seems like sleep might be limited this evening. hopefully i can find time for some sweet ass dreams. ones that clarify shit and all.
i need something.
i only have three days of school left though, so i assume the room situation up there won't be much improved.
everyone is worried about me, it seems. and the ones that think i can handle it, i don't know if i have as much faith in myself as they may. i'm fucking up a lot. and on the one hand, i'm only 19 and i probably should be fucking up. but on the other hand, i'm 19 and im old. i'm one year from not even being a teenager anymore and then..well, then what am i going to blame this stupid shit on?
it's true, growing up is hard to do.
and summer..as for summer, i dont know. summer seems to bring bad things. maybe it's just something in the air. maybe everyone is just stoked on the thought that it's summer and that means it's time to get ragingly fucked up 24/7. who knows.
i've been thinking about taking a month off of drinking. but then right after, i think go fuck yourself, taylor, you don't have the willpower to do that kind of shit. but if i do have it and if i can find that willpower, then i'll do it. i think it could bring my fucking up down a litttle bit. maybe like 23/7 or something. a good hour a day of doing the right thing. that's all i want. 1 hour.
well, this dog is snoring and bugs are in the other room, so it seems like sleep might be limited this evening. hopefully i can find time for some sweet ass dreams. ones that clarify shit and all.
i need something.