Happy Birthday, Shihan_ai!
Title: Behind the clouds
Pairing: possible!HanJae, past!YunJae
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1709
Summary: Jaejoong gets a surprise visitor and confession.
A/N: This is purely fiction. I just wanted to create a reason to write Jaejoong/Hangeng for shihan_ai 's birthday! Happy Birthday! Hope you kind of like it, it doesn’t make much sense XD…
Jaejoong didn’t know what to do after he read this interview. Another disappointment, another painful tug at his heart, he didn’t know if he could handle any more. “Why can’t he see the truth”, he mutters under his breath.
Things are slowly spiraling out of control. He only wanted to voice his voice, but then it led to other voices adding in. Voices, that don’t belong to the persons who matter. One voice says something in understanding, another says things that make him want to throw himself on his bed and cry for another day. However he says to himself that those voices don’t matter. They aren’t voicing their thoughts, his thoughts. They are just voices who are looking in on the sidelines, commenting because they can, but they are blurring all the lines at the same time. It’s now just one black pit of voices, going against each other, echoing each other, a pit of noise.
Shoving the laptop to the side while rubbing his head, Jaejoong lies his head back down on his pillow and covers his eyes with his arm. It’s making his head and heart hurt all over again.
Lost in thought, he’s brought back to reality when his phone rings. The name being displayed on the screen makes him widen his eyes in surprise. It has been more than a year since he has last spoken to this person, one of his precious hyungs. He had helped him with his contacts when he decided to take the same path to leave the company, but hadn’t spoken to him since. Jaejoong wanted to be there for his hyung, he knew how hard it would get especially when he would be alone, but both their teams decided it was for the best if they refrained from any communication. Because the media wouldn’t back down after the news broke and they would grab onto any piece of information and start turning and twisting it into something unrecognizable and hurtful for one or the other.
Now one year later, he had heard that the first round has been won by him and he was really happy for him even though his own case hasn’t reached that point yet. He wanted to congratulate him when he heard the news, but he didn’t know if he could. Hearing the continuous ring of the phone breaking through his reverie, he puts it tentatively against his ear.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Zai Zhong?”, hearing his hyung’s soft voice calling him by his Chinese name, memories rush back and a feeling of comfort and warmth envelops him.
“Geng-ge”, he breathes out.
“How are you, Zai Zhong?”
“I’m doing fine”, he reluctantly answers with a bitter aftertaste and a silence follows. He hears some shuffling at the other side of the line and wonders where his hyung is at the moment.
“Can I come visit you now?”
Surprised by this sudden question from his hyung, he still answers with a stuttering “ofcourse, Hyung”. A knock on his door startles him and makes him almost jump from his position on the bed.
“Sorry, forgot to tell you. I’m already here in front of your apartment. I heard you were in town, so I couldn’t not come visit you this time”, hearing his hyung chuckle slightly Jaejoong can’t help but feel touched while slowly making his way to the door and opening it. Feeling a bit of apprehension, like it could all be a prank his hyung is playing on him. Opening the door further revealing a slightly sheepish looking Hangeng with one hand holding his phone to his ear and the other waving carefully, Jaejoong can’t help feeling his lips twitch and tug upwards to a small smile at the endearing sight of his gege standing at the doorway looking really well, a big change since the last time he saw him when he looked like a walking ghost image of himself. But here before him stands his gege in all his glory, bright shining eyes crinkled at the end, he was almost literally radiating. His memories of him don’t even do him justice anymore.
“Are you just going to stand there staring at me and not let me in?”, Hangeng says chuckling, eyes gleaming. “I know I’m good-looking”.
Jaejoong can’t help his instinctive reaction to hit his hyung on his arm.
“Ouch, why are you hitting me? I would have expected a warmer welcome than this.. What?”, Hangeng asks after Jaejoong keeps on staring at him weirdly with only half a smile on his face, but looking kind of troubled and a bit sad from his eyes.
“Is something wrong?”, surprised at the question that follows Jaejoong gets a grip on himself and bring himself back to the reality of this situation with his gege standing before him.
“Come in, come in. Sorry, my head is just so full these days with… well, you should know,” Jaejoong says not being able to lie to Hangeng, he never had anyway. Guiding his hyung to the living area he seats him on the couch. “Do you want something to drink, Geng-ge?”, not waiting for Hangeng’s answer Jaejoong is about to leave to get drinks when a hand circle his wrist and pulls him to keep him there.
“Don’t walk away. Talk to me, that’s what I’m here for”, Hangeng looks him at him sincerely and imploringly with his warm brown eyes. Who can resist?
Sighing, Jaejoong sits down and starts his monologue about the troubles that have been plaguing his mind for all this while. All the media voices, voices that don’t matter, the voices that do matter but aren’t reachable, the thoughts of insecurity it brings and the ache in his heart that just won’t let up.
Feeling a hand wipe at his cheeks, Jaejoong wasn’t aware when he started to cry again, but reveled in the warmth of that hand on his cheeks, unconsciously he leans further into it closing his eyes.
It was just an impulse when he saw the few tears spilling over rosy cheeks, to reach out and wipe the tears away from that beautiful face. His steady heart beat started to beat a bit harder when his hand touched the soft skin and even harder when Jaejoong leaned further into his hand. Starting to feel a bit embarrassed, Hangeng retracted his hand from Jaejoong’s face.
Suddenly the warmth was gone and Jaejoong looked up at Hangeng who looked kind of flushed, surprised at his hyung’s state he leans forward and scrutinizes his facial features, while laying a hand on his hyung’s forehead “Are you feeling alright, Gege?”
“Urghh… yes, I’m fine”, taking Jaejoong’s hand of his forehead and keeping it between his hands Hangeng hesitantly starts, “I have to tell you something. I know this comes kind of out of nowhere, but this is actually the main reason why I came here today.”
Jaejoong looks at his hyung questionly and Hangeng continues, “I uhhh… I like you… no, actually I love you. Have been in love with you for a really long time actually, almost from the beginning, I just never had the courage to tell you. Then of course you and him happened, and I was a coward and lost my chance. Seeing you happy after that was the most important, I didn’t want to say anything later either because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”
That Jaejoong was shocked, was putting it mildy. Not being able to say anything he keeps on staring at his hyung while he can’t believe what he’s hearing, but at the same time he can feel his heart beat increasing. One burning question makes his way out softly, “W-why-y now?”
“There wasn’t ever a good time. After you left the company and when I did too, our lawyers suggested to keep our association under wraps, so other people wouldn’t get the wrong idea and I didn’t want to put you in that kind of situation where there would be even more speculation than there already was. I do wish I could have been there for you earlier. But now, now everything is different, I’m free. I won’t be implicating others anymore and I don’t care anymore what everyone will say. The people that I care about and who care about me, as long as they understand, that’s enough, that’s all I need. And for this reason I wanted you to understand as well - eventhough I know you do in an extent nobody else can or did and I also love you for that,” feeling more flushed and a bit out of air Hangeng looks at Jaejoong expectantly.
“I uhh…”, seeing a million thoughts crossing Jaejoong’s mind and all the twitches he makes with his face, Hangeng can’t help but chuckle at his cuteness even though he’s terrified for his reaction.
“Wow, uhmm”, how is he going to put this into words Jaejong thinks, besides the shock that is still blocking his ability to speak, he’s feeling thankful as well?
“Thank you?”, closing his eyes and opening them again Jaejoong looks at Hangeng again and sees a flash of hurt or disappointment in his eyes and immediately he wants to slap himself, but when he looks again Hangeng’s face looks calm and collected.
“You’re welcome. Don’t worry, I understand. I can wait, but I should be going now, just remember I’ll be there for you always. Whenever you need someone to talk to, whether it’s about good or bad things, just call me okay? “, Hangeng says while looking at Jaejoong sincerely but stern as well.
Nodding, Jaejoong sees Hangeng out. Before Hangeng is completely out of the door, he pulls him back and gives him a tight hug whispering thank you again. Both giving each other a bright dazzling smile.
The door closes with a soft click, birds are singing.
Jaejoong walks back to his room and lies back down on his bed, he takes one glance at his laptop and closes his eyes covering them with his arms again, while relieving a soft sigh, feeling much lighter than before and his heart warm again. He drifts off on clouds which make way for a much brighter and quieter mind. It’s been a while.
Pairing: possible!HanJae, past!YunJae
Rating: PG-13
Words: 1709
Summary: Jaejoong gets a surprise visitor and confession.
A/N: This is purely fiction. I just wanted to create a reason to write Jaejoong/Hangeng for shihan_ai 's birthday! Happy Birthday! Hope you kind of like it, it doesn’t make much sense XD…
Jaejoong didn’t know what to do after he read this interview. Another disappointment, another painful tug at his heart, he didn’t know if he could handle any more. “Why can’t he see the truth”, he mutters under his breath.
Things are slowly spiraling out of control. He only wanted to voice his voice, but then it led to other voices adding in. Voices, that don’t belong to the persons who matter. One voice says something in understanding, another says things that make him want to throw himself on his bed and cry for another day. However he says to himself that those voices don’t matter. They aren’t voicing their thoughts, his thoughts. They are just voices who are looking in on the sidelines, commenting because they can, but they are blurring all the lines at the same time. It’s now just one black pit of voices, going against each other, echoing each other, a pit of noise.
Shoving the laptop to the side while rubbing his head, Jaejoong lies his head back down on his pillow and covers his eyes with his arm. It’s making his head and heart hurt all over again.
Lost in thought, he’s brought back to reality when his phone rings. The name being displayed on the screen makes him widen his eyes in surprise. It has been more than a year since he has last spoken to this person, one of his precious hyungs. He had helped him with his contacts when he decided to take the same path to leave the company, but hadn’t spoken to him since. Jaejoong wanted to be there for his hyung, he knew how hard it would get especially when he would be alone, but both their teams decided it was for the best if they refrained from any communication. Because the media wouldn’t back down after the news broke and they would grab onto any piece of information and start turning and twisting it into something unrecognizable and hurtful for one or the other.
Now one year later, he had heard that the first round has been won by him and he was really happy for him even though his own case hasn’t reached that point yet. He wanted to congratulate him when he heard the news, but he didn’t know if he could. Hearing the continuous ring of the phone breaking through his reverie, he puts it tentatively against his ear.
“Hello?”
“Hello, Zai Zhong?”, hearing his hyung’s soft voice calling him by his Chinese name, memories rush back and a feeling of comfort and warmth envelops him.
“Geng-ge”, he breathes out.
“How are you, Zai Zhong?”
“I’m doing fine”, he reluctantly answers with a bitter aftertaste and a silence follows. He hears some shuffling at the other side of the line and wonders where his hyung is at the moment.
“Can I come visit you now?”
Surprised by this sudden question from his hyung, he still answers with a stuttering “ofcourse, Hyung”. A knock on his door startles him and makes him almost jump from his position on the bed.
“Sorry, forgot to tell you. I’m already here in front of your apartment. I heard you were in town, so I couldn’t not come visit you this time”, hearing his hyung chuckle slightly Jaejoong can’t help but feel touched while slowly making his way to the door and opening it. Feeling a bit of apprehension, like it could all be a prank his hyung is playing on him. Opening the door further revealing a slightly sheepish looking Hangeng with one hand holding his phone to his ear and the other waving carefully, Jaejoong can’t help feeling his lips twitch and tug upwards to a small smile at the endearing sight of his gege standing at the doorway looking really well, a big change since the last time he saw him when he looked like a walking ghost image of himself. But here before him stands his gege in all his glory, bright shining eyes crinkled at the end, he was almost literally radiating. His memories of him don’t even do him justice anymore.
“Are you just going to stand there staring at me and not let me in?”, Hangeng says chuckling, eyes gleaming. “I know I’m good-looking”.
Jaejoong can’t help his instinctive reaction to hit his hyung on his arm.
“Ouch, why are you hitting me? I would have expected a warmer welcome than this.. What?”, Hangeng asks after Jaejoong keeps on staring at him weirdly with only half a smile on his face, but looking kind of troubled and a bit sad from his eyes.
“Is something wrong?”, surprised at the question that follows Jaejoong gets a grip on himself and bring himself back to the reality of this situation with his gege standing before him.
“Come in, come in. Sorry, my head is just so full these days with… well, you should know,” Jaejoong says not being able to lie to Hangeng, he never had anyway. Guiding his hyung to the living area he seats him on the couch. “Do you want something to drink, Geng-ge?”, not waiting for Hangeng’s answer Jaejoong is about to leave to get drinks when a hand circle his wrist and pulls him to keep him there.
“Don’t walk away. Talk to me, that’s what I’m here for”, Hangeng looks him at him sincerely and imploringly with his warm brown eyes. Who can resist?
Sighing, Jaejoong sits down and starts his monologue about the troubles that have been plaguing his mind for all this while. All the media voices, voices that don’t matter, the voices that do matter but aren’t reachable, the thoughts of insecurity it brings and the ache in his heart that just won’t let up.
Feeling a hand wipe at his cheeks, Jaejoong wasn’t aware when he started to cry again, but reveled in the warmth of that hand on his cheeks, unconsciously he leans further into it closing his eyes.
It was just an impulse when he saw the few tears spilling over rosy cheeks, to reach out and wipe the tears away from that beautiful face. His steady heart beat started to beat a bit harder when his hand touched the soft skin and even harder when Jaejoong leaned further into his hand. Starting to feel a bit embarrassed, Hangeng retracted his hand from Jaejoong’s face.
Suddenly the warmth was gone and Jaejoong looked up at Hangeng who looked kind of flushed, surprised at his hyung’s state he leans forward and scrutinizes his facial features, while laying a hand on his hyung’s forehead “Are you feeling alright, Gege?”
“Urghh… yes, I’m fine”, taking Jaejoong’s hand of his forehead and keeping it between his hands Hangeng hesitantly starts, “I have to tell you something. I know this comes kind of out of nowhere, but this is actually the main reason why I came here today.”
Jaejoong looks at his hyung questionly and Hangeng continues, “I uhhh… I like you… no, actually I love you. Have been in love with you for a really long time actually, almost from the beginning, I just never had the courage to tell you. Then of course you and him happened, and I was a coward and lost my chance. Seeing you happy after that was the most important, I didn’t want to say anything later either because I didn’t want to ruin our friendship.”
That Jaejoong was shocked, was putting it mildy. Not being able to say anything he keeps on staring at his hyung while he can’t believe what he’s hearing, but at the same time he can feel his heart beat increasing. One burning question makes his way out softly, “W-why-y now?”
“There wasn’t ever a good time. After you left the company and when I did too, our lawyers suggested to keep our association under wraps, so other people wouldn’t get the wrong idea and I didn’t want to put you in that kind of situation where there would be even more speculation than there already was. I do wish I could have been there for you earlier. But now, now everything is different, I’m free. I won’t be implicating others anymore and I don’t care anymore what everyone will say. The people that I care about and who care about me, as long as they understand, that’s enough, that’s all I need. And for this reason I wanted you to understand as well - eventhough I know you do in an extent nobody else can or did and I also love you for that,” feeling more flushed and a bit out of air Hangeng looks at Jaejoong expectantly.
“I uhh…”, seeing a million thoughts crossing Jaejoong’s mind and all the twitches he makes with his face, Hangeng can’t help but chuckle at his cuteness even though he’s terrified for his reaction.
“Wow, uhmm”, how is he going to put this into words Jaejong thinks, besides the shock that is still blocking his ability to speak, he’s feeling thankful as well?
“Thank you?”, closing his eyes and opening them again Jaejoong looks at Hangeng again and sees a flash of hurt or disappointment in his eyes and immediately he wants to slap himself, but when he looks again Hangeng’s face looks calm and collected.
“You’re welcome. Don’t worry, I understand. I can wait, but I should be going now, just remember I’ll be there for you always. Whenever you need someone to talk to, whether it’s about good or bad things, just call me okay? “, Hangeng says while looking at Jaejoong sincerely but stern as well.
Nodding, Jaejoong sees Hangeng out. Before Hangeng is completely out of the door, he pulls him back and gives him a tight hug whispering thank you again. Both giving each other a bright dazzling smile.
The door closes with a soft click, birds are singing.
Jaejoong walks back to his room and lies back down on his bed, he takes one glance at his laptop and closes his eyes covering them with his arms again, while relieving a soft sigh, feeling much lighter than before and his heart warm again. He drifts off on clouds which make way for a much brighter and quieter mind. It’s been a while.