Alias: The Musical - a fanmix
ZIP Download -- mp3s and cover art
Fade in. We open the episode with Sydney trapped by a Psychotic Doctor who is about to subject her to electroshock therepy.
Didn't I See this Movie -- Next to Normal (Alice Ripley)
Didn't I see this movie, with McMurphy and the nurse?
That hospital was heavy, but this cuckoo's nest is worse
Isn't this the one where in the end the good guys fry?
Didn't I see this movie, and didn't I cry?
Didn't I cry?
(The modern procedure's clean and simple. The electricity required is barely enough to light a 100 watt bulb.)
What makes you think I'd lose my mind for you?
I'm no sociopath, I'm no Sylvia Plath
I ain't no Francis Farmer kind of mind for you
So stay out of my brain
I'm no princess of pain
Didn't I see this movie, where the doctor looks like you?
Where the patient for impatient and said, "Sorry, doc, I'm through?"
I know where this is going, and I know what you're about
Cause I have seen this movie and I walked out
I walked out
I'm walking...
At the last second, Dixon rushes in to save her. As they fight off the Psychotic Doctor, Dixon explains why he's dedicated to working on the side of good.
Breakin' All the Rules -- Catch Me If You Can (Norbert Leo Butz)
It starts very early, once the baby toys are gone
A kid on the playground has to choose which side he's on
It's the bullies or the good guys, boy, there ain't no middle ground
The hoodlums try to blur the line and twist the truth around
Then they call themselves a winner cause they're self-deceiving fools
But the game ain't worth winnin' if you're breakin' all the rules
The law is laid upon us when as kids we first ask, "why?"
Our parents set the rules when, "cause I said so," they reply
And though I though I hated them and screamed with all my might
The next time that I had a choice, gee whiz, I did what's right
Yes I never snuck a drink, I never stole a pack of cools
Cause the game ain't worth winnin' if you're breakin' all the rules
(Don't break the rules)
Or else we're livin' in the wild, wild west
(Don't break the rules)
God's keepin' score and you don't wanna fail that test
(Don't break the rules)
You thumb your nose right at the life for which I strive
But those rules, those laws keep us alive
It started back with Moses when he lead around the Jews
(The Jews)
And climbed way up that mountain to pick up God's Daily News
(Tell me the news)
He schlepped up old Mount Sinai, cried and begged on their behalf
(Oh Lord!)
He almost dropped those tablets when he saw that golden calf
(What?)
That's why we teach The Ten Commandments every Sunday in our schools
Cause the game ain't worth winnin' if you're breakin' all the rules
(And maybe I guess)
I guess the Constitution, boys, to some is too complex
(We're thinkin' they think)
They think our founding fathers fought so they could forge some checks?
(Now it's lookin' like they see themselves)
They see themselves as Robin Hood just stealin' from the rich
(Doncha know they're not)
Not payin' back the things they take, well payback is a bitch!
Cause the world ain't Sherwood Forest, you can't give away those jewels
Cause the game ain't worth winnin' if you're breakin' all the rules
(Don't break the rules)
Or else we're livin' in the wild, wild west
(Don't break the rules)
God's keepin' score and you don't wanna fail that test
(Don't break the rules)
You thumb your nose right at the life for which I strive
But those rules, those laws keep us alive
(Keep us alive)
When you steal somebody's money, screw his daughter or his wife
You don't think of repercussions, how you fucked somebody's life
Though you smile like you're a hero, you're an outlaw through and through
But the odds are in my favor, man, and one day I'll catch you
So don't sneak into a movie, run a red light, sell some pot
It's all the same to me, you're either guilty or you're not
If we all did what we wanted every time we felt the urge
The world would be in total chaos, it's already on the verge
Yes, it's laws that keep us human, cause without them we're just mules
And the game ain't worth winnin'
Yeah, yeah, the game ain't worth winnin'
Oh no, the game ain't worth winnin' if you're breaking all the rules
(Don't break the rules)
Or else we're livin' in the wild, wild west
(Don't break the rules)
God's keepin' score and you don't wanna fail that test
(Don't break the rules)
You thumb your nose right at the life for which I strive
But those rules, those laws keep us alive
Back in LA, Sydney meets with the SD-6 team to talk about the latest mission. She and Sloane have very different views on the world and hopes for the future.
I Cannot Believe My Eyes -- Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-Long Blog (Neil Patrick Harris & Felicia Day)
SLOANE
Any dolt with half a brain
Can see that humankind has gone insane
To the point where I don't know
If I'll upset the status quo
If I throw poison in the water main
Listen close to everybody's heart
And hear that breaking sound
Hopes and dreams are shattering apart
And crashing to the ground
I cannot believe my eyes
How the world's filled with filth and lies
But it's plain to see
Evil inside of me is on the rise
SYDNEY
Look around
We're living with the lost and found
Just when you feel you've almost drowned
You find yourself on solid ground
And you believe
There's good in everybody's heart
Keep it safe and sound
With hope, you can do your part
To turn a life around
I cannot believe my eyes
Is the world finally growing wise
‘Cause it seems to me
Some kind of harmony
Is on the rise
SLOANE (overlapping with SYDNEY below)
Anyone with half a brain
Could spend their whole life howling in pain
‘Cause the dark is everywhere
And Sydney doesn't seem to care
That soon the dark in me is all that will remain
Listen close to everybody's heart
And hear that breaking sound
Hopes and dreams are shattering apart
And crashing to the ground
I cannot believe my eyes
How the world's filled with filth and lies
But it's plain to see
Evil inside of me is on the rise
SYDNEY
Take it slow
He looks at me and seems to know
The things that I'm afraid to show
And suddenly I feel this glow
And I believe
There's good in everybody's heart
Keep it safe and sound
With hope, you can do your part
To turn a life around
I cannot believe my eyes
How the world's finally growing wise
And it's plain to see
Rapture inside of me is on the rise
Sydney details the mission to Vaughn, but she's having trouble concentrating on their conversation.
I Can Hear the Bells -- Hairspray (Marissa Jaret Winokur)
I can hear the bells
Well don't you hear 'em chime?
Can't you feel my heart-beat keeping perfect time?
And all because he...
Touched me,
He looked at me and stared yes he...
Bumped me,
My heart was unprepared when he...
Tapped me,
And knocked me off my feet, one little touch now my life's complete 'cause when he...
Nudged me,
Love put me in a fix yes it...
Hit me,
Just like a tonne of bricks, yes my heart burst now I know what life's about
One little touch and love's knocked me out and...
I can hear the bells,
My head is spinning.
I can hear the bells,
Something's beginning.
Everybody says that a girl who looks like me can't win his love well just wait and see 'cause...
I can hear the bells,
Just hear them chiming,
I can hear the bells,
My temperature's climbing,
I can't contain my joy 'cause I've finally found the boy I've been missin'
Listen!
I can hear the bells.
Round 1,
He'll ask me on a date, and then...
Round 2,
I'll primp but won't be late, because
Round 3's
When we kiss inside his car!
Won't go all the way but I'll go pretty fa-ar
Round 4,
He'll ask me for my hand, and then...
Round 5,
We'll book the wedding band, so by...
Round 6,
Alice, much to your surprise, this heavy-weight champion takes the prize and
I can hear the bells,
My ears are ringing,
I can hear the bells,
The brides-maids are singing,
Everybody says that a guy who's such a gem, won't look my way well the laughs on them 'cause
I can hear the bells,
My father will smile,
I can hear the bells,
As he walks me down the isle,
My mother starts to cry but I can't see 'cause Vaughn and I are french kissin'
Listen!
I can hear the bells.
I can hear the bells,
My head is reeling,
I can hear the bells,
I can't stop the peeling,
Everybody warns that he won't like what he'll see but I know that he'll look inside of me yeah...
I can hear the bells,
Today's just the start 'cause,
I can hear the bells
And till death do us part and,
Even when we die we'll look down from up above remembering the night that we two fell in love, We both will shed a tear and
he'll whisper as we're reminisin'
Listen!
I can hear the bells,
I can hear the bells,
I can hear the bells.
On his way home from SD-6, Marshall is capture by Evil Dentist Guy.
Dentist -- Little Shop of Horrors (Douglas Sills)
When I was younger, just a bad little kid,
My mama noticed funny things I did,
Like shootin' puppies with a BB gun
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done
I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head
That's when my mama said
[What did she say?]
She said, "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a dentist
You have a talent for causin' things pain
Son, be a dentist
People will pay you to be inhumane
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success
[Here he is, folks the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas!
Oh, my god!
He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?]
(Oh that hurts! I'm not numb!)
Oh, shut up. Open wide. here I come!
I am your dentist
(Goodness gracious!)
And I enjoy the career that I picked
[Really love it]
I am your dentist
(Fitting braces)
And I get off on the pain I inflict
[Really love it]
I thrill when I drill a bicuspid
[Bicuspid]
It's swell though they tell me I'm maladjusted
And though it may cause my patients distress,
Somewhere, somewhere in heaven above me
I know, I know, that my mama's proud of me
Oh, mama
'Cause I'm a dentist and a success
Say ah!
(Ah!)
Say ah!
(Ah!)
Say ah!
(Ah!)
Now spit!
Sydney hears of Marshall's capture and rushes to save him. She infiltrates the Dentist's office by pretending to be a simple office worker.
The Dance of Death -- 9 to 5 (Stephanie J. Block and Marc Kudisch)
[Hey you guys! I just had this image of Evil Dentist Guy running for his life, and the whole office is out to get him and hunt him down!]
Hello Big Boy
(Do I know you?)
I hardly think you would
I'm just your unknown office drone
Unnoticed but quite good
(God you're sexy I must say
Oh, I'd have noticed you
I'll bet you're quite a dancer)
I've got one leg up on you
(I'll follow you!)
I fantasize about you and being here like this
(You do?)
Oh yes!
I'll always long to be the last one that you kiss
(Who knew?)
Hold you close
Whisper in your ear
Dance with you against my breast
(Well, let's)
Yes
Let's live out this fantasy: The kiss, the dance of death!
Ayayayayay!
Come on big boy, yes I will lead
And you'll do as I say
Get down!
Get up!
Am I too rough?
Oh how I'll dance upon your grave
Ay, ay, ay!
Come on sweetheart and dance with me
I'll show you how it goes
We'll dance real fast
I'll kick your ass!
For everyone that you've provoked
Ay! Ay, ay, ay!
I'll spin you 'round
I'll throw you down
I'll pounce upon your heart
We'll dance a bit
Then end like this
Stilleto in your private parts
(Oh God!)
Phew. That was good for me. Was it good for you?
Cigarette?
(I don't smoke)
You wanna start?
(Not me! I plan on living a long time.)
I don't think so
(Hey hey hey
Is it because I'm a sexist, egotistical, lying, hypocritical bigot?)
Bingo!
By the way the name is Sydney!
Copy that!
Meanwhile, Francie is at home, wondering why she feels so left out.
The Diva's Lament -- Spamalot (Sara Ramierez)
What ever happened to my part?
It was exciting at the start.
Now we're halfway through Act 2
And I've had nothing yet to do.
I've been offstage for far too long
It's ages since I had a song.
This is one unhappy Diva
The producer's have deceived her.
There is nothing I can sing from my heart.
Whatever Happened to My Part?
I am sick of my career
Always starting second gear
Up to here, with frustration and with fears.
I've no Grammy no Rewards,
I've no Tony Awards,
I'm Constantly replaced with Britney Spears
Whatever Happened to My Show?
I was a hit, now I don't know.
I'm with a bunch of British Knights,
Prancing 'round in woolly tights.
I might as well go to the Pub
They've been out searching for a shrub
Out shopping for a Bush
Well they can kiss my Tush
It seems to me they've really lost the plot
Whatever Happened to My
I'll Call my Agent, Dammit
Whatever Happened to My
Not Yours, Not Yours,
By My,
Part!
After saving Marshall from Evil Dentist Guy, Syd meets with Vaughn again, and they discuss what they must do to keep the world from knowing their true feelings for each other.
People Will Say We're in Love -- Oklahoma (Joan Roberts & Alfred Drake)
SYDNEY
Why do they think up stories that link my name with yours?
VAUGHN
Why do the neighbors gossip all day behind their doors?
SYDNEY
I know a way to prove what they say is quite untrue
Here is the gist,
A practical list of "don'ts" fer you.
Don't throw bouquets at me
Don't please my folks to much
Don't laugh at my jokes too much
People will say we're in love
VAUGHN
Laugh at your jokes-
SYDNEY
Don't sigh and gaze at me.
Your sighs are so like mine.
Your eyes mustn't glow like mine
People will say we're in love!
Don't start collecting things
Give me my rose and my glove.
Sweetheart, they're suspecting things
People will say we're in love.
VAUGHN
Some people claim that you are to blame as much as I
Why do you take the trouble to bake my fav'rite pie?
Grantin' your wish I carved our initials on that tree,
Just keep a slice of all the advice you give so free.
Don't praise my charm too much
Don't look so vain with me
Don't stand in the rain with me
People will say we're in love.
Don't take my arm to much
Don't keep your hand in mine
Your hand feels so grand in mine
People will say we're in love!
Don't dance all night with me
'till the stars fade from above
They'll see it's alright with me
People will say we're in love!
Meanwhile, Jack is sitting in his office at SD-6, thinking deep thoughts about his relationship with his daughter.
Something Was Missing -- Annie (Victor Garber)
I've made me a fortune
(That fortune made ten)
Been headlined And profiled
Again and again
But something was missing
(I never quite knew)
That something was someone -- But who?
My speeches are greeted
With thunderous acclaim
At two universities
Bearing my name
Yes, something was missing
Each time got through
That something was someone -- But who?
Who could that someone be?
How could she make it known?
Who would need me for me?
Need me for me alone?
The world was my oyster
But where was the pearl?
Who dreamed I could find it
Yes something was missing -- But dreams can come true
That something
Is no one
But you
Who would need me for me?
Need me for me alone
The world was my oyster
But where was the pearl?
Who'd dream I would find it
In one little girl?
Yes, something was missing
But dreams do come true
That something is no one.....but you.
On her next mission, Syd must dress up as a slutty lounge singer and seduce a bar full of men.
Special -- Avenue Q (Stephanie D'Abruzzo)
I can make you feel special
When it sucks to be you
I can make you feel special
For an hour or two
Your life's a routine that repeats each day
No one cares who you are or what you say
And sometimes you feel like you're nobody
But you can feel like somebody with me
(Wow!)
Yeah, they're real
When we're together the earth will shake
And the stars will fall into the sea
So come on, baby, let down your guard
When your date's in the bathroom
I'll slip you my card
I can tell just by looking that you've got it hard
For me! For me!
For me! For me!
For me! For me!
I can tell just by looking that you are especially hard for me!
Just then, Syd's cover is blown and she's captured by The Bad Guys. They're about to kill her at any second, and it appears that she's...
Totally Fucked -- Spring Awakening (Jonathan Groff)
There's a moment you know… you're fucked -
Not an inch more room to self-destruct
No more moves, oh yeah, the dead-end zone
Man, you just can't call your soul your own
But the thing that makes you really jump
Is that the weirdest shit is still to come
You can ask yourself: "Hey, what have I done?"
You're just a fly - the little guys, they kill for fun
Man, you're fucked if you just freeze up
Can't do that thing - that keeping still
But, you're fucked if you speak your mind
And you know - uh huh - you will
Yeah, you're fucked all right - and all for spite
You can kiss your sorry ass goodbye
Totally fucked - will they mess you up?
Well you know they're gonna try
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Disappear - yeah, well, you wanna try
Wanna bundle up into some big ass lie
Long enough for them to all just quit
Long enough for you to get out of it
Yeah, you're fucked all right - and all for spite
You can kiss your sorry ass goodbye
Totally fucked - will they mess you up?
Well you know they're gonna try
Yeah, you're fucked all right - and all for spite
You can kiss your sorry ass goodbye
Totally fucked - will they mess you up?
Well you know they're gonna try
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah
Blah blah blah blah blah
Totally fucked!