You probably won't read it... but i need to say it.
So... I just thought i'd let you know that the bottom line of this journal is that life FUCKING SUCKS.
But then again who am i to talk...?
Many of you who know me may be thinking "She has a 'loving' family, A nice home, New laptop, New phone, New this, New that." But i'd like to prove that material things don't make people happy. I mean sure they do for a while but AFTER you just need a little more... and not in the money way... i guess i'm going to have to say it... and be really cliche and crap. But to love and to be loved.
I love my life. I do. I would just be a whole lot better without the mess... but then again... life is a mess and theres no other way to live it.
Today i woke up at Five to yet again send my Dad off after about 10 days. He's going to Australia. There isn't really anything i can do cause he gets sent off to earn money so that i can live and get things etc. So that WE can live but it means i can never see him. One day even if i'm not successful as i propose to be... I'll look after them both.
So...I woke up to this message from Su Ann asking me to wear black and white cause something had happened, she had failed to let on what exactly had happened. I sat there worrying but surely if it was someone close i'd have known instantly and all those kind of thoughts. But at 5 am there aren't that many people to ask. I wandered online to see who i could find and Sunisha, whom may i add is in CANADA told me that Khairul in year 12 and passed away. *BLANK*
What do you say to that? She told me that he died saving his cousin from being harrassed by some gang members and was stabbed. I was never really close to him but something like that strikes a bloody nerve. I was in shock and found myself in tears as i reported the news to my parents. Khairul was so sweet to me, a player but sweet always respectful to me and greeting me and breaks where he would walk in smile and sit. That's not going to happen anymore... its weird i'm going to expect it but whn he was there i never took notice off it. It never really hit me till i couldn't stop thinking about it everytime i ran out of other things to distract myself with.
It's so sad and i hope the motherfuckers who did it burn in hell. His parents weren't even here for his funeral because they couldnt get a flight. How sad is that, to leave someone you truly love and to miss their last moments.
It made me so scared and so sad, these things don't happen to people you know... They happen to the people in the newspaper as though they're fictional characters that someone makes up to make the news interesting...
In England its weird cause these things happen more frequently... Someone hangs themself from the curtain poles, crashes their motorcycle into a tree, gets hit by a drunk driver... but these things havent happened around me for so long. Today i started to remember all the times these things did happen to me.. my mum, myself, my brother's best friends, jess, claire's brother.... its sad to say the list goes on. I tried to concentrate on other things so that i wouldn't cry and i didn't.
J on the other hand... frustrates me with her lil drama queen let me tell everyone how someone died "coincidently" on the same day. Like there's not enough drama i'm thinking someone has issues with being the centre of attention.
Although i'd admit i'd be crying if i waas in school today but i'd never say the reason i was crying cause of that... i had driving today... i'd like to add a sort memo that i passed. I felt bad for being so happy while so many people we're mourning.
I'm still in shock and it hasn't really hit me... I guess tomoro when i'm sitting there i'll wait for 9.20am and expect him to walk in.... to find Amanda his gf, to walk in on her own.. if she does come in.
I'd like to add that people turning up to funerals with their belly button's showing is disrespectful, let alone a malay funeral. ESPECIALLY if you don't know the guy. I couldn't have handled the funeral seeing him lying there... would've made it all too real.
A bittersweet day...
.:Life is a mess and i hate it when it gets too real:.
But then again who am i to talk...?
Many of you who know me may be thinking "She has a 'loving' family, A nice home, New laptop, New phone, New this, New that." But i'd like to prove that material things don't make people happy. I mean sure they do for a while but AFTER you just need a little more... and not in the money way... i guess i'm going to have to say it... and be really cliche and crap. But to love and to be loved.
I love my life. I do. I would just be a whole lot better without the mess... but then again... life is a mess and theres no other way to live it.
Today i woke up at Five to yet again send my Dad off after about 10 days. He's going to Australia. There isn't really anything i can do cause he gets sent off to earn money so that i can live and get things etc. So that WE can live but it means i can never see him. One day even if i'm not successful as i propose to be... I'll look after them both.
So...I woke up to this message from Su Ann asking me to wear black and white cause something had happened, she had failed to let on what exactly had happened. I sat there worrying but surely if it was someone close i'd have known instantly and all those kind of thoughts. But at 5 am there aren't that many people to ask. I wandered online to see who i could find and Sunisha, whom may i add is in CANADA told me that Khairul in year 12 and passed away. *BLANK*
What do you say to that? She told me that he died saving his cousin from being harrassed by some gang members and was stabbed. I was never really close to him but something like that strikes a bloody nerve. I was in shock and found myself in tears as i reported the news to my parents. Khairul was so sweet to me, a player but sweet always respectful to me and greeting me and breaks where he would walk in smile and sit. That's not going to happen anymore... its weird i'm going to expect it but whn he was there i never took notice off it. It never really hit me till i couldn't stop thinking about it everytime i ran out of other things to distract myself with.
It's so sad and i hope the motherfuckers who did it burn in hell. His parents weren't even here for his funeral because they couldnt get a flight. How sad is that, to leave someone you truly love and to miss their last moments.
It made me so scared and so sad, these things don't happen to people you know... They happen to the people in the newspaper as though they're fictional characters that someone makes up to make the news interesting...
In England its weird cause these things happen more frequently... Someone hangs themself from the curtain poles, crashes their motorcycle into a tree, gets hit by a drunk driver... but these things havent happened around me for so long. Today i started to remember all the times these things did happen to me.. my mum, myself, my brother's best friends, jess, claire's brother.... its sad to say the list goes on. I tried to concentrate on other things so that i wouldn't cry and i didn't.
J on the other hand... frustrates me with her lil drama queen let me tell everyone how someone died "coincidently" on the same day. Like there's not enough drama i'm thinking someone has issues with being the centre of attention.
Although i'd admit i'd be crying if i waas in school today but i'd never say the reason i was crying cause of that... i had driving today... i'd like to add a sort memo that i passed. I felt bad for being so happy while so many people we're mourning.
I'm still in shock and it hasn't really hit me... I guess tomoro when i'm sitting there i'll wait for 9.20am and expect him to walk in.... to find Amanda his gf, to walk in on her own.. if she does come in.
I'd like to add that people turning up to funerals with their belly button's showing is disrespectful, let alone a malay funeral. ESPECIALLY if you don't know the guy. I couldn't have handled the funeral seeing him lying there... would've made it all too real.
A bittersweet day...
.:Life is a mess and i hate it when it gets too real:.