Fic: Letter from Hell - reply from Evan Nepean Esq, Secretary to The Admiralty
AUTHOR: Anteros
CHARACTERS: Evan Nepean, Simpson, Kennedy, Hornblower, Pellew
RATING: G
WORD COUNT: 350
Sir,
Your recent missive has been brought to their Lordships' attention by Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower of His Majesty's ship Indefatigable. I regret to inform you that correspondence between deceased and serving officers is highly irregular and contravenes Admiralty regulations. Should such correspondence be permitted to continue, I have no doubt that their Lordships would be deluged with letters from every man jack who has laid down his life in the service of King and Country, or met his maker wearing a hemp cravat at the end of the yardarm. Responding to such a volume of correspondence would place an onerous and unwarranted burden on their Lordships and on the officers of the fleet. His Britannic Majesty's Royal Navy is not a postal service for the damned sir! The cost of stationery would also be prohibitive at a time when captains are already expressing complaints about want of paper and rising stationary bills (cf Captain Sir E Pellew).
Furthermore, fiery missives from the infernal regions represent a considerable fire hazard to the fleet and will not be tolerated under any circumstances. Your letter has already cost the service one lieutenant. Following receipt of your letter it was necessary for Lt Hornblower to be signed on to the sick list suffering form charred fingers and a singed nose. Fortunately, Acting Lieutenant Kennedy has been able to assume his duties for the present. In addition, when Lieutenant Hornblower quite properly handed your missive over to his captain, it caused a conflagration on Sir Edward Pellew's desk, as a result of which a considerable volume of important Admiralty correspondence was incinerated beyond recovery. Consequently Captain Pellew has had to forgo the pleasure of responding to their Lordships' despatches.
By the authority of their Lords Commissioners of the Admiralty, I hereby order you to cease forthwith from sending any further missives to officers of the fleet. Any such correspondence will be sent back by return of post and you will be held responsible for repaying all costs incurred.
I remain as always
your humble servant
E. Nepean Esq.
PS Their Lordship's regards to Sir Cloudesley Shovell.
CHARACTERS: Evan Nepean, Simpson, Kennedy, Hornblower, Pellew
RATING: G
WORD COUNT: 350
Sir,
Your recent missive has been brought to their Lordships' attention by Lieutenant Horatio Hornblower of His Majesty's ship Indefatigable. I regret to inform you that correspondence between deceased and serving officers is highly irregular and contravenes Admiralty regulations. Should such correspondence be permitted to continue, I have no doubt that their Lordships would be deluged with letters from every man jack who has laid down his life in the service of King and Country, or met his maker wearing a hemp cravat at the end of the yardarm. Responding to such a volume of correspondence would place an onerous and unwarranted burden on their Lordships and on the officers of the fleet. His Britannic Majesty's Royal Navy is not a postal service for the damned sir! The cost of stationery would also be prohibitive at a time when captains are already expressing complaints about want of paper and rising stationary bills (cf Captain Sir E Pellew).
Furthermore, fiery missives from the infernal regions represent a considerable fire hazard to the fleet and will not be tolerated under any circumstances. Your letter has already cost the service one lieutenant. Following receipt of your letter it was necessary for Lt Hornblower to be signed on to the sick list suffering form charred fingers and a singed nose. Fortunately, Acting Lieutenant Kennedy has been able to assume his duties for the present. In addition, when Lieutenant Hornblower quite properly handed your missive over to his captain, it caused a conflagration on Sir Edward Pellew's desk, as a result of which a considerable volume of important Admiralty correspondence was incinerated beyond recovery. Consequently Captain Pellew has had to forgo the pleasure of responding to their Lordships' despatches.
By the authority of their Lords Commissioners of the Admiralty, I hereby order you to cease forthwith from sending any further missives to officers of the fleet. Any such correspondence will be sent back by return of post and you will be held responsible for repaying all costs incurred.
I remain as always
your humble servant
E. Nepean Esq.
PS Their Lordship's regards to Sir Cloudesley Shovell.