87: themuseswithin October
To teach a man how he may learn to grow independently, and for himself, is perhaps the greatest service that one man can do another. - Benjamin Jowett
At the end of her first week at the FBI, Stark is still wondering why she came back to law enforcement in the first place. Long after her partner has gone home for the night, she's still sitting at her desk, doubting if she has what it takes to do the job.
She thinks about Robert Beckner.
Beckner was one-half of the FBI presence in the room during the Marissa Haber case. He and his partner had been dispatched from the San Diego field office. In recollection she barely remembers him there. She remembers talking to Vic, arguing with Alexa Kazdin, but she can't think of half of one sentence she said to Beckner. He obviously remembered her, because when she was sitting in a suite at the Doubletree in a thousand pieces, her partner trying to pull her together, he came to see her. When she let slip that she was considering her resignation, he suggested she apply for the Bureau instead. She balked at least twice before he got her to do it, and only because she figured she'd fail out anyway and then he'd shut up.
She thinks about Jeff Gabriel and his son Chris.
At Quantico, Jeff was her lead force instructor. Everyone seemed to treat him as if he was a legend and that was because he actually was. He had served the Bureau for thirty years as one of its most vaunted agents before he'd transferred to the academy. He almost reminded her of her father, a man who was beloved by his peers but hardly formally recognized. Maybe that was why they got along; he could see her struggling and he knew how to get through to her. He gave her a gentle shove back into the world. And when she met Chris, and he was just so damn helpful, maybe it was impossible not to fall for him because he was someone safe to run to when everything else was uncertain. She loves him, she knows; they've only been together for about a year, but he's always going to be there for her, always willing to listen to her problems no matter what.
Then she finds herself thinking about her partner.
She doesn't know John well enough yet to make any judgments about him. Yet even in the first week they've already gotten onto a first-name basis with one another. He's been unfathomably patient with her, even when she's still uncertain about things someone of her age and position should know. He's always looking at her and listening to what she has to say. He's got more experience than she does, two more years at the Bureau plus six more years' detective time and that tour of duty with the Marines. He's got a Masters to her Bachelors degree. He's become the font of her wisdom, and over the last week she's learned more from him than she thought she could. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who could be so gentle, but he is, gentle and calm when she feels like she can't sit still. There's a sense in her gut that she can trust him even if she doesn't quite yet.
How can she turn and walk away when all these people have worked to get her to this point? When all of them have given her their wisdom and support? Doesn't she owe them something for that?
She's considering that when she realizes that she isn't alone in the bullpen anymore. She glances up, and there's her partner, giving her a concerned look and a sympathetic smile, having come back just to make sure she gets home in one piece. She can't help but think he wouldn't bother if she wasn't worth it.
That's the moment when she begins to believe she just might make it after all.
Muse: Stark Patrick
Fandom: The X-Files (OC)
Words: 1282
At the end of her first week at the FBI, Stark is still wondering why she came back to law enforcement in the first place. Long after her partner has gone home for the night, she's still sitting at her desk, doubting if she has what it takes to do the job.
She thinks about Robert Beckner.
Beckner was one-half of the FBI presence in the room during the Marissa Haber case. He and his partner had been dispatched from the San Diego field office. In recollection she barely remembers him there. She remembers talking to Vic, arguing with Alexa Kazdin, but she can't think of half of one sentence she said to Beckner. He obviously remembered her, because when she was sitting in a suite at the Doubletree in a thousand pieces, her partner trying to pull her together, he came to see her. When she let slip that she was considering her resignation, he suggested she apply for the Bureau instead. She balked at least twice before he got her to do it, and only because she figured she'd fail out anyway and then he'd shut up.
She thinks about Jeff Gabriel and his son Chris.
At Quantico, Jeff was her lead force instructor. Everyone seemed to treat him as if he was a legend and that was because he actually was. He had served the Bureau for thirty years as one of its most vaunted agents before he'd transferred to the academy. He almost reminded her of her father, a man who was beloved by his peers but hardly formally recognized. Maybe that was why they got along; he could see her struggling and he knew how to get through to her. He gave her a gentle shove back into the world. And when she met Chris, and he was just so damn helpful, maybe it was impossible not to fall for him because he was someone safe to run to when everything else was uncertain. She loves him, she knows; they've only been together for about a year, but he's always going to be there for her, always willing to listen to her problems no matter what.
Then she finds herself thinking about her partner.
She doesn't know John well enough yet to make any judgments about him. Yet even in the first week they've already gotten onto a first-name basis with one another. He's been unfathomably patient with her, even when she's still uncertain about things someone of her age and position should know. He's always looking at her and listening to what she has to say. He's got more experience than she does, two more years at the Bureau plus six more years' detective time and that tour of duty with the Marines. He's got a Masters to her Bachelors degree. He's become the font of her wisdom, and over the last week she's learned more from him than she thought she could. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who could be so gentle, but he is, gentle and calm when she feels like she can't sit still. There's a sense in her gut that she can trust him even if she doesn't quite yet.
How can she turn and walk away when all these people have worked to get her to this point? When all of them have given her their wisdom and support? Doesn't she owe them something for that?
She's considering that when she realizes that she isn't alone in the bullpen anymore. She glances up, and there's her partner, giving her a concerned look and a sympathetic smile, having come back just to make sure she gets home in one piece. She can't help but think he wouldn't bother if she wasn't worth it.
That's the moment when she begins to believe she just might make it after all.
Muse: Stark Patrick
Fandom: The X-Files (OC)
Words: 1282