85: muse_diaries Entry 8
When I say we've had an ideal marriage, I'm not just talking about physical attraction, which I can imagine can wear pretty thin if it's all a couple has built on. We've had that and a whole lot more. - Betty Ford
I'm getting married.
Words I never thought I'd say. Actually, there are a lot of things that have happened to me over the last couple of days that I've never imagined. I lost the last real relationship I had eleven years ago when my work became the most important thing in my life, and as the years went by I eventually forgot about love. I know it sounds weird, but it became an afterthought to me. I was quite content to forsake my love life, and just spend my life being the best partner to John that I could be. That's where I've found my joy, for the longest time.
Never in my life did I imagine that he would fall in love with me. That he's been in love with me for the last seven years, the better part of our time together. And that a couple of days and a couple of drinks later, he'd be proposing and I'd actually say yes.
This really isn't me. I'm very proud of myself being very stable and by-the-book, just like everyone else in my family (minus the psychosis of my mother). I'll freely admit that I like sticking with what works, putting my roots down, and staying the course. Accepting a marriage proposal and moving house in just a matter of days is completely unlike me. Why did I do it then? I guess because it's just making official what's already there; that we're going to spend our lives together. I already knew I wasn't going anywhere, and he's already my medical proxy on all my paperwork because of what happened with Lisa, so...nothing really changes for us. Either as his wife or as his partner I'm still going to be here.
That said, I am still worried about maybe rushing into this too fast. I don't really know what married life is like; I mean, I know about what my parents' marriage was like, and I remember that they did provide as stable a life for us as we could ever hope for. It was very good when it was good. But it also went very, very bad. And being that John's already been through one divorce and I'm friends with his ex-wife, even? That just puts more pressure on my shoulders. I don't know if there's a big difference between being his wife, and being his partner the way I am, and I wonder if I can make that change. Be everything he wants me to be.
Provided I still have a job when I get back from our week-long suspension for conduct policy violations.
The wedding is going to be perfect, I hope. He's promised me we're going to do it properly and I want to invite everyone who's important. I'll hopefully see people I haven't seen in years, like Davon and his wife and kids, and then people I should spend more time with like Mark and his family. I have to find a dress, and pick out the rings, and cake test, and there's all this stuff. We're going to Paris after my match this weekend and I'm hoping we'll sit down and figure it all out. It's a big proposition. I'm intimidated.
But I'm not going back. I just hope that everything turns out okay.
Muse: Stark Patrick
Fandom: The X-Files (OC)
Words: 552
I'm getting married.
Words I never thought I'd say. Actually, there are a lot of things that have happened to me over the last couple of days that I've never imagined. I lost the last real relationship I had eleven years ago when my work became the most important thing in my life, and as the years went by I eventually forgot about love. I know it sounds weird, but it became an afterthought to me. I was quite content to forsake my love life, and just spend my life being the best partner to John that I could be. That's where I've found my joy, for the longest time.
Never in my life did I imagine that he would fall in love with me. That he's been in love with me for the last seven years, the better part of our time together. And that a couple of days and a couple of drinks later, he'd be proposing and I'd actually say yes.
This really isn't me. I'm very proud of myself being very stable and by-the-book, just like everyone else in my family (minus the psychosis of my mother). I'll freely admit that I like sticking with what works, putting my roots down, and staying the course. Accepting a marriage proposal and moving house in just a matter of days is completely unlike me. Why did I do it then? I guess because it's just making official what's already there; that we're going to spend our lives together. I already knew I wasn't going anywhere, and he's already my medical proxy on all my paperwork because of what happened with Lisa, so...nothing really changes for us. Either as his wife or as his partner I'm still going to be here.
That said, I am still worried about maybe rushing into this too fast. I don't really know what married life is like; I mean, I know about what my parents' marriage was like, and I remember that they did provide as stable a life for us as we could ever hope for. It was very good when it was good. But it also went very, very bad. And being that John's already been through one divorce and I'm friends with his ex-wife, even? That just puts more pressure on my shoulders. I don't know if there's a big difference between being his wife, and being his partner the way I am, and I wonder if I can make that change. Be everything he wants me to be.
Provided I still have a job when I get back from our week-long suspension for conduct policy violations.
The wedding is going to be perfect, I hope. He's promised me we're going to do it properly and I want to invite everyone who's important. I'll hopefully see people I haven't seen in years, like Davon and his wife and kids, and then people I should spend more time with like Mark and his family. I have to find a dress, and pick out the rings, and cake test, and there's all this stuff. We're going to Paris after my match this weekend and I'm hoping we'll sit down and figure it all out. It's a big proposition. I'm intimidated.
But I'm not going back. I just hope that everything turns out okay.
Muse: Stark Patrick
Fandom: The X-Files (OC)
Words: 552