ϡ - Chapter TwentyOne; Return [action/voice]
[ There’s the sound of shaky uneven breathing coming over the transmission and then a cough or two. It’s almost as if the person on the other side is a bit startled, a bit confused and a bit in pain. The sharp intake of breath and the murmured exclamation of surprise doesn’t really yield anymore good results for those listening in. ] I-I can’t
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[Robert's face falls. It's a punch in the gut to hear that. Outright rejection. The same kind of painfully blunt rejection that Benjamin gave him after their final argument.
And then of course, Robert had run away.]
Helios... ... [Robert reaches out, haltingly, to try to take his bloodied hand, and stops midway, his fingers just hanging there shakily.] ... W-What did I... do wrong? [Because there's no way it isn't him. There's no way this wonderful man could ever be at fault.]
... or... o-or is there someone else and y-you're, you're already involved? [Frederic, maybe? Robert doesn't know but he feels ashamed, ashamed for asking. Ashamed for still wanting Helios even now, wanting to kiss him again, bloody or otherwise.]
B-But regardless if you don't w-want to it's fine... I p-probably don't deserve you anyway, Helios. You're... j-just so wonderful that I...
[Robert has to stop to wipe a few small, hot tears away. This shouldn't hurt. Helios has the right to turn him down. But gods rejection hurts. It hurts like swallowing shrapnel.]
... no. N-no, it's... it's alright. I... I still want to help you. You're... s-still my... my friend, right...? ... that... that means enough to me, it's... it's no trouble... [It's not even a lie; his feelings are too obvious. It's more just outright denial. But at the same time Robert does value Helios' friendship... he just wishes that, whatever he'd done to hurt his chances of it being more, that he hadn't done it.]
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It's not you. [ He might clench his hands into fists biting his lip almost dangerously close to splitting it open. ] It's me. It's always me. Robert you...you never did anything wrong. I-If anything you allowed me to have memories of being loved again. You allowed me...to be able to give it to someone again. I-I just...can't feel it anymore.
[ He looks very tired now along with extremely sad and lonely. He feels terrible to even say such a thing. It was all just a big mess wasn't it? Another shaky sigh escapes his lips. ] There used to be someone. [ Elise. God he misses her so much. He wishes she was here sometimes. But this place is horrid; he could never put her through this. ]
You're better off with Donatello. He can at least return those feelings to you. I'm...definately not worth anyone's time. Especially not someone like yourself who's capable of holding so much love...enough for two people at that. I had my chance. You shouldn't waste yours either.
I-I never said I wasn't going to continue being that. You're a rather wonderful person to talk to, Robert. I would enjoy still being your friend. [ Because that's all he ever can be to anyone. He'll go quiet looking at the floor still. If only Robert hadn't fallen for him; he wouldn't be experiencing this pain. ]
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Robert shakes his head, not understanding.] ... not... anymore? [Why not? That's the unspoken question.] B-but, but Helios... you... you deserve to be loved...
[Used to be. Used to be. Helios was alone, just like he had been.] ... There was a someone for me, before here... b-but... but then I... ... I ruined it. [Somehow Donatello still wanted him but he'd ruined his last relationship and feeling this again maybe he'd ruin it for him too and he didn't want to ruin it for a wonderful person like that... And Helios. Helios looked exhausted.]
Th-that's not true, Helios. You... y-you're certainly worth someone's time... I don't understand why you don't f-feel that way. There's... nothing wrong with you in a-any way at all that I can see. Just, just a kind, gentle, w-warmhearted... [He trails off, his voice low. He's beautiful. How could Helios ever feel like he wasn't deserving of love?]
... [And after a long pause:] ... I... I'd enjoy that t-too, Helios. [And Robert hesitantly, gently, takes Helios' cold, bloodied hand in his own. He wants to embrace Helios, kiss him, tell him he's wonderful - he doesn't. He just holds Helios' hand and wishes that those feelings could be communicated somehow.]
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Ah that's very kind of you to say so Robert. A second chance...I would like that but I doubt I-I deserve one. [ He simply sounds tired now; not upset or even mournful but just...tired.
He blinks as Robert grabs his bloodied hand and he looks at back at him with a smile. It doesn't fade like the previous ones however. ] If only it were in better circumstance. The Malnosso make everything so much more difficult it seems. But I do enjoy your company and I would like to continue to keep it.
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Nobody deserves to be alone. Especially not a person like yourself.
[The tiredness in Helios' voice is bringing out Robert's paternal, protective instincts. He smiles weakly, trying to reassure him a little.] The Malnosso torture us. But I... ... c-can't deny that these feelings are real. Unless, unless the Malnosso just gave them to me as well. Perhaps they did... but I would l-like to think there's enough e-empirical evidence to ascertain their existence... [Robert curls his fingers in Helios' slowly. How does one show that one cares deeply for someone properly, anyway?]
... but, you sound utterly exhausted, Helios. [Robert appraises Helios' body again; though the washing and sterilizing appears to have stopped his bleeding, there are still numerous bruises peppering his skin and Robert can still see blood soaking through patches of his sweater.] I'd... be more than willing to assist you further if at all possible. It... isn't any trouble for me.
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They do it without respite without any care of the consequences. I just don't understand why. How is any of this going to help us or even make us want to fight their war? [ Another tired and frustrated sigh. ] If only there was a way to speak with them equally. [ Helios' hand and arm might twitch at Robert's movements and he might slightly pull back a little. ]
Ah--no! No that's not necessary. I'm much better. I...I should be able to take care of things from here. [ Is he being too obvious that he's uncomfortable? Helios will smile though rubbing the back of his head with his left hand. ] I've already caused you enough trouble. And I should probably get back.
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At this point it hardly seems to me that the Malnosso particularly care about how we feel about much of anything. The one Malnossian scientist I spoke to offered me absolutely nothing constructive. [Robert snorts to himself.] Perhaps I would fare better speaking to the one called "John".
[As Helios tugs away, Robert glances up at him anxiously.] You... haven't caused me any trouble at all, Helios. I simply wish to help you... Call it repayment for being so kind to me, perhaps. [Because Robert can't show his feelings in any other way, right now.]
At the least I could help escort you back to your apartment... and perhaps make tea for you if Mr. Chopin hasn't already. [Not that Robert isn't jealous of that closeness or anything. Nope.]
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Very true. Though if they allowed us to possibly help them we might all find a way back home more quickly.
[ Helios might chuckle almost sounding like his old self. ] I made you run out in the snow and help me when I was bleeding. It's a very big trouble to you. [ He lets out a deep sigh. ] But thank you for helping me. I-I really appreciate everything. [ He'll smile looking at the floor his head will perk up at the mention of tea. ]
Ah...tea would be wonderful! I could definately use some.
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[And more shyly:] N-Not that I wouldn't like to go along with you to your universe. Or vice-versa.
... Helios. You were in obvious need of assistance. The only ethical thing to do is to help you. And... and I am your friend. ["And I'm possibly in love with you."] I... would think that friends would do such things.
And I thought as much. [Robert smiles, tenderly.] Perhaps a warm bath as well, to soothe the damaged regions...? [Robert would be quite happy to assist with that too...]
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[ Helios will smile softly. ] I wouldn't mind the prospect of visiting yours either actually. Even if I am a bit behind on technology. But learning is apart of the experience when it comes to going to differing planets and even dabbling in different cultures. [ Helios will start to get from his seated position. He's a bit wobbly at first but he gets his bearings quick enough. ]
Ah...yes you're right. You're absolutely right. [ He'd certainly do it for the other. ]
[ Helios' smile widens at that. ] A bath, hm? I'm not opposed to the idea now that you mention it. [ He looks at his hands and clothes almost sheepishly. ] I could certainly use one.
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[And Robert reflexively shifts so that Helios can kind of lean on him again. Even if his adrenaline-powered strength is gone by now, he still wants to help Helios out if he can.]
And I'd be glad to assist, if you needed it. [Robert blushes just slightly, his own expression a little sheepish as well. It's probably obvious what undertones that has, hence Robert's mild embarrassment.] Er, especially with your right side being as weak as it is right now...
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[ Helios might actually willingly do that now because his right side is still in poor shape, albeit not as bad as before, it's still giving him trouble and he'll never get back to the apartment at this rate. ]
Ah-Assist? [ Helios stammers looking taken aback. Did Robert mean what Helios thinks he means? Embarrassed, him? Never. Though that's a nice light shade of red on his face. ] N-No that-that's alright!
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[It's that bad-shape-ness that led Robert to suggest the whole "assisting Helios bathe" thing in the first place. Which is why Robert looks a little surprised at the reaction he gets.]
Well, what with the fact you're having trouble merely standing, bathing is certainly going to be a problem. And I assure you I don't mean anything... untoward. [Even if he's attracted to Helios, Robert's lack of a nudity taboo means that he isn't mentally equating said state with sexuality. Though the flush on Helios' face is certainly telling.]
... I, er, apologize if that was the impression you got. [Robert glances away a moment. It's not like he doesn't like that idea, but that wasn't actually what he had been thinking of - especially not in a serious situation like this.]
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[ Helios will wave him off with his left hand. ] O-Oh! Er. Yes...we-well I...I would be naked and it just seemed with everything that happened before this plus everything you said and-- [ He will stop muttering to himself a little shade of color still on his cheeks. ]
It-It's fine. But I can manage on my own, really!
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[Cue Robert giving Helios a sort of blank look for a moment.] And what would your nudity have to do with anything? I'd hardly expect you to bathe with clothing on; that would be unnecessarily complicating the matter. [But Helios being all blushy and stammery about it is odd.]
... Are.... are you equating nudity and sexuality? [And Robert gives Helios a look like that's a fairly strange thing to do.]
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Ah! W-well it's just that... [ Scars mostly his scars but also...other things.
Helios will just...shift onto his left side. ] Um, yes. You-You don't? [ And Helios will give Robert an equal look as if him finding this strange is...strange. ]
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