(no subject)
Last week, I nearly ended my life. I have spent the last week in the hospital. It does turn out that meds were a major contributor to the problem. What I was taking was keeping me awake, but not actually treating the mental symptoms of depression. The result-- every waking moment was torment.
What I'm on now actually doesn't leave me high or dopey. The only side effect-- a slight headache all of the time, which is definitely more preferable to depression. The past 2-3 days are the most 'normal' I've felt in years.
I will likely be spending time in mission shelters going through their rehab type programs. So far, I've spent 1 night in one of the shelters. A lot of the men there are just out of jail or prison, but are for the most part pretty nice. My actual complaint is the fact that they require you to spend approx. 2-ish hours in "chapel", which is a charismatic orgy of cramming salvation down people's throat. Well intentioned, but very bad approach.
My strange experience at a bus station by the mission yesterday (friday): I had been talking to a guy who had left the mission to live on the streets because he wasn't keeping a clean lifestyle. Another guy from the mission was also loitering around the bus station. Then, some lady walks in while I'm talking and seems pretty obvious that she was listening in. At that time, I was actually talking about depression and how things are much different in the past few days. The lady walked over to me and asked me if she could pray with me. I said yes. Both of the other guys came over and we all held hands.
WARNING-- don't start getting warm squishy feelings quite yet.
The lady started doing some..uhh... charismatic praying. She tried the 'laying on hands' thing to cast out the sickness. This went on for at least 20 minutes. It was just like what you'd see on TV. Trust me, it doesn't work. After it was done, she was absolutely sure that my life was changed. I had to break it to her-- I have alot of healing to do, and it's not going to be instantly fixed because she did the TV evangalist thing on me. It was really hard to break it to her because I knew her intentions were good.
I got to spend some quality time with Danielle and Tobias. Today has really felt like I've had a second chance at being a good daddy and husband. I don't know how much I'll get to see them in the near future, but it has been great to spend time with them.
Anyway, I don't know how often I'll be able to get to a computer for a while. I'll try to find a public library whenever I can. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow or the next week, but things are definitely better. Now I have a chance to rebuild a life again.
What I'm on now actually doesn't leave me high or dopey. The only side effect-- a slight headache all of the time, which is definitely more preferable to depression. The past 2-3 days are the most 'normal' I've felt in years.
I will likely be spending time in mission shelters going through their rehab type programs. So far, I've spent 1 night in one of the shelters. A lot of the men there are just out of jail or prison, but are for the most part pretty nice. My actual complaint is the fact that they require you to spend approx. 2-ish hours in "chapel", which is a charismatic orgy of cramming salvation down people's throat. Well intentioned, but very bad approach.
My strange experience at a bus station by the mission yesterday (friday): I had been talking to a guy who had left the mission to live on the streets because he wasn't keeping a clean lifestyle. Another guy from the mission was also loitering around the bus station. Then, some lady walks in while I'm talking and seems pretty obvious that she was listening in. At that time, I was actually talking about depression and how things are much different in the past few days. The lady walked over to me and asked me if she could pray with me. I said yes. Both of the other guys came over and we all held hands.
WARNING-- don't start getting warm squishy feelings quite yet.
The lady started doing some..uhh... charismatic praying. She tried the 'laying on hands' thing to cast out the sickness. This went on for at least 20 minutes. It was just like what you'd see on TV. Trust me, it doesn't work. After it was done, she was absolutely sure that my life was changed. I had to break it to her-- I have alot of healing to do, and it's not going to be instantly fixed because she did the TV evangalist thing on me. It was really hard to break it to her because I knew her intentions were good.
I got to spend some quality time with Danielle and Tobias. Today has really felt like I've had a second chance at being a good daddy and husband. I don't know how much I'll get to see them in the near future, but it has been great to spend time with them.
Anyway, I don't know how often I'll be able to get to a computer for a while. I'll try to find a public library whenever I can. I don't know where I'll be tomorrow or the next week, but things are definitely better. Now I have a chance to rebuild a life again.