well if no one else is updating.....

[flymethere]

So i spent my 2 nights at home being "sick" which turns out i was pretty sick and i still kind of am. i don't know what to do with it really. Its like sometimes i'm ok and then i crash. I'm scared because i think something is really actually wrong with my body. I'm always nauseous ALWAYS and then i go from really hot to cold with chills in like a split second. and i've had this constant little nagging headache for days now. :( i just want it to go away. i have no idea what's wrong with me.

anyway home was wonderful and i can't wait to go back tomorrow night. i miss it sometimes. and my parents are really good at trying to help me heal my broken heart. i mean i'm nowhere near okay yet, but they don't care how stupid i sound or how much i cry. i just miss him so much sometimes it's ridiculous.
but yeah i just spent all my time watching tv with Cee Cee and i couldnt ask for anything more.

Tomorrow i gotta go job-shadow a surgeon, which yeah it's gonna be cool, but i'm just not feeling up to it really for 4 hours starting at 8 a.m.

blaaaaahhhhh

i just want to be okay. soon.
i want to be okay physically
i want to be okay emotionally
i want to be okay on my own
i want to be okay spiritually
i want to be okay with who i am
i want to be okay with not trying to entertain everyone around me
i want to be okay. and it's taking so long and it feels like no progress.