Do i deserve to?
OK so i think i have the world record for checking my online status for FSU and you know what i have to fucking wait til friday. i am a wreck about this, im so nervous, and scared. if i don't get accepted i don't know what ill do, where ill go....i mean this means everything to me. do i deserve to go? i mean if i continue to lie to myself and be like yes christina you tried your hardest blah blah but did i really? i mean i fucked up so bad through school and finally i decide hey this time ill be better, is that enough. i mean how fair is it that people who bust their asses all through school get in and then someone out of sheer luck passes the bar and gets accepted. i mean seriously how fair is that? this girl i know got in with absolutely no credentials. i mean 2.4 and a 1270....yeah i mean its a great SAT score but how can that possibly balance the fact that she's a dumbass? i have a 2.9 and a 1160 and by the end of this year a 3.0 and look at me, im in limbo. danny, my moms, my friends, they all say don't worry about it you'll get in, but what the hell do they know? danny says i deserve to get in, i mean come on do i really? im pathetic and it hurts to feel this way but i might as well be going to BCC, no mocking it or anything i just had so much higher aspirations than that. i remember when i wanted to do law and go to boston, or when i wanted to do journalism and go to flagler, and now i want to be a podiatrist and go to FSU and well im shit out of luck. my father and my family will be so dissapointed in me. thats exactly what i need. god this is so nerve wrecking. i hate this. i wish i knew already. i doubt these last days are the days the admissions committee is lookign through my file. and if they are im sure they've already made their quota with the below average students. i mean the dumbass 2.4 is spanish too....so i guess they didn't have many options. god i gave myself the short end of the stick im so fucking stupid. i hate this i hate this i hate this. i need to go back to sleep.
tina
tina