It's Easier To Lie

[flyingpengwen72]

So... finals are over. That's exciting. Gotta spend the break here in San Angelo because of my job. That's cool, I'm fine with that. Running out of self pep talks and feeling kinda crazy... i think I'm driving myself insane and in some ways pushing people away that I love... I keep trying to avoid the avoiding, because that's bad... and I do that often. Sometimes... people are too much for me... which is weird, because I crave social situations... but yet, somehow, the people I love and care about, and who love me and care about me are the ones I fear and push away the hardest.. sigh... I truly miss my friends. I haven't seen one bestie since like the beginning of summer and I really miss her. I feel like I've grown terribly far apart from her. I don't know what's going on in her life and sometimes I don't even know what to say to her except the usual mumbo jumbo... hi, how are you... i miss you... but what else can I say, I don't know much about her current life and she doesn't know much about my life. And its not like she's that far... I mean, in today's society, she's a phone call or a mouse click away... and yet... don't talk to her that much. And its missage major... And then there's my bestie back in sa town... Haven't really talked to her that much either... and I miss my mer mer.. I mean, i saw her the last time I was down, she came over and we had some fun. But I kinda let them just play games in Buttons room... and I was kinda a downer... why? idk... I just kinda wanted some space, which was weird cause I missed them soo much... but maybe it's cause it was my own house... I felt like just getting some needed rest, but even then... I really missed all of them.. and I sorta shunned them. Felt like a total bitch for it. And of course there's nic nic... she's like a 15 minute walk away from me... and I don't even see her that much. I mean, it's not all my fault on that one... she's got her whole boyfriend/now ex boyfriend situation going on... and she doesn't really answer when I call her all the time... But that's cause she's in class and whatever. I just miss her sooo much... we don't ever hang out or anything... I think I'm going to make it a point to bug her this break and next semester... but try as hard as I want, I usually just end up a homebody never going out anymore, or talking to anyone... sigh... and there's my gay bestie up in new york!I mean, I do talk to him sometimes, but usually its just major updates in our lives... and that doesn't happen that often... sigh... I need to be a better friend. And I'll try... but, there are never any promises...

PS. Love you all! And aqualung = Love major