"I feel stronger with you close by"
well today... i made a really big mistake.... i think.. im not exactly sure what it was actually.. i just know it probably re-opened a whole big past that i had just about sealed shut.. everything that has been happening in my life lately has just confused me and i havent really had anyone to talk to about it.. but Johnny notice something was buggin me so he asked me about it last night..
theres everything with my dad and my brother and right now the situation is really up in the air.. i have no idea what is going to happen.. and its kinda scary.. but hopefully it will all turn out ok in the end.. its just taking FOREVER.. ahh oh well.. then the little things are adding on to it, cuz when somethings bothering you you dont really want to deal with stupid little things.. no one does.. but yah.. Tony is not who i thought he was, and thats ok, because i would much rather found out now than later if we had ended up going out.. i just get frusterated at some of the things he has said to me..its hurtful, and im sure cuz im already kind of down it is hurting me even more than it should.. but atleast i know how he *really* is.. anyways.. well, my "friend" is still talking behind my back and i dont think they realize that i know.. this is also bothering me, but not as much because i realize that i have other friends who dont talk about me so this person isnt worth my time.. and im not going to bother trying to do anything to make them not talk about me cuz i dont care what they do anymore.. if they dont like the way i am or the things i do... TOUGH SHIT .. yahh.. another thing, i hate girls right now.. not like all girls.. just stupid girls who always have something to prove and have to create drama.. GET OVER IT.. like when girls purposely go hang out with a guy and try to get with him when they know their friend is into him, or girls that talk about their own friends behind their backs over NOTHING, and girls that have to one up everything their friends do.. its so dumb.. i had a conversation about certain girls like that with Steph n Danny today in shop.. me n steph were in a anti-girl mood today haha.. but not all girls, just these certain ones.. anyways.. now that i have like updated on everything going on.. i can continue with my "mistake"..
but yah.. so then today in shop, he just like walked in n hugged me n was like "im sorry" cuz i told him bout my dad n bro n shit.. cuz he understands that stuff.. n it made me feel like "someone cares".. and i know that alot of people do care about me, but they dont know whats going on really.. and i dont expect them to dont get me wrong, cuz i know i havnet mentioned details at all, but like, its just good to have that feeling.. so yah, we ended up walking around the school n talking all period.. it was nice.. but then something really random happened between us, and i dont know exactly how to put it into words.. but it just like, happened.. and it just brought back everything from the past.. it almost felt like i was back in last April again.. and for a minute i didnt even think twice.. but then i stopped to think and realized that we had come so far in being friends again that what happened.. was probably a really big mistake.. after that happened..we just like went back to class and i sat there silent, just trying to process everything.. it really just brought back so much and i didnt want that to happen.. because ive gotten so close to putting it all behind me and i dont want to go backwards.. i just hope this doesnt change anything.. im really confused right now about everything and im still trying to process all of it.. i think once i get over the shock of it all i will be able to put more reason to it..
as if my life wasnt confusing enough haha.. but hey, cant complain cuz i know people that have it worse.. well.. time to go straighten my hair for tomorrow.. night yall..
"Have you ever let a romantic moment make you do something that you knew was stupid?"
theres everything with my dad and my brother and right now the situation is really up in the air.. i have no idea what is going to happen.. and its kinda scary.. but hopefully it will all turn out ok in the end.. its just taking FOREVER.. ahh oh well.. then the little things are adding on to it, cuz when somethings bothering you you dont really want to deal with stupid little things.. no one does.. but yah.. Tony is not who i thought he was, and thats ok, because i would much rather found out now than later if we had ended up going out.. i just get frusterated at some of the things he has said to me..its hurtful, and im sure cuz im already kind of down it is hurting me even more than it should.. but atleast i know how he *really* is.. anyways.. well, my "friend" is still talking behind my back and i dont think they realize that i know.. this is also bothering me, but not as much because i realize that i have other friends who dont talk about me so this person isnt worth my time.. and im not going to bother trying to do anything to make them not talk about me cuz i dont care what they do anymore.. if they dont like the way i am or the things i do... TOUGH SHIT .. yahh.. another thing, i hate girls right now.. not like all girls.. just stupid girls who always have something to prove and have to create drama.. GET OVER IT.. like when girls purposely go hang out with a guy and try to get with him when they know their friend is into him, or girls that talk about their own friends behind their backs over NOTHING, and girls that have to one up everything their friends do.. its so dumb.. i had a conversation about certain girls like that with Steph n Danny today in shop.. me n steph were in a anti-girl mood today haha.. but not all girls, just these certain ones.. anyways.. now that i have like updated on everything going on.. i can continue with my "mistake"..
but yah.. so then today in shop, he just like walked in n hugged me n was like "im sorry" cuz i told him bout my dad n bro n shit.. cuz he understands that stuff.. n it made me feel like "someone cares".. and i know that alot of people do care about me, but they dont know whats going on really.. and i dont expect them to dont get me wrong, cuz i know i havnet mentioned details at all, but like, its just good to have that feeling.. so yah, we ended up walking around the school n talking all period.. it was nice.. but then something really random happened between us, and i dont know exactly how to put it into words.. but it just like, happened.. and it just brought back everything from the past.. it almost felt like i was back in last April again.. and for a minute i didnt even think twice.. but then i stopped to think and realized that we had come so far in being friends again that what happened.. was probably a really big mistake.. after that happened..we just like went back to class and i sat there silent, just trying to process everything.. it really just brought back so much and i didnt want that to happen.. because ive gotten so close to putting it all behind me and i dont want to go backwards.. i just hope this doesnt change anything.. im really confused right now about everything and im still trying to process all of it.. i think once i get over the shock of it all i will be able to put more reason to it..
as if my life wasnt confusing enough haha.. but hey, cant complain cuz i know people that have it worse.. well.. time to go straighten my hair for tomorrow.. night yall..
"Have you ever let a romantic moment make you do something that you knew was stupid?"