a small leap into avoidance
Already, I had the temptation to not journalize. <-- It is a word!!! Anyways, I have put it off and finally said, oh well I made the goal of 10 minutes, whats that going to hurt? What am I avoiding anyway? It's nearly time for one of my favorite shows, "The Amazing Race" Yay!! So I'm using the 13minutes before it starts to journal a bit.
The last day of the Miramar air show was today! Yes no more dive bombing planes and shooting sounds for entertainment! Much appreciated. I really wonder how soldiers affected by PTSD deal with this. Exposure therapy? Maybe.... or more like flooding. I wondered about that man whose family was killed by the pilot who decided to push his fortune to make it to base and didn't... ejected while his fighter jet crashed into his home killing his new born baby, wife and mother in law. I wonder how it feels to him hearing all of those soaring jets. Sure, this show entertains millions of people and I'm sure it's a lot of fun but I also often speculate on the lesser traveled sides of thought or maybe less expressed. Does that make me overly cynical or negative? Apparently so but I guess it's my personalty. I don't take it back because I do believe while it's not always a good thing, it does add compassion and empathy for people who are forgotten about or the people society rather shove under the covers and not think about.
Last night, I was conversing with some littles. I'm sure if anyone is reading this, some are wondering... what the heck is she on. How high are you as my friend Pam would say? To be more specific. a close friend of mine has a condition called DID, Dissociative Identitiy Disorder which in the very simplest of terms has a lot to do with extreme severe trauma in early childhood leading to survival tactics that cause splits in the personality states that sometimes develop into separate personalities that help the person to deal with the multitude of traumas that happen to them. And yes... the typical association is "Oh Like Sybill" but she really isn't a good example even though the most highly associated. Anyways, I have known a few people with this diagnosis and the first was a extremely close friend. We were like two peas in a pod. I wish I knew her insiders but I didn't because I didn't know then that I could ask.... I did kknow at times, when she switched ... wasnt her.. the host... herself but I never said anything. I just took it in, responded and went with the flow. Unfortunately, some retriggering severe circumstances started in her life bringing out more wounded alter personalities and they took her life away. I miss her so so so soooooooooooo much. My dear Dena. I loved her so much. She was someone I felt I could truly trust with anything and she helped me so much learn about me... feel okay about my own diagnosis issues in the trauma realm and helped me feel good about myself. She taught me what a true friend is supposed to be like. *tear...
Anyways, so back to my friend last night. She has alot of little kid alters . Some I gave them nicknames .. my cute names for them. They are just like other kids in many ways.. other kids as in kids you see outside... at whatever age. they are often more mature because they have lived longer frozen at their age of trauma but living in a adult body exposed to years of life. Still the are kids... mschevious, innocent, etc. I really love them. I worry about them. I treasure my relationship with them and it's an honor for me to be in the position of trust to have this knowledge of them and ability to communicate with them. I love that. It makes ME feel good and I love to help if I can.
I have more to say but my show is about to come on so ciao......