Back update Rant
"You can't see when I'm hurting
You'll never be able to notice the pain
It feels like everyone else
Is sitting in the sunshine
While I'm drowning in the rain"e r
As a person that deals with chronic pain and has a high pain tolerance, I know that for me to be in THIS much pain, there must be SOME logical explanation. The concern I have is whether something could be done to bring me some relief. Today has been agony. I got in the shower and despite my shower chair, I could not really wash myself. Standing at all caused waves of pain as the hard floor of the bath tub just aggrivated my foot which seems to increase this pain the more. I couldn't get on underware without assistance... what's the point! Besides the ovarian cyst, falopian tube rupture I had when I was 17, this is the worse pain I have experienced. It goes beyond my tolerance because it's do debilitating. I cannot function as I normally do which in itself has always been less than what other bipeds do.
Today, my head has hurt all day just to add to the agony I feel. My neck is giving me issues and still worrying my low spine/nerves? The right foot movement of certain types effects the spine pain as well. Walking, moving, rolling, sitting, etc all effects it. Laying down with legs on pillows is comfortable as long as I don't move my leg. I have to carefully slide it off to get up and than still I must use extreme caution so as to not aggrivate anything. I have taken all of the medication that I'm allowed to take and still the relief is so minimal.
I was heading to go to the ER tonight but my ride did not pan out for various reasons. I actually cried. I don't cry!!! But the frustration was too much to bare. I couldn't hold it in! It just came and I tried so hard to swallow it down but it was not containable. I did manage to get some control over it but in general, it was so hard. This is the 2nd time I have cried today... the first time was tears I was able to quickly swallow away but this time, it was crying and right on the phone too! UGH!!
I just took two excedrin which I'm sure my stomach won't appreciate given the Indocin I'm already on but hope it helps my head somehow and maybe gives me some type of relief. The plan is to go to the ER tomorrow morning at 10am. I hope they don't look at me as a drug seeker or whatever.... I just want them to take me seriously and understand that while I know this isn't an all out emergency, I have SUCH INCOMPETENT primary care that the ER was actually a better option to bring me some treatment and relief.
I called my therapist to leave a message on her voice mail, letting her know I won't me making it in person to therapy yet again. That I'm still unable to get around so guess we will be doing a telephone session if all goes as planned on Tuesday.
My massage/holistic therapist is supposed to come tomorrow evening. He hasn't been here in quite some time. I'm not sure if he is going to do massage as we didn't talk about that. We were just doing a in person check- in since we haven't had that in ages. At this point, I'm not sure if I could handle massage but if I could, I surely wish for one. I don't know though, this is much too hard on me.
I think I should write out a statement of events from last wed or thursday with my symptoms for the ER... well I don't feel like doing that. I just want to describe the pain accurately. It's mostly sharp, and radiating around my low back, buttock and hip on the right side. It did switch sides briefly but went back to the right after a day and a half. It's almost like the left side became more dominantly painful. Stepping up is the worse pain than all. Basically anything that involved lifting the leg, rolling, putting any pressure on my right side or right foot brings the pain on. When I get into an almost standing position, I feel my low back lock up into spasm. When I walk, it hurts like heck to try and stand straight. I cannot put my chin to my chest without reproducing sharp pain in my low spine as well and neck has been an issue but I have the JRA to contend with diffrentiation. How do I know what is the FMS, Myofascial stuff versus JRA versus This pain. SOme, I can telll for sure but some of the spine pain is my 'normal' pain as well as the neck stuff. my neck is normally stiff to some degree and normally bothers me to some degree. This is past that degree but how far past is the question. I don't have an accurate baseline.
I didn't sleep last night and not sure about tonight at this point. I have been able to sleep off and on with this between all of the meds. The MS Contin.... Morphine!!! Barely touches this pain in terms of relief and I'm suffering tons of breakthrough pain.
Coughing, sneezing, deep breathing, laughing, going to the bathroom, basically everything increases this pain, some things more than others.
After 11 days of treatment consisting of muscle relaxants, NSAIDS, Ice, Rest, pain killers, and sometimes topical analgesics, the pain and mobility, debilitation is the same as when it started....
Gee, I need to print this out now....
maybe I will in the morning and cut out all of the diary entry me going off about the pain stuff... lol....
First time I went to the ER, they suspected this was a sprain but sprains don't switch sides. I also think that a sprain would have some improvement after 11 days of treatment. I could be wrong but I'm not confident. My primnary care doctor didn't really confirm or deny what the ER suspected, he just had me try putting my leg out one at a time while I was sitting on my walker and that produced intense pain with BOTH sides. He put me on better muscle relaxants, asked me about the last time I was in PT, when and where. Said the neck issue was my Fibro though he didn't check my neck. Than said to make a follow up with him in a month and a half. No guidance, no nothing... .just take the meds and the end. Now it's 11 days going on 12 days latter and I'm just utterly miserable despite meds and feeling like I don't have enough information to feel okay with dealing with this on my own as I am now. Oh yeh, I got a shot of Torodol from my PCP because I asked for it... and it tends to help me with inflammatory stuff. It did help me that day and part of the next esp with the Robaxin.. it was wonderful but that wore off... too fast.
So... I guess we shall see what happens tomorrow..... Right now, I have an amazing urge to listen to my Rock/Punk music.... esp Three Days Grace, likin park and AFI.... but I don't believe my head would appreciate that so I won't....
I'm bored and lonely. Glad I don't live alone... I can't imagine WHAT I would do right now. I got to listen to the meeting over the telephone hook up but it's not the same as being there.
I missed "The Amazing Race" tonight because my mom found a movie and wouldn't let me watch my show.. Boooo. :( I want my tv back! Been playing a lot of "Diner Dash Hometown Hero" and 'Safari Island Mah Jong".... I beat my top score on that one by like 35,000 points. I have NO idea how I did that But I'm so happy because I'm number 1 on the list!! hehehe. For the longest time, some person called Sue had the # 1 spot and now I have taken over the #1 spot with 135,000 points and the #2 spot with 102,000 est. something points. I'm so happy about that. I have to admit, I'm really competitive when it comes to games. In school, I wasn't competitive against others.... just myself..I had to be at the top for me.... as long as I had an A, I was happy... and others could get A's.. good for them.... so I would say I compete against myself to get higher and do better. Guess it's that Type A personality trait that I seem to have. At least according to some.
Well, think I'm going to check online to see what the update is for "The Amazing Race" and I think Project Runway starts this week!!! YAY. I need to remember that.
You'll never be able to notice the pain
It feels like everyone else
Is sitting in the sunshine
While I'm drowning in the rain"e r
As a person that deals with chronic pain and has a high pain tolerance, I know that for me to be in THIS much pain, there must be SOME logical explanation. The concern I have is whether something could be done to bring me some relief. Today has been agony. I got in the shower and despite my shower chair, I could not really wash myself. Standing at all caused waves of pain as the hard floor of the bath tub just aggrivated my foot which seems to increase this pain the more. I couldn't get on underware without assistance... what's the point! Besides the ovarian cyst, falopian tube rupture I had when I was 17, this is the worse pain I have experienced. It goes beyond my tolerance because it's do debilitating. I cannot function as I normally do which in itself has always been less than what other bipeds do.
Today, my head has hurt all day just to add to the agony I feel. My neck is giving me issues and still worrying my low spine/nerves? The right foot movement of certain types effects the spine pain as well. Walking, moving, rolling, sitting, etc all effects it. Laying down with legs on pillows is comfortable as long as I don't move my leg. I have to carefully slide it off to get up and than still I must use extreme caution so as to not aggrivate anything. I have taken all of the medication that I'm allowed to take and still the relief is so minimal.
I was heading to go to the ER tonight but my ride did not pan out for various reasons. I actually cried. I don't cry!!! But the frustration was too much to bare. I couldn't hold it in! It just came and I tried so hard to swallow it down but it was not containable. I did manage to get some control over it but in general, it was so hard. This is the 2nd time I have cried today... the first time was tears I was able to quickly swallow away but this time, it was crying and right on the phone too! UGH!!
I just took two excedrin which I'm sure my stomach won't appreciate given the Indocin I'm already on but hope it helps my head somehow and maybe gives me some type of relief. The plan is to go to the ER tomorrow morning at 10am. I hope they don't look at me as a drug seeker or whatever.... I just want them to take me seriously and understand that while I know this isn't an all out emergency, I have SUCH INCOMPETENT primary care that the ER was actually a better option to bring me some treatment and relief.
I called my therapist to leave a message on her voice mail, letting her know I won't me making it in person to therapy yet again. That I'm still unable to get around so guess we will be doing a telephone session if all goes as planned on Tuesday.
My massage/holistic therapist is supposed to come tomorrow evening. He hasn't been here in quite some time. I'm not sure if he is going to do massage as we didn't talk about that. We were just doing a in person check- in since we haven't had that in ages. At this point, I'm not sure if I could handle massage but if I could, I surely wish for one. I don't know though, this is much too hard on me.
I think I should write out a statement of events from last wed or thursday with my symptoms for the ER... well I don't feel like doing that. I just want to describe the pain accurately. It's mostly sharp, and radiating around my low back, buttock and hip on the right side. It did switch sides briefly but went back to the right after a day and a half. It's almost like the left side became more dominantly painful. Stepping up is the worse pain than all. Basically anything that involved lifting the leg, rolling, putting any pressure on my right side or right foot brings the pain on. When I get into an almost standing position, I feel my low back lock up into spasm. When I walk, it hurts like heck to try and stand straight. I cannot put my chin to my chest without reproducing sharp pain in my low spine as well and neck has been an issue but I have the JRA to contend with diffrentiation. How do I know what is the FMS, Myofascial stuff versus JRA versus This pain. SOme, I can telll for sure but some of the spine pain is my 'normal' pain as well as the neck stuff. my neck is normally stiff to some degree and normally bothers me to some degree. This is past that degree but how far past is the question. I don't have an accurate baseline.
I didn't sleep last night and not sure about tonight at this point. I have been able to sleep off and on with this between all of the meds. The MS Contin.... Morphine!!! Barely touches this pain in terms of relief and I'm suffering tons of breakthrough pain.
Coughing, sneezing, deep breathing, laughing, going to the bathroom, basically everything increases this pain, some things more than others.
After 11 days of treatment consisting of muscle relaxants, NSAIDS, Ice, Rest, pain killers, and sometimes topical analgesics, the pain and mobility, debilitation is the same as when it started....
Gee, I need to print this out now....
maybe I will in the morning and cut out all of the diary entry me going off about the pain stuff... lol....
First time I went to the ER, they suspected this was a sprain but sprains don't switch sides. I also think that a sprain would have some improvement after 11 days of treatment. I could be wrong but I'm not confident. My primnary care doctor didn't really confirm or deny what the ER suspected, he just had me try putting my leg out one at a time while I was sitting on my walker and that produced intense pain with BOTH sides. He put me on better muscle relaxants, asked me about the last time I was in PT, when and where. Said the neck issue was my Fibro though he didn't check my neck. Than said to make a follow up with him in a month and a half. No guidance, no nothing... .just take the meds and the end. Now it's 11 days going on 12 days latter and I'm just utterly miserable despite meds and feeling like I don't have enough information to feel okay with dealing with this on my own as I am now. Oh yeh, I got a shot of Torodol from my PCP because I asked for it... and it tends to help me with inflammatory stuff. It did help me that day and part of the next esp with the Robaxin.. it was wonderful but that wore off... too fast.
So... I guess we shall see what happens tomorrow..... Right now, I have an amazing urge to listen to my Rock/Punk music.... esp Three Days Grace, likin park and AFI.... but I don't believe my head would appreciate that so I won't....
I'm bored and lonely. Glad I don't live alone... I can't imagine WHAT I would do right now. I got to listen to the meeting over the telephone hook up but it's not the same as being there.
I missed "The Amazing Race" tonight because my mom found a movie and wouldn't let me watch my show.. Boooo. :( I want my tv back! Been playing a lot of "Diner Dash Hometown Hero" and 'Safari Island Mah Jong".... I beat my top score on that one by like 35,000 points. I have NO idea how I did that But I'm so happy because I'm number 1 on the list!! hehehe. For the longest time, some person called Sue had the # 1 spot and now I have taken over the #1 spot with 135,000 points and the #2 spot with 102,000 est. something points. I'm so happy about that. I have to admit, I'm really competitive when it comes to games. In school, I wasn't competitive against others.... just myself..I had to be at the top for me.... as long as I had an A, I was happy... and others could get A's.. good for them.... so I would say I compete against myself to get higher and do better. Guess it's that Type A personality trait that I seem to have. At least according to some.
Well, think I'm going to check online to see what the update is for "The Amazing Race" and I think Project Runway starts this week!!! YAY. I need to remember that.