(no subject)
just woke up. slept three hours later than i wanted to.
didn't even hear my alarm. i don't know what's wrong.
i either sleep wayyyy too much, or not enough.
seems more like not enough lately though. more like just staring at the ceiling on my back.
my mind is a mess. i have so much there right now,
and not enough of it is coming out. i feel like a total ass
for what has been going on lately. i just don't know how to end it.
i try. i try so hard. sometimes i guess no matter how hard you try,
it never really ends. even if that's all you want. life doesn't work that way.
and that's the tricky thing about life, really, that the things we want most will kill us. i read this piece recently that talked about loving either darkness or loving light, and how hard it is to love light and how easy it is to love darkness. i think that is true. ultimately, we do what we love to do. i like to think that i do things for the right reasons, but i don't, i do things because i do or don't love doing them. because of sin, because i am self-addicted, living in the wreckage of the fall, my body, my heart, and my affections are prone to love things that kill me.
didn't even hear my alarm. i don't know what's wrong.
i either sleep wayyyy too much, or not enough.
seems more like not enough lately though. more like just staring at the ceiling on my back.
my mind is a mess. i have so much there right now,
and not enough of it is coming out. i feel like a total ass
for what has been going on lately. i just don't know how to end it.
i try. i try so hard. sometimes i guess no matter how hard you try,
it never really ends. even if that's all you want. life doesn't work that way.
and that's the tricky thing about life, really, that the things we want most will kill us. i read this piece recently that talked about loving either darkness or loving light, and how hard it is to love light and how easy it is to love darkness. i think that is true. ultimately, we do what we love to do. i like to think that i do things for the right reasons, but i don't, i do things because i do or don't love doing them. because of sin, because i am self-addicted, living in the wreckage of the fall, my body, my heart, and my affections are prone to love things that kill me.