a crappy email from Moire and Alissa
This is completely unedited. Sorry for the length.
Hey Laura,
We just wanted to drop you a line see how the Euge is treating you. Is it all you expected it to be? We're sure it is . . . How is campus? Have you gone to see Cari? All is going great here back in Mejiro. Classes started last week and believe it or not, it's been a complete 180 from last term. It's just the two of us with Ito sensei and she is actually being reasonable, as in, we started completely over in the grammar book. Kaz's class is still rockin. We will be going to Waseda's library for a little "studying" -- ha. Old Suzuki's class is taught by Kumazawa sensei (you remember him right?!) Well, its all in Japanese and so it'll be pretty good for the vocabulary.
On that note, we need your mailing address in Eugene because we've got something to send you (grades, final tests, papers, etc). Kimura san (the new advisor) had mentioned to us numerous times that she wanted to include a letter to you as well... On the other hand, there are some things you need to know about since your departure. You see, since you left in such a hurry, people, (as in your floor and Kimura san) were left completely in the dark as to why. They could only come up with a few solutions (the obvious being homesickness) but instead, they have been blaming themselves for not being " a good enough friend" to you. For example, Kimura san lives in Yokohama and on numerous occasions came to Gokokuji temple to pray, yet she never came to the dorms -- she has been dealing with internal conflict and guilt bc if she had come to the dorms and talked with you, then maybe you would have stayed. As for the girls on your floor, they have no idea why you left either. It was nothing but assumptions coming out of their mouths tonight. They at least deserved to know why you were leaving. This might be trivial to you, but for us, we sat for over 45 minutes and explained to your floor and Kimura san "why you left" which was of course, a very vague version.
Needlesstosay, all we did was apologize for your actions and have been doing that since you left. We learned that your entire floor had taken the night off from their baitos and all given money to buy gifts and food for you. If you hadn't had been so inconsiderate the entire 8 months you lived there, maybe you would have come out with more than one friend. Japan could have provided any opportunity you needed, ie. self discovery, but instead, you decided to shack up in your room and shut the surrounding world out. It isn't easy to live in another country anywhere in this world, but you were presented with an opportunity that was a challenge and you took the easy road out.
So maybe you're curious as to why we've thrown that in? We've been doing our fair share of reflecting since you've been gone and assume that you have been to. Noticing all the skin-deep differences between Japan and the States I'm sure, however, when it comes to the life you lead here, how do you feel about it? Do you wonder how you are remembered? If you came back tomorrow, you'd be completely accepted with open arms. Do you think you deserve that? The way you left and the way you treated the gals on your floor doesn't reflect very positively upon yourself? IF you think about it, they aren't that much different from you or us.
This isn't meant to offend you, it's just to raise your awareness to the repercussions we're dealing with because of your actions. We don't know what turned so sour for you in Japan, but hopefully you figure it out and don't negatively represent this country because of your colorless experience here. You can take this one of two ways: as constructive criticism and not as an attack. Hope to hear from you soon.
Alissa & Moire
-----MY REPLY----------- I tried really hard to not make this personal.
Hey Guys,
I think I'm mature enough to respond to constructive criticism, so we'll see how this goes. I am sorry that you guys have had to deal with repercussions from my decision to leave, but in the future, just tell them that I wasn't happy there, you don't know why I left and/or that it had nothing to do with them. I'll send a letter to the girls on my floor and try to make them feel better. I had no idea that they would blame themselves, and although I tried to express how much I appreciated the party they threw and the chopsticks they gave to me, I must have come up short. I guess that's what happens when you're caught completely off guard.
As for the sentence, "If you hadn't had been so inconsiderate the entire 8 months you lived there, maybe you would have come out with more than one friend" all I can say is that you have no idea what you are writing about, and I don't think that counts as constructive criticism. When I said "I made one friend," I meant that I made one good friend… one friend that I would have made had I met her in Oregon. The other girls in my hall, although I liked them and talked to them sometimes, I would call acquaintances. Since you guys are obviously the experts on being considerate (sleeping through cleaning, not changing your shoes, etc), you definitely have room to criticize me on that point. I actually spent time in my danwashitsu with the little girls. Although I definitely didn't go there everyday, I at least made an effort to be a presence on my floor. Honestly, how I am remembered in Japan will never keep me awake at night. I also think that if you believe that the differences between Japan and the U.S. are merely skin deep, you haven't experienced Japan.
As for taking the easy way out, I reject the use of that term. I stayed in Japan for 8 months. That is already longer than most study abroad programs, and I see no problem with rejecting an experience if I'll be happier without it. I didn't fulfill my obligation to the program, but that is nothing you should have to worry about. It is, in fact, none of either of your business. If people try to make you explain for me, just tell them that you don't know, because I'm not about to explain to you why I left in this email. The decision to leave Japan was an easy one for me to make, but I feel that the term "taking the easy way out" implies that I copped out of experiences while I was in Japan. Going by this definition, I feel like you guys are the ones who have taken the easy way out while in Japan. I made an effort to experience Japan on my own, to see what the country holds. While in the end I decided to leave, I don't pretend that I found nothing, or had no experiences of value there. Both of you, by going to Japan together and experiencing it as a pair really have very little idea how difficult it was for me to be in Japan alone. In my experience, doing things with other foreigners in Japan is much easier than doing them alone. Experiencing things with a friend or guardian (host family) has a protecting effect that both of you have had very little experience without. As a result, I find it easy to disregard criticism from either of you that I took the easy way out. It doesn't feel that way to me, and, at this point, that is all I care about.
Hey Laura,
We just wanted to drop you a line see how the Euge is treating you. Is it all you expected it to be? We're sure it is . . . How is campus? Have you gone to see Cari? All is going great here back in Mejiro. Classes started last week and believe it or not, it's been a complete 180 from last term. It's just the two of us with Ito sensei and she is actually being reasonable, as in, we started completely over in the grammar book. Kaz's class is still rockin. We will be going to Waseda's library for a little "studying" -- ha. Old Suzuki's class is taught by Kumazawa sensei (you remember him right?!) Well, its all in Japanese and so it'll be pretty good for the vocabulary.
On that note, we need your mailing address in Eugene because we've got something to send you (grades, final tests, papers, etc). Kimura san (the new advisor) had mentioned to us numerous times that she wanted to include a letter to you as well... On the other hand, there are some things you need to know about since your departure. You see, since you left in such a hurry, people, (as in your floor and Kimura san) were left completely in the dark as to why. They could only come up with a few solutions (the obvious being homesickness) but instead, they have been blaming themselves for not being " a good enough friend" to you. For example, Kimura san lives in Yokohama and on numerous occasions came to Gokokuji temple to pray, yet she never came to the dorms -- she has been dealing with internal conflict and guilt bc if she had come to the dorms and talked with you, then maybe you would have stayed. As for the girls on your floor, they have no idea why you left either. It was nothing but assumptions coming out of their mouths tonight. They at least deserved to know why you were leaving. This might be trivial to you, but for us, we sat for over 45 minutes and explained to your floor and Kimura san "why you left" which was of course, a very vague version.
Needlesstosay, all we did was apologize for your actions and have been doing that since you left. We learned that your entire floor had taken the night off from their baitos and all given money to buy gifts and food for you. If you hadn't had been so inconsiderate the entire 8 months you lived there, maybe you would have come out with more than one friend. Japan could have provided any opportunity you needed, ie. self discovery, but instead, you decided to shack up in your room and shut the surrounding world out. It isn't easy to live in another country anywhere in this world, but you were presented with an opportunity that was a challenge and you took the easy road out.
So maybe you're curious as to why we've thrown that in? We've been doing our fair share of reflecting since you've been gone and assume that you have been to. Noticing all the skin-deep differences between Japan and the States I'm sure, however, when it comes to the life you lead here, how do you feel about it? Do you wonder how you are remembered? If you came back tomorrow, you'd be completely accepted with open arms. Do you think you deserve that? The way you left and the way you treated the gals on your floor doesn't reflect very positively upon yourself? IF you think about it, they aren't that much different from you or us.
This isn't meant to offend you, it's just to raise your awareness to the repercussions we're dealing with because of your actions. We don't know what turned so sour for you in Japan, but hopefully you figure it out and don't negatively represent this country because of your colorless experience here. You can take this one of two ways: as constructive criticism and not as an attack. Hope to hear from you soon.
Alissa & Moire
-----MY REPLY----------- I tried really hard to not make this personal.
Hey Guys,
I think I'm mature enough to respond to constructive criticism, so we'll see how this goes. I am sorry that you guys have had to deal with repercussions from my decision to leave, but in the future, just tell them that I wasn't happy there, you don't know why I left and/or that it had nothing to do with them. I'll send a letter to the girls on my floor and try to make them feel better. I had no idea that they would blame themselves, and although I tried to express how much I appreciated the party they threw and the chopsticks they gave to me, I must have come up short. I guess that's what happens when you're caught completely off guard.
As for the sentence, "If you hadn't had been so inconsiderate the entire 8 months you lived there, maybe you would have come out with more than one friend" all I can say is that you have no idea what you are writing about, and I don't think that counts as constructive criticism. When I said "I made one friend," I meant that I made one good friend… one friend that I would have made had I met her in Oregon. The other girls in my hall, although I liked them and talked to them sometimes, I would call acquaintances. Since you guys are obviously the experts on being considerate (sleeping through cleaning, not changing your shoes, etc), you definitely have room to criticize me on that point. I actually spent time in my danwashitsu with the little girls. Although I definitely didn't go there everyday, I at least made an effort to be a presence on my floor. Honestly, how I am remembered in Japan will never keep me awake at night. I also think that if you believe that the differences between Japan and the U.S. are merely skin deep, you haven't experienced Japan.
As for taking the easy way out, I reject the use of that term. I stayed in Japan for 8 months. That is already longer than most study abroad programs, and I see no problem with rejecting an experience if I'll be happier without it. I didn't fulfill my obligation to the program, but that is nothing you should have to worry about. It is, in fact, none of either of your business. If people try to make you explain for me, just tell them that you don't know, because I'm not about to explain to you why I left in this email. The decision to leave Japan was an easy one for me to make, but I feel that the term "taking the easy way out" implies that I copped out of experiences while I was in Japan. Going by this definition, I feel like you guys are the ones who have taken the easy way out while in Japan. I made an effort to experience Japan on my own, to see what the country holds. While in the end I decided to leave, I don't pretend that I found nothing, or had no experiences of value there. Both of you, by going to Japan together and experiencing it as a pair really have very little idea how difficult it was for me to be in Japan alone. In my experience, doing things with other foreigners in Japan is much easier than doing them alone. Experiencing things with a friend or guardian (host family) has a protecting effect that both of you have had very little experience without. As a result, I find it easy to disregard criticism from either of you that I took the easy way out. It doesn't feel that way to me, and, at this point, that is all I care about.