Go The Distance [1/2]
Title: Go The Distance [1/2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: MinSang
Warning: BoyxBoy Love. Enough said.
Summary: It has never occurred to Mingi that Yeosang wants to date.
True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart.
--unknown
There was a saying about once you nestled in your comfort zone, it would be hard to leave it.
Mingi knew exactly this feeling.
He loved his inner circle too damn much. His friends made him feel like everything would be alright, like nothing would ever change between them. Deep down inside, he held on to that hope.
The five of them had been together since high school. At first it was only him and Yunho, then they stumbled across Wooyoung and San, and ended up befriending Yeosang, who basically spent his time with Wooyoung. Mingi liked the feeling he had whenever they were together-the laughter, happiness, the strong friendship they got. In a way, they complemented each other.
Mingi didn’t even know how the five of them managed to get into the same university-it seemed like the only two persons who were serious about studying were Yunho and Yeosang. But maybe it was just how it was meant to be. Nevertheless, their friendship continued to grow as they spent even more time together.
They were going to be seniors soon, but Mingi was confident that nothing was going to change. Even after five years of friendship, they never had a disagreement. Not even once. Well, if he counted the constant bickering between Wooyoung and San, there were hundreds-thousands even, but it was never serious-they were just being themselves. They just loved to argue. Their days were filled with it, and none of the other three seemed to mind.
Everything was good.
Life was good.
Nothing was going to change.
Mingi was certain of it.
It was on a bright, sunny day in summer when Yeosang asked him a random question out of nowhere. The others still had class, so it was just the two of them. Yeosang had always been random and straightforward, but this time, it caught Mingi off-guard.
“Mingi?”
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t really catch the question. You want to…what?”
Yeosang tilted his head, not really meeting Mingi’s eyes. “I’m asking if it would be alright for me to date.”
All of a sudden, Mingi’s throat went extremely dry. It could be the weather though-he hadn’t drunk anything since his class ended. The first thought that ran through his mind was the fact that if Yeosang dated, then the group would have an additional member. Imagining Yeosang with a girl by his side (face still blurred in his imagination) with them seemed…
“Mingi? Are you listening?”
“Uh, yeah. But, may I ask why?”
“Why…?”
“Yeah. Why would you want to date…?”
“Uh…” Yeosang frowned deeply. “Isn’t it…normal to think that way?”
Huh.
“I’m tired of being the third-wheel with WooSan, you know,” Yeosang laughed heartily, obviously joking. Realizing Mingi didn’t catch what he meant, the obvious confusion chiseled in the taller male’s face, made him look away. Neither of them said anything for some time, and somehow there was tension in the air. Yeosang cleared his throat. “If you don’t approve…”
“That’s not what I mean.”
Yeosang opened his mouth to say something, but Mingi cut him off.
“I’m not against you dating, Yeosang, hell, I’m not against any of us dating. But it’s just… I guess… I’m just surprised.” Mingi chewed his inner cheek thoughtfully. “I never knew you like someone.”
“…I’m still thinking about it, to be honest.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well… This freshman confessed to me out of nowhere…”
Mingi was bewildered. He hadn’t expected that kind of answer. What the hell was happening?
“W-well, just because she confessed, all of a sudden, you want to date? Do you like her? No, do you even know her?”
Yeosang’s attention went to his twiddling hands, before going back to Mingi. “Mingi… I’m into men.”
“H-huh?”
“The freshman… It’s a he.”
Right at that moment, there was a sound of something breaking just a few tables away from them. A glass? A plate? Mingi couldn’t tell.
There were panicked voices, and Mingi could feel Yeosang shifting his gaze to the source of incident. But something seemed to block Mingi’s senses because all he could hear was a high-pitched ringing, like something exploded right before him and it made him numb.
He needed a moment to process.
Yeosang is into men?
“…gi.”
Yeosang, his Yeosang?
“Mingi!”
Mingi snapped back to life, still unaware of his surroundings. Across him, Yeosang looked very worried.
“Mingi, are you…angry?”
“No,” Mingi retorted. “No. I’m not…angry.”
“Are you sure, though…?”
“Yeosang,” Mingi reached out for Yeosang’s hand. “I’m not angry, I just… I mean, we’ve been friends for a long time, but you never told me anything. All I can say is that, even if you’re into men, don’t rush yet. Don’t immediately date that freshman just because he says he likes you. Just…get to know each other first. Like us.”
What the heck did that mean, Mingi? Like us?
The pretty male broke into a small smile. It was still laced with uncertainty, but there was a hint of relief underneath it. “Thank you. It means a lot to me.”
“A-and, thank you, for telling me.” Mingi pressed his lips together. “You know you can also tell me anything, right?”
“I know. Thank you, Mingi. I mean it.” Yeosang absentmindedly grabbed the menu. “Do you want to eat here while waiting for the others? Or should we choose another location?”
Yeosang only received a headshake as a reply, and he smiled as he skimmed through the menu.
Mingi, however, felt his heart heavy with something.
***
The day turned to night, and he had already parted ways with his friends, but Mingi still couldn’t stop thinking about what Yeosang told him earlier.
For some reason, he kind of expected Yeosang to ask the others the same question he had asked him, but the topic was never brought up at all.
If Mingi was being honest, he would say that he felt the closest to Yeosang. If he had to rank his friends, it would be Yeosang, then Yunho, then Wooyoung and San together (sometimes he even forgot that there were actually two of them).
So why, after all this time, he couldn’t even tell that his closest friend was…
Well, his mind piped up, as if building a defense. All this time, we’ve never really talked about relationships. Come to think of it, none of us have dated since high school. Did one of us have girlfriends back then? Mingi contemplated, then shook his head. Nah, didn’t think so. All we did was hung out and play games and study and…that was pretty much all of it.
Mingi looked at his chat history with Yeosang on his phone.
They chatted often, once every a few hours.
So why…
The tall male pouted dejectedly, feeling slightly disappointed. What was it that he felt? Was it really disappointment? At who, he wasn’t sure. Was it at Yeosang, or was it at himself…?
Why did you never tell me anything?
Mingi groaned, wishing he would just forget whatever that had been bothering him the next morning. But even after he woke up, the feeling didn’t go away.
He must’ve been sighing the whole time that when the Professor said the lecture ended there, Yunho quickly hit him with a book. Not too playfully.
“You don’t even take this class, why are you even here? Where’s Yeosang?”
“He hasn’t replied.” Mingi gasped at Yunho, eyes widening in disbelief. “You said that because you think I’m close to Yeosang, right?”
“Duh. There’s this thing called friendship.”
“I know, but-but you think I’m also close to Yeosang, right?”
“So does that mean you think I’m not close to Yeosang?”
“I mean,” Mingi groaned in frustration, his arms flailing, almost knocking Yunho’s bag to the floor. “Surely when you’re close to someone, you’d tell them if you ever like someone right?”
“Oh.”
“I mean, there’s this freshman… Apparently he confesses to Yeosang, and Yeosang was thinking of accepting him because…” Mingi quickly realized what he was saying. Wait, it’s supposed to be a secret…I think? Good Lord, you and your big mouth, Mingi! He was about to explain to Yunho when he caught the latter’s sympathetic expression. “Wait a minute… Oh. My. God. You knew.”
“H-huh?”
“You knew!” Mingi exclaimed. “You knew Yeosang was-is-”
“Not the freshman part, but, yes, I did know-”
“He told you? You traitor!!”
Mingi smacked Yunho hard with his bag on the arm, earning a painful shout from the other male. Luckily, most of the other students had already walked out of the classroom.
“Which part about that makes me a traitor? Stop it! Seriously Mingi, stop it!”
Mingi, breathlessly, did stop. There it went again, the unknown feeling. He felt weird. What was it that he felt? He’d never felt this way before. It seemed to be somewhat between anger and sadness.
So Yeosang told Yunho but he didn’t tell Mingi? Didn’t Yeosang spend six-seven days a week with Mingi-just the two of them, while okay, perhaps three to four days with him and the others? They spent more time together!
But Yunho was right. Who was the traitor?
“Look,” Yunho winced as he rubbed his sore arm. Mingi really did hit him with full strength. “All I’m saying…is that no matter how close we are, there might be things that we feel uncomfortable to share with a certain person.”
“But-”
“Like, I personally feel Yeosang prefers Wooyoung for things that he feels…more private. Since they go way back before us. You understand what I’m saying?”
“But-”
“For example, I would be comfortable sharing with you about the latest games or the latest music album. But when I feel like an advice for fashion, I would go straight to San instead of you. Not because I don’t trust you,” Yunho put a finger up when Mingi opened his mouth to start another whining. “But just because I feel San is more honest about this thing. Do you get it?”
Mingi pouted, but he understood. He nodded in defeat.
“So Yeosang not telling you he’s into men not because he doesn’t trust you. It could be because he feels you’re the closest to him, that you might not be as accepting. Like what if he tells you and you find it disturbing and your friendship is ruined?”
“But-”
“No buts!! If you have anything to say, tell that to Yeosang, not me.” Yunho scoffed. He ran a hand through his hair, tidying his bangs and started inserting his books into his backpack. “Do you want to grab a bite though? All this explanation is making me hungry.”
Mingi glanced at his phone screen, secretly hoping Yeosang had replied his message.
There was none.
The tall male felt an indescribable pang as he shrugged.
“Sure. Let’s go.”
***
It had been days since their last conversation and Mingi didn’t know why, but he had a feeling Yeosang was somewhat avoiding him.
When he asked if Yeosang was free so that they could spend the time together, the two of them as usual, funny coincidences that somehow Wooyoung would be there too, or another friend in their class that he wasn’t really close to would ask to join their table randomly.
Was it a sign? A horrible sign?
It was never just the two of them.
After several days that almost turned to weeks, Mingi felt really frustrated why this kind of thing kept on happening. He just wanted a private, quality time with Yeosang, was it too much to ask?
Yeosang not really replying to his messages didn’t help either.
Mingi wasn’t sure he did something wrong, maybe Yeosang was really just tired. Or had a lot of assignments. Or just…lost interest in him. He fell into a pit of horror by his own train of thoughts and wanted to just bury himself if Yeosang really did lose interest in him.
But wait…why?
All these series of ‘why’ were going to be the death of him someday.
Mingi subconsciously clicked on Yeosang’s profile picture and he did nothing but stare. It was a picture of the five of them that was taken around Christmas last year. They had been exchanging gifts, but to be fair and square, each person had to buy four gifts so no one would feel left out. Mingi chuckled softly while remembering those moments. Yeosang looked so happy in the picture.
He ran a finger across Yeosang’s face.
Pretty.
Yeosang had always been the prettiest, even in high school. He had the fairest skin Mingi had ever seen, and his big, rounded eyes sometimes made him forget that Yeosang was actually Korean. Contrast to his beautiful look, his voice was deep, but it had a nice ring to it. Mingi liked listening to the pretty male’s voice. Yeosang had always been so pretty in his eyes…
…that no women could seem to beat him.
Hm?
Mingi frowned to himself.
Come to think of it…did he ever think about dating someone?
Maybe because Mingi had never talked about it, it made Yeosang reluctant to tell him. It made sense.
Should I start thinking about dating someone now?
Mingi palmed his mouth. He grimaced.
Nah, I just really want to go back to spend times with Yeosang. That’s all I need. But it’s been a while too with the other guys… Should I just do a group chat?
He acknowledged a flock of people rushing out of the classroom and soon spotted Yunho and Yeosang. Upon seeing Yeosang, Mingi felt his heart dropping, he was super nervous for no reason. He wondered if there was time for him to dash into the restroom to fix his hair-nope, it was too late.
“Hey,” Mingi greeted both of them casually.
“Hey.”
“Hi Mingi,” Yeosang flashed his usual smile. “Did you wait long?”
A smile from the pretty male was just what Mingi needed to pull Yeosang into a friendly hug. He sighed in relief as he slung an arm around the shorter male’s shoulder. “And why haven’t you been replying to my messages?”
“Ah… I’m sorry, I’m just busy.”
“Yeah right… Am I not your priority? Even if you’re busy, you should always make time for me.”
Yunho rolled his eyes, not really wanting to join in the conversation. “Don’t mind him, Yeosang. He’s been like this since you’ve…”
Both Yeosang and Mingi were staring at Yunho. One was of confusion, and the other one was of disbelief. Mingi shook his head briefly, like he was about to say, what the heck are you doing?
Yunho coughed. “…been so busy studying for exams.”
Yeosang gave him a look. “I was? But exams are still two months away.”
“R-right, which is why you were studying ahead.” Yunho put his hands up in defeat, not wanting to say anything further. He turned around and walked a few steps ahead from the couple. “Whatever, I’m too old to meddle in this kind of thing...”
“But seriously,” Mingi started, relieved that Yeosang leaned into him like usual as they followed Yunho in their pace. “Am I not important in your life anymore?”
“Of course you are, what are you saying?” Yeosang’s tone was flat.
Mingi couldn’t help but hate the way Yeosang responded. “What are you busy about? You used to reply so fast.”
“Hmm… I might be distracted lately. I’m sorry. I’m busy messaging someone else.”
Mingi’s heart skipped a beat. “H-huh?”
“I’m taking your advice seriously. Weren’t you the one who said I should just take it slow, and not rushing? I’m doing exactly just that, by messaging.”
Mingi nearly tripped. He chose to stop walking, but Yeosang didn’t realize this. The taller male immediately snatched Yeosang’s hand, causing the latter to halt. “Are we-are we talking about that dating thing?”
“Um…yes?”
Something akin to panic started rising within Mingi. He felt anxious all of a sudden. “So-so have you accepted him?”
“Not yet…” Yeosang’s eyes trailed down to Mingi’s firm grip on his arm. “I’m still thinking about it…”
“Good. Good. I-I should do a background check on him first, you know?”
Yeosang chuckled. “Should you really? Seonghwa-hyung knows him well, you know. He’s the one who introduced us in the first place.”
Mingi made a mental note to attack Seonghwa later. With kindness, perhaps? He despised the way Hongjoong glared at him whenever he approached Seonghwa.
“Mingi, are you alright? Your grip kinda hurts…”
“Ah,” Mingi let go immediately, but his hand didn’t hover very far from Yeosang’s fingers. Without thinking, he held the pretty male’s hand once again, this time decently. “Yeosang, please, don’t date him yet. At least not until you’re really one hundred percent sure. Can you promise me that?”
Mingi couldn’t read Yeosang’s expression. But then the shorter of the two nodded.
“This might sound absurd but don’t let him kiss you. Yet. Also, be sure to tell me if he ever takes you to a hotel. Okay?”
Again, Yeosang’s expression was unreadable. Mingi thought the whole five years of friendship would make him understand everything about Yeosang, but it turned out he was so wrong. Yeosang turned his face away upon hearing Yunho calling out their names, the tall male was already way ahead of them.
Mingi felt something aching when Yeosang freed his hand from him.
He was almost certain it was something yearning.
***
“It’s been a long time, I want to kiss you Mingiiiii!”
Mingi casually clasped a hand over Wooyoung’s mouth just in time before Wooyoung landed on his lap. Yunho clasped his hands in excitement at the scene. “Is this a disease or something? Why do you do this every time we meet?”
“Aww, you should be flattered because I don’t do this to everyone, only to the people I like.”
“And exactly *how many* people that you like?”
“I like anyone that has muscles like San,” Wooyoung slid into the empty chair across Mingi. He blew a kiss shamelessly to San as he beckoned the blonde-haired male to sit beside him. “But seriously, you guys are the only people I kiss.”
Yunho grinned in amusement. “So…not just San?”
“Hm. Let’s see. Cheek, cheek,” Wooyoung pointed Mingi, Yunho, and then at San. “Lips.”
Yunho burst into laughter while Mingi looked at San in awe.
“Eh, I’ve made peace,” San shrugged. “I have to. This is Wooyoung that we’re talking about.”
“Right, but…” Mingi trailed off, trying to find the right words to say, but something still didn’t sit right. He kind of became sensitive to his surrounding ever since Yeosang told him that he was into men. Somehow Mingi became aware of little things, like…the way San tenderly gazed at Wooyoung right now. “Holy shit.”
“Huh?”
“What?”
This time, it was Mingi who pointed at Wooyoung and San back and forth. “You guys…”
“What about us?”
“…are wearing the same perfume.”
“Uh…” Wooyoung glanced impishly at San. “I guess…?”
“Also, why do you wear a shirt a size too big? You always say that your sexiness is oozing whenever you wear tight… Another holy shit, I know, it’s San’s right??”
Yunho laughed so hard that he accidentally slammed his palms on the table. He winced in pain, but continued laughing while waving his hands in the air. “Oh my God, we should do this more often!”
“Is this funny to you?” Mingi nudged Yunho, not really understanding why he laughed. “No offense, but are you guys-"
“-dating?” San finished the sentence for him. “We are.”
Mingi fell silent.
Suddenly, the funny moments that just happened between them disappeared.
Beside him, Yunho coughed into his hand, trying his best to subside his laughter.
“We’re sorry, we never meant to keep it from you,” San said. “But, let’s be honest, you’re just too oblivious-”
“Dense.”
“Thick.”
Wooyoung and Yunho said at the same time and they broke into laughter again.
“Now you guys just want to bully me!” Mingi whined. “Oh come on, am I that bad as a friend? Did you guys really not want to tell me because of that?”
“Uh…it’s actually because of the guy who’s not here at the moment.”
Mingi frowned. “Yeosang?”
Wooyoung failed to see Yunho shaking his head vehemently, as he probed further while grinning. “He’s not coming, by the way. He’s on a date right now.”
Mingi was so shocked that he stood up abruptly, causing him to bump on the table. It wasn’t pure luck that San managed to hold the table from bumping onto Wooyoung. (“Thank you Boo.”) “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! But-did you say he’s on a date right now?”
“Yes-oh,” it was when Wooyoung noticed the signs given by Yunho. “He’s on a date…app?”
“Date app??? That’s even worse!! Why would he sign up on the date app??”
“Uh…” Wooyoung actually was torn apart between telling and not telling because Yunho clearly motioned him to stop talking. First it was a big X, and then the neck-slashing pose. “You know what? We’re friends, so I’m not going to lie to you. Yeah, he’s on a date. With that freshman, Jongho.”
Certainly, what Wooyoung had just said killed the mood in Mingi.
Yeosang really was on a date.
There it was again, the feeling of…ugh, what the heck was this feeling? Was it anger? Was it sadness? Betrayal? For not saying anything to him? Mingi couldn’t tell. It was really the first time he had ever felt this way.
“Why didn’t he say anything to me…? I thought we were…close friends,” Mingi mumbled quietly, but the others could still hear what he said. He hung his head. “He did say the freshman is someone Seonghwa-hyung knows…so this Jongho should be a decent guy, right?”
“Mingi,” Wooyoung said sternly. “Why don’t you find out?”
“Huh?”
“I’m going to tell you where they are, but please promise me, if you see Yeosang is happy, don’t disturb them and go home straight away. Got it?”
“B-but if he doesn’t seem happy-”
“Ugh, just follow your heart. You’re a grown man. Just do what you want!”
It took a few seconds for Mingi to dumbly nod. Wooyoung then sent something to his phone, and upon knowing where it was, Mingi dashed out of the restaurant to look for Yeosang after giving thankful look to his friends.
Yunho sighed dramatically. “Bye Mingi, looks like I’m the third-wheel for today.”
“I can kiss you so you won’t feel that way-” Wooyoung grinned unabashedly even when he acknowledged San’s piercing stare. “Not today, it seems!”
***
Of course the first date had to be in amusement park.
Mingi rushed all the way there without thinking, how would he find Yeosang in a place so big? He wiped the sweat off of his forehead while scanning around. He didn’t think they’ve been here before, not even when they were in high school.
What would Yeosang like to play here?
Mingi forced his brain to think about Yeosang, but what if Yeosang just followed whatever the freshman wanted? They could be lining for roller coaster or even ferris wheels right now. But wait, was Yeosang afraid of heights? Did Yeosang prefer scary houses over playful themes? Did Yeosang…
Fuck, Mingi cursed inwardly. What do I know about Yeosang?
He had been confident about their friendship, but lately, it seemed like Yeosang just drifted more and more from him. His brain replayed the memories about Yunho’s words, something about Yeosang confiding in Wooyoung more than him…even though they went way back, hadn’t it been Mingi who was beside him? Who spent the most time with him?
So why…
Mingi gritted his teeth.
…do you want to date someone else?
Mingi wandered around aimlessly. It had been twenty minutes since he arrived, and still no Yeosang in sight. He somewhat wished his feet had this ability to locate Yeosang right now. But he wouldn’t want to meet that Jongho. What did this freshman look like, anyway? Maybe he was handsome. More handsome than me? Or he was a tall, buff person. Taller than me? Or he could sing very well and have a high-notes voice. In that case…who am I kidding, I can’t even sing.
Just then, he heard the voice he longed for.
“Sorry…need to rest…”
“I’m sorry too, the line was longer than usual. You can sit here while I’ll go buy you a drink. Would green tea be alright with you, Hyung?”
It was probably a miracle that Mingi stumbled upon the (not) dating (yet) couple.
Mingi only saw the freshman’s back as he went running to get some drink, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like he went there to meet and greet Jongho. Mingi noticed Yeosang sitting by himself on a bench, obviously tired from the long walk. He wasn’t even thinking anymore when he grabbed Yeosang and pulled the latter away, to a different direction than where Jongho went to.
“I just need to talk to you for a moment.”
“M-Mingi?”
Their hands were intertwined together as Mingi led Yeosang even further, before turning into a corner and hid themselves, away from the crowds. It was more like Mingi hiding Yeosang from the world, as if he was afraid someone would snatch him away if they’ve ever seen the pretty male.
Mingi forced a laugh, but it came out so ugly. “H-hey.”
Yeosang gave him a confused look. “Mingi, what are you doing here?”
The taller of the two took a deep breath before taking a step back, just a small inch back. Even in this heat, Yeosang’s hair still smelled good. But seriously, Yeosang always smelled good. Mingi felt like he would do anything to keep him close. “…can’t help it.”
“What?”
“I can’t help it, what are you doing going on a date with him?” Mingi didn’t mean to sound irritated, but it was automatic. “I told you not to date him yet until you’re one hundred percent sure.”
“And I’m not dating him, Mingi, this is just a date. But we don’t date yet.”
“But-but aren’t you leading him on? What if he expects more? What if he misunderstands?”
“I already told him it’s nothing like that.”
“Yeah, but-” Mingi closed his eyes, his head throbbing at the confusion he felt. “What angers me more is the fact that you didn’t even think to tell me about this.”
“I-” Yeosang opened his mouth before closing it back. He seemed to think momentarily, carefully, before giving an answer. “I’m sorry.”
“Finding out from others hurt, you know?”
“I said I’m sorry,” Yeosang said, almost desperately. “I… I honestly don’t know how to casually tell you…”
“Casually? Couldn’t you just drop the bomb and let it explode?”
“I said nothing to you, Mingi, but here you are, knowing everything and even manage to locate me. What would even happen if I told you via messages? What if you convinced me of not going?”
“Then don’t go.”
“That’s-”
“Why are you trying so hard to like him? Didn’t I say that even if you’re into men…you shouldn’t be with someone just because they like you?”
“You’ll never understand!”
Their gazes met.
Yeosang’s lips trembled, as if he was trying to say something, but no words came out.
The whole time Mingi fixed his eyes on Yeosang, all he could think about was Yeosang, and how Yeosang looked so beautiful before him. Had Yeosang been this attractive all this time? Had Yeosang been receiving confessions from men and women, from the people he knew nothing about? Had Yeosang’s lips been this pinkish before?
“Then make me understand.”
“Yeosang-hyung!”
Both men snapped back into reality upon hearing Jongho’s voice. It didn’t seem that Jongho knew where they were yet, but his voice was getting closer.
“I-I should go,” Yeosang whispered, unable to meet Mingi’s eyes. “We’ll talk about this later.”
“Will we? Or will you end up avoiding me again?” Mingi snorted, still irritated. He held himself back, not wanting to let Yeosang go, but it was him who intruded their date in the first place. Biting his lip, he dared to speak, “If I told you not to let him kiss you, will you listen?”
Yeosang didn’t answer.
Mingi heard Yeosang’s footsteps fading away and how he faintly called out to Jongho.
Why wouldn’t you just say yes…?
Mingi dragged a hand down his face.
He felt like crap.
[2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: MinSang
Warning: BoyxBoy Love. Enough said.
Summary: It has never occurred to Mingi that Yeosang wants to date.
True friends are never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart.
--unknown
There was a saying about once you nestled in your comfort zone, it would be hard to leave it.
Mingi knew exactly this feeling.
He loved his inner circle too damn much. His friends made him feel like everything would be alright, like nothing would ever change between them. Deep down inside, he held on to that hope.
The five of them had been together since high school. At first it was only him and Yunho, then they stumbled across Wooyoung and San, and ended up befriending Yeosang, who basically spent his time with Wooyoung. Mingi liked the feeling he had whenever they were together-the laughter, happiness, the strong friendship they got. In a way, they complemented each other.
Mingi didn’t even know how the five of them managed to get into the same university-it seemed like the only two persons who were serious about studying were Yunho and Yeosang. But maybe it was just how it was meant to be. Nevertheless, their friendship continued to grow as they spent even more time together.
They were going to be seniors soon, but Mingi was confident that nothing was going to change. Even after five years of friendship, they never had a disagreement. Not even once. Well, if he counted the constant bickering between Wooyoung and San, there were hundreds-thousands even, but it was never serious-they were just being themselves. They just loved to argue. Their days were filled with it, and none of the other three seemed to mind.
Everything was good.
Life was good.
Nothing was going to change.
Mingi was certain of it.
It was on a bright, sunny day in summer when Yeosang asked him a random question out of nowhere. The others still had class, so it was just the two of them. Yeosang had always been random and straightforward, but this time, it caught Mingi off-guard.
“Mingi?”
“I-I’m sorry, I didn’t really catch the question. You want to…what?”
Yeosang tilted his head, not really meeting Mingi’s eyes. “I’m asking if it would be alright for me to date.”
All of a sudden, Mingi’s throat went extremely dry. It could be the weather though-he hadn’t drunk anything since his class ended. The first thought that ran through his mind was the fact that if Yeosang dated, then the group would have an additional member. Imagining Yeosang with a girl by his side (face still blurred in his imagination) with them seemed…
“Mingi? Are you listening?”
“Uh, yeah. But, may I ask why?”
“Why…?”
“Yeah. Why would you want to date…?”
“Uh…” Yeosang frowned deeply. “Isn’t it…normal to think that way?”
Huh.
“I’m tired of being the third-wheel with WooSan, you know,” Yeosang laughed heartily, obviously joking. Realizing Mingi didn’t catch what he meant, the obvious confusion chiseled in the taller male’s face, made him look away. Neither of them said anything for some time, and somehow there was tension in the air. Yeosang cleared his throat. “If you don’t approve…”
“That’s not what I mean.”
Yeosang opened his mouth to say something, but Mingi cut him off.
“I’m not against you dating, Yeosang, hell, I’m not against any of us dating. But it’s just… I guess… I’m just surprised.” Mingi chewed his inner cheek thoughtfully. “I never knew you like someone.”
“…I’m still thinking about it, to be honest.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well… This freshman confessed to me out of nowhere…”
Mingi was bewildered. He hadn’t expected that kind of answer. What the hell was happening?
“W-well, just because she confessed, all of a sudden, you want to date? Do you like her? No, do you even know her?”
Yeosang’s attention went to his twiddling hands, before going back to Mingi. “Mingi… I’m into men.”
“H-huh?”
“The freshman… It’s a he.”
Right at that moment, there was a sound of something breaking just a few tables away from them. A glass? A plate? Mingi couldn’t tell.
There were panicked voices, and Mingi could feel Yeosang shifting his gaze to the source of incident. But something seemed to block Mingi’s senses because all he could hear was a high-pitched ringing, like something exploded right before him and it made him numb.
He needed a moment to process.
Yeosang is into men?
“…gi.”
Yeosang, his Yeosang?
“Mingi!”
Mingi snapped back to life, still unaware of his surroundings. Across him, Yeosang looked very worried.
“Mingi, are you…angry?”
“No,” Mingi retorted. “No. I’m not…angry.”
“Are you sure, though…?”
“Yeosang,” Mingi reached out for Yeosang’s hand. “I’m not angry, I just… I mean, we’ve been friends for a long time, but you never told me anything. All I can say is that, even if you’re into men, don’t rush yet. Don’t immediately date that freshman just because he says he likes you. Just…get to know each other first. Like us.”
What the heck did that mean, Mingi? Like us?
The pretty male broke into a small smile. It was still laced with uncertainty, but there was a hint of relief underneath it. “Thank you. It means a lot to me.”
“A-and, thank you, for telling me.” Mingi pressed his lips together. “You know you can also tell me anything, right?”
“I know. Thank you, Mingi. I mean it.” Yeosang absentmindedly grabbed the menu. “Do you want to eat here while waiting for the others? Or should we choose another location?”
Yeosang only received a headshake as a reply, and he smiled as he skimmed through the menu.
Mingi, however, felt his heart heavy with something.
***
The day turned to night, and he had already parted ways with his friends, but Mingi still couldn’t stop thinking about what Yeosang told him earlier.
For some reason, he kind of expected Yeosang to ask the others the same question he had asked him, but the topic was never brought up at all.
If Mingi was being honest, he would say that he felt the closest to Yeosang. If he had to rank his friends, it would be Yeosang, then Yunho, then Wooyoung and San together (sometimes he even forgot that there were actually two of them).
So why, after all this time, he couldn’t even tell that his closest friend was…
Well, his mind piped up, as if building a defense. All this time, we’ve never really talked about relationships. Come to think of it, none of us have dated since high school. Did one of us have girlfriends back then? Mingi contemplated, then shook his head. Nah, didn’t think so. All we did was hung out and play games and study and…that was pretty much all of it.
Mingi looked at his chat history with Yeosang on his phone.
They chatted often, once every a few hours.
So why…
The tall male pouted dejectedly, feeling slightly disappointed. What was it that he felt? Was it really disappointment? At who, he wasn’t sure. Was it at Yeosang, or was it at himself…?
Why did you never tell me anything?
Mingi groaned, wishing he would just forget whatever that had been bothering him the next morning. But even after he woke up, the feeling didn’t go away.
He must’ve been sighing the whole time that when the Professor said the lecture ended there, Yunho quickly hit him with a book. Not too playfully.
“You don’t even take this class, why are you even here? Where’s Yeosang?”
“He hasn’t replied.” Mingi gasped at Yunho, eyes widening in disbelief. “You said that because you think I’m close to Yeosang, right?”
“Duh. There’s this thing called friendship.”
“I know, but-but you think I’m also close to Yeosang, right?”
“So does that mean you think I’m not close to Yeosang?”
“I mean,” Mingi groaned in frustration, his arms flailing, almost knocking Yunho’s bag to the floor. “Surely when you’re close to someone, you’d tell them if you ever like someone right?”
“Oh.”
“I mean, there’s this freshman… Apparently he confesses to Yeosang, and Yeosang was thinking of accepting him because…” Mingi quickly realized what he was saying. Wait, it’s supposed to be a secret…I think? Good Lord, you and your big mouth, Mingi! He was about to explain to Yunho when he caught the latter’s sympathetic expression. “Wait a minute… Oh. My. God. You knew.”
“H-huh?”
“You knew!” Mingi exclaimed. “You knew Yeosang was-is-”
“Not the freshman part, but, yes, I did know-”
“He told you? You traitor!!”
Mingi smacked Yunho hard with his bag on the arm, earning a painful shout from the other male. Luckily, most of the other students had already walked out of the classroom.
“Which part about that makes me a traitor? Stop it! Seriously Mingi, stop it!”
Mingi, breathlessly, did stop. There it went again, the unknown feeling. He felt weird. What was it that he felt? He’d never felt this way before. It seemed to be somewhat between anger and sadness.
So Yeosang told Yunho but he didn’t tell Mingi? Didn’t Yeosang spend six-seven days a week with Mingi-just the two of them, while okay, perhaps three to four days with him and the others? They spent more time together!
But Yunho was right. Who was the traitor?
“Look,” Yunho winced as he rubbed his sore arm. Mingi really did hit him with full strength. “All I’m saying…is that no matter how close we are, there might be things that we feel uncomfortable to share with a certain person.”
“But-”
“Like, I personally feel Yeosang prefers Wooyoung for things that he feels…more private. Since they go way back before us. You understand what I’m saying?”
“But-”
“For example, I would be comfortable sharing with you about the latest games or the latest music album. But when I feel like an advice for fashion, I would go straight to San instead of you. Not because I don’t trust you,” Yunho put a finger up when Mingi opened his mouth to start another whining. “But just because I feel San is more honest about this thing. Do you get it?”
Mingi pouted, but he understood. He nodded in defeat.
“So Yeosang not telling you he’s into men not because he doesn’t trust you. It could be because he feels you’re the closest to him, that you might not be as accepting. Like what if he tells you and you find it disturbing and your friendship is ruined?”
“But-”
“No buts!! If you have anything to say, tell that to Yeosang, not me.” Yunho scoffed. He ran a hand through his hair, tidying his bangs and started inserting his books into his backpack. “Do you want to grab a bite though? All this explanation is making me hungry.”
Mingi glanced at his phone screen, secretly hoping Yeosang had replied his message.
There was none.
The tall male felt an indescribable pang as he shrugged.
“Sure. Let’s go.”
***
It had been days since their last conversation and Mingi didn’t know why, but he had a feeling Yeosang was somewhat avoiding him.
When he asked if Yeosang was free so that they could spend the time together, the two of them as usual, funny coincidences that somehow Wooyoung would be there too, or another friend in their class that he wasn’t really close to would ask to join their table randomly.
Was it a sign? A horrible sign?
It was never just the two of them.
After several days that almost turned to weeks, Mingi felt really frustrated why this kind of thing kept on happening. He just wanted a private, quality time with Yeosang, was it too much to ask?
Yeosang not really replying to his messages didn’t help either.
Mingi wasn’t sure he did something wrong, maybe Yeosang was really just tired. Or had a lot of assignments. Or just…lost interest in him. He fell into a pit of horror by his own train of thoughts and wanted to just bury himself if Yeosang really did lose interest in him.
But wait…why?
All these series of ‘why’ were going to be the death of him someday.
Mingi subconsciously clicked on Yeosang’s profile picture and he did nothing but stare. It was a picture of the five of them that was taken around Christmas last year. They had been exchanging gifts, but to be fair and square, each person had to buy four gifts so no one would feel left out. Mingi chuckled softly while remembering those moments. Yeosang looked so happy in the picture.
He ran a finger across Yeosang’s face.
Pretty.
Yeosang had always been the prettiest, even in high school. He had the fairest skin Mingi had ever seen, and his big, rounded eyes sometimes made him forget that Yeosang was actually Korean. Contrast to his beautiful look, his voice was deep, but it had a nice ring to it. Mingi liked listening to the pretty male’s voice. Yeosang had always been so pretty in his eyes…
…that no women could seem to beat him.
Hm?
Mingi frowned to himself.
Come to think of it…did he ever think about dating someone?
Maybe because Mingi had never talked about it, it made Yeosang reluctant to tell him. It made sense.
Should I start thinking about dating someone now?
Mingi palmed his mouth. He grimaced.
Nah, I just really want to go back to spend times with Yeosang. That’s all I need. But it’s been a while too with the other guys… Should I just do a group chat?
He acknowledged a flock of people rushing out of the classroom and soon spotted Yunho and Yeosang. Upon seeing Yeosang, Mingi felt his heart dropping, he was super nervous for no reason. He wondered if there was time for him to dash into the restroom to fix his hair-nope, it was too late.
“Hey,” Mingi greeted both of them casually.
“Hey.”
“Hi Mingi,” Yeosang flashed his usual smile. “Did you wait long?”
A smile from the pretty male was just what Mingi needed to pull Yeosang into a friendly hug. He sighed in relief as he slung an arm around the shorter male’s shoulder. “And why haven’t you been replying to my messages?”
“Ah… I’m sorry, I’m just busy.”
“Yeah right… Am I not your priority? Even if you’re busy, you should always make time for me.”
Yunho rolled his eyes, not really wanting to join in the conversation. “Don’t mind him, Yeosang. He’s been like this since you’ve…”
Both Yeosang and Mingi were staring at Yunho. One was of confusion, and the other one was of disbelief. Mingi shook his head briefly, like he was about to say, what the heck are you doing?
Yunho coughed. “…been so busy studying for exams.”
Yeosang gave him a look. “I was? But exams are still two months away.”
“R-right, which is why you were studying ahead.” Yunho put his hands up in defeat, not wanting to say anything further. He turned around and walked a few steps ahead from the couple. “Whatever, I’m too old to meddle in this kind of thing...”
“But seriously,” Mingi started, relieved that Yeosang leaned into him like usual as they followed Yunho in their pace. “Am I not important in your life anymore?”
“Of course you are, what are you saying?” Yeosang’s tone was flat.
Mingi couldn’t help but hate the way Yeosang responded. “What are you busy about? You used to reply so fast.”
“Hmm… I might be distracted lately. I’m sorry. I’m busy messaging someone else.”
Mingi’s heart skipped a beat. “H-huh?”
“I’m taking your advice seriously. Weren’t you the one who said I should just take it slow, and not rushing? I’m doing exactly just that, by messaging.”
Mingi nearly tripped. He chose to stop walking, but Yeosang didn’t realize this. The taller male immediately snatched Yeosang’s hand, causing the latter to halt. “Are we-are we talking about that dating thing?”
“Um…yes?”
Something akin to panic started rising within Mingi. He felt anxious all of a sudden. “So-so have you accepted him?”
“Not yet…” Yeosang’s eyes trailed down to Mingi’s firm grip on his arm. “I’m still thinking about it…”
“Good. Good. I-I should do a background check on him first, you know?”
Yeosang chuckled. “Should you really? Seonghwa-hyung knows him well, you know. He’s the one who introduced us in the first place.”
Mingi made a mental note to attack Seonghwa later. With kindness, perhaps? He despised the way Hongjoong glared at him whenever he approached Seonghwa.
“Mingi, are you alright? Your grip kinda hurts…”
“Ah,” Mingi let go immediately, but his hand didn’t hover very far from Yeosang’s fingers. Without thinking, he held the pretty male’s hand once again, this time decently. “Yeosang, please, don’t date him yet. At least not until you’re really one hundred percent sure. Can you promise me that?”
Mingi couldn’t read Yeosang’s expression. But then the shorter of the two nodded.
“This might sound absurd but don’t let him kiss you. Yet. Also, be sure to tell me if he ever takes you to a hotel. Okay?”
Again, Yeosang’s expression was unreadable. Mingi thought the whole five years of friendship would make him understand everything about Yeosang, but it turned out he was so wrong. Yeosang turned his face away upon hearing Yunho calling out their names, the tall male was already way ahead of them.
Mingi felt something aching when Yeosang freed his hand from him.
He was almost certain it was something yearning.
***
“It’s been a long time, I want to kiss you Mingiiiii!”
Mingi casually clasped a hand over Wooyoung’s mouth just in time before Wooyoung landed on his lap. Yunho clasped his hands in excitement at the scene. “Is this a disease or something? Why do you do this every time we meet?”
“Aww, you should be flattered because I don’t do this to everyone, only to the people I like.”
“And exactly *how many* people that you like?”
“I like anyone that has muscles like San,” Wooyoung slid into the empty chair across Mingi. He blew a kiss shamelessly to San as he beckoned the blonde-haired male to sit beside him. “But seriously, you guys are the only people I kiss.”
Yunho grinned in amusement. “So…not just San?”
“Hm. Let’s see. Cheek, cheek,” Wooyoung pointed Mingi, Yunho, and then at San. “Lips.”
Yunho burst into laughter while Mingi looked at San in awe.
“Eh, I’ve made peace,” San shrugged. “I have to. This is Wooyoung that we’re talking about.”
“Right, but…” Mingi trailed off, trying to find the right words to say, but something still didn’t sit right. He kind of became sensitive to his surrounding ever since Yeosang told him that he was into men. Somehow Mingi became aware of little things, like…the way San tenderly gazed at Wooyoung right now. “Holy shit.”
“Huh?”
“What?”
This time, it was Mingi who pointed at Wooyoung and San back and forth. “You guys…”
“What about us?”
“…are wearing the same perfume.”
“Uh…” Wooyoung glanced impishly at San. “I guess…?”
“Also, why do you wear a shirt a size too big? You always say that your sexiness is oozing whenever you wear tight… Another holy shit, I know, it’s San’s right??”
Yunho laughed so hard that he accidentally slammed his palms on the table. He winced in pain, but continued laughing while waving his hands in the air. “Oh my God, we should do this more often!”
“Is this funny to you?” Mingi nudged Yunho, not really understanding why he laughed. “No offense, but are you guys-"
“-dating?” San finished the sentence for him. “We are.”
Mingi fell silent.
Suddenly, the funny moments that just happened between them disappeared.
Beside him, Yunho coughed into his hand, trying his best to subside his laughter.
“We’re sorry, we never meant to keep it from you,” San said. “But, let’s be honest, you’re just too oblivious-”
“Dense.”
“Thick.”
Wooyoung and Yunho said at the same time and they broke into laughter again.
“Now you guys just want to bully me!” Mingi whined. “Oh come on, am I that bad as a friend? Did you guys really not want to tell me because of that?”
“Uh…it’s actually because of the guy who’s not here at the moment.”
Mingi frowned. “Yeosang?”
Wooyoung failed to see Yunho shaking his head vehemently, as he probed further while grinning. “He’s not coming, by the way. He’s on a date right now.”
Mingi was so shocked that he stood up abruptly, causing him to bump on the table. It wasn’t pure luck that San managed to hold the table from bumping onto Wooyoung. (“Thank you Boo.”) “I’m sorry, I’m sorry! But-did you say he’s on a date right now?”
“Yes-oh,” it was when Wooyoung noticed the signs given by Yunho. “He’s on a date…app?”
“Date app??? That’s even worse!! Why would he sign up on the date app??”
“Uh…” Wooyoung actually was torn apart between telling and not telling because Yunho clearly motioned him to stop talking. First it was a big X, and then the neck-slashing pose. “You know what? We’re friends, so I’m not going to lie to you. Yeah, he’s on a date. With that freshman, Jongho.”
Certainly, what Wooyoung had just said killed the mood in Mingi.
Yeosang really was on a date.
There it was again, the feeling of…ugh, what the heck was this feeling? Was it anger? Was it sadness? Betrayal? For not saying anything to him? Mingi couldn’t tell. It was really the first time he had ever felt this way.
“Why didn’t he say anything to me…? I thought we were…close friends,” Mingi mumbled quietly, but the others could still hear what he said. He hung his head. “He did say the freshman is someone Seonghwa-hyung knows…so this Jongho should be a decent guy, right?”
“Mingi,” Wooyoung said sternly. “Why don’t you find out?”
“Huh?”
“I’m going to tell you where they are, but please promise me, if you see Yeosang is happy, don’t disturb them and go home straight away. Got it?”
“B-but if he doesn’t seem happy-”
“Ugh, just follow your heart. You’re a grown man. Just do what you want!”
It took a few seconds for Mingi to dumbly nod. Wooyoung then sent something to his phone, and upon knowing where it was, Mingi dashed out of the restaurant to look for Yeosang after giving thankful look to his friends.
Yunho sighed dramatically. “Bye Mingi, looks like I’m the third-wheel for today.”
“I can kiss you so you won’t feel that way-” Wooyoung grinned unabashedly even when he acknowledged San’s piercing stare. “Not today, it seems!”
***
Of course the first date had to be in amusement park.
Mingi rushed all the way there without thinking, how would he find Yeosang in a place so big? He wiped the sweat off of his forehead while scanning around. He didn’t think they’ve been here before, not even when they were in high school.
What would Yeosang like to play here?
Mingi forced his brain to think about Yeosang, but what if Yeosang just followed whatever the freshman wanted? They could be lining for roller coaster or even ferris wheels right now. But wait, was Yeosang afraid of heights? Did Yeosang prefer scary houses over playful themes? Did Yeosang…
Fuck, Mingi cursed inwardly. What do I know about Yeosang?
He had been confident about their friendship, but lately, it seemed like Yeosang just drifted more and more from him. His brain replayed the memories about Yunho’s words, something about Yeosang confiding in Wooyoung more than him…even though they went way back, hadn’t it been Mingi who was beside him? Who spent the most time with him?
So why…
Mingi gritted his teeth.
…do you want to date someone else?
Mingi wandered around aimlessly. It had been twenty minutes since he arrived, and still no Yeosang in sight. He somewhat wished his feet had this ability to locate Yeosang right now. But he wouldn’t want to meet that Jongho. What did this freshman look like, anyway? Maybe he was handsome. More handsome than me? Or he was a tall, buff person. Taller than me? Or he could sing very well and have a high-notes voice. In that case…who am I kidding, I can’t even sing.
Just then, he heard the voice he longed for.
“Sorry…need to rest…”
“I’m sorry too, the line was longer than usual. You can sit here while I’ll go buy you a drink. Would green tea be alright with you, Hyung?”
It was probably a miracle that Mingi stumbled upon the (not) dating (yet) couple.
Mingi only saw the freshman’s back as he went running to get some drink, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like he went there to meet and greet Jongho. Mingi noticed Yeosang sitting by himself on a bench, obviously tired from the long walk. He wasn’t even thinking anymore when he grabbed Yeosang and pulled the latter away, to a different direction than where Jongho went to.
“I just need to talk to you for a moment.”
“M-Mingi?”
Their hands were intertwined together as Mingi led Yeosang even further, before turning into a corner and hid themselves, away from the crowds. It was more like Mingi hiding Yeosang from the world, as if he was afraid someone would snatch him away if they’ve ever seen the pretty male.
Mingi forced a laugh, but it came out so ugly. “H-hey.”
Yeosang gave him a confused look. “Mingi, what are you doing here?”
The taller of the two took a deep breath before taking a step back, just a small inch back. Even in this heat, Yeosang’s hair still smelled good. But seriously, Yeosang always smelled good. Mingi felt like he would do anything to keep him close. “…can’t help it.”
“What?”
“I can’t help it, what are you doing going on a date with him?” Mingi didn’t mean to sound irritated, but it was automatic. “I told you not to date him yet until you’re one hundred percent sure.”
“And I’m not dating him, Mingi, this is just a date. But we don’t date yet.”
“But-but aren’t you leading him on? What if he expects more? What if he misunderstands?”
“I already told him it’s nothing like that.”
“Yeah, but-” Mingi closed his eyes, his head throbbing at the confusion he felt. “What angers me more is the fact that you didn’t even think to tell me about this.”
“I-” Yeosang opened his mouth before closing it back. He seemed to think momentarily, carefully, before giving an answer. “I’m sorry.”
“Finding out from others hurt, you know?”
“I said I’m sorry,” Yeosang said, almost desperately. “I… I honestly don’t know how to casually tell you…”
“Casually? Couldn’t you just drop the bomb and let it explode?”
“I said nothing to you, Mingi, but here you are, knowing everything and even manage to locate me. What would even happen if I told you via messages? What if you convinced me of not going?”
“Then don’t go.”
“That’s-”
“Why are you trying so hard to like him? Didn’t I say that even if you’re into men…you shouldn’t be with someone just because they like you?”
“You’ll never understand!”
Their gazes met.
Yeosang’s lips trembled, as if he was trying to say something, but no words came out.
The whole time Mingi fixed his eyes on Yeosang, all he could think about was Yeosang, and how Yeosang looked so beautiful before him. Had Yeosang been this attractive all this time? Had Yeosang been receiving confessions from men and women, from the people he knew nothing about? Had Yeosang’s lips been this pinkish before?
“Then make me understand.”
“Yeosang-hyung!”
Both men snapped back into reality upon hearing Jongho’s voice. It didn’t seem that Jongho knew where they were yet, but his voice was getting closer.
“I-I should go,” Yeosang whispered, unable to meet Mingi’s eyes. “We’ll talk about this later.”
“Will we? Or will you end up avoiding me again?” Mingi snorted, still irritated. He held himself back, not wanting to let Yeosang go, but it was him who intruded their date in the first place. Biting his lip, he dared to speak, “If I told you not to let him kiss you, will you listen?”
Yeosang didn’t answer.
Mingi heard Yeosang’s footsteps fading away and how he faintly called out to Jongho.
Why wouldn’t you just say yes…?
Mingi dragged a hand down his face.
He felt like crap.
[2]