Gone [1/2]
Title: Gone [1/2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Yifan’s feeling for Junmyeon never changes, even after twenty years.
Author's Note: I'm sorry :( and please, no translations allowed!!
You’re my backbone, you’re my cornerstone
You’re my crutch when my legs stop moving
You’re my head start, you’re my rugged heart
You’re the pulse that I’ve always needed
Like a drum, baby, don’t stop beating
Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you
Baby, I’m not moving on, I’ll love you long after you’re gone
You will never sleep alone, I’ll love you long after you’re gone
I’ll love you long after you’re gone…
Junmyeon absently glanced outside the window.
Everything seemed to move so fast, but the view calmed him.
It was nearly the end of the year, and the weather was getting colder. The leaves were starting to fall from the trees and people were starting to wear thicker clothes. It was cold, but everyone didn’t seem to mind because Christmas was coming.
Just like everyone else, Junmyeon’s family was looking forward to it, too.
But not Junmyeon.
At least, not this year.
Junmyeon dropped his gaze to his wristwatch.
11:20.
It had only been fifteen minutes since his train had departed, but it felt like forever.
The male recalled the scene where he told his mother he wanted to go celebrating Christmas alone this year, and it caused quite an argument in his family. She and Jongin, his younger brother, were so against it-they couldn’t understand why he would want to be alone. What was the point of celebrating Christmas without the whole family?
Junmyeon understood what they were feeling, but he felt like he needed to do this.
He needed this getaway.
He just needed some time alone, away from everyone.
Junmyeon shifted in his seat, looking for a comfortable position before leaning his head against the window. He sighed heavily as he rapped his fingers against his thigh, wondering if it was the right decision. Leaving all by himself…and he didn’t even tell them where he was going. He just sneaked out of his house this morning when everyone else was still sleeping.
Celebrating Christmas with family surely was a nice thing to do. There would be presents…and there would be a lot of food, too.
But…
Nonetheless, he was already inside the train, and there was no going back.
Junmyeon shot another glance at his watch.
11:22.
Realizing that it was useless to keep track of the time, he shifted once again in his seat, this time planning to stop thinking and just go to sleep.
As Junmyeon’s eyes fluttered close, his mind drifted to his childhood friend.
Someone who he could never forget, even after twenty years.
***
Junmyeon arrived at the train station two hours later and he scratched his head in uncertainty.
Everything seemed to have changed-but of course, it had been more than ten years since he was here.
Junmyeon then asked around about his destination and a middle-aged woman told him that he needed to take the bus for another hour if he wanted to go there. The male bowed gratefully in response and quickly headed to the bus stop across the station.
It didn’t take long for the bus to arrive and he hopped in without thinking.
The bus wasn’t crowded.
Junmyeon took his time gazing outside the window and his mind immediately went back to his family. He hoped everyone was doing okay and they didn’t freak out when they found out that he was gone.
Unlike his journey in the train, this time it passed by quickly. Without him realizing it, he was going to arrive at the village in a few minutes. His heart skipped a beat at the thought and suddenly, he became nervous.
The village was where he was born.
And it was the very same place he had left twenty years ago.
Junmyeon’s father was a doctor. But instead of working in a big hospital that his family owned, he chose to travel to small villages to help people in need. He didn’t earn much money, but at that time, money was never his number one priority (then again, his father was young and naïve).
It was probably just an excuse to get away from home and to travel to places, but Junmyeon knew his father enjoyed it. His old man kept on traveling from place to place, offering his medical services-mostly for poor people-until one day, he met Junmyeon’s mother. Just like any other love stories, they fell in love. It was then his father decided that he would stop moving around and proposed to the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
And then Junmyeon was born.
Three years later, Jongin, his younger brother, was born.
They were happy.
Junmyeon loved his hometown very much.
Most of the villages were farmers. They weren’t exactly rich, but their faces were always chiseled with smiles. Most of them were middle-aged people, because the youngsters had refused to be farmers and traveled to big cities to pursue their education. It was a small village-anywhere could be reached by walking-and everyone knew each other. The people were kind, and they treated one another like they were some kind of a big family.
The Wu family lived next door.
And Lord, they had the largest apple farm Junmyeon had ever seen.
When Junmyeon was five, his parents invited the Wu family to their house for Christmas dinner.
It was then he was introduced to Wu Yifan.
Junmyeon remembered clutching his mother’s skirt so hard the first time they met, because Yifan was…intimidating. The boy was only a year older than him, but he already looked so mature. His body was tall for someone his age, and he had the sharpest gaze Junmyeon had ever seen.
And he was handsome.
But his fear vanished instantly the moment Yifan smiled at him.
Despite his scary and grumpy appearance, they became friends right away.
The boys used to spend their time together after school climbing the apple trees-which Yifan became reluctant to do when Junmyeon once fell while climbing (but fortunately, he wasn’t hurt). Yifan taught him how to dribble basketball and a bit of English, while Junmyeon taught him the first thing to do if someone around him was hurt-his father was a doctor, anyway.
Junmyeon didn’t know when did he become so attached to Yifan, but he did. His feeling towards Yifan must be brotherly feeling or something, because it hurt him so much whenever Yifan wasn’t around, or how insanely jealous he was when he caught Yifan talking to his classmates at school. Junmyeon was still so young that he didn’t understand what it was at that time. Being together with Yifan was his happiness, and it was all he needed.
Unfortunately, it didn’t last.
When Junmyeon turned nine, his grandfather passed away. The news shocked Junmyeon because his parents had never mentioned that he still had a grandfather. A few days after the funeral, a lot of phone calls were made to their house, asking for his father to go home. His father declined it at first, but being the only son-and the only heir to the family hospital, it was a must for his father to go back and take care of everything.
Junmyeon didn’t really understand at that moment why they had to leave. They were happy in the village-there was no reason to leave it all behind. Junmyeon had a lot of friends-he had Yifan, and he didn’t want to go. But there was no time to argue. Everything was rushed and it seemed that his father was under some kind of tension that they ended up leaving without packing in the middle of the night.
He remembered crying and glancing at Yifan’s window when his parents told him and Jongin to get inside the car, hoping that Yifan was awake and he somehow heard the car and found out that he was leaving.
But Yifan never did.
With that, Junmyeon bade his village goodbye.
But he never had the chance to say goodbye to Yifan.
***
His long trip was finally over when he jumped off of the bus and Junmyeon immediately went to the nearest inn.
Fortunately, they still had some vacant rooms, although Junmyeon hadn’t booked one before. He decided to call it a night and went to sleep for the rest of the day. The trip somewhat exhausted him-three hours wasn’t exactly short…
When Junmyeon woke up, it was already morning.
The fresh air got Junmyeon to smile as he inhaled deeply. It was cold, but the air was definitely different than Seoul. The male then took a quick shower and got dressed in a record time, feeling impatient about exploring the village. Junmyeon scanned the buildings thoroughly around him and nothing seemed to change except there were more stores.
Some people turned to look at him, but he wasn’t sure if they looked at him because they remembered who he was-or simply because he was a tourist and his face was unfamiliar. He hoped it wasn’t because of the way he dressed, because he was certain he didn’t overdress…
Junmyeon was captivated by the surrounding around him that he didn’t really pay attention to where he was going. He accidentally bumped onto someone and the person almost fell forward, if Junmyeon’s reflex wasn’t working so well and grabbed the latter’s arm, preventing him from falling. But several apples that were in the bag the person was holding fell onto the ground, and Junmyeon hastily knelt to pick them all up.
“I’m really sorry,” Junmyeon apologized profusely. “I didn’t see you. I’m so sorry…”
“It’s alright…”
Junmyeon managed to gather every apple and he stood up with the red-colored fruits in his hands. He opened his mouth to say something but he swallowed them all back upon seeing the person before him. It was then he realized that the other person was a male-a very pretty male, to be exact. His skin was so fair that it made him look pale…
No, Junmyeon thought. No, he is really pale.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes. I’m just a bit dizzy,” the male softly said. “I need to sit down, and then I’ll be alright…”
Low blood pressure, perhaps?
“How about we have a cup of tea over there?” Junmyeon offered as he pointed to a shabby restaurant nearby. It was probably a diner, because restaurant sounded so fancy. “You’re really pale, and you need to drink something. Have you eaten?”
“I…” the male trailed off as he stared curiously at Junmyeon. “Are you a doctor, by any chance?”
Junmyeon hesitated momentarily. He came here for a holiday, didn’t he? Perhaps he should lie about his profession… But he had an oath to help people… Junmyeon pondered for a long time and the other male cleared his throat, as if he understood what Junmyeon was thinking.
“I’m Luhan, by the way.”
Junmyeon instantly looked up, a bit relieved that Luhan didn’t probe further. “I’m… Junmyeon.”
Luhan’s smile was so pretty that it surely would affect everyone who saw it.
“Nice to meet you, Junmyeon…”
***
Junmyeon ended up chatting with Luhan over a cup of tea.
Luhan was really pale, and Junmyeon waited until the male looked slightly better, until his face had more color. It could be the weather, or it could be because Luhan hadn’t eaten anything since morning.
The pretty male asked if he was a tourist, and Junmyeon told him that he was.
He was, wasn’t he?
Luhan then explained that he was actually on his way to the orphanage to donate the apples. It was a monthly routine and his boyfriend usually did it, but he was occupied at the moment so Luhan decided to help, although he wasn’t in a fit condition.
Fit wasn’t the proper term.
Luhan was sick, Junmyeon could tell that much after having the conversation. He was also very delicate…like he was a fragile china doll.
Knowing this, and being a doctor…he would be very cruel to let Luhan deliver the apples all by himself.
So Junmyeon offered helping Luhan to bring the apples to the orphanage, and the pretty male’s expression brightened in response. He nodded vigorously (“You will? Really? You will?”) and eagerly thanked Junmyeon for his kindness.
Junmyeon didn’t think Luhan was ever quiet on the way to the orphanage. He kept on talking about anything and looked flabbergasted whenever something unusual caught his eye. It was like the male rarely went out… Junmyeon didn’t mind, though. It was easier when Luhan did all the talking.
Junmyeon waited outside patiently when Luhan paid a visit into the orphanage. When he was done, Luhan was smiling happily as he walked back to Junmyeon.
“Everything’s done?”
“Yes!” Luhan grinned. “That was…very kind of you to accompany me. Thank you so much, Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon shrugged. “It’s nothing. And I don’t have anything to do, anyway.”
“That’s right…” Luhan paused momentarily and he seemed thoughtful. “You’re visiting, right? Who is it that you’re visiting here? Perhaps I know them…”
Junmyeon’s mind immediately flew to Yifan, but he wasn’t in the mood to share. “No one,” he lied.
“Oh. Are you here for the winter festival, then…?”
“Winter festival?”
“It’s next week! Just two days before Christmas. Oh my God, you should stay until next week, Junmyeon. We should go to the festival together! There’s gotta be cotton candy, right? And other food? And fireworks?”
“Well, I haven’t decided when will I go back…but I’ll think about it.”
“Okay,” Luhan said and his smile faltered. “Actually… It’d be really nice to be able to go with you. But…if it gets too cold, I might not make it…”
Junmyeon frowned slightly.
“But we can’t know for sure, right? If it happens, I’ll just wear thicker clothes and hopefully, I’ll be able to spend it with you,” Luhan chuckled. “Anyway, I should go back now. Thank you for today, Junmyeon.”
“You’re welcome. Be careful, Luhan.”
“Un. See you around, then.”
With that, Luhan left.
Junmyeon merely watched the other male’s back until he disappeared from his vision and he decided to go back to the inn.
***
The morning came again because it was how God wanted it to be and Junmyeon pondered lazily if he should go anywhere today. He checked his phone earlier and the weather was 4 degrees this morning. It was the perfect time to just sleep and curl underneath the blanket.
But he didn’t go back there so that he could sleep, did he?
Junmyeon sighed loudly as he pulled himself into a sitting position and yawned.
After taking a shower and got dressed, he decided to take a walk to his old house-which was his intention from the start. The thought scared him a bit actually, because right next to his house, was Yifan’s. Junmyeon nearly changed his mind about going, but then he scolded himself.
It’s not like Yifan would be outside and wait for you.
Besides, he’s probably forgotten about you.
Heck, he wouldn’t remember your face anyway.
“Don’t flatter yourself. Just pass by without looking back,” Junmyeon mumbled to himself. “You can do it, Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon walked towards the direction of his house with an extremely slow pace. As he was getting nearer, each of his steps felt heavier. A lot of ‘what if’s ran through his mind. Something descended upon his chest, and it was akin to doubts.
You just want to see how he’s doing, right…?
Wait, that’s not it. Didn’t you just want to see your old home?
Yeah, just your old home. Take one last look and then run away as far as possible.
Realizing that the battle with his inner self would never end, Junmyeon intentionally knocked on his forehead, as if to say ‘enough’. His steps slowly came to a stop as he acknowledged the familiar street.
Junmyeon swallowed nervously.
His old house was still there.
Junmyeon held his breath and he felt like laughing for a moment. What did he expect? That his house would no longer be there? Junmyeon observed his old house absentmindedly and nothing seemed to change, except for the newly fresh paint. The new owner could be repainting it due to Christmas… Whoever it was, he felt grateful, because it was obvious that it was still very well taken care of.
Junmyeon unconsciously smiled and he sighed contentedly.
“Junmyeon?”
Junmyeon’s smile faltered upon hearing the mention of his name and he glanced around in confusion. Who…? No one seemed to be around… The male kept on looking before he realized that the voice came from the general direction of Yifan’s house.
“Junmyeon, it is you!”
Junmyeon’s heart almost stopped beating when he saw Luhan waving his hand at him. As if it wasn’t enough, his heart threatened to blow to pieces the moment he realized Luhan just stepped out of Yifan’s house.
“Lu-Luhan?”
What the hell are you doing over there?
Luhan didn’t give Junmyeon a chance to speak anymore as he leaned forward to hug him. Junmyeon was a bit stunned-no, scratch that, he was very stunned-but it didn’t last long because Luhan pulled away as soon as he hugged him.
“I’m glad you still remember my name,” Luhan giggled softly and he tilted his head cutely to one side. “What brings you here, Junmyeon? I didn’t think I’ve ever told you my address…”
Your address?
“I-I wasn’t-“
“Luhan.”
It was as if Junmyeon’s world had stopped moving the moment someone gently called out Luhan’s name.
God.
He knew that voice.
No, it couldn’t be…
“It’s cold outside, you didn’t bring your…”
Wu Yifan.
“…scarf.”
Junmyeon’s knees went weak and he almost broke into tears upon seeing the tall person before him. Twenty years might have passed, but what Junmyeon felt every time he saw Yifan didn’t change.
His heart stuttered badly.
“I’m sorry, Yifan,” Luhan smiled apologetically as he peered over his shoulder. “I saw Junmyeon outside, but I wasn’t sure, so I went out to see if it was really him, and I forgot…”
None of them said anything for the longest time.
Luhan glanced back and forth between Junmyeon and Yifan, it was clear that he was confused at the quietness. The situation was somehow tense, and he had no idea why.
Junmyeon gulped.
Yifan was a whole lot different now.
His body was so tall that Junmyeon had to lift up his chin to even look at him. His hair was blond, but it was fading. The root of his hair was black-a sign that it was dyed. His skin was slightly tanned, but still visibly fair-it looked like he had been working under the sun for too long. It could be because he was still taking care of the farm.
His appearance changed.
What didn’t change was the way he looked at Junmyeon.
And if Junmyeon stayed there any longer…
“I-I should go home,” Junmyeon said with his voice cracking and he instinctively took a step back from Luhan. “I mean, I should go back.”
“Eh?” Luhan sounded disappointed. “Why the hurry…? We’re just about to have lunch… Yifan, Junmyeon can stay for lunch with us, can’t he…?”
Junmyeon winced at the way Luhan pronounced Yifan’s name, and it somehow pained him. Heck, it killed him. It was like his heart was stabbed with thousands of needles because dammit, they hurt so much.
All of a sudden, Luhan coughed.
It seemed to break any other thought in Yifan’s mind and he protectively wrapped a scarf around Luhan’s shoulders. “It’s cold. Come on, we should go inside…”
Inside.
“But Junmyeon…”
“It’s okay, Luhan, you need to rest anyway,” Junmyeon forced himself to smile. He was unable to take his eyes off of the couple in front of him. Why must Yifan have his hands around Luhan’s shoulders…? It was disturbing… “You need to be healthy for the winter festival.”
Luhan’s expression softened as he smiled. “Yes, the winter festival. You’ll come with me, right…?”
“I said I’ll think about it.”
Junmyeon didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but Luhan’s faltered expression made him feel like he was being mean to him. He wanted to say something to make Luhan feel better, but then he just waved his hand as a sign of goodbye and turned around before Luhan could say anything more.
He just wanted to see how Yifan was doing.
But why, Junmyeon thought as he walked away and he did his best not to cry. Why does it feel so painful to see him with someone new…?
***
Junmyeon had a drink or two (or ten) to forget all the pain.
But of course, on the next morning, Junmyeon woke up with the worst feeling ever. It was foolish of him to think that alcohol could wash all the pain away.
He was so sad-and not sober-that he ended up packing before going to sleep. He almost stormed off in the middle of the night, but fortunately, he remembered there was no taxi whatsoever in the village and that there was no bus until morning.
Junmyeon absently checked his phone and he wasn’t surprised when he found out there was a long-assed email from Jongin. Ever since he left his home, he had blocked every incoming call just so that no one would be able to bother him. Junmyeon opened the email, but his brother had typed too many words that it gave him a headache and in the end, he decided not to read it. He had a feeling no matter how many words there were, the point would be the same, that Jongin wanted him to be home for Christmas.
The weather was even colder by one degree that day and Junmyeon took a warm bath instead of a shower that morning. He spent the rest of his morning thinking in the tub, but then thinking too much also gave him a headache.
He should check for the bus schedule…
Junmyeon left his backpack in his room on purpose-better to just leave it behind until he was really sure he was checking out of the inn. He zipped his jacket on his way out, but it wasn’t enough. Junmyeon was about to put on his gloves when he realized someone was standing in front of the inn, and he froze upon seeing who it was.
It was Yifan.
Junmyeon thought of the possibility to walk away and pretend that he didn’t see him, but it was too late. By the time Junmyeon finished thinking, Yifan had already lifted his chin up, causing their eyes to meet.
Something strange bubbled within Junmyeon. It was jolting victoriously in his stomach that it made him feel like he wanted to dig a hole and bury himself forever in it.
“Hello,” Yifan greeted warmly. “Good morning.”
Junmyeon’s heart stuttered at the simple greeting. He could feel the heat creeping up to his cheeks as he nodded. “H-hello… I uh, I didn’t remember telling you where I stayed…” He said and immediately regretted it. Did he just make a fool of himself?
“Well, for starters, there aren’t that many inns here. It’s easy to find a tourist like you…” Yifan sounded amused as he pursed his lips. “Were you going to get some breakfast?”
“I…” Junmyeon hesitated. “I was…going to check for the bus schedule…”
Yifan looked a bit taken aback.
It somehow scared him and Junmyeon decided to avoid Yifan’s gaze. He felt like he wouldn’t be able to do anything properly if he looked at him in the eye…
“Luhan,” Yifan started quietly. “He…was never that happy before.”
Junmyeon blinked.
“Two days ago, he went home with the widest smile I’ve ever seen. When I asked him what happened, he just smiled and told me that he made a new friend. I didn’t take it seriously. But yesterday, when he saw you again, he was so happy that he almost refused to drink his medicine.”
Junmyeon held his breath as he slowly looked up. Medicine…?
“You see, Luhan… He has poor health. His parents bought the house next to mine-yours, hoping that the fresh air will make him feel better. They gave him everything he needed, but they forgot what he wanted.” Yifan grimaced. “He didn’t want to be alone… Luhan was so lonely. Sure, his parents gave him everything, but they didn’t stay to be with him. It was as if…”
Yifan didn’t finish his sentence, but Junmyeon had a feeling what he was about to say. Nonetheless, Yifan shook his head and shrugged, clearly not wanting to continue.
“Is he…going to be alright?”
Yifan didn’t answer. “If it’s not too much to ask of you…”
Junmyeon gulped. He had a bad feeling about this.
“Will you stay? Just until the winter festival…”
Shit. Junmyeon’s mouth went dry. Shit, I knew it!
“Luhan would be so happy if he goes to festival with you…”
“I…”
Junmyeon was clearly troubled with the request and he tried to make up some reasons to say no, he couldn’t, because his family wanted him home for Christmas. That Jongin was going to give him endless headache if he didn’t come home soon, or that his friends would kill him if he didn’t attend their Christmas parties.
But…
He noticed how happy Luhan was and he could tell that it was genuine. And it certainly suck being alone…moreover feeling lonely.
“Please?”
“For Luhan, then,” Junmyeon sighed in defeat and held up his hands. “But just until the winter festival, and then I’m going back.”
Yifan smiled gratefully as he nodded and Junmyeon wished the former wouldn’t have done that.
Because his heart beat so fast like it was about to blow, and Junmyeon wondered if he stayed for Luhan…
…or he stayed because he wanted to see Yifan more.
***
Yifan asked Junmyeon what his plan for the day was, and Junmyeon honestly answered that he had no plans. The taller of the two then asked him if he wanted some apple pies, and Junmyeon, out of hunger, had agreed.
Junmyeon thought they were going to stop by at a restaurant or a store, but Yifan just kept on walking. It turned out Yifan was heading straight home.
Home.
His home with Luhan.
Junmyeon became reluctant and his steps slowed down.
Yifan seemed to notice his uneasiness as he stopped by the gate. “Is something wrong?”
Junmyeon licked his dry lips. “You never told me if we’re going…here.”
“Does it bother you?”
Junmyeon quickly shook his head, albeit he did feel a bit bothered. “You should’ve told me if I was about to eat your mother’s famous apple pie…”
“Famous? Really?” Yifan chuckled as he opened the gate. “I never knew.”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve never eaten such godly apple pie in my life before. But that was twenty years ago. I hope it will still taste the same?” Junmyeon pretended to think.
“Well…” Yifan headed to the front door with Junmyeon following closely behind him. “It is her recipe…”
“Huh? Wait, Yifan,” Junmyeon called out and Yifan glanced over his shoulder to look at him. Suddenly, he felt bad about it. “Did you mean…”
Yifan nodded nonchalantly. “They passed away years ago.”
Oh my God, Junmyeon mentally berated himself. Why do you have to be so insensitive, Kim Junmyeon?
“Yifan, I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s not a big deal, really. Don’t worry about it.” Yifan unlocked the door and he was the first one to step inside the house. “Lu?”
Something about the way Yifan called Luhan’s name made him wince as Junmyeon softly closed the door behind him. But it was soon forgotten as he glanced around. The familiarity washed over him and Junmyeon curved his lips into a smile. Everything was still in the same place as far as he remembered. A few bits of furniture had been added to adorn the place, but the old ones weren’t removed.
Junmyeon giggled lightly as his line of sight went to the table in the middle of the room. He was struck in awe at the fact that Yifan still kept it.
They used to sit under the table for hours, talking to each other like they were invisible and no one was able to hear their conversations. Their secret hiding place, Junmyeon used to say. Yifan’s father built them a tree house in their yard, but whenever it was raining or they didn’t feel like going out, they sat there. When Yifan’s mother covered the table with a long tablecloth, they acted like it was their camp.
Junmyeon slowly stepped closer as he reminisced. He carefully caressed his fingers against the wooden surface, and he felt like crying.
How long had it been…?
Oh, how he missed this place.
How he missed Yifan…
It had been too long.
Junmyeon’s shoulders flinched when Yifan suddenly spoke behind him.
“I didn’t know how to contact you,” Yifan said quietly behind him. “You were gone just like that.”
“I’m sorry, Yifan,” Junmyeon painfully whispered, but he wasn’t brave enough to turn around. He felt like he wouldn’t be able to hold back his emotions if he did. “I’m sorry…”
Yifan lifted his hand up, wanting to touch Junmyeon’s hair, but he stopped halfway. His fingers slowly curled into a tight fist and he dropped his hand back to his side.
The other male was quiet, but Junmyeon could feel a ‘why’ coming. He closed his eyes for a while before daring himself to turn around to look at Yifan, and Yifan looked back right at him.
For a second, it felt like it was just the two of them in the house.
It felt like they traveled back to the past where they were both just boys, careless about the future. When all they cared about was each other. When it had never occurred to them that what they had would never last…
“Junmyeon,” Yifan whispered almost desperately. “I…”
“Yifan?”
Luhan’s voice nearly made Junmyeon jump and Yifan hastily maintained a safe distance between them. The pretty male peeked from behind the door-apparently he had been sleeping in his bedroom. Luhan rubbed his eye sleepily, but his sleepiness seemed to vapor into thin air as he saw Junmyeon.
“Junmyeon?”
“Hello,” Junmyeon greeted as casually as he could, despite the fact that his heart was thrumming loudly against his chest. He still could feel Yifan’s breath on his face. “Yifan invited me here for his apple pie…”
“Really? I bet you’ll like it!” Luhan’s expression brightened as he stepped out of his room. “It’s his mother’s recipe!”
“Lu, put on your scarf,” Yifan firmly reminded the pretty male.
“Eh? But we’re at home, Yifan…” Luhan pouted cutely, trying to talk his boyfriend out of it. “I’ll be fine…it’s not like I’m going anywhere…”
“It’s pretty cold nowadays, even at home. Go put on your scarf.”
“But-“
“I’ll light the fireplace, it should be warmer soon and you don’t have to wear the scarf,” Junmyeon intercepted almost automatically and he felt surprised at himself. “I mean-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“
“See? Even Junmyeon agrees for me,” Luhan stuck his tongue out playfully at Yifan and winked at Junmyeon. “Thank you, Junmyeon.”
“B-but if Yifan said it’s best for you to put on your scarf…”
Yifan sighed as he shuffled to the kitchen. “Just make sure he stays warm, Junmyeon. I’ll go prepare our meal…”
Luhan flashed a peace sign with his fingers as he walked closer to Junmyeon. “Yay! But come on, we wouldn’t want to make Yifan angry. Let’s light the fire…”
Junmyeon consciously nodded and he let himself be dragged by Luhan. But then a horror thought occurred to him, and it made him feel guilty.
What he did just then-was it really because he wanted Luhan to feel warmer…
…or was it because he couldn’t stand to see Yifan and Luhan getting along…?
[2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Yifan’s feeling for Junmyeon never changes, even after twenty years.
Author's Note: I'm sorry :( and please, no translations allowed!!
You’re my backbone, you’re my cornerstone
You’re my crutch when my legs stop moving
You’re my head start, you’re my rugged heart
You’re the pulse that I’ve always needed
Like a drum, baby, don’t stop beating
Like a drum, my heart never stops beating for you
Baby, I’m not moving on, I’ll love you long after you’re gone
You will never sleep alone, I’ll love you long after you’re gone
I’ll love you long after you’re gone…
Junmyeon absently glanced outside the window.
Everything seemed to move so fast, but the view calmed him.
It was nearly the end of the year, and the weather was getting colder. The leaves were starting to fall from the trees and people were starting to wear thicker clothes. It was cold, but everyone didn’t seem to mind because Christmas was coming.
Just like everyone else, Junmyeon’s family was looking forward to it, too.
But not Junmyeon.
At least, not this year.
Junmyeon dropped his gaze to his wristwatch.
11:20.
It had only been fifteen minutes since his train had departed, but it felt like forever.
The male recalled the scene where he told his mother he wanted to go celebrating Christmas alone this year, and it caused quite an argument in his family. She and Jongin, his younger brother, were so against it-they couldn’t understand why he would want to be alone. What was the point of celebrating Christmas without the whole family?
Junmyeon understood what they were feeling, but he felt like he needed to do this.
He needed this getaway.
He just needed some time alone, away from everyone.
Junmyeon shifted in his seat, looking for a comfortable position before leaning his head against the window. He sighed heavily as he rapped his fingers against his thigh, wondering if it was the right decision. Leaving all by himself…and he didn’t even tell them where he was going. He just sneaked out of his house this morning when everyone else was still sleeping.
Celebrating Christmas with family surely was a nice thing to do. There would be presents…and there would be a lot of food, too.
But…
Nonetheless, he was already inside the train, and there was no going back.
Junmyeon shot another glance at his watch.
11:22.
Realizing that it was useless to keep track of the time, he shifted once again in his seat, this time planning to stop thinking and just go to sleep.
As Junmyeon’s eyes fluttered close, his mind drifted to his childhood friend.
Someone who he could never forget, even after twenty years.
***
Junmyeon arrived at the train station two hours later and he scratched his head in uncertainty.
Everything seemed to have changed-but of course, it had been more than ten years since he was here.
Junmyeon then asked around about his destination and a middle-aged woman told him that he needed to take the bus for another hour if he wanted to go there. The male bowed gratefully in response and quickly headed to the bus stop across the station.
It didn’t take long for the bus to arrive and he hopped in without thinking.
The bus wasn’t crowded.
Junmyeon took his time gazing outside the window and his mind immediately went back to his family. He hoped everyone was doing okay and they didn’t freak out when they found out that he was gone.
Unlike his journey in the train, this time it passed by quickly. Without him realizing it, he was going to arrive at the village in a few minutes. His heart skipped a beat at the thought and suddenly, he became nervous.
The village was where he was born.
And it was the very same place he had left twenty years ago.
Junmyeon’s father was a doctor. But instead of working in a big hospital that his family owned, he chose to travel to small villages to help people in need. He didn’t earn much money, but at that time, money was never his number one priority (then again, his father was young and naïve).
It was probably just an excuse to get away from home and to travel to places, but Junmyeon knew his father enjoyed it. His old man kept on traveling from place to place, offering his medical services-mostly for poor people-until one day, he met Junmyeon’s mother. Just like any other love stories, they fell in love. It was then his father decided that he would stop moving around and proposed to the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
And then Junmyeon was born.
Three years later, Jongin, his younger brother, was born.
They were happy.
Junmyeon loved his hometown very much.
Most of the villages were farmers. They weren’t exactly rich, but their faces were always chiseled with smiles. Most of them were middle-aged people, because the youngsters had refused to be farmers and traveled to big cities to pursue their education. It was a small village-anywhere could be reached by walking-and everyone knew each other. The people were kind, and they treated one another like they were some kind of a big family.
The Wu family lived next door.
And Lord, they had the largest apple farm Junmyeon had ever seen.
When Junmyeon was five, his parents invited the Wu family to their house for Christmas dinner.
It was then he was introduced to Wu Yifan.
Junmyeon remembered clutching his mother’s skirt so hard the first time they met, because Yifan was…intimidating. The boy was only a year older than him, but he already looked so mature. His body was tall for someone his age, and he had the sharpest gaze Junmyeon had ever seen.
And he was handsome.
But his fear vanished instantly the moment Yifan smiled at him.
Despite his scary and grumpy appearance, they became friends right away.
The boys used to spend their time together after school climbing the apple trees-which Yifan became reluctant to do when Junmyeon once fell while climbing (but fortunately, he wasn’t hurt). Yifan taught him how to dribble basketball and a bit of English, while Junmyeon taught him the first thing to do if someone around him was hurt-his father was a doctor, anyway.
Junmyeon didn’t know when did he become so attached to Yifan, but he did. His feeling towards Yifan must be brotherly feeling or something, because it hurt him so much whenever Yifan wasn’t around, or how insanely jealous he was when he caught Yifan talking to his classmates at school. Junmyeon was still so young that he didn’t understand what it was at that time. Being together with Yifan was his happiness, and it was all he needed.
Unfortunately, it didn’t last.
When Junmyeon turned nine, his grandfather passed away. The news shocked Junmyeon because his parents had never mentioned that he still had a grandfather. A few days after the funeral, a lot of phone calls were made to their house, asking for his father to go home. His father declined it at first, but being the only son-and the only heir to the family hospital, it was a must for his father to go back and take care of everything.
Junmyeon didn’t really understand at that moment why they had to leave. They were happy in the village-there was no reason to leave it all behind. Junmyeon had a lot of friends-he had Yifan, and he didn’t want to go. But there was no time to argue. Everything was rushed and it seemed that his father was under some kind of tension that they ended up leaving without packing in the middle of the night.
He remembered crying and glancing at Yifan’s window when his parents told him and Jongin to get inside the car, hoping that Yifan was awake and he somehow heard the car and found out that he was leaving.
But Yifan never did.
With that, Junmyeon bade his village goodbye.
But he never had the chance to say goodbye to Yifan.
***
His long trip was finally over when he jumped off of the bus and Junmyeon immediately went to the nearest inn.
Fortunately, they still had some vacant rooms, although Junmyeon hadn’t booked one before. He decided to call it a night and went to sleep for the rest of the day. The trip somewhat exhausted him-three hours wasn’t exactly short…
When Junmyeon woke up, it was already morning.
The fresh air got Junmyeon to smile as he inhaled deeply. It was cold, but the air was definitely different than Seoul. The male then took a quick shower and got dressed in a record time, feeling impatient about exploring the village. Junmyeon scanned the buildings thoroughly around him and nothing seemed to change except there were more stores.
Some people turned to look at him, but he wasn’t sure if they looked at him because they remembered who he was-or simply because he was a tourist and his face was unfamiliar. He hoped it wasn’t because of the way he dressed, because he was certain he didn’t overdress…
Junmyeon was captivated by the surrounding around him that he didn’t really pay attention to where he was going. He accidentally bumped onto someone and the person almost fell forward, if Junmyeon’s reflex wasn’t working so well and grabbed the latter’s arm, preventing him from falling. But several apples that were in the bag the person was holding fell onto the ground, and Junmyeon hastily knelt to pick them all up.
“I’m really sorry,” Junmyeon apologized profusely. “I didn’t see you. I’m so sorry…”
“It’s alright…”
Junmyeon managed to gather every apple and he stood up with the red-colored fruits in his hands. He opened his mouth to say something but he swallowed them all back upon seeing the person before him. It was then he realized that the other person was a male-a very pretty male, to be exact. His skin was so fair that it made him look pale…
No, Junmyeon thought. No, he is really pale.
“Are you all right?”
“Yes. I’m just a bit dizzy,” the male softly said. “I need to sit down, and then I’ll be alright…”
Low blood pressure, perhaps?
“How about we have a cup of tea over there?” Junmyeon offered as he pointed to a shabby restaurant nearby. It was probably a diner, because restaurant sounded so fancy. “You’re really pale, and you need to drink something. Have you eaten?”
“I…” the male trailed off as he stared curiously at Junmyeon. “Are you a doctor, by any chance?”
Junmyeon hesitated momentarily. He came here for a holiday, didn’t he? Perhaps he should lie about his profession… But he had an oath to help people… Junmyeon pondered for a long time and the other male cleared his throat, as if he understood what Junmyeon was thinking.
“I’m Luhan, by the way.”
Junmyeon instantly looked up, a bit relieved that Luhan didn’t probe further. “I’m… Junmyeon.”
Luhan’s smile was so pretty that it surely would affect everyone who saw it.
“Nice to meet you, Junmyeon…”
***
Junmyeon ended up chatting with Luhan over a cup of tea.
Luhan was really pale, and Junmyeon waited until the male looked slightly better, until his face had more color. It could be the weather, or it could be because Luhan hadn’t eaten anything since morning.
The pretty male asked if he was a tourist, and Junmyeon told him that he was.
He was, wasn’t he?
Luhan then explained that he was actually on his way to the orphanage to donate the apples. It was a monthly routine and his boyfriend usually did it, but he was occupied at the moment so Luhan decided to help, although he wasn’t in a fit condition.
Fit wasn’t the proper term.
Luhan was sick, Junmyeon could tell that much after having the conversation. He was also very delicate…like he was a fragile china doll.
Knowing this, and being a doctor…he would be very cruel to let Luhan deliver the apples all by himself.
So Junmyeon offered helping Luhan to bring the apples to the orphanage, and the pretty male’s expression brightened in response. He nodded vigorously (“You will? Really? You will?”) and eagerly thanked Junmyeon for his kindness.
Junmyeon didn’t think Luhan was ever quiet on the way to the orphanage. He kept on talking about anything and looked flabbergasted whenever something unusual caught his eye. It was like the male rarely went out… Junmyeon didn’t mind, though. It was easier when Luhan did all the talking.
Junmyeon waited outside patiently when Luhan paid a visit into the orphanage. When he was done, Luhan was smiling happily as he walked back to Junmyeon.
“Everything’s done?”
“Yes!” Luhan grinned. “That was…very kind of you to accompany me. Thank you so much, Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon shrugged. “It’s nothing. And I don’t have anything to do, anyway.”
“That’s right…” Luhan paused momentarily and he seemed thoughtful. “You’re visiting, right? Who is it that you’re visiting here? Perhaps I know them…”
Junmyeon’s mind immediately flew to Yifan, but he wasn’t in the mood to share. “No one,” he lied.
“Oh. Are you here for the winter festival, then…?”
“Winter festival?”
“It’s next week! Just two days before Christmas. Oh my God, you should stay until next week, Junmyeon. We should go to the festival together! There’s gotta be cotton candy, right? And other food? And fireworks?”
“Well, I haven’t decided when will I go back…but I’ll think about it.”
“Okay,” Luhan said and his smile faltered. “Actually… It’d be really nice to be able to go with you. But…if it gets too cold, I might not make it…”
Junmyeon frowned slightly.
“But we can’t know for sure, right? If it happens, I’ll just wear thicker clothes and hopefully, I’ll be able to spend it with you,” Luhan chuckled. “Anyway, I should go back now. Thank you for today, Junmyeon.”
“You’re welcome. Be careful, Luhan.”
“Un. See you around, then.”
With that, Luhan left.
Junmyeon merely watched the other male’s back until he disappeared from his vision and he decided to go back to the inn.
***
The morning came again because it was how God wanted it to be and Junmyeon pondered lazily if he should go anywhere today. He checked his phone earlier and the weather was 4 degrees this morning. It was the perfect time to just sleep and curl underneath the blanket.
But he didn’t go back there so that he could sleep, did he?
Junmyeon sighed loudly as he pulled himself into a sitting position and yawned.
After taking a shower and got dressed, he decided to take a walk to his old house-which was his intention from the start. The thought scared him a bit actually, because right next to his house, was Yifan’s. Junmyeon nearly changed his mind about going, but then he scolded himself.
It’s not like Yifan would be outside and wait for you.
Besides, he’s probably forgotten about you.
Heck, he wouldn’t remember your face anyway.
“Don’t flatter yourself. Just pass by without looking back,” Junmyeon mumbled to himself. “You can do it, Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon walked towards the direction of his house with an extremely slow pace. As he was getting nearer, each of his steps felt heavier. A lot of ‘what if’s ran through his mind. Something descended upon his chest, and it was akin to doubts.
You just want to see how he’s doing, right…?
Wait, that’s not it. Didn’t you just want to see your old home?
Yeah, just your old home. Take one last look and then run away as far as possible.
Realizing that the battle with his inner self would never end, Junmyeon intentionally knocked on his forehead, as if to say ‘enough’. His steps slowly came to a stop as he acknowledged the familiar street.
Junmyeon swallowed nervously.
His old house was still there.
Junmyeon held his breath and he felt like laughing for a moment. What did he expect? That his house would no longer be there? Junmyeon observed his old house absentmindedly and nothing seemed to change, except for the newly fresh paint. The new owner could be repainting it due to Christmas… Whoever it was, he felt grateful, because it was obvious that it was still very well taken care of.
Junmyeon unconsciously smiled and he sighed contentedly.
“Junmyeon?”
Junmyeon’s smile faltered upon hearing the mention of his name and he glanced around in confusion. Who…? No one seemed to be around… The male kept on looking before he realized that the voice came from the general direction of Yifan’s house.
“Junmyeon, it is you!”
Junmyeon’s heart almost stopped beating when he saw Luhan waving his hand at him. As if it wasn’t enough, his heart threatened to blow to pieces the moment he realized Luhan just stepped out of Yifan’s house.
“Lu-Luhan?”
What the hell are you doing over there?
Luhan didn’t give Junmyeon a chance to speak anymore as he leaned forward to hug him. Junmyeon was a bit stunned-no, scratch that, he was very stunned-but it didn’t last long because Luhan pulled away as soon as he hugged him.
“I’m glad you still remember my name,” Luhan giggled softly and he tilted his head cutely to one side. “What brings you here, Junmyeon? I didn’t think I’ve ever told you my address…”
Your address?
“I-I wasn’t-“
“Luhan.”
It was as if Junmyeon’s world had stopped moving the moment someone gently called out Luhan’s name.
God.
He knew that voice.
No, it couldn’t be…
“It’s cold outside, you didn’t bring your…”
Wu Yifan.
“…scarf.”
Junmyeon’s knees went weak and he almost broke into tears upon seeing the tall person before him. Twenty years might have passed, but what Junmyeon felt every time he saw Yifan didn’t change.
His heart stuttered badly.
“I’m sorry, Yifan,” Luhan smiled apologetically as he peered over his shoulder. “I saw Junmyeon outside, but I wasn’t sure, so I went out to see if it was really him, and I forgot…”
None of them said anything for the longest time.
Luhan glanced back and forth between Junmyeon and Yifan, it was clear that he was confused at the quietness. The situation was somehow tense, and he had no idea why.
Junmyeon gulped.
Yifan was a whole lot different now.
His body was so tall that Junmyeon had to lift up his chin to even look at him. His hair was blond, but it was fading. The root of his hair was black-a sign that it was dyed. His skin was slightly tanned, but still visibly fair-it looked like he had been working under the sun for too long. It could be because he was still taking care of the farm.
His appearance changed.
What didn’t change was the way he looked at Junmyeon.
And if Junmyeon stayed there any longer…
“I-I should go home,” Junmyeon said with his voice cracking and he instinctively took a step back from Luhan. “I mean, I should go back.”
“Eh?” Luhan sounded disappointed. “Why the hurry…? We’re just about to have lunch… Yifan, Junmyeon can stay for lunch with us, can’t he…?”
Junmyeon winced at the way Luhan pronounced Yifan’s name, and it somehow pained him. Heck, it killed him. It was like his heart was stabbed with thousands of needles because dammit, they hurt so much.
All of a sudden, Luhan coughed.
It seemed to break any other thought in Yifan’s mind and he protectively wrapped a scarf around Luhan’s shoulders. “It’s cold. Come on, we should go inside…”
Inside.
“But Junmyeon…”
“It’s okay, Luhan, you need to rest anyway,” Junmyeon forced himself to smile. He was unable to take his eyes off of the couple in front of him. Why must Yifan have his hands around Luhan’s shoulders…? It was disturbing… “You need to be healthy for the winter festival.”
Luhan’s expression softened as he smiled. “Yes, the winter festival. You’ll come with me, right…?”
“I said I’ll think about it.”
Junmyeon didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but Luhan’s faltered expression made him feel like he was being mean to him. He wanted to say something to make Luhan feel better, but then he just waved his hand as a sign of goodbye and turned around before Luhan could say anything more.
He just wanted to see how Yifan was doing.
But why, Junmyeon thought as he walked away and he did his best not to cry. Why does it feel so painful to see him with someone new…?
***
Junmyeon had a drink or two (or ten) to forget all the pain.
But of course, on the next morning, Junmyeon woke up with the worst feeling ever. It was foolish of him to think that alcohol could wash all the pain away.
He was so sad-and not sober-that he ended up packing before going to sleep. He almost stormed off in the middle of the night, but fortunately, he remembered there was no taxi whatsoever in the village and that there was no bus until morning.
Junmyeon absently checked his phone and he wasn’t surprised when he found out there was a long-assed email from Jongin. Ever since he left his home, he had blocked every incoming call just so that no one would be able to bother him. Junmyeon opened the email, but his brother had typed too many words that it gave him a headache and in the end, he decided not to read it. He had a feeling no matter how many words there were, the point would be the same, that Jongin wanted him to be home for Christmas.
The weather was even colder by one degree that day and Junmyeon took a warm bath instead of a shower that morning. He spent the rest of his morning thinking in the tub, but then thinking too much also gave him a headache.
He should check for the bus schedule…
Junmyeon left his backpack in his room on purpose-better to just leave it behind until he was really sure he was checking out of the inn. He zipped his jacket on his way out, but it wasn’t enough. Junmyeon was about to put on his gloves when he realized someone was standing in front of the inn, and he froze upon seeing who it was.
It was Yifan.
Junmyeon thought of the possibility to walk away and pretend that he didn’t see him, but it was too late. By the time Junmyeon finished thinking, Yifan had already lifted his chin up, causing their eyes to meet.
Something strange bubbled within Junmyeon. It was jolting victoriously in his stomach that it made him feel like he wanted to dig a hole and bury himself forever in it.
“Hello,” Yifan greeted warmly. “Good morning.”
Junmyeon’s heart stuttered at the simple greeting. He could feel the heat creeping up to his cheeks as he nodded. “H-hello… I uh, I didn’t remember telling you where I stayed…” He said and immediately regretted it. Did he just make a fool of himself?
“Well, for starters, there aren’t that many inns here. It’s easy to find a tourist like you…” Yifan sounded amused as he pursed his lips. “Were you going to get some breakfast?”
“I…” Junmyeon hesitated. “I was…going to check for the bus schedule…”
Yifan looked a bit taken aback.
It somehow scared him and Junmyeon decided to avoid Yifan’s gaze. He felt like he wouldn’t be able to do anything properly if he looked at him in the eye…
“Luhan,” Yifan started quietly. “He…was never that happy before.”
Junmyeon blinked.
“Two days ago, he went home with the widest smile I’ve ever seen. When I asked him what happened, he just smiled and told me that he made a new friend. I didn’t take it seriously. But yesterday, when he saw you again, he was so happy that he almost refused to drink his medicine.”
Junmyeon held his breath as he slowly looked up. Medicine…?
“You see, Luhan… He has poor health. His parents bought the house next to mine-yours, hoping that the fresh air will make him feel better. They gave him everything he needed, but they forgot what he wanted.” Yifan grimaced. “He didn’t want to be alone… Luhan was so lonely. Sure, his parents gave him everything, but they didn’t stay to be with him. It was as if…”
Yifan didn’t finish his sentence, but Junmyeon had a feeling what he was about to say. Nonetheless, Yifan shook his head and shrugged, clearly not wanting to continue.
“Is he…going to be alright?”
Yifan didn’t answer. “If it’s not too much to ask of you…”
Junmyeon gulped. He had a bad feeling about this.
“Will you stay? Just until the winter festival…”
Shit. Junmyeon’s mouth went dry. Shit, I knew it!
“Luhan would be so happy if he goes to festival with you…”
“I…”
Junmyeon was clearly troubled with the request and he tried to make up some reasons to say no, he couldn’t, because his family wanted him home for Christmas. That Jongin was going to give him endless headache if he didn’t come home soon, or that his friends would kill him if he didn’t attend their Christmas parties.
But…
He noticed how happy Luhan was and he could tell that it was genuine. And it certainly suck being alone…moreover feeling lonely.
“Please?”
“For Luhan, then,” Junmyeon sighed in defeat and held up his hands. “But just until the winter festival, and then I’m going back.”
Yifan smiled gratefully as he nodded and Junmyeon wished the former wouldn’t have done that.
Because his heart beat so fast like it was about to blow, and Junmyeon wondered if he stayed for Luhan…
…or he stayed because he wanted to see Yifan more.
***
Yifan asked Junmyeon what his plan for the day was, and Junmyeon honestly answered that he had no plans. The taller of the two then asked him if he wanted some apple pies, and Junmyeon, out of hunger, had agreed.
Junmyeon thought they were going to stop by at a restaurant or a store, but Yifan just kept on walking. It turned out Yifan was heading straight home.
Home.
His home with Luhan.
Junmyeon became reluctant and his steps slowed down.
Yifan seemed to notice his uneasiness as he stopped by the gate. “Is something wrong?”
Junmyeon licked his dry lips. “You never told me if we’re going…here.”
“Does it bother you?”
Junmyeon quickly shook his head, albeit he did feel a bit bothered. “You should’ve told me if I was about to eat your mother’s famous apple pie…”
“Famous? Really?” Yifan chuckled as he opened the gate. “I never knew.”
“Are you kidding me? I’ve never eaten such godly apple pie in my life before. But that was twenty years ago. I hope it will still taste the same?” Junmyeon pretended to think.
“Well…” Yifan headed to the front door with Junmyeon following closely behind him. “It is her recipe…”
“Huh? Wait, Yifan,” Junmyeon called out and Yifan glanced over his shoulder to look at him. Suddenly, he felt bad about it. “Did you mean…”
Yifan nodded nonchalantly. “They passed away years ago.”
Oh my God, Junmyeon mentally berated himself. Why do you have to be so insensitive, Kim Junmyeon?
“Yifan, I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to…”
“It’s not a big deal, really. Don’t worry about it.” Yifan unlocked the door and he was the first one to step inside the house. “Lu?”
Something about the way Yifan called Luhan’s name made him wince as Junmyeon softly closed the door behind him. But it was soon forgotten as he glanced around. The familiarity washed over him and Junmyeon curved his lips into a smile. Everything was still in the same place as far as he remembered. A few bits of furniture had been added to adorn the place, but the old ones weren’t removed.
Junmyeon giggled lightly as his line of sight went to the table in the middle of the room. He was struck in awe at the fact that Yifan still kept it.
They used to sit under the table for hours, talking to each other like they were invisible and no one was able to hear their conversations. Their secret hiding place, Junmyeon used to say. Yifan’s father built them a tree house in their yard, but whenever it was raining or they didn’t feel like going out, they sat there. When Yifan’s mother covered the table with a long tablecloth, they acted like it was their camp.
Junmyeon slowly stepped closer as he reminisced. He carefully caressed his fingers against the wooden surface, and he felt like crying.
How long had it been…?
Oh, how he missed this place.
How he missed Yifan…
It had been too long.
Junmyeon’s shoulders flinched when Yifan suddenly spoke behind him.
“I didn’t know how to contact you,” Yifan said quietly behind him. “You were gone just like that.”
“I’m sorry, Yifan,” Junmyeon painfully whispered, but he wasn’t brave enough to turn around. He felt like he wouldn’t be able to hold back his emotions if he did. “I’m sorry…”
Yifan lifted his hand up, wanting to touch Junmyeon’s hair, but he stopped halfway. His fingers slowly curled into a tight fist and he dropped his hand back to his side.
The other male was quiet, but Junmyeon could feel a ‘why’ coming. He closed his eyes for a while before daring himself to turn around to look at Yifan, and Yifan looked back right at him.
For a second, it felt like it was just the two of them in the house.
It felt like they traveled back to the past where they were both just boys, careless about the future. When all they cared about was each other. When it had never occurred to them that what they had would never last…
“Junmyeon,” Yifan whispered almost desperately. “I…”
“Yifan?”
Luhan’s voice nearly made Junmyeon jump and Yifan hastily maintained a safe distance between them. The pretty male peeked from behind the door-apparently he had been sleeping in his bedroom. Luhan rubbed his eye sleepily, but his sleepiness seemed to vapor into thin air as he saw Junmyeon.
“Junmyeon?”
“Hello,” Junmyeon greeted as casually as he could, despite the fact that his heart was thrumming loudly against his chest. He still could feel Yifan’s breath on his face. “Yifan invited me here for his apple pie…”
“Really? I bet you’ll like it!” Luhan’s expression brightened as he stepped out of his room. “It’s his mother’s recipe!”
“Lu, put on your scarf,” Yifan firmly reminded the pretty male.
“Eh? But we’re at home, Yifan…” Luhan pouted cutely, trying to talk his boyfriend out of it. “I’ll be fine…it’s not like I’m going anywhere…”
“It’s pretty cold nowadays, even at home. Go put on your scarf.”
“But-“
“I’ll light the fireplace, it should be warmer soon and you don’t have to wear the scarf,” Junmyeon intercepted almost automatically and he felt surprised at himself. “I mean-I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“
“See? Even Junmyeon agrees for me,” Luhan stuck his tongue out playfully at Yifan and winked at Junmyeon. “Thank you, Junmyeon.”
“B-but if Yifan said it’s best for you to put on your scarf…”
Yifan sighed as he shuffled to the kitchen. “Just make sure he stays warm, Junmyeon. I’ll go prepare our meal…”
Luhan flashed a peace sign with his fingers as he walked closer to Junmyeon. “Yay! But come on, we wouldn’t want to make Yifan angry. Let’s light the fire…”
Junmyeon consciously nodded and he let himself be dragged by Luhan. But then a horror thought occurred to him, and it made him feel guilty.
What he did just then-was it really because he wanted Luhan to feel warmer…
…or was it because he couldn’t stand to see Yifan and Luhan getting along…?
[2]