Ever Enough [1/1]
Title: Ever Enough [1/1]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: There is no scarier feeling than dying.
Author's Note: Inspired by this. I'm sorry this is awful and rushed and unbeta-ed. I suck, I know. And please, no translations allowed!
No, I’m never gonna leave you darling
No, I’m never gonna go regardless
Everything inside of me is living in your heartbeat
Even when all the lights are fading
Even then if your hope was shaking
I’m here holding on
“You’ve got brain tumor...”
Funny how such simple words were able to shatter Junmyeon’s world.
The pretty male’s expression turned pale as he stared at the doctor. Leeteuk’s lips were still moving-indicating that he was still talking, but it was as if Junmyeon had gone deaf. He saw his mother’s eyes widening in worry beside him as she asked another question at his doctor, but Junmyeon didn’t care anymore.
He was dying.
And it scared him.
***
It all started a few months ago.
Junmyeon had noticed the sudden headache, but he didn’t really pay attention. At first, the male thought it was because of the lack of sleep-it had been hell of a week because of mid-tests. Junmyeon had been staying up late for studying and he even skipped dinner several times.
When the headache was a bit too much, Junmyeon decided to just rest. He did, and the pain was gone.
Junmyeon would’ve never expected that it would come back.
The pain resurfaced a week later when he was with Jongin. His younger brother asked him what was wrong, but the headache disappeared as soon as it came, so Junmyeon put on a smile and told him that it was nothing. If only it stayed that way.
Day by day, the pain was starting to happen often-too often in fact-and sometimes he couldn’t even stand it. Whenever it happened, it was quick, but the pain was unbearable and Junmyeon felt like fainting any minute. He considered himself lucky that most of the time it happened he was alone, because Junmyeon didn’t want anyone to worry. He tried to get proper sleep-the pretty male still positively thought that it probably because of his unhealthy life-but even after he did, the pain did not go away.
One day, the headache happened when Junmyeon was with Yifan.
If Junmyeon was only wincing, Yifan probably wouldn’t have noticed it, but the former blacked out.
When he opened his eyes, he was already at the hospital and the doctor had gone through scanning his head-on behalf on Yifan’s request. Junmyeon felt himself pouting. It was probably one of the disadvantages of having a rich boyfriend who happened to have a doctor as a father. Junmyeon knew that Yifan didn’t care about the administration fee, but really, brain scanning was a bit too much. He was just tired, that was all.
And so the news happened.
A part of Junmyeon wanted to scold Yifan, because if only they hadn’t gone through such thing, none of them would’ve found out. But he was also grateful at his boyfriend at the same time. The illness explained everything he had been feeling for the past few weeks. Junmyeon sagged in his seat as his mother said something about surgery and it was going to be done next week. She continued talking, but her words were only like a buzz to Junmyeon as he stared outside the window.
He was dying.
And it scared him.
***
His father was the first one to hug him when they got home.
Junmyeon only smiled in response, because he knew his father was worried and he didn’t want to add more burden to his family. Knowing that his son was sick was one thing, but knowing that his son was dying... Junmyeon gritted his teeth to hide his feeling. His mother joined the group hug and he heard her sobbing, but Junmyeon stayed strong for them.
His lips quivered slightly when Jongin lunged into his arms. The way Jongin buried his face on Junmyeon’s shoulder almost made him feel weak. The older of the two instinctively threw his hand to Jongin’s hair, caressing it lightly. Jongin, his only sibling. Jongin, who he cared so much. Jongin, who was going to be alone if he...
When Jongin pulled away, Junmyeon forced himself to smile. It was then he realized that Kyungsoo, Jongin’s boyfriend, was also there behind him. Kyungsoo’s eyes were tearing up and Junmyeon looked away. Don’t cry. He didn’t want to cry.
He was dying, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t strong.
He needed to stay strong.
“Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon lifted up his face upon hearing the familiar voice as he did his best to curve his lips upward into a smile, and that was when his walls of defense came crumbling down. Yifan was standing there with a different expression. Unlike the others who seemed sad and shocked at the news, his boyfriend was staring at him with such a genuine emotion. Junmyeon wasn’t sure what it was, but it was calming, and it was exactly what Junmyeon needed at the moment.
When Yifan offered his hand to Junmyeon, the latter slowly took it. He leaned into the touch and rested his head on Yifan’s chest. His boyfriend was warm. Yifan was always warm.
“You’re gonna be okay.”
Junmyeon’s shoulder flinched slightly as he bit back a sob. No. He wasn’t going to cry. If he cried, everyone would be even sadder. He needed to stay strong. It was his illness, and not theirs.
However, all of the masks he was trying to wear broke easily when Yifan hugged him, and a soft sob escaped his lips. Junmyeon felt safe in Yifan’s arms and a moment later, the tears fell unwillingly to his cheeks. He was crying.
Junmyeon was dying, and he was scared.
But Yifan’s arms around him were firm, and it was enough to tell him that he wasn’t alone.
***
Everyone gave him sympathetic stares, but they covered it with a smile.
Junmyeon’s mother was starting to cook his favorite meal, and the pretty male looked at her with a confused stare. He didn’t remember asking her to cook it... She hastily explained that he needed to be in a good condition for the surgery next week. Good condition, Junmyeon absently thought. Or I need to be happy before I... Nonetheless, Junmyeon smiled a little at her. He sincerely thanked his mother and hugged her, before forcing himself to shove the food down his throat. The meal was his favorite, indeed, but Junmyeon wasn’t really hungry.
All electronic devices were taken away from Junmyeon.
It was bad for the brain, he remembered his mother explaining. There was nothing Junmyeon could do but to obey. It had only been two days since Junmyeon didn’t have his phone with him, but it felt like forever since he last communicated with Yifan. He missed his boyfriend badly. Junmyeon felt bored without his phone. There was a book on the nightstand, but he wasn’t in the mood to read. He wasn’t really fond of watching the television because staring at the screen made him feel dizzy.
Junmyeon sighed as he adjusted his head on the pillow, trying to find a comfortable position before closing his eyes.
It was already evening when Jongin walked into his room. His brother accidentally tripped over something and Junmyeon cracked his eyes open at the sound. Jongin gave him a sheepish smile, kissing Junmyeon’s forehead before settling down on the empty seat beside the bed. Junmyeon feebly smiled back. The smell of chicken soup drifted in the air-his mother was probably cooking-and suddenly, he felt hungry.
Jongin patted Junmyeon’s head caringly. Funny how they were three years apart, but Jongin liked to act like he was the older one. Junmyeon coughed and Jongin quickly handed him a glass of water.
“Did you see Yifan at the campus today?” Junmyeon asked quietly after he finished his drink.
“No,” Jongin replied. “He hasn’t called you today?”
“How is he supposed to call me when I don’t even know where my phone is?” Junmyeon pouted as he placed the empty glass on the nightstand. “Could you please...text him later that I miss him?”
“Will do,” Jongin nodded in understanding. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “You know, Umma was a bit angry at you. She said if Yifan didn’t initiate the whole thing, then we would have never found out.”
“I’m sorry...”
“No, it’s-“ Jongin was speechless. “It’s not us. I mean, you should’ve said something...”
Junmyeon looked away. Jongin took it as a hint that his brother didn’t want to talk about it anymore and he sighed in defeat.
“I’ll bring you your food in a minute, Hyung. Don’t forget to take the medicine, okay?”
“Jongin...?”
“Yes, Hyung?”
“...when is my surgery...?”
Jongin glanced at the calendar by the desk, licking his lips as he counted. “Next Monday. In four days.”
“Oh,” Junmyeon followed his brother’s line of sight. “I see...”
“Is there anything...you want?”
Junmyeon smiled bitterly. “You’re asking me my one last wish?” He chuckled when Jongin made a horrified face. “Since you asked, I do want something. I want to go to the beach...”
Jongin blinked. “The beach?”
Junmyeon giggled at Jongin’s expression. “Yeah.” The fair-skinned male dropped his gaze to his hands. He thought of the chance of going, but it seemed impossible because it took at least a day to get to the nearest beach. With his condition, he probably couldn’t stand the journey. “Nevermind. Just please, don’t forget to text Yifan...”
He was dying.
But really, not seeing Yifan for two days felt worse than dying.
***
Junmyeon sleepily fluttered his eyes open when he felt someone was shaking his shoulders gently.
He only hummed in response, wondering who could it be. The hand in his shoulder crawled up to his hair, caressing it, and Junmyeon sighed in content. The pretty male finally looked up after a while, and the blond hair was the first thing came into his vision. Emotions were flooding Junmyeon’s chest the moment he realized who it was.
“Yifan...?”
“Hey,” Yifan smiled. “Can you get up? I’m taking you for a little trip.”
“Trip...?”
“You wanted to go to the beach, right?”
Junmyeon’s eyes shot open at that and his sleepiness miraculously vanished. His face brightened and he almost couldn’t suppress his happiness, but then Yifan put a finger on his lips, motioning him to stay quiet. Junmyeon covered his mouth with a face, but underneath his palm, he was grinning.
“Your parents are asleep. Jongin was the one who opened the door for me.”
“Mm,” Junmyeon nodded. He looked a bit sheepish before asking, “Can I bring Ace along?”
“That plushie has accompanied you twenty-four seven, and you still want to take it for our trip?” Yifan feigned a hurt expression as he folded the blanket. “Am I not enough?”
“Shut up,” Junmyeon stuck his tongue out. Yifan looked amused as he helped Junmyeon slid off of the bed. “You know I can’t hug you while you’re driving. I’ll just hug him instead.”
Yifan stiffened a bit when Junmyeon stood before him with their fingers laced together. Junmyeon was tiny, and it was one of the reasons why Yifan fell for him, but somehow, he seemed even tinier. The Chinese male looked unsure momentarily, but then he brought his hand to touch Junmyeon’s cheek. “Your temperature is a bit high. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”
Junmyeon, almost childishly, lunged forward to Yifan like his life depended on the latter. “I’m going to be okay. I’m bringing the medicine along, you don’t have to worry.”
Yifan didn’t seem to be convinced, but he nodded anyway. “Okay. Just tell me if it hurts, alright?”
He was dying.
But being in Yifan’s arms was enough to make him forget.
***
Jongin sent them off to the front door. The tan male pecked his brother’s forehead once again before nodding at Yifan and told them to be careful.
Junmyeon planned to just bring a jacket, but he ended up bringing a shirt and a pair of jeans. Just in case if they wanted to grab something to eat after arriving at the beach, he thought defensively to himself, it would be odd if he was still clad in pajamas.
It wasn’t their first date, but it was their first time going together after midnight.
Junmyeon held Ace tightly to his chest, his own tiny frame was wrapped in Yifan’s jacket. His boyfriend was slim and tall, but his shoulders were broad. Junmyeon felt so small in the jacket, but he loved the feeling. He fell asleep soon and when he woke up, it was already early in the morning. They had stopped somewhere along the way. Junmyeon blinked for a few seconds to regain his soul back. He glanced at the person beside him, who was staring intensely at him. Junmyeon bloomed into a smile as he reached for Yifan.
“Morning,” Junmyeon whispered and let Yifan gently pecked him. “Where are we?”
“I want to take you to a few places before we head to the beach,” Yifan said nonchalantly. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“Eh? Then I want to change first. I don’t want to walk around with pajamas.”
Yifan then got out of the car to let Junmyeon changed. Luckily, the windows were tinted so no one would be able to see from outside. Yifan heard the sound of the other door opening and he scooted over to the passenger side, helping Junmyeon out of the car.
“I feel like a princess,” Junmyeon laughed as Yifan held his hand. They were walking side by side, and Junmyeon leaned closer to his boyfriend. “But seriously, where are you taking me, Yifan?”
“Don’t you remember?”
Junmyeon frowned as he silently looked around and his eyes widened in realization. “This place...”
“It’s where we first met.”
Junmyeon held his breath as he stared at Yifan. “Don’t be silly. Of course I remember.”
“It’s not exactly out here,” Yifan grinned as he jerked his head toward the large building in front of them. “But the library is still closed and I don’t think I would want to wait for another two hours to get inside. It’s not like I want to read any books.” Junmyeon chuckled softly and Yifan’s eyes softened as the latter gazed down at the beautiful male. “You were so breathtaking that day. When I saw you, I just...knew it was you. It had to be you.”
Junmyeon continued to chuckle as he reminisced. “You were a stiff giant. You offered to help me with my books but then you stomped on my foot! Fortunately you were handsome, or else I would’ve kicked you!”
Yifan made a face and Junmyeon couldn’t seem to stop laughing. Yifan was laughing too, but his laughter subsided first. When Junmyeon realized his boyfriend had gone quiet, he looked up and caught Yifan’s fond gaze at him.
“I’m so glad I decided to come to the library that day,” Yifan uttered softly as he placed a hand on Junmyeon’s nape. “I’m so glad to have met you, Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon only hummed when Yifan leaned down to catch his lips.
He was dying.
But Yifan’s kisses were so sweet that they managed to make him forget.
***
They dropped by at the nearest diner to have breakfast.
Yifan insisted on Junmyeon having healthy food, and the latter obliged wordlessly.
Even though the food was tasteless on Junmyeon’s tongue, but the relieved look on Yifan’s face was all he needed to continue eating. Junmyeon wanted to be healthy for Yifan. Heck, he wanted to be everything that would make Yifan happy.
After their stomachs were filled, they continued the trip and Junmyeon fell asleep again while hugging Ace. When he woke up, Yifan had already stopped driving and again, was staring at Junmyeon intensely. Junmyeon shifted on his seat as he glanced around. “Where are we...?”
“You’d remember.”
Yifan got out of the car before walking to Junmyeon’s door and opened it for him. Junmyeon almost rolled his eyes at the fact that Yifan was treating him like a princess, but it was nice. The male rubbed his eyes and yawned as he tightened Yifan’s jacket. Junmyeon followed Yifan’s steps, and it only took him a moment to know where they were.
“Yifan, this place...”
Yifan smiled as he took Junmyeon’s hand in his.
“Yes. It’s where I asked you out.”
Junmyeon’s eyes glinted with amusement. He rested his head on Yifan’s arm and smiled at the view of the park. Junmyeon’s eyes became distant as he recalled their meaningful moments. “I spent a few hours on the bus to get here that day. All because you said you had a basketball match.”
“And I almost lost my concentration for thinking about you the whole time.”
Junmyeon looked up at Yifan. “You thought of me the whole time? Seriously?”
“Yeah, well, I was afraid you would get lost. What if I was in the middle of the match and you called, asking for directions?”
Junmyeon playfully flicked Yifan’s arm and the latter burst out laughing. “But I didn’t.”
“And I won.”
“And I was the first person you hugged.”
“But you weren’t disgusted even though I was sweating.”
“I was too shocked! You came screaming at me, ‘I won! I won, Junmyeon!’ and then you hugged me.”
“And I begged you to go out with me.”
Junmyeon smiled widely at Yifan’s words. His smile faltered when Yifan turned to look at him, and there were deep emotions swirling within the latter’s black orbs. They were somehow soothing, and Junmyeon felt as if he was drowned in them.
“I’m glad I asked you out,” Yifan murmured softly against his lips. “I think I wouldn’t take it if you said no. I would continue to ask you over and over again until you said yes.”
“But I said yes,” Junmyeon whispered.
“You said yes,” Yifan closed his eyes. He kissed Junmyeon softly. “You said yes, and it was a dream came true.”
Junmyeon hugged Yifan tightly and his chest ached because he felt deeply cared and loved.
He was dying.
But it probably wasn’t bad, as long as Yifan was there beside him.
***
They were halfway to the beach when all of a sudden, Junmyeon cried in pain.
His head was throbbing badly and the pain was even worse than before.
Junmyeon dug his nails deep into Ace, trying to prevent his voice from breaking. It was so painful that Junmyeon felt like passing out, but no, no, please, no. His inner self was screaming vehemently. Junmyeon didn’t want to lose his consciousness. He didn’t want to lose to the pain. If he did, only God would know how much longer until he regained his consciousness back. It could be a day or two-or even a week.
He wanted to savor his last days with Yifan.
Please, don’t let me fall asleep.
Junmyeon was breathlessly trying to hold back his headache, when he felt Yifan sweeping him into a hug, carrying him into a motel room and putting him down gently on the bed. He then felt Yifan stroking his hair, caressing his hand with a thumb repeatedly. All of the things Yifan did to him were simple, but they meant a lot. Junmyeon felt calm. After a while, the pain finally dissipated, and Junmyeon’s steady breath indicated that he was feeling slightly better.
Yifan asked him what he wanted to eat, but Junmyeon had no appetite at all. He weakly shook his head, burying his face more into Ace-the plushie was surprisingly always in his arms. Junmyeon felt like vomiting at the thought of food. Maybe it was the room. It was the only motel Yifan could find and Junmyeon didn’t think he have the right to protest.
Junmyeon didn’t know how long had it been since Yifan had left, but then he felt his boyfriend shaking his shoulders to wake him up. The pretty male grunted softly as Yifan helped him to sit, and the taller male gave him a pack of chicken sandwich. Junmyeon’s throat went dry upon seeing the food.
“I’m not hungry, Yifan...”
“You need to eat, Junmyeon, and then drink your medicine.”
Junmyeon forced himself to bite a small size of the sandwich. Junmyeon could sense his boyfriend’s stern eyes on him, but Yifan said nothing when Junmyeon continued to chew slowly. It was better than not to eat at all. Junmyeon only managed to eat half of it and he shoved the rest of the food back to Yifan, shaking his head. Yifan looked at the rest of the food and sighed.
“Here,” Yifan handed him a glass of water and his medicine. Junmyeon gulped everything that was given to him and scrunched his face in distaste. He hated being sick. Yifan pressed his lips into a thin line as he took the empty glass from Junmyeon. “We should probably go home in the morning...”
“What? No!” Junmyeon said in horror. “I want to go to the beach before I-“
Yifan’s expression hardened at that and Junmyeon’s courage diminished.
“-b-before I...”
“Before the surgery,” Yifan corrected half indignantly.
Junmyeon bit his lower lip. Before I... He knew that Yifan knew what he was about to say, but he himself was scared to say the word. Junmyeon took a long sigh. “I...I want to see the sunrise on the beach...”
It was Yifan’s turn to take a deep breath. He nodded in resignation. “Very well. I’ll take you in the morning. Now, you need to sleep.”
Junmyeon watched silently as Yifan took care of everything. The Chinese male turned off the lamp before climbing to the empty spot beside Junmyeon, and the latter immediately cuddled in his arms.
It felt funny because Junmyeon was dying.
And yet Yifan showed him that he was still the one for him, no matter what happened.
***
They saw a payphone by the street and Junmyeon asked Yifan to pull over.
The pretty male ignored the pain in his head as he grabbed the receiver, inserting a few coins and dialed Jongin’s phone number. It was still early in the morning and his brother was still asleep, that was for sure. Junmyeon didn’t really expect Jongin to pick up, but the younger male did.
“Hello?”
“...Jongin?”
“Junmyeon-hyung?”
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too, Hyung.”
Junmyeon smiled heartily. “How are Umma and Appa? Did they freak out when they found out I was gone?”
“I told them you needed this,” Jongin paused for quite a while. “The surgery is in two days.”
Junmyeon’s heart dropped at the last sentence and his grip tightened on the receiver. “I-I notice.”
“Hm.”
“Jongin.”
“Yes?”
“...did they ever mention the possibility of...surviving?”
Jongin didn’t answer for almost a minute. When he finally did, Junmyeon almost ran out of coins. “Hyung-“
“I gotta go. Yifan’s waiting for me.”
“Junmyeon-hyung-“
Click.
Junmyeon pressed his forehead against the phone. Within seconds, he heard footsteps approaching and he hastily lifted up his face. Just as Junmyeon did so, he felt a pair of strong arms pulled him out of the booth, forcing him to face Yifan.
“Junmyeon? Are you okay? What did Jongin say?”
Junmyeon stared deeply at Yifan.
Yifan had never said it, but it was obvious that he was as scared as Junmyeon. He had never showed it, but Junmyeon knew. Yifan had always acted strong because he needed to, but Junmyeon didn’t want him to act anymore. Both of them were scared. Neither of them were able to predict the future, and it was best for them to expect the worst possibilities.
What was going to happen after the surgery...?
“Junmyeon?”
Junmyeon smiled.
“He said the sunrise on the beach is the most beautiful thing...”
When they sat together on the beach with their heads leaning together as they looked up to the sky above them, Junmyeon felt like it was his last chance. He endlessly kissed Yifan like there was no tomorrow. Their lips were glued on each other until morning. Junmyeon felt like he was willing to let go, willing to lose everything as long as Yifan was the last thing he saw. As long as Yifan was the last person he kissed. As long as Yifan was the last person he loved...
Their kisses came to a stop when Junmyeon whimpered. Yifan softly massaged the back of Junmyeon’s head, wishing that there was something he could do to make the pain go away. Junmyeon finally calmed down and collapsed weakly into Yifan’s arms. It was a bit cold, and Yifan quickly covered their bodies with the blanket he had brought from Junmyeon's house.
Yifan examined Junmyeon’s slender digits in his hand. They were engulfed in a comfortable silence until Yifan was the first one to break it.
“There’s this couple ring that I’ve had my eyes on...”
Junmyeon visibly tensed.
“I’m sure it would look good on your finger.”
“Yifan,” Junmyeon desperately shook his head. “Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“I just-I want to cherish this moment with you...”
“I don’t like the way you talk, Junmyeon.”
“Like it or not, you have to face it,” Junmyeon tried to sound angry, but Yifan could tell that he failed miserably. Junmyeon tried to unlink his fingers from Yifan, but the latter didn’t let him go. He sniffed in exasperation. “Yifan...”
“What?”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“No.”
“If I’m not around anymore-“
“I said no.”
“-will you love anyone else?”
Yifan gave Junmyeon a disbelief stare. “No.”
Junmyeon frowned. “Why not?”
“Because you’re not gonna die,” Yifan snapped as he tugged Junmyeon’s arm. Junmyeon gasped mutely and squirmed underneath Yifan’s glare. “Because you’re still going to be around. Because you’re going to be healthy and we’re gonna get married, despite your babbling.”
Junmyeon felt the tears were threatening to spill over at Yifan's words. He fluttered his eyes close when Yifan leaned closer and hot liquid fell to his cheeks instantly. Junmyeon felt helpless, but when Yifan gently glided his tongue on Junmyeon’s lips, slowly, his courage came back.
He was dying.
But if this was what it felt like to be dying, then he didn’t mind.
***
Junmyeon lifelessly stared at the white ceiling.
He was dressed in a hospital gown, and everything in the room smelled like disinfectant.
His parents’ faces were the first thing he saw. They were smiling at him encouragingly, and Junmyeon smiled back. This time, he wasn’t
scared. He was strong. He was brave enough to face everything. They asked him how he felt, and Junmyeon sincerely apologized to them. His mother broke into tears and his father wrapped an arm around her shoulder, but his eyes were as teary as his mother’s.
Jongin pecked his forehead caringly and Junmyeon’s smile widened. They chatted for a moment with Jongin holding Junmyeon’s wrist a bit too strong. Junmyeon asked about Kyungsoo and told his brother to take care of him. Kyungsoo was such a good boyfriend to Jongin and he was also lovable. Their parents would definitely love Kyungsoo as a replacement of Junmyeon.
“Junmyeon, are you ready?”
Junmyeon sucked in deep breath when the nurses walked into the room. He slowly nodded and his eyes lingered to Jongin when they wheeled him away. Junmyeon smiled, but Jongin didn’t smile back. For a second, he didn’t feel scared. He welcomed whatever it was that was going to happen.
Including death.
“Junmyeon.”
It was when he heard Yifan’s voice that fear grew back within him.
Junmyeon glanced sideways to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend between the nurses. They halted, making way for Yifan to see Junmyeon. Junmyeon’s hands were starting to tremble when Yifan intertwined their fingers together. His boyfriend genuinely smiled at him, and Junmyeon almost lost himself.
“Yifan,” Junmyeon whispered. “I’m-I’m scared.”
“You’re going to be all right,” Yifan gave Junmyeon’s hand a calming squeeze. “You’ll wake up seeing me, I swear.”
“Doctor Leeteuk is waiting,” one of the nurses said and she smiled apologetically to Yifan. “We need to make haste.”
Goodbye, Yifan.
“I love you,” Yifan said loudly. “I love you, Junmyeon. You're going to be okay.”
Junmyeon was terrified. He wanted to shout back that he loved Yifan too, more than he ever knew, but his voice was stuck in his throat. When Junmyeon was finally in the operating room, he regretted it because he wished he was able to say those words to Yifan. What if...he wasn’t able to wake up again later?
“N-nurse,” Junmyeon stuttered. He felt sleepy all of a sudden. “Please...”
Please tell Yifan I love him too.
“The drug is going to work in a moment,” she informed nonchalantly. “You’re going to feel nothing soon.”
Tell Yifan...
Junmyeon was unable to think anymore. It was as if his brain was frozen. But the image of Yifan was carved deeply in his mind, and Junmyeon felt content as he started to lose his consciousness.
I love him.
Junmyeon was dying.
And then everything went white.
I will always be yours, forever and more
Through the push and the pull
I still drown in your love
And drink ‘til I’m drunk
And all that I’ve done, is it ever enough
End.
Junmyeon slowly woke up and his vision was slightly blurry. The surrounding was too bright to his liking, and his head was heavy. A weak moan escaped his lips as he tried to move and Junmyeon felt terribly weak, like his insides had turned to jellies.
“Yifan...?”
The name was the first thing that came into his mind, and Junmyeon just automatically whispered it. The pretty male blinked his eyes rapidly, everything was still too bright. Junmyeon grunted softly as he brought his hand to cover his eyes, but then something cold was against his eyelids. He squinted his eyes to look what it was.
It was a ring.
“Welcome back.”
Yifan’s deep voice snapped Junmyeon out of his daze and their gazes collided. No words could describe what Junmyeon felt when Yifan snatched his hand and kissed it softly. The coldness on his skin was quickly replaced by the warmth from Yifan’s lips.
“I told you the ring would look good on you...”
why did you even read this
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: There is no scarier feeling than dying.
Author's Note: Inspired by this. I'm sorry this is awful and rushed and unbeta-ed. I suck, I know. And please, no translations allowed!
No, I’m never gonna leave you darling
No, I’m never gonna go regardless
Everything inside of me is living in your heartbeat
Even when all the lights are fading
Even then if your hope was shaking
I’m here holding on
“You’ve got brain tumor...”
Funny how such simple words were able to shatter Junmyeon’s world.
The pretty male’s expression turned pale as he stared at the doctor. Leeteuk’s lips were still moving-indicating that he was still talking, but it was as if Junmyeon had gone deaf. He saw his mother’s eyes widening in worry beside him as she asked another question at his doctor, but Junmyeon didn’t care anymore.
He was dying.
And it scared him.
***
It all started a few months ago.
Junmyeon had noticed the sudden headache, but he didn’t really pay attention. At first, the male thought it was because of the lack of sleep-it had been hell of a week because of mid-tests. Junmyeon had been staying up late for studying and he even skipped dinner several times.
When the headache was a bit too much, Junmyeon decided to just rest. He did, and the pain was gone.
Junmyeon would’ve never expected that it would come back.
The pain resurfaced a week later when he was with Jongin. His younger brother asked him what was wrong, but the headache disappeared as soon as it came, so Junmyeon put on a smile and told him that it was nothing. If only it stayed that way.
Day by day, the pain was starting to happen often-too often in fact-and sometimes he couldn’t even stand it. Whenever it happened, it was quick, but the pain was unbearable and Junmyeon felt like fainting any minute. He considered himself lucky that most of the time it happened he was alone, because Junmyeon didn’t want anyone to worry. He tried to get proper sleep-the pretty male still positively thought that it probably because of his unhealthy life-but even after he did, the pain did not go away.
One day, the headache happened when Junmyeon was with Yifan.
If Junmyeon was only wincing, Yifan probably wouldn’t have noticed it, but the former blacked out.
When he opened his eyes, he was already at the hospital and the doctor had gone through scanning his head-on behalf on Yifan’s request. Junmyeon felt himself pouting. It was probably one of the disadvantages of having a rich boyfriend who happened to have a doctor as a father. Junmyeon knew that Yifan didn’t care about the administration fee, but really, brain scanning was a bit too much. He was just tired, that was all.
And so the news happened.
A part of Junmyeon wanted to scold Yifan, because if only they hadn’t gone through such thing, none of them would’ve found out. But he was also grateful at his boyfriend at the same time. The illness explained everything he had been feeling for the past few weeks. Junmyeon sagged in his seat as his mother said something about surgery and it was going to be done next week. She continued talking, but her words were only like a buzz to Junmyeon as he stared outside the window.
He was dying.
And it scared him.
***
His father was the first one to hug him when they got home.
Junmyeon only smiled in response, because he knew his father was worried and he didn’t want to add more burden to his family. Knowing that his son was sick was one thing, but knowing that his son was dying... Junmyeon gritted his teeth to hide his feeling. His mother joined the group hug and he heard her sobbing, but Junmyeon stayed strong for them.
His lips quivered slightly when Jongin lunged into his arms. The way Jongin buried his face on Junmyeon’s shoulder almost made him feel weak. The older of the two instinctively threw his hand to Jongin’s hair, caressing it lightly. Jongin, his only sibling. Jongin, who he cared so much. Jongin, who was going to be alone if he...
When Jongin pulled away, Junmyeon forced himself to smile. It was then he realized that Kyungsoo, Jongin’s boyfriend, was also there behind him. Kyungsoo’s eyes were tearing up and Junmyeon looked away. Don’t cry. He didn’t want to cry.
He was dying, but it didn’t mean he wasn’t strong.
He needed to stay strong.
“Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon lifted up his face upon hearing the familiar voice as he did his best to curve his lips upward into a smile, and that was when his walls of defense came crumbling down. Yifan was standing there with a different expression. Unlike the others who seemed sad and shocked at the news, his boyfriend was staring at him with such a genuine emotion. Junmyeon wasn’t sure what it was, but it was calming, and it was exactly what Junmyeon needed at the moment.
When Yifan offered his hand to Junmyeon, the latter slowly took it. He leaned into the touch and rested his head on Yifan’s chest. His boyfriend was warm. Yifan was always warm.
“You’re gonna be okay.”
Junmyeon’s shoulder flinched slightly as he bit back a sob. No. He wasn’t going to cry. If he cried, everyone would be even sadder. He needed to stay strong. It was his illness, and not theirs.
However, all of the masks he was trying to wear broke easily when Yifan hugged him, and a soft sob escaped his lips. Junmyeon felt safe in Yifan’s arms and a moment later, the tears fell unwillingly to his cheeks. He was crying.
Junmyeon was dying, and he was scared.
But Yifan’s arms around him were firm, and it was enough to tell him that he wasn’t alone.
***
Everyone gave him sympathetic stares, but they covered it with a smile.
Junmyeon’s mother was starting to cook his favorite meal, and the pretty male looked at her with a confused stare. He didn’t remember asking her to cook it... She hastily explained that he needed to be in a good condition for the surgery next week. Good condition, Junmyeon absently thought. Or I need to be happy before I... Nonetheless, Junmyeon smiled a little at her. He sincerely thanked his mother and hugged her, before forcing himself to shove the food down his throat. The meal was his favorite, indeed, but Junmyeon wasn’t really hungry.
All electronic devices were taken away from Junmyeon.
It was bad for the brain, he remembered his mother explaining. There was nothing Junmyeon could do but to obey. It had only been two days since Junmyeon didn’t have his phone with him, but it felt like forever since he last communicated with Yifan. He missed his boyfriend badly. Junmyeon felt bored without his phone. There was a book on the nightstand, but he wasn’t in the mood to read. He wasn’t really fond of watching the television because staring at the screen made him feel dizzy.
Junmyeon sighed as he adjusted his head on the pillow, trying to find a comfortable position before closing his eyes.
It was already evening when Jongin walked into his room. His brother accidentally tripped over something and Junmyeon cracked his eyes open at the sound. Jongin gave him a sheepish smile, kissing Junmyeon’s forehead before settling down on the empty seat beside the bed. Junmyeon feebly smiled back. The smell of chicken soup drifted in the air-his mother was probably cooking-and suddenly, he felt hungry.
Jongin patted Junmyeon’s head caringly. Funny how they were three years apart, but Jongin liked to act like he was the older one. Junmyeon coughed and Jongin quickly handed him a glass of water.
“Did you see Yifan at the campus today?” Junmyeon asked quietly after he finished his drink.
“No,” Jongin replied. “He hasn’t called you today?”
“How is he supposed to call me when I don’t even know where my phone is?” Junmyeon pouted as he placed the empty glass on the nightstand. “Could you please...text him later that I miss him?”
“Will do,” Jongin nodded in understanding. He looked thoughtful for a moment. “You know, Umma was a bit angry at you. She said if Yifan didn’t initiate the whole thing, then we would have never found out.”
“I’m sorry...”
“No, it’s-“ Jongin was speechless. “It’s not us. I mean, you should’ve said something...”
Junmyeon looked away. Jongin took it as a hint that his brother didn’t want to talk about it anymore and he sighed in defeat.
“I’ll bring you your food in a minute, Hyung. Don’t forget to take the medicine, okay?”
“Jongin...?”
“Yes, Hyung?”
“...when is my surgery...?”
Jongin glanced at the calendar by the desk, licking his lips as he counted. “Next Monday. In four days.”
“Oh,” Junmyeon followed his brother’s line of sight. “I see...”
“Is there anything...you want?”
Junmyeon smiled bitterly. “You’re asking me my one last wish?” He chuckled when Jongin made a horrified face. “Since you asked, I do want something. I want to go to the beach...”
Jongin blinked. “The beach?”
Junmyeon giggled at Jongin’s expression. “Yeah.” The fair-skinned male dropped his gaze to his hands. He thought of the chance of going, but it seemed impossible because it took at least a day to get to the nearest beach. With his condition, he probably couldn’t stand the journey. “Nevermind. Just please, don’t forget to text Yifan...”
He was dying.
But really, not seeing Yifan for two days felt worse than dying.
***
Junmyeon sleepily fluttered his eyes open when he felt someone was shaking his shoulders gently.
He only hummed in response, wondering who could it be. The hand in his shoulder crawled up to his hair, caressing it, and Junmyeon sighed in content. The pretty male finally looked up after a while, and the blond hair was the first thing came into his vision. Emotions were flooding Junmyeon’s chest the moment he realized who it was.
“Yifan...?”
“Hey,” Yifan smiled. “Can you get up? I’m taking you for a little trip.”
“Trip...?”
“You wanted to go to the beach, right?”
Junmyeon’s eyes shot open at that and his sleepiness miraculously vanished. His face brightened and he almost couldn’t suppress his happiness, but then Yifan put a finger on his lips, motioning him to stay quiet. Junmyeon covered his mouth with a face, but underneath his palm, he was grinning.
“Your parents are asleep. Jongin was the one who opened the door for me.”
“Mm,” Junmyeon nodded. He looked a bit sheepish before asking, “Can I bring Ace along?”
“That plushie has accompanied you twenty-four seven, and you still want to take it for our trip?” Yifan feigned a hurt expression as he folded the blanket. “Am I not enough?”
“Shut up,” Junmyeon stuck his tongue out. Yifan looked amused as he helped Junmyeon slid off of the bed. “You know I can’t hug you while you’re driving. I’ll just hug him instead.”
Yifan stiffened a bit when Junmyeon stood before him with their fingers laced together. Junmyeon was tiny, and it was one of the reasons why Yifan fell for him, but somehow, he seemed even tinier. The Chinese male looked unsure momentarily, but then he brought his hand to touch Junmyeon’s cheek. “Your temperature is a bit high. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”
Junmyeon, almost childishly, lunged forward to Yifan like his life depended on the latter. “I’m going to be okay. I’m bringing the medicine along, you don’t have to worry.”
Yifan didn’t seem to be convinced, but he nodded anyway. “Okay. Just tell me if it hurts, alright?”
He was dying.
But being in Yifan’s arms was enough to make him forget.
***
Jongin sent them off to the front door. The tan male pecked his brother’s forehead once again before nodding at Yifan and told them to be careful.
Junmyeon planned to just bring a jacket, but he ended up bringing a shirt and a pair of jeans. Just in case if they wanted to grab something to eat after arriving at the beach, he thought defensively to himself, it would be odd if he was still clad in pajamas.
It wasn’t their first date, but it was their first time going together after midnight.
Junmyeon held Ace tightly to his chest, his own tiny frame was wrapped in Yifan’s jacket. His boyfriend was slim and tall, but his shoulders were broad. Junmyeon felt so small in the jacket, but he loved the feeling. He fell asleep soon and when he woke up, it was already early in the morning. They had stopped somewhere along the way. Junmyeon blinked for a few seconds to regain his soul back. He glanced at the person beside him, who was staring intensely at him. Junmyeon bloomed into a smile as he reached for Yifan.
“Morning,” Junmyeon whispered and let Yifan gently pecked him. “Where are we?”
“I want to take you to a few places before we head to the beach,” Yifan said nonchalantly. “Whenever you’re ready.”
“Eh? Then I want to change first. I don’t want to walk around with pajamas.”
Yifan then got out of the car to let Junmyeon changed. Luckily, the windows were tinted so no one would be able to see from outside. Yifan heard the sound of the other door opening and he scooted over to the passenger side, helping Junmyeon out of the car.
“I feel like a princess,” Junmyeon laughed as Yifan held his hand. They were walking side by side, and Junmyeon leaned closer to his boyfriend. “But seriously, where are you taking me, Yifan?”
“Don’t you remember?”
Junmyeon frowned as he silently looked around and his eyes widened in realization. “This place...”
“It’s where we first met.”
Junmyeon held his breath as he stared at Yifan. “Don’t be silly. Of course I remember.”
“It’s not exactly out here,” Yifan grinned as he jerked his head toward the large building in front of them. “But the library is still closed and I don’t think I would want to wait for another two hours to get inside. It’s not like I want to read any books.” Junmyeon chuckled softly and Yifan’s eyes softened as the latter gazed down at the beautiful male. “You were so breathtaking that day. When I saw you, I just...knew it was you. It had to be you.”
Junmyeon continued to chuckle as he reminisced. “You were a stiff giant. You offered to help me with my books but then you stomped on my foot! Fortunately you were handsome, or else I would’ve kicked you!”
Yifan made a face and Junmyeon couldn’t seem to stop laughing. Yifan was laughing too, but his laughter subsided first. When Junmyeon realized his boyfriend had gone quiet, he looked up and caught Yifan’s fond gaze at him.
“I’m so glad I decided to come to the library that day,” Yifan uttered softly as he placed a hand on Junmyeon’s nape. “I’m so glad to have met you, Junmyeon.”
Junmyeon only hummed when Yifan leaned down to catch his lips.
He was dying.
But Yifan’s kisses were so sweet that they managed to make him forget.
***
They dropped by at the nearest diner to have breakfast.
Yifan insisted on Junmyeon having healthy food, and the latter obliged wordlessly.
Even though the food was tasteless on Junmyeon’s tongue, but the relieved look on Yifan’s face was all he needed to continue eating. Junmyeon wanted to be healthy for Yifan. Heck, he wanted to be everything that would make Yifan happy.
After their stomachs were filled, they continued the trip and Junmyeon fell asleep again while hugging Ace. When he woke up, Yifan had already stopped driving and again, was staring at Junmyeon intensely. Junmyeon shifted on his seat as he glanced around. “Where are we...?”
“You’d remember.”
Yifan got out of the car before walking to Junmyeon’s door and opened it for him. Junmyeon almost rolled his eyes at the fact that Yifan was treating him like a princess, but it was nice. The male rubbed his eyes and yawned as he tightened Yifan’s jacket. Junmyeon followed Yifan’s steps, and it only took him a moment to know where they were.
“Yifan, this place...”
Yifan smiled as he took Junmyeon’s hand in his.
“Yes. It’s where I asked you out.”
Junmyeon’s eyes glinted with amusement. He rested his head on Yifan’s arm and smiled at the view of the park. Junmyeon’s eyes became distant as he recalled their meaningful moments. “I spent a few hours on the bus to get here that day. All because you said you had a basketball match.”
“And I almost lost my concentration for thinking about you the whole time.”
Junmyeon looked up at Yifan. “You thought of me the whole time? Seriously?”
“Yeah, well, I was afraid you would get lost. What if I was in the middle of the match and you called, asking for directions?”
Junmyeon playfully flicked Yifan’s arm and the latter burst out laughing. “But I didn’t.”
“And I won.”
“And I was the first person you hugged.”
“But you weren’t disgusted even though I was sweating.”
“I was too shocked! You came screaming at me, ‘I won! I won, Junmyeon!’ and then you hugged me.”
“And I begged you to go out with me.”
Junmyeon smiled widely at Yifan’s words. His smile faltered when Yifan turned to look at him, and there were deep emotions swirling within the latter’s black orbs. They were somehow soothing, and Junmyeon felt as if he was drowned in them.
“I’m glad I asked you out,” Yifan murmured softly against his lips. “I think I wouldn’t take it if you said no. I would continue to ask you over and over again until you said yes.”
“But I said yes,” Junmyeon whispered.
“You said yes,” Yifan closed his eyes. He kissed Junmyeon softly. “You said yes, and it was a dream came true.”
Junmyeon hugged Yifan tightly and his chest ached because he felt deeply cared and loved.
He was dying.
But it probably wasn’t bad, as long as Yifan was there beside him.
***
They were halfway to the beach when all of a sudden, Junmyeon cried in pain.
His head was throbbing badly and the pain was even worse than before.
Junmyeon dug his nails deep into Ace, trying to prevent his voice from breaking. It was so painful that Junmyeon felt like passing out, but no, no, please, no. His inner self was screaming vehemently. Junmyeon didn’t want to lose his consciousness. He didn’t want to lose to the pain. If he did, only God would know how much longer until he regained his consciousness back. It could be a day or two-or even a week.
He wanted to savor his last days with Yifan.
Please, don’t let me fall asleep.
Junmyeon was breathlessly trying to hold back his headache, when he felt Yifan sweeping him into a hug, carrying him into a motel room and putting him down gently on the bed. He then felt Yifan stroking his hair, caressing his hand with a thumb repeatedly. All of the things Yifan did to him were simple, but they meant a lot. Junmyeon felt calm. After a while, the pain finally dissipated, and Junmyeon’s steady breath indicated that he was feeling slightly better.
Yifan asked him what he wanted to eat, but Junmyeon had no appetite at all. He weakly shook his head, burying his face more into Ace-the plushie was surprisingly always in his arms. Junmyeon felt like vomiting at the thought of food. Maybe it was the room. It was the only motel Yifan could find and Junmyeon didn’t think he have the right to protest.
Junmyeon didn’t know how long had it been since Yifan had left, but then he felt his boyfriend shaking his shoulders to wake him up. The pretty male grunted softly as Yifan helped him to sit, and the taller male gave him a pack of chicken sandwich. Junmyeon’s throat went dry upon seeing the food.
“I’m not hungry, Yifan...”
“You need to eat, Junmyeon, and then drink your medicine.”
Junmyeon forced himself to bite a small size of the sandwich. Junmyeon could sense his boyfriend’s stern eyes on him, but Yifan said nothing when Junmyeon continued to chew slowly. It was better than not to eat at all. Junmyeon only managed to eat half of it and he shoved the rest of the food back to Yifan, shaking his head. Yifan looked at the rest of the food and sighed.
“Here,” Yifan handed him a glass of water and his medicine. Junmyeon gulped everything that was given to him and scrunched his face in distaste. He hated being sick. Yifan pressed his lips into a thin line as he took the empty glass from Junmyeon. “We should probably go home in the morning...”
“What? No!” Junmyeon said in horror. “I want to go to the beach before I-“
Yifan’s expression hardened at that and Junmyeon’s courage diminished.
“-b-before I...”
“Before the surgery,” Yifan corrected half indignantly.
Junmyeon bit his lower lip. Before I... He knew that Yifan knew what he was about to say, but he himself was scared to say the word. Junmyeon took a long sigh. “I...I want to see the sunrise on the beach...”
It was Yifan’s turn to take a deep breath. He nodded in resignation. “Very well. I’ll take you in the morning. Now, you need to sleep.”
Junmyeon watched silently as Yifan took care of everything. The Chinese male turned off the lamp before climbing to the empty spot beside Junmyeon, and the latter immediately cuddled in his arms.
It felt funny because Junmyeon was dying.
And yet Yifan showed him that he was still the one for him, no matter what happened.
***
They saw a payphone by the street and Junmyeon asked Yifan to pull over.
The pretty male ignored the pain in his head as he grabbed the receiver, inserting a few coins and dialed Jongin’s phone number. It was still early in the morning and his brother was still asleep, that was for sure. Junmyeon didn’t really expect Jongin to pick up, but the younger male did.
“Hello?”
“...Jongin?”
“Junmyeon-hyung?”
“Hi.”
“Hi.”
“I miss you.”
“I miss you too, Hyung.”
Junmyeon smiled heartily. “How are Umma and Appa? Did they freak out when they found out I was gone?”
“I told them you needed this,” Jongin paused for quite a while. “The surgery is in two days.”
Junmyeon’s heart dropped at the last sentence and his grip tightened on the receiver. “I-I notice.”
“Hm.”
“Jongin.”
“Yes?”
“...did they ever mention the possibility of...surviving?”
Jongin didn’t answer for almost a minute. When he finally did, Junmyeon almost ran out of coins. “Hyung-“
“I gotta go. Yifan’s waiting for me.”
“Junmyeon-hyung-“
Click.
Junmyeon pressed his forehead against the phone. Within seconds, he heard footsteps approaching and he hastily lifted up his face. Just as Junmyeon did so, he felt a pair of strong arms pulled him out of the booth, forcing him to face Yifan.
“Junmyeon? Are you okay? What did Jongin say?”
Junmyeon stared deeply at Yifan.
Yifan had never said it, but it was obvious that he was as scared as Junmyeon. He had never showed it, but Junmyeon knew. Yifan had always acted strong because he needed to, but Junmyeon didn’t want him to act anymore. Both of them were scared. Neither of them were able to predict the future, and it was best for them to expect the worst possibilities.
What was going to happen after the surgery...?
“Junmyeon?”
Junmyeon smiled.
“He said the sunrise on the beach is the most beautiful thing...”
When they sat together on the beach with their heads leaning together as they looked up to the sky above them, Junmyeon felt like it was his last chance. He endlessly kissed Yifan like there was no tomorrow. Their lips were glued on each other until morning. Junmyeon felt like he was willing to let go, willing to lose everything as long as Yifan was the last thing he saw. As long as Yifan was the last person he kissed. As long as Yifan was the last person he loved...
Their kisses came to a stop when Junmyeon whimpered. Yifan softly massaged the back of Junmyeon’s head, wishing that there was something he could do to make the pain go away. Junmyeon finally calmed down and collapsed weakly into Yifan’s arms. It was a bit cold, and Yifan quickly covered their bodies with the blanket he had brought from Junmyeon's house.
Yifan examined Junmyeon’s slender digits in his hand. They were engulfed in a comfortable silence until Yifan was the first one to break it.
“There’s this couple ring that I’ve had my eyes on...”
Junmyeon visibly tensed.
“I’m sure it would look good on your finger.”
“Yifan,” Junmyeon desperately shook his head. “Stop.”
“Stop what?”
“I just-I want to cherish this moment with you...”
“I don’t like the way you talk, Junmyeon.”
“Like it or not, you have to face it,” Junmyeon tried to sound angry, but Yifan could tell that he failed miserably. Junmyeon tried to unlink his fingers from Yifan, but the latter didn’t let him go. He sniffed in exasperation. “Yifan...”
“What?”
“Can I ask you a question?”
“No.”
“If I’m not around anymore-“
“I said no.”
“-will you love anyone else?”
Yifan gave Junmyeon a disbelief stare. “No.”
Junmyeon frowned. “Why not?”
“Because you’re not gonna die,” Yifan snapped as he tugged Junmyeon’s arm. Junmyeon gasped mutely and squirmed underneath Yifan’s glare. “Because you’re still going to be around. Because you’re going to be healthy and we’re gonna get married, despite your babbling.”
Junmyeon felt the tears were threatening to spill over at Yifan's words. He fluttered his eyes close when Yifan leaned closer and hot liquid fell to his cheeks instantly. Junmyeon felt helpless, but when Yifan gently glided his tongue on Junmyeon’s lips, slowly, his courage came back.
He was dying.
But if this was what it felt like to be dying, then he didn’t mind.
***
Junmyeon lifelessly stared at the white ceiling.
He was dressed in a hospital gown, and everything in the room smelled like disinfectant.
His parents’ faces were the first thing he saw. They were smiling at him encouragingly, and Junmyeon smiled back. This time, he wasn’t
scared. He was strong. He was brave enough to face everything. They asked him how he felt, and Junmyeon sincerely apologized to them. His mother broke into tears and his father wrapped an arm around her shoulder, but his eyes were as teary as his mother’s.
Jongin pecked his forehead caringly and Junmyeon’s smile widened. They chatted for a moment with Jongin holding Junmyeon’s wrist a bit too strong. Junmyeon asked about Kyungsoo and told his brother to take care of him. Kyungsoo was such a good boyfriend to Jongin and he was also lovable. Their parents would definitely love Kyungsoo as a replacement of Junmyeon.
“Junmyeon, are you ready?”
Junmyeon sucked in deep breath when the nurses walked into the room. He slowly nodded and his eyes lingered to Jongin when they wheeled him away. Junmyeon smiled, but Jongin didn’t smile back. For a second, he didn’t feel scared. He welcomed whatever it was that was going to happen.
Including death.
“Junmyeon.”
It was when he heard Yifan’s voice that fear grew back within him.
Junmyeon glanced sideways to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend between the nurses. They halted, making way for Yifan to see Junmyeon. Junmyeon’s hands were starting to tremble when Yifan intertwined their fingers together. His boyfriend genuinely smiled at him, and Junmyeon almost lost himself.
“Yifan,” Junmyeon whispered. “I’m-I’m scared.”
“You’re going to be all right,” Yifan gave Junmyeon’s hand a calming squeeze. “You’ll wake up seeing me, I swear.”
“Doctor Leeteuk is waiting,” one of the nurses said and she smiled apologetically to Yifan. “We need to make haste.”
Goodbye, Yifan.
“I love you,” Yifan said loudly. “I love you, Junmyeon. You're going to be okay.”
Junmyeon was terrified. He wanted to shout back that he loved Yifan too, more than he ever knew, but his voice was stuck in his throat. When Junmyeon was finally in the operating room, he regretted it because he wished he was able to say those words to Yifan. What if...he wasn’t able to wake up again later?
“N-nurse,” Junmyeon stuttered. He felt sleepy all of a sudden. “Please...”
Please tell Yifan I love him too.
“The drug is going to work in a moment,” she informed nonchalantly. “You’re going to feel nothing soon.”
Tell Yifan...
Junmyeon was unable to think anymore. It was as if his brain was frozen. But the image of Yifan was carved deeply in his mind, and Junmyeon felt content as he started to lose his consciousness.
I love him.
Junmyeon was dying.
And then everything went white.
I will always be yours, forever and more
Through the push and the pull
I still drown in your love
And drink ‘til I’m drunk
And all that I’ve done, is it ever enough
End.
Junmyeon slowly woke up and his vision was slightly blurry. The surrounding was too bright to his liking, and his head was heavy. A weak moan escaped his lips as he tried to move and Junmyeon felt terribly weak, like his insides had turned to jellies.
“Yifan...?”
The name was the first thing that came into his mind, and Junmyeon just automatically whispered it. The pretty male blinked his eyes rapidly, everything was still too bright. Junmyeon grunted softly as he brought his hand to cover his eyes, but then something cold was against his eyelids. He squinted his eyes to look what it was.
It was a ring.
“Welcome back.”
Yifan’s deep voice snapped Junmyeon out of his daze and their gazes collided. No words could describe what Junmyeon felt when Yifan snatched his hand and kissed it softly. The coldness on his skin was quickly replaced by the warmth from Yifan’s lips.
“I told you the ring would look good on you...”
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