You Belong With Me [2/2]
Title: You Belong With Me [2/2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Losing Junmyeon was never an option.
[1]
It was safe to say that Yifan didn’t get his dinner on time last night.
He ended up taking the male home-simply because he refused to detach from Yifan’s shirt as he cried and blabbered his not-so-successful-relationship story with a younger male named Sehun. They had just been fighting over something stupid on the phone earlier. He whined that things were actually all right between them, but it was the people around them. His friends told him that his relationship wasn’t going to last because what would he expect from a high school student? Four years were quite an age gap-“And to think that I go bottom for him!”-and it would take a lot of effort to survive.
(Yifan knocked on the apartment and a male named Minseok opened the door and his eyes widened in horror and apologized profusely and offered him coffee and late dinner and the next thing he knew, he fell asleep on the couch).
It was quite an experience, really.
Yifan woke up to a bashful Luhan-the pretty male introduced himself as soon as he opened his eyes-and a nice set of breakfast Minseok made him. They were awkward at first, but then after knowing that they were all the same age, the conversations flew smoothly. Minseok offered to drive him home, but Yifan politely turned it down. Luhan saved his number after Minseok kicked him not so subtly to treat him something nice later for everything he had done.
“But I just took him home,” Yifan said in confusion.
“Oh, you listened to Luhan’s whining, it was more than enough,” Minseok held up his hands in defeat and Luhan sent him a glare.
When Yifan got home, Junmyeon was taking out the trash.
He knew he wasn’t supposed to feel that way, but his anger came back when he remembered how Yixing kissed Junmyeon on the night before. Yifan only gave him sideways glance as he walked, determined that he wasn’t going to talk.
“W-wait, Yifan.”
Yifan paused offhandedly.
“I...” Junmyeon trailed off. “I saw you left with Luhan-hyung last night...”
You did? Yifan frowned as he turned around. But you were busy shoving your tongue down his throat. He shrugged in complete disinterest, like it was nothing big.
“Yeah. I took him home last night.” He said it so casually that the color in Junmyeon’s face changed. The latter must have thought of it differently (maybe he thought something happened between them-like sex?) because his lips trembled. “Why?”
“He’s-he’s pretty. He’s really pretty.”
“Oh?” Yifan’s frown deepened. “Oh.”
“I...I thought you’re-“
“Straight?”
Junmyeon drew in a sharp breath at that. Yifan’s tone was laced with obvious sarcasm and it scared him. He was definitely different. “That’s not what I-“
“Then what is it?”
The awkwardness was too thick that Junmyeon felt it was too much. He couldn’t take it anymore. He took several steps backward before turning around to run away, refusing to continue the conversation with Yifan.
Yifan saw Junmyeon disappearing into the house. The front door was closed with a slam and he found himself balling his hands into fists.
***
Yifan hadn’t seen Junmyeon for the next few weeks.
It could be because they had different schedules-that semester, he had morning classes while Junmyeon’s classes were after lunch (he got the information from Jongdae, Junmyeon’s younger brother). Yifan sometimes caught Junmyeon in his window, but the latter never noticed anything. It was funny how they were just a few steps away, but it felt like they were separated by a thousand miles.
Slowly, but surely, they were starting to drift apart.
Sometimes Yifan saw Yixing came over to pick Junmyeon up, and he honestly wondered why they were still together. He wanted to smash his head against the wall every time the thought came up. Because if Junmyeon was happy, then it was all that mattered. Because he would be happy if Junmyeon was.
Except that it was all bullshit because he was miserable knowing that Junmyeon was happy.
Yifan looked down to his phone as it vibrated and saw a text from Luhan.
Yifan! Are you at home?
Yeah. Wassup?
Yeay! Are you free for the day? Can you come to the university? I’ll explain everything later!
Yifan went blank momentarily before replying.
Too hot. Too lazy to go outside.
Huhuhu Yifan you are so mean :-(
...fine. Wait up.
Yeay!!!! <3 <3 <3
Luhan sounded like a high school student in texts. But it was probably a good thing because Sehun might find him endearing? (Or not?)
Yifan peeked one more time to Junmyeon’s window. There was no movement at all-no signs of someone in the room. Yifan hesitated for a moment. He didn’t want to go to the K university and accidentally met Junmyeon there. Yifan wouldn’t want the latter to misunderstand that...
Wait, why does it matter?
They were just friends.
Besides, why would it matter to Junmyeon? He was dating Yixing. It wasn’t his problem who Yifan befriended.
So half an hour later, there Yifan was, standing in front of the Literature Department waiting for Luhan. Luhan said his class would be done soon with a lot of <3 emoticons and Yifan felt like strangling him. Had he known his class wasn’t done, he wouldn’t rush his way there. Not forgetting to mention it was really hot that day.
“Yifan...?”
Yifan felt his heart dropping instantly. He gritted his teeth because the voice belonged to someone he wished he wouldn’t meet right now. But it was too late to go back. Yifan gulped before looking up. “Yes.”
Junmyeon blinked in disbelief as he tilted to a side. “It’s really you...? What are you-“
“Yifan! Have you waited long?”
Luhan’s cheerful voice snapped them back to reality. Both of them turned to Luhan who innocently grinned too wide to Yifan’s liking.
“H-hyung,” Junmyeon stammered.
“Hey, Junmyeon-ah!” Luhan waved a hand. He blinked in confusion as he exchanged his gaze back and forth between Yifan and Junmyeon. “Ah, you know Yifan?”
Yifan saw the betrayed look on Junmyeon’s face. Junmyeon probably thought they were dating and felt hurt at the fact that Yifan never mentioned him-he did introduce Yixing to Yifan, though...
“Let’s go,” Yifan quickly said and tugged Luhan’s sleeve. “I’m starving.”
He pretended that he didn’t acknowledge Junmyeon’s stare as they walked away.
***
“Yifan?”
Yifan batted his eyelashes rapidly. “Hm?”
“Are you all right?” Luhan asked worriedly. “You’ve been spacing out...”
The pretty male got a dismissive wave of hand as an answer.
“I’m okay.”
Luhan puffed his cheeks because clearly something was off. He crossed his arms on his chest as he leaned forward. “Come on, tell me! Is it a girl problem?” Yifan snorted. “A boy problem, then. Let’s see, um...” Luhan gasped dramatically. “It’s Junmyeon, isn’t it?”
Yifan was taken aback at the sudden (right) accusation. “Wh-what?”
“Oh my God,” Luhan breathed. “You like Junmyeon!!”
“Who-who says that-“
“The stammering and the denial!” Luhan cried and people were starting to stare at him. “Oh my God, Yifan! Have I done something wrong? Did Junmyeon think we’re dating or something? I should go back and tell him that nothing happens between us!”
“Just let him think what he wants,” Yifan snapped in embarrassment, wishing Luhan would stop being so dramatic because more than three pair of eyes were staring at their table. “I owe him no explanation. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend.”
Luhan tilted his head to a side with a frown. “Oh. I guess you have a point. He’s dating that Zhang Yixing, right...?” Yifan’s shoulders flinched at the name. “He’s a good dancer though. Ah, sorry...”
“It’s all right. Yeah, he’s dating...him.”
Silence descended upon them after that. Yifan had his eyes fixed on the wooden surface of the table while Luhan rested his cheek on his fist, thinking deeply.
“Why didn’t you tell him how you feel...?”
Yifan cleared his throat. “I wasn’t sure if he was...”
“...not straight?”
He cleared his throat again. “...yeah.”
“Hm...” Luhan’s eyes were distant. “I wasn’t sure of myself too until Sehun came into the picture. It was like a nightmare at first. He confessed to me out of nowhere and insisted on being my first boyfriend and I was like, what? You’re a high school student!” He giggled in amusement and shook his head. “But then I decided to give him a chance and...well, things are going really great! Although people around us don’t seem to support our relationship-because oh, you have no idea how much a sixteen years old would feel so jealous whenever I mention a new name-“
Yifan blinked. “What...?”
Luhan grimaced. “I blabber a lot. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t mind,” Yifan sincerely said and wondered if this was what Minseok meant by ‘listening to Luhan’. “You’re a good company.”
“I am...?” Luhan beamed and sank back to his seat. He finally got over the simple compliment after five minutes and smiled gently at Yifan. “Maybe you should try...?”
“I can’t. He’s dating...him.”
“The way you don’t want to pronounce Junmyeon’s boyfriend just show it more, Yifan. I mean...it’s probably better to just...man up and confess instead of killing yourself like this because you can’t express it.”
Yifan sighed in resignation because Luhan was right. He was so afraid of confessing because their friendship was at stake, but now that Junmyeon was dating someone else (even in his mind he refused to say the name), their friendship was already ruined so why not just ruin it all...?
Great, he gloomily thought. Just great.
“You’re paying, right?” Yifan started, hoping that they would just drop the subject. “Is this supposed to be your apology treatment?”
“Eh?” Luhan went blank. “I never said that.”
“Then why did you want me to come to the university? You said you’ll explain everything later.”
“Oh. That. Nothing,” Luhan innocently replied. “I just don’t want you to stay home and not enjoying the hot weather.”
Yifan would definitely strangle Luhan someday.
***
Yifan still didn’t have the courage to face Junmyeon.
He stopped glancing to Junmyeon’s window. His mother asked him once why Junmyeon stopped coming over and he lamely answered because both of them were busy-while they weren’t that busy in real life, because Yifan and Junmyeon spent the rest of their days at home after classes.
Yifan had fallen asleep after dinner one night. He forgot to set his phone on silent and the shrill tone of a text jerked him awake. Yifan blinked in dismay for a second and sighed into the pillow. He didn’t remember turning off the lights-his mother must have done it when she checked on him. The male reached for his phone on the nightstand and he held his breath when he found out who it was.
It was Junmyeon.
Are you asleep...?
Yifan sat up and glanced at Junmyeon’s window. The latter’s room was still bright. He then stole another glance at the alarm clock and it showed the time at a little past ten PM. It wasn’t that late... Yifan rubbed his eyes as he turned the lamp on as a sign.
I’m awake now.
Sorry...
It’s all right.
Yifan...can I come over...?
Yifan cradled his phone in his hand for the longest five minutes of his life. They were used to this. Whenever Junmyeon couldn’t sleep, he would sneak into Yifan’s room and they would sleep together. It was surprising at first because Junmyeon’s mother got really freaked out when she found out her son wasn’t in his room, but then it happened for some more and she just kind of understood that if Junmyeon went missing in the morning, she could find him in Yifan’s room.
But it had been a while-scratch that, it had been a really long time.
Five minutes turned to ten. It extended to another five when Yifan finally replied.
Sure. Put on a jacket, it’s cold.
Yifan felt like throwing his phone away the moment the text was sent. What had he done? Did he just say yes? Did he just tell him to put on a jacket because it was cold outside-Yifan double checked his sent items and yeap, he did. He groaned to himself and facepalmed because his heart was racing and he was nervous and his face was hot and-
He almost jumped when he heard a soft knock on the window. Stupid Yifan for forgetting to unlock the window. The tall male hastily opened the window for Junmyeon and helped him clambered inside. Their fingers brushed at that and Yifan had to steady the other male’s balance by pressing his hand on Junmyeon’s back-a habit he never forgot. Funny how Junmyeon’s weight stayed the same even after all these years.
“You locked it,” Junmyeon chuckled softly as Yifan helped taking off his flip flops.
“Well, it’s been a few years,” Yifan said absently and Junmyeon stopped chuckling. Wow, just great, Yifan. Incredibly stupid. “I-I mean...yeah, I locked it.” He casually motioned Junmyeon to take off his jacket and the latter slowly obeyed.
“A-aren’t you cold...?” Junmyeon shyly asked as he dropped his gaze on Yifan’s feet.
“Huh?” Yifan looked down to himself and realized that he was completely shirtless.
Junmyeon placed his jacket on the chair beside the window before flying his hands to his pants and froze.
A few years ago, they had no problems at all.
Junmyeon would always take his pants off because he always slept in his oversize tee and a pair of boxers. The male would just climb in, casually throwing them aside before settling beside Yifan. Yifan would never wear a shirt because he always slept that way, because the blanket-and Junmyeon’s warmth-was more than enough to warm him.
A few years ago.
Yifan noticed the crimson color in Junmyeon’s cheeks. Apparently he wasn’t comfortable with him being shirtless now... If it was what Junmyeon wanted, then fine. He grabbed one of his clean t-shirts and wore it like it was no big deal.
“Are we going to sleep or are you just going to stand there until morning?”
Junmyeon’s cheeks turned several shades even deeper. Yifan was already on the bed, saving the empty spot beside him. The male saw Junmyeon swallowing before slowly making his way to him.
“Turn the lamp off when you’re done.”
Yifan almost groaned when he felt Junmyeon’s radiating warmth. The bed creaked as Junmyeon got on it. Yifan had a feeling the other male bit back a sob as he turned the lamp off and the room was covered in darkness. Yifan turned his back on him and tried to sleep. He tried not to make a contact, but even so, the bed hadn’t changed at all and yet their bodies did, so Junmyeon’s shoulder was pressed against his back.
It was comforting.
“Yifan...?”
“Hm?”
“Face me...”
There was a nauseating pregnant pause that followed and Yifan deadpanned at the request. He felt Junmyeon was struggling not to slap himself for saying those words, but a few seconds later, Yifan shifted his body to face him. They were facing each other right now, and funny how Junmyeon looked so small beside Yifan.
Instinctively, Junmyeon cuddled to Yifan.
Yifan visibly tensed, but he didn’t reject him entirely. No, he didn’t reject him at all. The weather was cold that night, but the way their bodies were pressed together made it warm. Yifan’s eyes never left Junmyeon’s face. He saw the latter closed his eyes in content, knowing the he was safe despite the darkness, because he wasn’t alone. Yifan finally rested his hand on Junmyeon’s shoulder before pulling him closer.
Junmyeon belonged to him.
In his arms.
Definitely not to someone else.
Yifan traced a finger on Junmyeon’s cheek and couldn’t help but ask. He had a feeling Junmyeon had been crying. “Did you fight?”
Junmyeon’s eyes cracked open at the unexpected question.
“Did he hurt you?”
Junmyeon didn’t answer for a long moment. Yifan felt a slight head shake on his chest as an answer and nodded to himself. Good, because he would definitely fly out of his bed to Yixing’s house to slaughter him if Junmyeon nodded instead of shaking his head.
“...have you guys done it?”
“Yifan!” Junmyeon gasped in disbelief as he tried to pull away, but didn’t make it because Yifan’s hands on his back were firm.
“It’s just a question,” Yifan frowned. “Yes or no?”
Junmyeon was thankful it was dark because his face was definitely burning right now. “Wh-why do you want to know?”
Because your first time is supposed to be done with me, Yifan wanted to retort but the words were stuck on his throat.
“Because I don’t want you to do it.”
There.
It should be obvious enough.
Yifan mentally smacked himself.
“Why...?”
Why?
Did he need to ask?
Yifan mentally kicked himself.
The taller of the two didn’t answer for a long time-more like he didn’t know what to answer. Should he just say it bluntly? Should he take the opportunity to confess and tell him everything?
But...
Junmyeon had been fighting with that guy and he was crying. It wasn’t fair to take advantage of that. Junmyeon was probably not in a sober mind. Yifan didn’t want to confess just because the beautiful male wasn’t in his best state. Besides, what if Junmyeon freaked out and kicked him and crawled away?
Yifan missed his presence besides him.
Just let me hug you like this for tonight...
“Don’t worry,” Junmyeon uttered sleepily even though Yifan said nothing. “I’m saving it for someone else.”
“Huh?” Yifan dumbly responded and his chest was filled with sudden jealousy. “Someone else?”
There is someone else...?
“Hm,” Junmyeon hummed as he pressed his nose on the taller male’s chest and curled his fingers loosely with Yifan’s. “There is...”
With that, he fell asleep.
But Yifan didn’t.
***
“Earth to Yifan!”
Words were enough, actually, but Luhan just had to sprinkle his face with water. Minseok stared in horror at that and hastily handed Yifan a napkin.
“Luhan! Stop trolling!”
“And you wonder why your relationship with Sehun wouldn’t last long,” Yifan sarcastically remarked as he wiped his face. “He’s probably shocked because someone four years older than him are actually more childish.”
Luhan sagged on his seat with a sad expression.
Yifan growled. “Ugh. Fine, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring Sehun up.”
“But you’re right,” Minseok shook his head as he suppressed his laughter. “Sehun’s probably shocked. It’s probably the reason why he stopped calling-“
“He’s in the middle of exams!” Luhan cried in exasperation. “We don’t communicate with each other when he’s facing exams-gosh, you guys are so mean!”
Minseok laughed smugly and Yifan only smiled in amusement at Luhan. He had no idea since when the three of them had became friends. It just sort of happened.
“How’s Junmyeon?” Luhan retaliated right away.
Yifan made a face. “I’m going to kill you someday, you know that?”
It was Luhan’s turn to laugh.
Yifan went home after playfully pulling Luhan’s hair. They bade each other goodbye with Minseok rolling his eyes and Luhan feigned sulking at Yifan. The male had decided to walk a long way home instead of taking the train to take his mind off of things. Right when he arrived at the corner, he saw Yixing in front of Junmyeon’s house.
His steps slowed down and he paused, observing the situation.
Junmyeon was clad in pajamas and a sweater. He was smiling weakly to Yixing before waving a hand and turning around to enter his house. Junmyeon threw a longing glance toward the general direction of Yifan’s house-his bedroom, to be exact-before closing the door for real.
It was too late to turn around or even hide, because Yixing had spotted his presence.
“Hey,” Yixing smiled kindly.
“Is Junmyeon sick?” Yifan blurted out without thinking.
“Huh? Yeah. I thought you know since you’re basically...neighbors,” Yixing had a different expression when he said that. “His parents aren’t home so I just brought him some food.”
“His parents aren’t home?” Yifan parroted dumbly.
“Yeah. They went to celebrate his aunt’s newborn baby?” Again, Yixing gave him a puzzled look as he walked past him. “Jongdae also went with them. I think they’ll be back tomorrow. Well, I’m off then. See you around, Yifan.”
Yifan felt his heart pounding loudly against his chest when he spoke.
“I’m in love with your boyfriend.”
Yixing only glanced over his shoulder, not bothering to turn around. But Yifan did. The taller male spun around grimly, helplessly, desperately, wondering why he was so stupid to even tell Yixing that. He waited for a punch, a kick, a stab, but Yifan only got a simple smile in return.
“I know.”
Yifan froze. “You-you know?”
“Yeah, it’s obvious, duh,” Yixing snorted. “And it doesn’t take a genius to know that Junmyeon’s mind is anywhere else but me. I’m just waiting for him to understand what he feels, though. He’s definitely lost.”
“What...?” Yifan whispered in disbelief. “You know he doesn’t love you, but...but you keep on holding on to him...?”
There was an unreadable spark within Yixing’s orbs as he stared at Yifan. “It’s the same reason with yours. You held on to him by not choosing to live in the dorm. It’s called hope, Yifan.” He smiled, but there was no emotion beneath the smile. It was just lips curved upward. “I guess he doesn’t need to feel so desperate anymore now that you return his feelings.”
Yifan’s eyes widened in shock.
“See you, Yifan.”
Yixing didn’t even bother to look at him anymore as he walked away. The male left Yifan standing there alone, dumbfounded, carving the said words into his brain. His feet were transfixed onto the ground, frozen, unmoved. Yifan felt his heartbeat increase dramatically as realization dawned upon him.
He wanted Junmyeon.
Junmyeon belonged with him.
Yifan inwardly scolded himself to move, dammit, and seconds later, he was running to Junmyeon’s house. He almost headed to Junmyeon’s window, but then he thought he should start all of this properly and headed to the front door instead. He knocked, he rang the bell, he knocked again, he rapped his fingers, slammed his palm, fisted his hand against the door until it was swung open.
“Yi-Yifan?” Junmyeon breathlessly said. The male had obviously been running from his room. “I-I thought-“
Yifan lunged forward to hug him. He then closed the door with his back as he pulled Junmyeon closer into his arms. Junmyeon let out a surprised yelp as his face met Yifan’s chest.
“Yi-Yifan-“
“Break it up with him.”
“Wh-what...?”
“Break up with him, please...”
Yifan let out a shaky breath. Junmyeon was really confused at first, but then he came to understand what the taller male meant.
“You want me to...break up with Yixing...?”
“Don’t say his name,” Yifan helplessly replied. “But yes, please...”
“B-but...why?”
“Because it’s supposed to be me, Junmyeon. It’s supposed to be me instead of him,” Yifan buried his head on Junmyeon’s shoulder. The latter’s skin was burning. “Is it selfish for me to think that way...?”
Junmyeon didn’t reply.
“I want to be your first love. I want to be your first boyfriend... I want to be your first kiss. I want to be the first one to touch you, to hold you. I want to be the first person on your mind when you need someone. I want to be your first in everything so badly and-and oh God, I should be the one to marry you because I’d definitely kill myself if you ever tie the knot with someone else...”
Yifan pulled away and he facepalmed in embarrassment.
“Screw that ‘someone else’ that you’ve been saving your first time for, I should be the one to take it.”
Junmyeon’s body grew hotter under his touch. Their gazes collided and Junmyeon’s face was burning, but Yifan wasn’t sure if it was the fever or something else.
“That someone,” Junmyeon bashly whispered. “Is you, Yifan...”
Yifan deadpanned. “Huh?”
Junmyeon chuckled weakly as he leaned to Yifan. “You are my everything, Yifan. You’re my first love...you’re the first person to touch me, to hold me-we’ve been hugging ever since we were six, remember...?”
“I-well, yeah-“
“But you’re not my first boyfriend,” Junmyeon continued sadly. “And not my first kiss...”
All of a sudden, Yifan pressed his lips against Junmyeon’s softly. The latter’s lips were burning and they tasted like medicine, but it felt right. Yifan didn’t mind kissing Junmyeon in any kind of situation-healthy, sick, cold, hot, sleepy, any kind.
Junmyeon’s eyes fluttered at the warmth of Yifan’s lips. “Wh-what was that for...?”
“To replace his lips on yours,” Yifan stubbornly said as he placed another kiss. “Until your lips taste like mine and not his.”
Junmyeon wanted to laugh but he wasn’t able to, because Yifan continued to kiss him as if to make up for the lost times. He felt his body grew hotter, but it was probably because Yifan made him high. Junmyeon never wanted the kiss to stop, but when he felt the other male’s tongue on his, he gasped.
“Yifan! I’m sick...”
“I’m strong.”
“No! I don’t want you to get sick...”
“I’m not going to get sick.”
“B-but-“
“I’m not going to stop,” Yifan’s breath was hot against Junmyeon’s neck. “I don’t care if you say no, I’m not gonna be able to stop.”
So Junmyeon gave himself to Yifan.
Yifan pinned Junmyeon on the latter’s bed as he proceeded to strip him. Even when they were just children, Yifan had always thought that Junmyeon had the milkiest skin ever. The fact didn’t change as he peppered slow, addicting, intoxicating light kisses on Junmyeon’s collarbone, down to his chest, down to his navel, aiming straight downward.
Junmyeon cried when he felt Yifan on his length. He could feel the latter’s big hands were cupping his thighs, preventing him from squirming so much. Junmyeon pressed the back of his hand on his mouth, while covering his eyes with his other arm, trying to fight the moan that desperately wanted to come out. It felt extremely good and embarrassing at the same time. By the time Junmyeon was near, he almost lost his mind and his self control was damaged.
“Yifan-“
Yifan pulled away just before Junmyeon climaxed. He crawled back up right on time to witness Junmyeon’s shoulders shaking with release. Beautiful, what was on Yifan’s mind as he removed Junmyeon’s hands from his face, not allowing him to cover his unguarded expression. Mine. He captured Junmyeon’s lips again, achingly tender this time, savoring each moment as he gripped the latter’s wrists, his thumb pressed on Junmyeon’s palms.
It was obvious that Junmyeon’s strength was drained the moment he orgasmed, but he weakly kissed Yifan back. It made Yifan to be incredibly happy, because after harboring such a huge crush for years, it relieved him to know that his feelings were returned.
“I love you,” Yifan stated firmly.
He then let go one of Junmyeon’s wrists. His hand trailed down to Junmyeon’s entrance, but before he managed to do anything, Junmyeon choked.
“Yifan, I’m scared,” Junmyeon whispered, his eyes were filled with genuine fear.
Yifan paused momentarily before leaning down to kiss him. “It’s me,” he said soothingly between kisses. “It’s me and no other, Junmyeon-ah. You belong with me.”
Mine.
The Chinese male continued to kiss him even when he had replaced his fingers with himself. Junmyeon’s cry was muffled against his lips. Yifan thought he was just moaning senselessly, but when he detached his lips for merely seconds, he heard Junmyeon breathed “Yi” or “Fan” between those moments.
Junmyeon was crying his name.
Yifan couldn’t describe the pride that swelled within him as he continued to slam his hips against Junmyeon’s, fingers intertwining together like they were glued, lips that would always find their way to each other’s, throaty moans that escaped Junmyeon’s mouth whenever Yifan left it for air, and Yifan realized that he was in too deep.
His love for Junmyeon was irreplaceable.
Junmyeon’s gasp was different and Yifan had a feeling he was close. A few thrusts more and Junmyeon trembled for his second release, his thin lips enchanted Yifan’s name repeatedly like a mantra. Yifan followed soon after, grunting in pleasure that washed over his entire body and almost collapsed on Junmyeon’s lithe figure. The beautiful male was completely exhausted.
Yifan almost gave in to the temptation of not detaching himself from Junmyeon, but then he did. Fortunately, he still had the strength to reach over for wet tissues on the desk and cleaned the mess on Junmyeon. Junmyeon weakly let Yifan did it as he curled into a ball, his eyes were closed and his fingers were on his lips. Yifan also cleaned himself first before tossing the tissues into the nearest trash can and kissed Junmyeon’s smaller digits. As if he understood the gesture, Junmyeon lowered his hands, revealing his thin lips, and Yifan leaned to press his lips against his.
“I love you,” Yifan said and pulled Junmyeon closer.
“I love you too,” Junmyeon softly replied.
And then Junmyeon cuddled against him, but this time, it felt so right.
Because his arms, were where Junmyeon belonged.
***
When Yifan jerked awake that night, it was completely dark.
He blinked to adjust his eyes, briefly wondering if it was a blackout, but then he glanced over the window to his house and there was nothing wrong with the electricity of his house. It went back to him that no one was home and Yifan pulled himself to sit. That was when he looked down beside him and his heart stuttered.
Junmyeon was beside him.
The blanket was pulled up to cover his body, but his shoulders were exposed and Yifan didn’t need to peek to find out that he was naked underneath. The memories of their first love making rushed back to him and Yifan smiled fondly. He caressed Junmyeon’s cheek caringly and sighed when he realized the latter’s body temperature had gone back to normal.
He got up and after putting on some clothes, Yifan turned the lights on. He then went to the kitchen to see if there was something they could eat. Before he did (and fortunately he didn’t get to see Yixing’s packs of food on the kitchen counter or else he would’ve tossed them out), there was a knock on the front door and Yifan wondered if Junmyeon’s parents were back early.
But why would they knock...?
“Oh.”
Yifan blinked blankly when he came eye to eye with Zitao. “Tao...?”
Zitao gave him a curious stare as he handed him a basket. “Junmyeon-hyung’s parents aren’t home tonight and Mom told me to bring him this.”
“Oh. Dinner. Nice.”
“Why are you here?”
“Taking care of Junmyeon,” Yifan shrugged nonchalantly. “He’s sick.”
“Didn't you guys stopped talking to each other like...few years ago?”
“You and Jongdae need to stop talking about other people,” Yifan rolled his eyes and flicked his younger brother’s head playfully. “Tell Mom I’ll spend the night here.”
“Just the two of you?” Zitao faked a dramatic gasp and stole a glance into the living room. “Chen’s not home?”
“You cannot date Chen, Zitao.”
“Eh? Why??”
“Because,” Yifan waved a hand and closed the door right before Zitao’s eyes. He heard the younger male cursing as he managed to avoid the door from hitting his nose. “Sorry, Tao!”
Thank God for Zitao’s wushu training.
Yifan casually popped a piece of bread into his mouth as he smiled.
“I’m going to marry his brother.”
End.
“You broke up even before I begged you to?”
Junmyeon turned crimson. “You-you were begging...?”
Yifan frowned to himself as he recalled and shrugged. “Yeah. I was begging.”
“Well, it was when I came over to your room the other night,” Junmyeon explained sheepishly. “We weren’t fighting...”
Yifan stared at him blankly and suddenly, he felt sorry for Yixing. Just a bit. “What happened...?”
“He...uh, confronted me why I wouldn’t want to do skinship with him,” Junmyeon pressed a finger on his lips. “We only kissed once, and I’ve never let him touched me again ever since then, and... I think it must be hard on him since we’ve been dating for more than six months but I never let him do the things-“
“Ugh,” Yifan grunted in frustration and lunged forward to shut Junmyeon with his lips. It worked. “Stop talking about him.”
“B-but you asked-“
“Anyway,” Yifan interrupted as he linked their fingers together. Junmyeon sent him an annoyed look-which he ignored, by the way-before breaking into a small smile. “Did you choose K university because of him? Wait, don’t answer that! Ugh, why do I even want to know.”
“I chose a different university because I thought you would never like me back,” Junmyeon answered anyway and gave Yifan’s hand a calming squeeze. “I thought if we would end up getting separated because you’re going to date or marry someone else, why not now? I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to accept all of that, so...”
Yifan let out a strange sound as he grumbled and Junmyeon looked at him in amusement. Now that was a new side of Yifan he hadn’t known. “Well now that you’re not gonna marry anyone else, it’s not a problem anymore, okay? Okay. Case closed.”
“...wow.”
“What?”
“We’re really gonna get married...?”
Yifan turned to him blankly. “You don’t want to?”
“Wow,” Junmyeon breathed. “My mom’s gonna be thrilled if it really happens.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I kept on telling her that I would be your bride when I grow up,” Junmyeon meekly said and his eyes turned into two beautiful crescents. His smile faltered slightly at the next thought. “How are we going to do it...?”
Yifan’s eyes softened as he nudged Junmyeon’s side.
“I’ll solve that one out. Just leave it to me. In the meantime...”
He kissed Junmyeon softly.
“...don’t look at anyone else ever again, okay?”
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I’m one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can’t you see, you belong with me
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KrisHo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Losing Junmyeon was never an option.
[1]
It was safe to say that Yifan didn’t get his dinner on time last night.
He ended up taking the male home-simply because he refused to detach from Yifan’s shirt as he cried and blabbered his not-so-successful-relationship story with a younger male named Sehun. They had just been fighting over something stupid on the phone earlier. He whined that things were actually all right between them, but it was the people around them. His friends told him that his relationship wasn’t going to last because what would he expect from a high school student? Four years were quite an age gap-“And to think that I go bottom for him!”-and it would take a lot of effort to survive.
(Yifan knocked on the apartment and a male named Minseok opened the door and his eyes widened in horror and apologized profusely and offered him coffee and late dinner and the next thing he knew, he fell asleep on the couch).
It was quite an experience, really.
Yifan woke up to a bashful Luhan-the pretty male introduced himself as soon as he opened his eyes-and a nice set of breakfast Minseok made him. They were awkward at first, but then after knowing that they were all the same age, the conversations flew smoothly. Minseok offered to drive him home, but Yifan politely turned it down. Luhan saved his number after Minseok kicked him not so subtly to treat him something nice later for everything he had done.
“But I just took him home,” Yifan said in confusion.
“Oh, you listened to Luhan’s whining, it was more than enough,” Minseok held up his hands in defeat and Luhan sent him a glare.
When Yifan got home, Junmyeon was taking out the trash.
He knew he wasn’t supposed to feel that way, but his anger came back when he remembered how Yixing kissed Junmyeon on the night before. Yifan only gave him sideways glance as he walked, determined that he wasn’t going to talk.
“W-wait, Yifan.”
Yifan paused offhandedly.
“I...” Junmyeon trailed off. “I saw you left with Luhan-hyung last night...”
You did? Yifan frowned as he turned around. But you were busy shoving your tongue down his throat. He shrugged in complete disinterest, like it was nothing big.
“Yeah. I took him home last night.” He said it so casually that the color in Junmyeon’s face changed. The latter must have thought of it differently (maybe he thought something happened between them-like sex?) because his lips trembled. “Why?”
“He’s-he’s pretty. He’s really pretty.”
“Oh?” Yifan’s frown deepened. “Oh.”
“I...I thought you’re-“
“Straight?”
Junmyeon drew in a sharp breath at that. Yifan’s tone was laced with obvious sarcasm and it scared him. He was definitely different. “That’s not what I-“
“Then what is it?”
The awkwardness was too thick that Junmyeon felt it was too much. He couldn’t take it anymore. He took several steps backward before turning around to run away, refusing to continue the conversation with Yifan.
Yifan saw Junmyeon disappearing into the house. The front door was closed with a slam and he found himself balling his hands into fists.
***
Yifan hadn’t seen Junmyeon for the next few weeks.
It could be because they had different schedules-that semester, he had morning classes while Junmyeon’s classes were after lunch (he got the information from Jongdae, Junmyeon’s younger brother). Yifan sometimes caught Junmyeon in his window, but the latter never noticed anything. It was funny how they were just a few steps away, but it felt like they were separated by a thousand miles.
Slowly, but surely, they were starting to drift apart.
Sometimes Yifan saw Yixing came over to pick Junmyeon up, and he honestly wondered why they were still together. He wanted to smash his head against the wall every time the thought came up. Because if Junmyeon was happy, then it was all that mattered. Because he would be happy if Junmyeon was.
Except that it was all bullshit because he was miserable knowing that Junmyeon was happy.
Yifan looked down to his phone as it vibrated and saw a text from Luhan.
Yifan! Are you at home?
Yeah. Wassup?
Yeay! Are you free for the day? Can you come to the university? I’ll explain everything later!
Yifan went blank momentarily before replying.
Too hot. Too lazy to go outside.
Huhuhu Yifan you are so mean :-(
...fine. Wait up.
Yeay!!!! <3 <3 <3
Luhan sounded like a high school student in texts. But it was probably a good thing because Sehun might find him endearing? (Or not?)
Yifan peeked one more time to Junmyeon’s window. There was no movement at all-no signs of someone in the room. Yifan hesitated for a moment. He didn’t want to go to the K university and accidentally met Junmyeon there. Yifan wouldn’t want the latter to misunderstand that...
Wait, why does it matter?
They were just friends.
Besides, why would it matter to Junmyeon? He was dating Yixing. It wasn’t his problem who Yifan befriended.
So half an hour later, there Yifan was, standing in front of the Literature Department waiting for Luhan. Luhan said his class would be done soon with a lot of <3 emoticons and Yifan felt like strangling him. Had he known his class wasn’t done, he wouldn’t rush his way there. Not forgetting to mention it was really hot that day.
“Yifan...?”
Yifan felt his heart dropping instantly. He gritted his teeth because the voice belonged to someone he wished he wouldn’t meet right now. But it was too late to go back. Yifan gulped before looking up. “Yes.”
Junmyeon blinked in disbelief as he tilted to a side. “It’s really you...? What are you-“
“Yifan! Have you waited long?”
Luhan’s cheerful voice snapped them back to reality. Both of them turned to Luhan who innocently grinned too wide to Yifan’s liking.
“H-hyung,” Junmyeon stammered.
“Hey, Junmyeon-ah!” Luhan waved a hand. He blinked in confusion as he exchanged his gaze back and forth between Yifan and Junmyeon. “Ah, you know Yifan?”
Yifan saw the betrayed look on Junmyeon’s face. Junmyeon probably thought they were dating and felt hurt at the fact that Yifan never mentioned him-he did introduce Yixing to Yifan, though...
“Let’s go,” Yifan quickly said and tugged Luhan’s sleeve. “I’m starving.”
He pretended that he didn’t acknowledge Junmyeon’s stare as they walked away.
***
“Yifan?”
Yifan batted his eyelashes rapidly. “Hm?”
“Are you all right?” Luhan asked worriedly. “You’ve been spacing out...”
The pretty male got a dismissive wave of hand as an answer.
“I’m okay.”
Luhan puffed his cheeks because clearly something was off. He crossed his arms on his chest as he leaned forward. “Come on, tell me! Is it a girl problem?” Yifan snorted. “A boy problem, then. Let’s see, um...” Luhan gasped dramatically. “It’s Junmyeon, isn’t it?”
Yifan was taken aback at the sudden (right) accusation. “Wh-what?”
“Oh my God,” Luhan breathed. “You like Junmyeon!!”
“Who-who says that-“
“The stammering and the denial!” Luhan cried and people were starting to stare at him. “Oh my God, Yifan! Have I done something wrong? Did Junmyeon think we’re dating or something? I should go back and tell him that nothing happens between us!”
“Just let him think what he wants,” Yifan snapped in embarrassment, wishing Luhan would stop being so dramatic because more than three pair of eyes were staring at their table. “I owe him no explanation. It’s not like he’s my boyfriend.”
Luhan tilted his head to a side with a frown. “Oh. I guess you have a point. He’s dating that Zhang Yixing, right...?” Yifan’s shoulders flinched at the name. “He’s a good dancer though. Ah, sorry...”
“It’s all right. Yeah, he’s dating...him.”
Silence descended upon them after that. Yifan had his eyes fixed on the wooden surface of the table while Luhan rested his cheek on his fist, thinking deeply.
“Why didn’t you tell him how you feel...?”
Yifan cleared his throat. “I wasn’t sure if he was...”
“...not straight?”
He cleared his throat again. “...yeah.”
“Hm...” Luhan’s eyes were distant. “I wasn’t sure of myself too until Sehun came into the picture. It was like a nightmare at first. He confessed to me out of nowhere and insisted on being my first boyfriend and I was like, what? You’re a high school student!” He giggled in amusement and shook his head. “But then I decided to give him a chance and...well, things are going really great! Although people around us don’t seem to support our relationship-because oh, you have no idea how much a sixteen years old would feel so jealous whenever I mention a new name-“
Yifan blinked. “What...?”
Luhan grimaced. “I blabber a lot. I’m sorry.”
“I don’t mind,” Yifan sincerely said and wondered if this was what Minseok meant by ‘listening to Luhan’. “You’re a good company.”
“I am...?” Luhan beamed and sank back to his seat. He finally got over the simple compliment after five minutes and smiled gently at Yifan. “Maybe you should try...?”
“I can’t. He’s dating...him.”
“The way you don’t want to pronounce Junmyeon’s boyfriend just show it more, Yifan. I mean...it’s probably better to just...man up and confess instead of killing yourself like this because you can’t express it.”
Yifan sighed in resignation because Luhan was right. He was so afraid of confessing because their friendship was at stake, but now that Junmyeon was dating someone else (even in his mind he refused to say the name), their friendship was already ruined so why not just ruin it all...?
Great, he gloomily thought. Just great.
“You’re paying, right?” Yifan started, hoping that they would just drop the subject. “Is this supposed to be your apology treatment?”
“Eh?” Luhan went blank. “I never said that.”
“Then why did you want me to come to the university? You said you’ll explain everything later.”
“Oh. That. Nothing,” Luhan innocently replied. “I just don’t want you to stay home and not enjoying the hot weather.”
Yifan would definitely strangle Luhan someday.
***
Yifan still didn’t have the courage to face Junmyeon.
He stopped glancing to Junmyeon’s window. His mother asked him once why Junmyeon stopped coming over and he lamely answered because both of them were busy-while they weren’t that busy in real life, because Yifan and Junmyeon spent the rest of their days at home after classes.
Yifan had fallen asleep after dinner one night. He forgot to set his phone on silent and the shrill tone of a text jerked him awake. Yifan blinked in dismay for a second and sighed into the pillow. He didn’t remember turning off the lights-his mother must have done it when she checked on him. The male reached for his phone on the nightstand and he held his breath when he found out who it was.
It was Junmyeon.
Are you asleep...?
Yifan sat up and glanced at Junmyeon’s window. The latter’s room was still bright. He then stole another glance at the alarm clock and it showed the time at a little past ten PM. It wasn’t that late... Yifan rubbed his eyes as he turned the lamp on as a sign.
I’m awake now.
Sorry...
It’s all right.
Yifan...can I come over...?
Yifan cradled his phone in his hand for the longest five minutes of his life. They were used to this. Whenever Junmyeon couldn’t sleep, he would sneak into Yifan’s room and they would sleep together. It was surprising at first because Junmyeon’s mother got really freaked out when she found out her son wasn’t in his room, but then it happened for some more and she just kind of understood that if Junmyeon went missing in the morning, she could find him in Yifan’s room.
But it had been a while-scratch that, it had been a really long time.
Five minutes turned to ten. It extended to another five when Yifan finally replied.
Sure. Put on a jacket, it’s cold.
Yifan felt like throwing his phone away the moment the text was sent. What had he done? Did he just say yes? Did he just tell him to put on a jacket because it was cold outside-Yifan double checked his sent items and yeap, he did. He groaned to himself and facepalmed because his heart was racing and he was nervous and his face was hot and-
He almost jumped when he heard a soft knock on the window. Stupid Yifan for forgetting to unlock the window. The tall male hastily opened the window for Junmyeon and helped him clambered inside. Their fingers brushed at that and Yifan had to steady the other male’s balance by pressing his hand on Junmyeon’s back-a habit he never forgot. Funny how Junmyeon’s weight stayed the same even after all these years.
“You locked it,” Junmyeon chuckled softly as Yifan helped taking off his flip flops.
“Well, it’s been a few years,” Yifan said absently and Junmyeon stopped chuckling. Wow, just great, Yifan. Incredibly stupid. “I-I mean...yeah, I locked it.” He casually motioned Junmyeon to take off his jacket and the latter slowly obeyed.
“A-aren’t you cold...?” Junmyeon shyly asked as he dropped his gaze on Yifan’s feet.
“Huh?” Yifan looked down to himself and realized that he was completely shirtless.
Junmyeon placed his jacket on the chair beside the window before flying his hands to his pants and froze.
A few years ago, they had no problems at all.
Junmyeon would always take his pants off because he always slept in his oversize tee and a pair of boxers. The male would just climb in, casually throwing them aside before settling beside Yifan. Yifan would never wear a shirt because he always slept that way, because the blanket-and Junmyeon’s warmth-was more than enough to warm him.
A few years ago.
Yifan noticed the crimson color in Junmyeon’s cheeks. Apparently he wasn’t comfortable with him being shirtless now... If it was what Junmyeon wanted, then fine. He grabbed one of his clean t-shirts and wore it like it was no big deal.
“Are we going to sleep or are you just going to stand there until morning?”
Junmyeon’s cheeks turned several shades even deeper. Yifan was already on the bed, saving the empty spot beside him. The male saw Junmyeon swallowing before slowly making his way to him.
“Turn the lamp off when you’re done.”
Yifan almost groaned when he felt Junmyeon’s radiating warmth. The bed creaked as Junmyeon got on it. Yifan had a feeling the other male bit back a sob as he turned the lamp off and the room was covered in darkness. Yifan turned his back on him and tried to sleep. He tried not to make a contact, but even so, the bed hadn’t changed at all and yet their bodies did, so Junmyeon’s shoulder was pressed against his back.
It was comforting.
“Yifan...?”
“Hm?”
“Face me...”
There was a nauseating pregnant pause that followed and Yifan deadpanned at the request. He felt Junmyeon was struggling not to slap himself for saying those words, but a few seconds later, Yifan shifted his body to face him. They were facing each other right now, and funny how Junmyeon looked so small beside Yifan.
Instinctively, Junmyeon cuddled to Yifan.
Yifan visibly tensed, but he didn’t reject him entirely. No, he didn’t reject him at all. The weather was cold that night, but the way their bodies were pressed together made it warm. Yifan’s eyes never left Junmyeon’s face. He saw the latter closed his eyes in content, knowing the he was safe despite the darkness, because he wasn’t alone. Yifan finally rested his hand on Junmyeon’s shoulder before pulling him closer.
Junmyeon belonged to him.
In his arms.
Definitely not to someone else.
Yifan traced a finger on Junmyeon’s cheek and couldn’t help but ask. He had a feeling Junmyeon had been crying. “Did you fight?”
Junmyeon’s eyes cracked open at the unexpected question.
“Did he hurt you?”
Junmyeon didn’t answer for a long moment. Yifan felt a slight head shake on his chest as an answer and nodded to himself. Good, because he would definitely fly out of his bed to Yixing’s house to slaughter him if Junmyeon nodded instead of shaking his head.
“...have you guys done it?”
“Yifan!” Junmyeon gasped in disbelief as he tried to pull away, but didn’t make it because Yifan’s hands on his back were firm.
“It’s just a question,” Yifan frowned. “Yes or no?”
Junmyeon was thankful it was dark because his face was definitely burning right now. “Wh-why do you want to know?”
Because your first time is supposed to be done with me, Yifan wanted to retort but the words were stuck on his throat.
“Because I don’t want you to do it.”
There.
It should be obvious enough.
Yifan mentally smacked himself.
“Why...?”
Why?
Did he need to ask?
Yifan mentally kicked himself.
The taller of the two didn’t answer for a long time-more like he didn’t know what to answer. Should he just say it bluntly? Should he take the opportunity to confess and tell him everything?
But...
Junmyeon had been fighting with that guy and he was crying. It wasn’t fair to take advantage of that. Junmyeon was probably not in a sober mind. Yifan didn’t want to confess just because the beautiful male wasn’t in his best state. Besides, what if Junmyeon freaked out and kicked him and crawled away?
Yifan missed his presence besides him.
Just let me hug you like this for tonight...
“Don’t worry,” Junmyeon uttered sleepily even though Yifan said nothing. “I’m saving it for someone else.”
“Huh?” Yifan dumbly responded and his chest was filled with sudden jealousy. “Someone else?”
There is someone else...?
“Hm,” Junmyeon hummed as he pressed his nose on the taller male’s chest and curled his fingers loosely with Yifan’s. “There is...”
With that, he fell asleep.
But Yifan didn’t.
***
“Earth to Yifan!”
Words were enough, actually, but Luhan just had to sprinkle his face with water. Minseok stared in horror at that and hastily handed Yifan a napkin.
“Luhan! Stop trolling!”
“And you wonder why your relationship with Sehun wouldn’t last long,” Yifan sarcastically remarked as he wiped his face. “He’s probably shocked because someone four years older than him are actually more childish.”
Luhan sagged on his seat with a sad expression.
Yifan growled. “Ugh. Fine, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring Sehun up.”
“But you’re right,” Minseok shook his head as he suppressed his laughter. “Sehun’s probably shocked. It’s probably the reason why he stopped calling-“
“He’s in the middle of exams!” Luhan cried in exasperation. “We don’t communicate with each other when he’s facing exams-gosh, you guys are so mean!”
Minseok laughed smugly and Yifan only smiled in amusement at Luhan. He had no idea since when the three of them had became friends. It just sort of happened.
“How’s Junmyeon?” Luhan retaliated right away.
Yifan made a face. “I’m going to kill you someday, you know that?”
It was Luhan’s turn to laugh.
Yifan went home after playfully pulling Luhan’s hair. They bade each other goodbye with Minseok rolling his eyes and Luhan feigned sulking at Yifan. The male had decided to walk a long way home instead of taking the train to take his mind off of things. Right when he arrived at the corner, he saw Yixing in front of Junmyeon’s house.
His steps slowed down and he paused, observing the situation.
Junmyeon was clad in pajamas and a sweater. He was smiling weakly to Yixing before waving a hand and turning around to enter his house. Junmyeon threw a longing glance toward the general direction of Yifan’s house-his bedroom, to be exact-before closing the door for real.
It was too late to turn around or even hide, because Yixing had spotted his presence.
“Hey,” Yixing smiled kindly.
“Is Junmyeon sick?” Yifan blurted out without thinking.
“Huh? Yeah. I thought you know since you’re basically...neighbors,” Yixing had a different expression when he said that. “His parents aren’t home so I just brought him some food.”
“His parents aren’t home?” Yifan parroted dumbly.
“Yeah. They went to celebrate his aunt’s newborn baby?” Again, Yixing gave him a puzzled look as he walked past him. “Jongdae also went with them. I think they’ll be back tomorrow. Well, I’m off then. See you around, Yifan.”
Yifan felt his heart pounding loudly against his chest when he spoke.
“I’m in love with your boyfriend.”
Yixing only glanced over his shoulder, not bothering to turn around. But Yifan did. The taller male spun around grimly, helplessly, desperately, wondering why he was so stupid to even tell Yixing that. He waited for a punch, a kick, a stab, but Yifan only got a simple smile in return.
“I know.”
Yifan froze. “You-you know?”
“Yeah, it’s obvious, duh,” Yixing snorted. “And it doesn’t take a genius to know that Junmyeon’s mind is anywhere else but me. I’m just waiting for him to understand what he feels, though. He’s definitely lost.”
“What...?” Yifan whispered in disbelief. “You know he doesn’t love you, but...but you keep on holding on to him...?”
There was an unreadable spark within Yixing’s orbs as he stared at Yifan. “It’s the same reason with yours. You held on to him by not choosing to live in the dorm. It’s called hope, Yifan.” He smiled, but there was no emotion beneath the smile. It was just lips curved upward. “I guess he doesn’t need to feel so desperate anymore now that you return his feelings.”
Yifan’s eyes widened in shock.
“See you, Yifan.”
Yixing didn’t even bother to look at him anymore as he walked away. The male left Yifan standing there alone, dumbfounded, carving the said words into his brain. His feet were transfixed onto the ground, frozen, unmoved. Yifan felt his heartbeat increase dramatically as realization dawned upon him.
He wanted Junmyeon.
Junmyeon belonged with him.
Yifan inwardly scolded himself to move, dammit, and seconds later, he was running to Junmyeon’s house. He almost headed to Junmyeon’s window, but then he thought he should start all of this properly and headed to the front door instead. He knocked, he rang the bell, he knocked again, he rapped his fingers, slammed his palm, fisted his hand against the door until it was swung open.
“Yi-Yifan?” Junmyeon breathlessly said. The male had obviously been running from his room. “I-I thought-“
Yifan lunged forward to hug him. He then closed the door with his back as he pulled Junmyeon closer into his arms. Junmyeon let out a surprised yelp as his face met Yifan’s chest.
“Yi-Yifan-“
“Break it up with him.”
“Wh-what...?”
“Break up with him, please...”
Yifan let out a shaky breath. Junmyeon was really confused at first, but then he came to understand what the taller male meant.
“You want me to...break up with Yixing...?”
“Don’t say his name,” Yifan helplessly replied. “But yes, please...”
“B-but...why?”
“Because it’s supposed to be me, Junmyeon. It’s supposed to be me instead of him,” Yifan buried his head on Junmyeon’s shoulder. The latter’s skin was burning. “Is it selfish for me to think that way...?”
Junmyeon didn’t reply.
“I want to be your first love. I want to be your first boyfriend... I want to be your first kiss. I want to be the first one to touch you, to hold you. I want to be the first person on your mind when you need someone. I want to be your first in everything so badly and-and oh God, I should be the one to marry you because I’d definitely kill myself if you ever tie the knot with someone else...”
Yifan pulled away and he facepalmed in embarrassment.
“Screw that ‘someone else’ that you’ve been saving your first time for, I should be the one to take it.”
Junmyeon’s body grew hotter under his touch. Their gazes collided and Junmyeon’s face was burning, but Yifan wasn’t sure if it was the fever or something else.
“That someone,” Junmyeon bashly whispered. “Is you, Yifan...”
Yifan deadpanned. “Huh?”
Junmyeon chuckled weakly as he leaned to Yifan. “You are my everything, Yifan. You’re my first love...you’re the first person to touch me, to hold me-we’ve been hugging ever since we were six, remember...?”
“I-well, yeah-“
“But you’re not my first boyfriend,” Junmyeon continued sadly. “And not my first kiss...”
All of a sudden, Yifan pressed his lips against Junmyeon’s softly. The latter’s lips were burning and they tasted like medicine, but it felt right. Yifan didn’t mind kissing Junmyeon in any kind of situation-healthy, sick, cold, hot, sleepy, any kind.
Junmyeon’s eyes fluttered at the warmth of Yifan’s lips. “Wh-what was that for...?”
“To replace his lips on yours,” Yifan stubbornly said as he placed another kiss. “Until your lips taste like mine and not his.”
Junmyeon wanted to laugh but he wasn’t able to, because Yifan continued to kiss him as if to make up for the lost times. He felt his body grew hotter, but it was probably because Yifan made him high. Junmyeon never wanted the kiss to stop, but when he felt the other male’s tongue on his, he gasped.
“Yifan! I’m sick...”
“I’m strong.”
“No! I don’t want you to get sick...”
“I’m not going to get sick.”
“B-but-“
“I’m not going to stop,” Yifan’s breath was hot against Junmyeon’s neck. “I don’t care if you say no, I’m not gonna be able to stop.”
So Junmyeon gave himself to Yifan.
Yifan pinned Junmyeon on the latter’s bed as he proceeded to strip him. Even when they were just children, Yifan had always thought that Junmyeon had the milkiest skin ever. The fact didn’t change as he peppered slow, addicting, intoxicating light kisses on Junmyeon’s collarbone, down to his chest, down to his navel, aiming straight downward.
Junmyeon cried when he felt Yifan on his length. He could feel the latter’s big hands were cupping his thighs, preventing him from squirming so much. Junmyeon pressed the back of his hand on his mouth, while covering his eyes with his other arm, trying to fight the moan that desperately wanted to come out. It felt extremely good and embarrassing at the same time. By the time Junmyeon was near, he almost lost his mind and his self control was damaged.
“Yifan-“
Yifan pulled away just before Junmyeon climaxed. He crawled back up right on time to witness Junmyeon’s shoulders shaking with release. Beautiful, what was on Yifan’s mind as he removed Junmyeon’s hands from his face, not allowing him to cover his unguarded expression. Mine. He captured Junmyeon’s lips again, achingly tender this time, savoring each moment as he gripped the latter’s wrists, his thumb pressed on Junmyeon’s palms.
It was obvious that Junmyeon’s strength was drained the moment he orgasmed, but he weakly kissed Yifan back. It made Yifan to be incredibly happy, because after harboring such a huge crush for years, it relieved him to know that his feelings were returned.
“I love you,” Yifan stated firmly.
He then let go one of Junmyeon’s wrists. His hand trailed down to Junmyeon’s entrance, but before he managed to do anything, Junmyeon choked.
“Yifan, I’m scared,” Junmyeon whispered, his eyes were filled with genuine fear.
Yifan paused momentarily before leaning down to kiss him. “It’s me,” he said soothingly between kisses. “It’s me and no other, Junmyeon-ah. You belong with me.”
Mine.
The Chinese male continued to kiss him even when he had replaced his fingers with himself. Junmyeon’s cry was muffled against his lips. Yifan thought he was just moaning senselessly, but when he detached his lips for merely seconds, he heard Junmyeon breathed “Yi” or “Fan” between those moments.
Junmyeon was crying his name.
Yifan couldn’t describe the pride that swelled within him as he continued to slam his hips against Junmyeon’s, fingers intertwining together like they were glued, lips that would always find their way to each other’s, throaty moans that escaped Junmyeon’s mouth whenever Yifan left it for air, and Yifan realized that he was in too deep.
His love for Junmyeon was irreplaceable.
Junmyeon’s gasp was different and Yifan had a feeling he was close. A few thrusts more and Junmyeon trembled for his second release, his thin lips enchanted Yifan’s name repeatedly like a mantra. Yifan followed soon after, grunting in pleasure that washed over his entire body and almost collapsed on Junmyeon’s lithe figure. The beautiful male was completely exhausted.
Yifan almost gave in to the temptation of not detaching himself from Junmyeon, but then he did. Fortunately, he still had the strength to reach over for wet tissues on the desk and cleaned the mess on Junmyeon. Junmyeon weakly let Yifan did it as he curled into a ball, his eyes were closed and his fingers were on his lips. Yifan also cleaned himself first before tossing the tissues into the nearest trash can and kissed Junmyeon’s smaller digits. As if he understood the gesture, Junmyeon lowered his hands, revealing his thin lips, and Yifan leaned to press his lips against his.
“I love you,” Yifan said and pulled Junmyeon closer.
“I love you too,” Junmyeon softly replied.
And then Junmyeon cuddled against him, but this time, it felt so right.
Because his arms, were where Junmyeon belonged.
***
When Yifan jerked awake that night, it was completely dark.
He blinked to adjust his eyes, briefly wondering if it was a blackout, but then he glanced over the window to his house and there was nothing wrong with the electricity of his house. It went back to him that no one was home and Yifan pulled himself to sit. That was when he looked down beside him and his heart stuttered.
Junmyeon was beside him.
The blanket was pulled up to cover his body, but his shoulders were exposed and Yifan didn’t need to peek to find out that he was naked underneath. The memories of their first love making rushed back to him and Yifan smiled fondly. He caressed Junmyeon’s cheek caringly and sighed when he realized the latter’s body temperature had gone back to normal.
He got up and after putting on some clothes, Yifan turned the lights on. He then went to the kitchen to see if there was something they could eat. Before he did (and fortunately he didn’t get to see Yixing’s packs of food on the kitchen counter or else he would’ve tossed them out), there was a knock on the front door and Yifan wondered if Junmyeon’s parents were back early.
But why would they knock...?
“Oh.”
Yifan blinked blankly when he came eye to eye with Zitao. “Tao...?”
Zitao gave him a curious stare as he handed him a basket. “Junmyeon-hyung’s parents aren’t home tonight and Mom told me to bring him this.”
“Oh. Dinner. Nice.”
“Why are you here?”
“Taking care of Junmyeon,” Yifan shrugged nonchalantly. “He’s sick.”
“Didn't you guys stopped talking to each other like...few years ago?”
“You and Jongdae need to stop talking about other people,” Yifan rolled his eyes and flicked his younger brother’s head playfully. “Tell Mom I’ll spend the night here.”
“Just the two of you?” Zitao faked a dramatic gasp and stole a glance into the living room. “Chen’s not home?”
“You cannot date Chen, Zitao.”
“Eh? Why??”
“Because,” Yifan waved a hand and closed the door right before Zitao’s eyes. He heard the younger male cursing as he managed to avoid the door from hitting his nose. “Sorry, Tao!”
Thank God for Zitao’s wushu training.
Yifan casually popped a piece of bread into his mouth as he smiled.
“I’m going to marry his brother.”
End.
“You broke up even before I begged you to?”
Junmyeon turned crimson. “You-you were begging...?”
Yifan frowned to himself as he recalled and shrugged. “Yeah. I was begging.”
“Well, it was when I came over to your room the other night,” Junmyeon explained sheepishly. “We weren’t fighting...”
Yifan stared at him blankly and suddenly, he felt sorry for Yixing. Just a bit. “What happened...?”
“He...uh, confronted me why I wouldn’t want to do skinship with him,” Junmyeon pressed a finger on his lips. “We only kissed once, and I’ve never let him touched me again ever since then, and... I think it must be hard on him since we’ve been dating for more than six months but I never let him do the things-“
“Ugh,” Yifan grunted in frustration and lunged forward to shut Junmyeon with his lips. It worked. “Stop talking about him.”
“B-but you asked-“
“Anyway,” Yifan interrupted as he linked their fingers together. Junmyeon sent him an annoyed look-which he ignored, by the way-before breaking into a small smile. “Did you choose K university because of him? Wait, don’t answer that! Ugh, why do I even want to know.”
“I chose a different university because I thought you would never like me back,” Junmyeon answered anyway and gave Yifan’s hand a calming squeeze. “I thought if we would end up getting separated because you’re going to date or marry someone else, why not now? I was so scared I wouldn’t be able to accept all of that, so...”
Yifan let out a strange sound as he grumbled and Junmyeon looked at him in amusement. Now that was a new side of Yifan he hadn’t known. “Well now that you’re not gonna marry anyone else, it’s not a problem anymore, okay? Okay. Case closed.”
“...wow.”
“What?”
“We’re really gonna get married...?”
Yifan turned to him blankly. “You don’t want to?”
“Wow,” Junmyeon breathed. “My mom’s gonna be thrilled if it really happens.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because I kept on telling her that I would be your bride when I grow up,” Junmyeon meekly said and his eyes turned into two beautiful crescents. His smile faltered slightly at the next thought. “How are we going to do it...?”
Yifan’s eyes softened as he nudged Junmyeon’s side.
“I’ll solve that one out. Just leave it to me. In the meantime...”
He kissed Junmyeon softly.
“...don’t look at anyone else ever again, okay?”
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time
If you could see that I’m one who understands you
Been here all along, so why can’t you see, you belong with me