Shine A Light [2/2]
Title: Shine A Light [2/2]
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KaiSoo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Kyungsoo wasn’t supposed to love anyone, but there was Jongin.
[1]
Kyungsoo was willing to ruin himself so badly that he ended up drinking a lot more than he could handle.
Soojung and Jinri stared at him in horror and they tried to take the bottles from him, but Kyungsoo snapped and they reluctantly stopped trying.
He vomited everything down the toilet until there was nothing more he could choke out. His eyes and throat were burning as he crawled away from the toilet, his back leaning against the cold wall. Few people came and gave him sympathetic stares, but none of them bothered. Besides, it was a common view in the night club.
Kyungsoo was thinking of dying when the door swung open and he heard a familiar voice.
“Kyungsoo.”
He lifted up his chin with the last of his strength and broke at the sight of Jongin. How did you...? Kyungsoo wanted to ask, but he felt horrible and inadequate at the moment. He childishly extended his arms for a hug and Jongin blinked for a while, probably thinking if it was the alcohol or just a simple request. So the tanned skin male leaned down to kneel beside Kyungsoo and carefully pulled him into his embrace.
Kyungsoo broke into painful tears the minute he was in Jongin’s arms, sobbing helplessly like a lost child, his fingers digging deeply into the latter’s skin.
Jongin ignored how Kyungsoo’s nails felt on his arms. “Krystal called me to check on you. Kyungsoo... What is wrong with you...?”
“I-“ Kyungsoo choked. “I just... I...”
“Nevermind,” Jongin interrupted, but his voice was soft. “Can you stand?”
Kyungsoo sheepishly shook his head as he buried his face even more in Jongin’s chest. The latter smelled awfully nice and it somehow calmed him down. “I-I’m gonna need a few more minutes...”
“We can’t have a few more minutes. This place is dirty. Just wrap your arms around my neck.”
The doe eyed male weakly did as told. He felt one of Jongin’s arms slid under his feet and the other one was on his back. Kyungsoo gasped when Jongin carefully stood up with him in his arms, carrying him bridal style. Kyungsoo held on tightly, but somehow he knew Jongin wouldn’t let him fall.
“I’m gonna drive you home.”
***
Kyungsoo woke up due a terrible thirst.
He immediately sat up and instinctively reached to the nightstand, but there was no glass. Kyungsoo cracked his eyes open and that was when he realized he wasn’t in the motel room. He was...
...in Jongin’s room.
“Kyungsoo...?”
Jongin’s sleepy voice was heard somewhere across him. Kyungsoo’s breath was still ragged and it was starting to decrease when Jongin turned on the light. Both of them winced slightly from the sudden brightness. There was a lot of questions that he wanted to ask, but Kyungsoo kept it all inside.
“I’m-I’m thirsty...”
“I’m gonna get some water,” Jongin replied and he went out of the bedroom. The kitchen must be near because within seconds, the blond male reappeared with a glass of water. Kyungsoo downed the liquid almost in record time until the very last drop. “Do you want some more...?”
Kyungsoo sheepishly shook his head and Jongin took the empty glass from him before placing it on the nightstand. It took him a minute to realize that Jongin was staring and Kyungsoo stared back.
“Do you feel better...?”
Jongin stroked Kyungsoo’s hair as an attempt to calm him and Kyungsoo found himself leaning into the touch. He reluctantly nodded as an answer, but then he realized he couldn’t hold his mask anymore and he burst out sobbing.
“No...”
Jongin continued to stroke his hair. He listened to Kyungsoo as he gasped and his chest tightened at the way the doe eyed male’s shoulders shook roughly. Jongin and Kyungsoo were strangers, that was no lie, but he just couldn’t help but feeling curious at his condition. Kyungsoo seemed to be hurt in a lot of ways and it somehow bothered Jongin.
So he asked.
“Is there any reason why you’re here...? In Seoul...?”
Kyungsoo slowly stopped crying. Jongin waited patiently until he calmed down and Kyungsoo took a deep breath as he wiped his tears away. The male played with his fingers for a while before finally nodding. “I want to...” He trailed off because he himself wasn’t sure of what to say. “...to change.”
“Change,” Jongin repeated with a frown. “Bad change? Because obviously you’re-you’re hurting yourself, Kyungsoo. I mean, the first time in that street, it was an accident. But the second and clearly the third time, it did not just happen-you did it on purpose.”
“I want to have sex, okay?” Kyungsoo blurt out without thinking. “And-and since I’m gonna do it with someone that I don’t love, I don’t want to-to at least be sober...”
“What the fuck are you thinking?” Jongin hissed indignantly and pulled his hand away from Kyungsoo’s hair. “Why? Is it something to be proud of?”
“You don’t understand,” Kyungsoo replied desperately. “I have to.”
“You’re right, I don’t understand,” Jongin stood up abruptly and it was clear that he was angry. “And I am so pissed off right now that I can’t think of a reason clearly why you would want to do those things-I assume you’re just stupid at the moment.”
Kyungsoo let out a soft sob.
”But if you really that out of your mind and you want to lose your virginity...” Jongin paused by the doorway. “...do it with someone you know.”
Their gaze met.
“Do it with me.”
Kyungsoo froze. “H-huh...?”
“I’ll be gentle for your first time,” Jongin continued. “And it’s gonna be much better because we’re going to do it here, of all places. You can just decide when you feel like it and I’ll happily fuck you.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes stung with tears at the harsh words and Jongin slammed the door as he walked out.
***
When Kyungsoo woke up the next morning, his luggage was already there.
He had to take another look to make sure that it was really his, and it was. Kyungsoo gawked before snatching his luggage, observing and checking everything out. Didn’t seem like anything was missing...but how did it...?
Kyungsoo slowly dragged his feet to the living room and his heart hurt upon seeing Jongin on the couch. It was the tanned male’s apartment, and if anything, it should be him who slept on the couch instead of the bedroom. A tinge of fear crept back to his heart as he recalled Jongin’s words last night. Kyungsoo pressed his lips together as he sat by the empty seat across the couch. It gave him a perfect view of Jongin and his heartbeat accelerated.
Jongin’s skin was dark, but it didn’t change the fact that he was handsome. Kyungsoo sincerely thought that blond didn’t suit his skin color, but who was he to say? He was just a village boy who knew nothing about fashion. Jongin also had a sharp nose, a tall, slender body and yet a pair of strong arms.
Kyungsoo pressed his palm against his chest. What was it that he felt...? He didn’t dare to move when Jongin stirred in his sleep and the latter stretched out his arms as a sign that he was awake. Jongin lazily opened an eye, realizing that morning had come and hummed. He must have sensed someone was there because he shifted his gaze toward Kyungsoo’s direction. Their eyes met and Kyungsoo was the one to look away first.
Cute, Jongin sleepily thought to himself at how pretty Kyungsoo looked in the morning. With blush adorned his cheeks. In his pajamas.
“I’m sorry.”
Kyungsoo glanced up to him questioningly.
“I was harsh last night,” Jongin mumbled as he draped an arm across his forehead. “I shouldn’t have said those words. It’s just,” he made a gesture with his hand. “You’re different.”
“Different...?”
“Yeah. In here, everyone does that because...well, just because. It’s a big city and things evolve quickly, what do you expect? It’s like a trend and everyone craves for it. But you...you’re not doing it because you want to. You want to do it, because something is forcing you to.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. How did he guess him that easily...?
“So,” Jongin nonchalantly said as he pulled himself to a sitting position. “I’m not gonna let that happen.”
“...huh?”
Jongin stared at him sharply. “I’m not gonna let you have sex with anyone else.”
“B-but-“
“No buts, Kyungsoo-yah. You’re not gonna give it to anyone else.”
Jongin said nothing more after that and Kyungsoo was pretty sure his heart was already stolen.
***
It turned out that Soojung was Jongin’s high school friend.
Kyungsoo almost wailed to Jongin because he had paid cash for the five weeks stay. It also turned out that Jongin owned the night club that Soojung recommended him to-well, not him exactly, but his father. Jongin and his friends-including Zitao and his boyfriend, Jongdae (Ah, so that’s why the name is so familiar, Kyungsoo nodded to himself) always hang out at the place on Friday night-another reason why Soojung said it was going to be all right.
Jongin lived alone by himself. Kyungsoo didn’t know why, but if there was one thing he learned, was that university students tended to get out of their house and Jongin was probably categorized in this. ...or it was just because the place was closer to the university? He went into the kitchen to make some breakfast and his eyes widened in horror at the mess. Dirty plates and glasses were everywhere and Kyungsoo’s hands were itching from wanting to wash everything.
So he did.
Kyungsoo even spent some time to pop Jongin’s dirty clothes into the washing machine and folded the ones that had dried neatly. He understood that Jongin lived alone and he was a male, but this was outrageous! How could someone live with this mess for a long time? Kyungsoo wiped a fake tear off of his face and continued cleaning.
By the time he was done with everything, Jongin had come home with two packs of food. He seemed to have something to say but it vanished instantly when he saw Kyungsoo laid his head lifelessly on the table and panic rushed to him.
“Kyungsoo? Kyungsoo!”
Kyungsoo snapped out of his trance and abruptly lifted up his face. The former’s head would’ve hit his chin if Jongin’s reflex wasn’t awesome. “Wh-what?”
“God,” Jongin breathed as he ran a hand deliberately on Kyungsoo’s hair. “I thought you’re...nothing.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes were droopy. “Ah...you’re home...”
“I brought food. Have you eaten?”
“Food,” Kyungsoo’s face brightened like a child that had just received cotton candy. He stood up and willingly followed Jongin to the kitchen. “God, I’m so hungry. Cleaning this place tired me out.”
Jongin’s movement slowed down as he scanned the place and his jaw involuntarily dropped. The place indeed was clean. He was amazed at how many clean eating utensils that he had-Jongin had always thought he needed to buy more. “Wow. You did all this?”
“Yeah. I can’t stand the mess.”
“Well, it seems like I brought the right person home,” Jongin teased in amusement and he got a playful pinch on his waist as a reply. Both of them were stunned at that and Kyungsoo quickly pulled his hand away in embarrassment. Jongin cleared his throat to melt the tension. “Let’s eat.”
“Yes. Have a nice meal.”
“So,” Jongin started after his first chew. “It’s been two weeks since you stay here in Seoul?”
“How did you know?”
“I saw the markings on the calendar, in your motel room. You’re gonna fly back in three weeks?”
Kyungsoo stirred his chopsticks aimlessly in his plate. “Yeah,” he finally answered, because there was no use of him to lie. “I only have one month.”
“One month...?”
“Five weeks to be exact. I’m enjoying my freedom,” Kyungsoo simply said as he pushed a piece of shrimp into his mouth.
“You make it as if things are that bad.”
“It is bad,” Kyungsoo chuckled bitterly and he wished he didn’t have to talk about it. The image of the bastard he was going to marry appeared in his mind and for a second, he wanted to puke what he had just eaten. “...it is...really bad...”
Jongin decided to drop the subject. “I want to take you out tonight. Do you like coffee?”
“Coffee...? ...you have coffee in the cupboard.”
“Not that kind. This one is made with the best coffee beans and it is adorned with whipped cream and caramel,” Jongin explained enthusiastically, hoping Kyungsoo would be interested. “You’re gonna love it. We’re gonna have fun. Okay?”
Kyungsoo gave Jongin a small nod in defeat (because it seemed like he wouldn’t take no for an answer) and wondered how much longer the tanned male would make his heart speed like a race car.
***
Kyungsoo didn’t talk much during the trip to the coffee shop.
He didn’t feel comfortable with the seat belt pressing against his chest and stomach, but Jongin insisted for the sake of his safety. After minutes of silence, Jongin pulled over and Kyungsoo saw the said coffee shop across the street. Both of them clambered out of the car and Kyungsoo felt a hand was placed on his back, pushing him slightly to walk forward.
Jongin ordered both for himself and Kyungsoo and they waited patiently. Neither of them talked and Kyungsoo felt the butterflies burning in his stomach. He didn’t understand why or how, but instead of uneasiness, he realized it was a feeling of comfort that settled in him. Kyungsoo...felt somewhat safe beside Jongin. He had his eyes back and forth between the barista and the clerk who was taking order.
And then it happened.
Jongin turned to stare at him. Kyungsoo didn’t know how long had it been, but when he felt a pair of eyes were on him, he shifted. It was awkward and yet calming at the same time. Kyungsoo noticed the unreadable stare he got and absently scratched his nose because dammit why did Jongin stare at him and made him feel like he was in heaven. He heard a snicker and the next thing he knew, the blond male was patting his head.
Kyungsoo didn’t have enough time to show appropriate emotion because Jongin’s name had been called and the latter quickly responded by snatching their drinks with a soft ‘thank you’.
He surprisingly wished it would last a bit more.
And then they were back home with Jongin laughing into his phone, concentrating on shedding his shoes off before walking into the bedroom to change. Kyungsoo only stood there, his feet transfixed onto the carpeted floor, sipping the last of his mocha frapuccino-he was pretty sure he pronounced that right. Things were normal until Jongin’s phone rang on their way back and Kyungsoo kind of clenched his teeth because...well, just because.
Driving and texting weren’t safe, right?
Right.
Except the fact that Jongin wasn’t texting, duh. He was talking to someone and Kyungsoo felt he was being left out. Silly, of course, because it could’ve been a friend.
Or an ex boyfriend.
Kyungsoo was at the kitchen disposing the empty cup of coffee when Jongin called out his name. He answered in return but Jongin wasn’t in the living room, which meant he was... Kyungsoo gulped. ...in the bedroom.
“Kyungsoo,” Jongin called out once again and the said male almost had to drag his feet to the bedroom. He had his back on Kyungsoo when the latter appeared by the door. “Go change and sleep.” Jongin pointed to the bed and he followed his thumb. A pair of pajamas were folded neatly on the blanket-for him, obviously.
Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “Um... I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”
Jongin closed the drawer with a hand and snorted as he turned around. “Don’t be silly. It’s just gonna hurt your back.”
“So-so does your back hurt now?”
Jongin blinked at the question and he slowly shook his head. “I’ll survive.”
“We can share,” Kyungsoo whispered although he was a bit too unsure. “The bed’s big enough for the both of us...please,” he hastily added when Jongin opened his mouth to reply. “It’s your place, and I’m supposed to be the one who sleep on the couch. So I’m asking you nicely to please...sleep-“ Jongin raised his brows in amusement and Kyungsoo wanted to kick himself. “-stay. Beside me. Until the morning.”
Or forever.
Suddenly, Kyungsoo realized that it was impossible. For him, forever wasn’t an option...
“...after you change, then.”
Jongin swept Kyungsoo’s bangs affectionately as he walked past him and closed the door. The latter felt like crying because Jongin was so sweet it hurt him for not being able to...wait, what was he thinking...? Kyungsoo quickly changed and let Jongin knew he was done. Jongin had just turned off the light in the living room and when he closed the bedroom door behind him, Kyungsoo’s heart was thumping loudly.
The beat was so deafening that he was afraid Jongin would be able to hear it.
Funny because they looked like newlyweds who had no idea of what to do on their first night and Kyungsoo wanted to laugh at his thoughts because really, this was not the time. In a few weeks, his freedom would be over.
His life would be over.
Jongin casually patted the empty spot beside him on the bed and Kyungsoo was pulled out of his thoughts. He nervously obeyed and both of them settled under the covers. Jongin shifted a few more times until he was content with his position and sighed. Kyungsoo swallowed thickly beside him with his eyes on the ceiling.
“Good night,” Jongin uttered softly and turned off the reading lamp by the nightstand.
“Good-“ Kyungsoo choked and instinctively reached for Jongin’s back. “T-turn it on.”
“Huh?”
“I-I can’t sleep with the lights off.”
Which was true.
There was a click sound and the room was lit up again. Kyungsoo was about to say thank you when Jongin turned off the light again and he shrieked.
“Jongin-“
“Why are you scared? I’m here beside you, all right?”
“B-but-“
The bed rustled and Kyungsoo didn’t really understand what was happening until he felt a pair of arms skittered on his, pulling him closer. His forehead was pressed against Jongin’s neck and Kyungsoo’s breath hitched, realizing what position they were in.
“It’s all right,” Jongin mumbled against his hair, his voice laced with sleepiness. “No need to be afraid. I’m right here.”
Kyungsoo let go of the breath he had been holding and leaned closer for protection.
God...
“Good night, Kyungsoo.”
He managed to fall asleep a few hours later.
***
Time flew quickly and without Kyungsoo realized, another week had passed and left him for only two weeks.
Jongin had taken him to a few places. He introduced him to a drink called Bubble Tea (“Sehun’s favorite,” Jongin explained. “It’s milk tea that runs in his veins and not blood.” Kyungsoo cackled at this). He took him to an Italian restaurant to let him have a taste of pasta. Jongin even brought him to the night club on Friday night, introducing Kyungsoo to his friends shamelessly with their fingers entwined together.
Slowly, but surely, Kyungsoo began to understand what he felt. He was starting to understand why his heart fluttered whenever Jongin caressed his hair. Why his breath became ragged whenever Jongin held his hand in the crowd. Why he felt protected even when Jongin let him took a small sip of his drink and his face was filled with genuine concern as Kyungsoo wrinkled his nose in distaste. (“You see why these drinks are bad? Because they make your cute face ugly.”)
But Kyungsoo was scared, that was for sure.
Jongin had given him so much attention and affection that Kyungsoo...
...wanted more.
Something foreign rushed through his entire body whenever Jongin was a bit too close. Whenever Jongin’s breath was on his face as they slept. Whenever Jongin’s shoulder brushed his in the slightest way possible. Kyungsoo selfishly wanted more, he wanted something that he couldn’t have.
Simply because he wasn’t available from the start.
When Kyungsoo was half naked with his pants and boxers were neglected on the floor, he gauged himself in the mirror because damn, Jongin’s oversize shirt looked good on him. He must have taken a lot of time to change because Jongin knocked at the door and walked in without waiting for a reply. Kyungsoo turned around in shock, hands flew to his chest by instinct-while he probably should have covered his southern part first. Jongin’s shirt hung low, covering and yet exposing Kyungsoo’s milky thighs at the same time.
Whatever it was that Jongin was about to say seemed to be swallowed back, because the male then took a step closer and closer and Kyungsoo found himself also taking a step back further and further, until both of them stumbled on the bed. Kyungsoo felt extremely weak and small at how Jongin hovered above him, the latter’s leg slid on the space between his thighs, and yet so gentle that it didn’t touch any of Kyungsoo’s skin.
“Kyungsoo.”
The way Jongin uttered his name drove Kyungsoo crazy and he did nothing but to welcome the warmth as Jongin leaned down to kiss him.
It was his first kiss and it was exactly how Kyungsoo thought it would be. He probably saw stars, fireworks, balloons as their lips molded together. A soft moan escaped Kyungsoo’s thin lips as Jongin ran his tongue inquisitively on his lips, wanting to taste more, wanting to know more and he parted his lips as a sign that he granted the request and Jongin didn’t waste the opportunity.
Kyungsoo almost bucked his hips in response when their tongues met. It was bad, because he felt needy, he felt helpless under the touch and Jongin’s hand on his wasn’t helping.
Jongin carefully slipped a hand underneath the shirt to touch Kyungsoo and he shuddered at how smooth the latter’s skin was. It wasn’t teasing, but merely a form of curiosity. Jongin didn’t know since when he had his eyes open to stare at Kyungsoo. They were so close that his vision became blurred, but Jongin couldn’t help it. Their lips were still locked. Jongin held his breath for a split second as he saw Kyungsoo’s unguarded face as his fingers ran on his ribs.
Pretty.
Kyungsoo let out a soft cry when Jongin detached his lips off of his and moved down. The tanned male carefully uncovered the fabric that had been covering Kyungsoo’s thigh and he peppered light kisses on the sensitive skin. Jongin loved the way Kyungsoo gasped as a reaction and his cracked voice on Jongin’s name.
His name.
Jongin slowly went back up to catch Kyungsoo’s lips, but this time he did it even gentler. He waited until Kyungsoo’s breath calmed down and stole another kiss before pressing their heads together. It was as if he was waiting. Jongin grabbed his hand and he kissed the inside of Kyungsoo’s wrist.
Kyungsoo felt his world stop spinning.
And then he gave him Jongin the permission.
“It’s for you,” Kyungsoo said shyly.
Jongin bloomed into a smile. His grip on Kyungsoo’s hand tightened and he claimed the latter’s exposed neck as he unbuttoned his shirt that was too big on Kyungsoo, before completely leaving him shirtless.
It is his.
***
Kyungsoo felt a horrible pain on his lower back when he woke up the next morning.
He winced and whimpered weakly as he tried to move. Realizing that he shouldn’t probably do anything yet, the male buried his head into the pillow and sighed. Kyungsoo placed a hand on his back, rubbing it slightly before noticing that he was alone.
Jongin was nowhere to be found.
Something tugged his heartstrings apart at the missing presence and Kyungsoo pulled the blanket up to cover his naked figure. Memories of their love making last night attacked him like a hurricane and his cheeks felt warm instantly. Kyungsoo helplessly pressed his hands on his face, trying to erase the (vulgar) images in his head.
But why should he, when it was a beautiful memory to hold on to...?
In a few weeks, he would marry the bastard (Kyungsoo had gotten used to the bad word). He probably wouldn’t be gentle like Jongin, but at least his first time was memorable. Kyungsoo slowly closed his eyes and tried to hold back the tears. He thought by giving it to Jongin, he would feel content afterward. He would feel enough. He would feel dirty enough.
But really, it just scared him even more.
All of a sudden, the thought of letting someone touched him-other than Jongin-terrified him. Kyungsoo sniffled sadly as he dug his nails deeper into his skin. For the first time in a few weeks, he didn’t want to marry the bastard. He didn’t want to sacrifice his life just for the sake of his parents. He deserved the right to be happy...didn’t he?
“Hey.”
Kyungsoo squeaked as his arms were pulled away from him, away from his marred skin. His eyes were filled with tears when he spotted Jongin sitting beside him, the tanned male’s hands gripping his wrists tightly. “J-Jongin...”
“Does it still hurt?” Jongin asked softly.
He deadpanned for a second because clearly Jongin mistook his action, but nevertheless his heart stutter badly at the affection he showed. Kyungsoo shook his head shyly. “Not really...”
Jongin then leaned closer to kiss him and he ignored Kyungsoo’s sharp intake of breath. Kyungsoo moaned in response because damn, he had morning breath and he waited until Jongin felt disgusted and pulled away, but it never came. Instead, Jongin tilted his head to a better angle and their kiss deepened, tongues meeting and licking and their teeth clashing. Kyungsoo was given the chance to finally breathe when Jongin pulled away slightly and he breathlessly touched the latter’s cheek.
“Jongin...?”
“I’m kissing the pain away,” Jongin lamely said. “Does it work?”
Kyungsoo burst out laughing.
***
The second time they did it, Kyungsoo wasn’t as tensed as the first time.
It was still awkward because he had no experience whatsoever, but it was Jongin and Jongin treated him gently like he was a fragile piece of glass. Kyungsoo still closed his eyes the whole time, not realizing that Jongin’s eyes were fixed on him every time he moaned, every time he parted his lips to cry out Jongin’s name, every time Kyungsoo’s fingers tightened on his shoulders-a sign that he was close to climax.
The third time it happened, Jongin told him to keep his eyes open. Which was very difficult for Kyungsoo at first because he almost couldn’t bring himself to meet Jongin’s eyes. Jongin’s firm words of ‘look at me’ and ‘think only of me’ brought tears to his face. Kyungsoo’s face was flushed with both embarrassment and happiness because Jongin made him feel loved.
Kyungsoo didn’t remember when it happened. But before he knew it, everything was perfect like they were dating and they were content with each other’s presence. Jongin treated him like a princess and Kyungsoo loved him deeply in return. Too deeply, in fact. It all happened naturally-their kisses, the sweet nothings Jongin whispered in his ear before sleep every single night, their linking fingers...
He was supposed to let go.
He wasn’t supposed to let himself get carried away.
He wasn’t supposed to love anyone...
Kyungsoo silently marked the calendar with a pen as he counted. Five days to go. Five more days to enjoy his freedom. Five days...to erase his feelings for Jongin. But it wasn’t as easy as flipping a hand and he knew it. Sooner or later, it must be done. His mother had called him again last night-fortunately when Jongin was in the bathroom-and he almost broke down at her tone. She sobbed that she was sorry, that they were sorry and Kyungsoo forgave her. He forgave his parents.
The sound of a closed door indicated that Jongin had come home and Kyungsoo slowly rose to his feet. He saw Jongin sagged on the couch and leaned his back tiredly against the cushion. Kyungsoo observed by the doorway before stepping closer to Jongin. The latter must have recognized his footsteps because he offered his hand without opening his eyes and Kyungsoo accepted it.
Their fingers curled together and Kyungsoo sat on Jongin’s lap before pressing their lips together.
It was a wonder how Jongin’s lips always tasted sweet. It was also a wonder how Kyungsoo had no hesitation to kiss Jongin. They continued to give each other fond kisses before Kyungsoo broke those to gasp for air, but Jongin didn’t let him go that far.
Then something unexpected happened.
“I love you,” Jongin murmured against Kyungsoo’s lips. “Marry me...?”
Kyungsoo froze. His whole body went numb at what Jongin had just said. He hastily pushed himself off of the other male and his face went pale.
“Wait, that’s not right,” Jongin scratched his head. “Let me ask in a proper way-“
“No.”
“...what?”
“No,” Kyungsoo answered sternly this time like it was the right thing to do, even though his heart was pierced by a thousand of needles. “I-I can’t.”
Jongin narrowed his eyes and he suddenly became wary. “Is this about you flying back in a few days? Because if you are, I can arrange-“
“I’m getting married once I get back,” Kyungsoo retorted heavily with his eyes closed. He could hear the thunder rumbling somewhere far away. Silence descended upon them and Kyungsoo only managed to crack his orbs open when he heard a thud.
Jongin had his fist on the table. “You’re joking, right?” His tone was dangerously low.
Kyungsoo swallowed the lump down his throat and shook his head weakly.
“Fuck,” Jongin seethed as he abruptly stood up. “You’re getting married when you get back??”
“Don’t yell at me,” Kyungsoo inadequately begged as he took a step backward.
“Then your wish to have sex-did it have something to do with not wanting him to have your first time???”
“Please, you’re scaring me,” Kyungsoo desperately pleaded. “Jongin-“
“Do you honestly think it’s that easy to get rid of me??”
“It’s the only way to pay the debt!” Kyungsoo cried in frustration and Jongin halted on his track. The thunder growled even louder and the sound of drops of water hitting the roof was audible. Kyungsoo immediately regretted saying it and clasped a hand over his mouth.
Jongin’s expression was unreadable and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feeling judged under the stare.
“...what?”
“He threatened to kill my parents if I ever run away,” Kyungsoo choked sadly. “My-my parents have this debt...and that bastard...he said he would consider it paid if they give me to him. If I-if I agree to marry him, he would...leave my parents and the farm alone.” He looked up to Jongin, who still had a blank expression. “I’m poor, Jongin... The house and the farm are all my parents have. Without them, it’s...it’s nothing.”
Jongin directed his gaze to the carpeted floor and Kyungsoo felt broken.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo whispered, feeling utterly devastated. “I’m sorry, Jongin-ah...”
Jongin thrusted deeper into Kyungsoo that night.
It was different than the nights before, maybe because there was a hint of fear and the reluctance to let go from both parties. Kyungsoo was being extremely vocal until his throat was sore, because there was no other name that he wanted to cry beside Jongin. Jongin took his time painfully slow, admiring Kyungsoo from every position they were in. Admiring Kyungsoo’s fair skin. Admiring how undeniably beautiful when Kyungsoo had his legs spread. Admiring those bruised lips that willingly gave up to be covered by his own.
Kyungsoo’s chest tightened at the simple and yet passionate gestures Jongin gave him. By the time both of them reached their climax, Kyungsoo realized that what they had wasn’t just exchanging bodily fluids.
They were exchanging their hearts.
The last thing he remembered was crying and holding on to Jongin deeply after they were done. Kyungsoo wished Jongin didn’t hate him and he wistfully told himself that repeatedly, that no, Jongin wouldn’t hate him. That they would probably work something out.
But as he jerked awake in the middle of the night and Jongin was nowhere to be found, Kyungsoo knew that it was over...
***
Kyungsoo went home earlier than expected.
He still had some money left and fortunately, the date on his ticket could be moved forward. They only added a few bucks for the penalty and Kyungsoo could still afford it.
The doe eyed male sent a long glance at the sky of Seoul, savoring his last moment in the capital city. He would never forget the place. He would never forget everything. He would never forget...Jongin. The male was the best thing that ever happened to him. Kyungsoo stifled a sob as he turned around and checked in at the international airport.
Kyungsoo never got the chance to say goodbye at Jongin.
He waited and waited that morning, but Jongin never got home. Kyungsoo didn’t blame him-it was his fault from the start. But there was nothing he could do about it, what was done was done. Besides, Kyungsoo didn’t even know what he was supposed to do. Everything that happened between him and Jongin was unpredictable. It wasn’t on his to do list.
His mother dropped her glass upon seeing her son by the doorway and his father turned pale. They dashed to his side to embrace him and Kyungsoo almost couldn’t breathe at the fact that he was being sandwiched. Funny how he didn’t feel so scared anymore. He would be lying if he wasn’t though, but it wasn’t that bad anymore.
A few days after that, Kyungsoo stared blankly at the mirror on his wedding day. He was clad in a cheap, rented tuxedo that was a size too big for him. Kyungsoo’s lips curved upward slightly at the memory where he wore Jongin’s clothes and it was also too big for him, but he liked it.
He liked everything about Jongin.
His parents refused to come with him to the church because they didn’t have the heart to see him off. Kyungsoo hugged them tightly, suppressing the tears that were threatening to spill over and told them that it was all right. He didn’t want to see them cry too.
So Kyungsoo headed straight to the said place. The ceremony was going to be held quietly due to his parents’ request and there wouldn’t be any guests. The thought of killing himself resurfaced as he paused by the entrance. His heart was heavy with doubts. But then Kyungsoo told himself that he needed to do it to save his family. He took a deep breath before encouraging himself to enter the place.
A young male clad in black clothes greeted him warmly. He was probably the priest. Kyungsoo didn’t really care.
“You are...?”
“Do Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo answered nonchalantly.
“Ah, you’re the bride. Or the groom, I suppose. Come this way.”
The male led Kyungsoo to the altar and there was no one in the room-as expected. Kyungsoo scanned the place momentarily before staring blankly at the ground. He could hear the sound of his heart shattering.
This was it.
The last day of his freedom...
“Your groom will be here soon.”
“I don’t care,” Kyungsoo whispered. “Just let it be over soon.”
“You really don’t care?”
The familiar voice surprised Kyungsoo too much that the male almost cracked his neck for turning it so fast.
It was Jongin.
“J-Jongin-“
“Don’t ‘Jongin’ me,” Jongin clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Did you try to disappear from my life? You should know by now that it’s not a very wise thing to do.”
“B-but-“
“Besides,” Jongin firmly said as he grabbed Kyungsoo’s arm. “I’m not going to let go of someone who willingly gave his first time for me.”
Kyungsoo’s cheeks turned several shades deeper at how blunt Jongin had said those words. He gulped thickly before stammering. “B-but...the man I’m supposed to marry...”
“The only couple that’s getting married today here is Kim Jongin and Do Kyungsoo,” the young priest informed them with a grin. “That is, if you have the ring.”
“I have everything prepared.”
Jongin took a box out of his pocket and stared solemnly at Kyungsoo.
“I’m not joking about this.”
“B-but how...?”
“It doesn’t matter how. As long as you’re safe.” Jongin shook his head. "I told you I'm not gonna let you do it with someone else."
Kyungsoo’s black orbs with filled with emotions as he let Jongin pulled him closer. “I love you,” he cried those three words that had been occupying his chest for the past few weeks. “I love you, Jongin-ah...”
“I know,” Jongin murmured gratefully before pressing a soft kiss against his lips. “I’ve known it since the first time we met...”
End.
Junmyeon heard a loud knock on his door and paused.
It was raining hard, so it was probably just his imagination. But as Junmyeon resumed walking, he heard the firm knock on his door and someone was definitely outside. He pondered momentarily if he should wake Yifan up, but then he heard his brother’s voice faintly. Junmyeon hastily headed to the front door.
“Jongin-ah?”
Jongin was soaking wet and Junmyeon immediately dragged him inside. His brother had never visited him-not since he got married to Yifan. For some reason, Jongin disliked Yifan. Although he never said it out loud, but his attitude showed it all.
“I need your help,” Jongin said through his clenched teeth. Junmyeon was about to spin around to grab a towel for him, but Jongin stopped him from doing so. “Hyung, I need...your help.”
Junmyeon became worried. “What’s wrong...?”
“I need to borrow your money.”
“How-how much...?”
When Jongin mentioned the amount, Junmyeon’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What-what are you going to do with that much money...?”
“I’m gonna save a family,” Jongin replied and Junmyeon didn’t know how that was supposed to help him. “Actually...it would be easier if Yifan-hyung just fires one of his men-he’s the one who put this whole misery to the family, but I don’t want to ask for his help. So it would be better if I just borrow your money and I’ll pay it back as soon as I can.”
“One of Yifan’s men...? What do you mean...?”
“I’ve done my homework,” Jongin retorted. “So will you help me...?”
Junmyeon opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it back and narrowed his eyes at his younger brother. The male crossed his arms on his chest. “No.”
“Wh-why?”
“Go talk to Yifan about this. If what you’re saying is true, then it would be better if he just fires him.”
“You can tell him.”
“No, Jongin-ah,” Junmyeon stubbornly said. “You have to talk to Yifan or else you won’t be saving this so called family.”
Jongin growled angrily. “Fine. But only because I want him to be happy.”
Junmyeon’s eyes softened. “Who is he...?”
Jongin gave his brother a determined stare, one that he had never seen before.
“He’s the person I’ll grow old with, Hyung.”
Author: FloweryMisha
Pairing: KaiSoo
Warning: BoyxBoy love. Enough said.
Summary: Kyungsoo wasn’t supposed to love anyone, but there was Jongin.
[1]
Kyungsoo was willing to ruin himself so badly that he ended up drinking a lot more than he could handle.
Soojung and Jinri stared at him in horror and they tried to take the bottles from him, but Kyungsoo snapped and they reluctantly stopped trying.
He vomited everything down the toilet until there was nothing more he could choke out. His eyes and throat were burning as he crawled away from the toilet, his back leaning against the cold wall. Few people came and gave him sympathetic stares, but none of them bothered. Besides, it was a common view in the night club.
Kyungsoo was thinking of dying when the door swung open and he heard a familiar voice.
“Kyungsoo.”
He lifted up his chin with the last of his strength and broke at the sight of Jongin. How did you...? Kyungsoo wanted to ask, but he felt horrible and inadequate at the moment. He childishly extended his arms for a hug and Jongin blinked for a while, probably thinking if it was the alcohol or just a simple request. So the tanned skin male leaned down to kneel beside Kyungsoo and carefully pulled him into his embrace.
Kyungsoo broke into painful tears the minute he was in Jongin’s arms, sobbing helplessly like a lost child, his fingers digging deeply into the latter’s skin.
Jongin ignored how Kyungsoo’s nails felt on his arms. “Krystal called me to check on you. Kyungsoo... What is wrong with you...?”
“I-“ Kyungsoo choked. “I just... I...”
“Nevermind,” Jongin interrupted, but his voice was soft. “Can you stand?”
Kyungsoo sheepishly shook his head as he buried his face even more in Jongin’s chest. The latter smelled awfully nice and it somehow calmed him down. “I-I’m gonna need a few more minutes...”
“We can’t have a few more minutes. This place is dirty. Just wrap your arms around my neck.”
The doe eyed male weakly did as told. He felt one of Jongin’s arms slid under his feet and the other one was on his back. Kyungsoo gasped when Jongin carefully stood up with him in his arms, carrying him bridal style. Kyungsoo held on tightly, but somehow he knew Jongin wouldn’t let him fall.
“I’m gonna drive you home.”
***
Kyungsoo woke up due a terrible thirst.
He immediately sat up and instinctively reached to the nightstand, but there was no glass. Kyungsoo cracked his eyes open and that was when he realized he wasn’t in the motel room. He was...
...in Jongin’s room.
“Kyungsoo...?”
Jongin’s sleepy voice was heard somewhere across him. Kyungsoo’s breath was still ragged and it was starting to decrease when Jongin turned on the light. Both of them winced slightly from the sudden brightness. There was a lot of questions that he wanted to ask, but Kyungsoo kept it all inside.
“I’m-I’m thirsty...”
“I’m gonna get some water,” Jongin replied and he went out of the bedroom. The kitchen must be near because within seconds, the blond male reappeared with a glass of water. Kyungsoo downed the liquid almost in record time until the very last drop. “Do you want some more...?”
Kyungsoo sheepishly shook his head and Jongin took the empty glass from him before placing it on the nightstand. It took him a minute to realize that Jongin was staring and Kyungsoo stared back.
“Do you feel better...?”
Jongin stroked Kyungsoo’s hair as an attempt to calm him and Kyungsoo found himself leaning into the touch. He reluctantly nodded as an answer, but then he realized he couldn’t hold his mask anymore and he burst out sobbing.
“No...”
Jongin continued to stroke his hair. He listened to Kyungsoo as he gasped and his chest tightened at the way the doe eyed male’s shoulders shook roughly. Jongin and Kyungsoo were strangers, that was no lie, but he just couldn’t help but feeling curious at his condition. Kyungsoo seemed to be hurt in a lot of ways and it somehow bothered Jongin.
So he asked.
“Is there any reason why you’re here...? In Seoul...?”
Kyungsoo slowly stopped crying. Jongin waited patiently until he calmed down and Kyungsoo took a deep breath as he wiped his tears away. The male played with his fingers for a while before finally nodding. “I want to...” He trailed off because he himself wasn’t sure of what to say. “...to change.”
“Change,” Jongin repeated with a frown. “Bad change? Because obviously you’re-you’re hurting yourself, Kyungsoo. I mean, the first time in that street, it was an accident. But the second and clearly the third time, it did not just happen-you did it on purpose.”
“I want to have sex, okay?” Kyungsoo blurt out without thinking. “And-and since I’m gonna do it with someone that I don’t love, I don’t want to-to at least be sober...”
“What the fuck are you thinking?” Jongin hissed indignantly and pulled his hand away from Kyungsoo’s hair. “Why? Is it something to be proud of?”
“You don’t understand,” Kyungsoo replied desperately. “I have to.”
“You’re right, I don’t understand,” Jongin stood up abruptly and it was clear that he was angry. “And I am so pissed off right now that I can’t think of a reason clearly why you would want to do those things-I assume you’re just stupid at the moment.”
Kyungsoo let out a soft sob.
”But if you really that out of your mind and you want to lose your virginity...” Jongin paused by the doorway. “...do it with someone you know.”
Their gaze met.
“Do it with me.”
Kyungsoo froze. “H-huh...?”
“I’ll be gentle for your first time,” Jongin continued. “And it’s gonna be much better because we’re going to do it here, of all places. You can just decide when you feel like it and I’ll happily fuck you.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes stung with tears at the harsh words and Jongin slammed the door as he walked out.
***
When Kyungsoo woke up the next morning, his luggage was already there.
He had to take another look to make sure that it was really his, and it was. Kyungsoo gawked before snatching his luggage, observing and checking everything out. Didn’t seem like anything was missing...but how did it...?
Kyungsoo slowly dragged his feet to the living room and his heart hurt upon seeing Jongin on the couch. It was the tanned male’s apartment, and if anything, it should be him who slept on the couch instead of the bedroom. A tinge of fear crept back to his heart as he recalled Jongin’s words last night. Kyungsoo pressed his lips together as he sat by the empty seat across the couch. It gave him a perfect view of Jongin and his heartbeat accelerated.
Jongin’s skin was dark, but it didn’t change the fact that he was handsome. Kyungsoo sincerely thought that blond didn’t suit his skin color, but who was he to say? He was just a village boy who knew nothing about fashion. Jongin also had a sharp nose, a tall, slender body and yet a pair of strong arms.
Kyungsoo pressed his palm against his chest. What was it that he felt...? He didn’t dare to move when Jongin stirred in his sleep and the latter stretched out his arms as a sign that he was awake. Jongin lazily opened an eye, realizing that morning had come and hummed. He must have sensed someone was there because he shifted his gaze toward Kyungsoo’s direction. Their eyes met and Kyungsoo was the one to look away first.
Cute, Jongin sleepily thought to himself at how pretty Kyungsoo looked in the morning. With blush adorned his cheeks. In his pajamas.
“I’m sorry.”
Kyungsoo glanced up to him questioningly.
“I was harsh last night,” Jongin mumbled as he draped an arm across his forehead. “I shouldn’t have said those words. It’s just,” he made a gesture with his hand. “You’re different.”
“Different...?”
“Yeah. In here, everyone does that because...well, just because. It’s a big city and things evolve quickly, what do you expect? It’s like a trend and everyone craves for it. But you...you’re not doing it because you want to. You want to do it, because something is forcing you to.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes widened. How did he guess him that easily...?
“So,” Jongin nonchalantly said as he pulled himself to a sitting position. “I’m not gonna let that happen.”
“...huh?”
Jongin stared at him sharply. “I’m not gonna let you have sex with anyone else.”
“B-but-“
“No buts, Kyungsoo-yah. You’re not gonna give it to anyone else.”
Jongin said nothing more after that and Kyungsoo was pretty sure his heart was already stolen.
***
It turned out that Soojung was Jongin’s high school friend.
Kyungsoo almost wailed to Jongin because he had paid cash for the five weeks stay. It also turned out that Jongin owned the night club that Soojung recommended him to-well, not him exactly, but his father. Jongin and his friends-including Zitao and his boyfriend, Jongdae (Ah, so that’s why the name is so familiar, Kyungsoo nodded to himself) always hang out at the place on Friday night-another reason why Soojung said it was going to be all right.
Jongin lived alone by himself. Kyungsoo didn’t know why, but if there was one thing he learned, was that university students tended to get out of their house and Jongin was probably categorized in this. ...or it was just because the place was closer to the university? He went into the kitchen to make some breakfast and his eyes widened in horror at the mess. Dirty plates and glasses were everywhere and Kyungsoo’s hands were itching from wanting to wash everything.
So he did.
Kyungsoo even spent some time to pop Jongin’s dirty clothes into the washing machine and folded the ones that had dried neatly. He understood that Jongin lived alone and he was a male, but this was outrageous! How could someone live with this mess for a long time? Kyungsoo wiped a fake tear off of his face and continued cleaning.
By the time he was done with everything, Jongin had come home with two packs of food. He seemed to have something to say but it vanished instantly when he saw Kyungsoo laid his head lifelessly on the table and panic rushed to him.
“Kyungsoo? Kyungsoo!”
Kyungsoo snapped out of his trance and abruptly lifted up his face. The former’s head would’ve hit his chin if Jongin’s reflex wasn’t awesome. “Wh-what?”
“God,” Jongin breathed as he ran a hand deliberately on Kyungsoo’s hair. “I thought you’re...nothing.”
Kyungsoo’s eyes were droopy. “Ah...you’re home...”
“I brought food. Have you eaten?”
“Food,” Kyungsoo’s face brightened like a child that had just received cotton candy. He stood up and willingly followed Jongin to the kitchen. “God, I’m so hungry. Cleaning this place tired me out.”
Jongin’s movement slowed down as he scanned the place and his jaw involuntarily dropped. The place indeed was clean. He was amazed at how many clean eating utensils that he had-Jongin had always thought he needed to buy more. “Wow. You did all this?”
“Yeah. I can’t stand the mess.”
“Well, it seems like I brought the right person home,” Jongin teased in amusement and he got a playful pinch on his waist as a reply. Both of them were stunned at that and Kyungsoo quickly pulled his hand away in embarrassment. Jongin cleared his throat to melt the tension. “Let’s eat.”
“Yes. Have a nice meal.”
“So,” Jongin started after his first chew. “It’s been two weeks since you stay here in Seoul?”
“How did you know?”
“I saw the markings on the calendar, in your motel room. You’re gonna fly back in three weeks?”
Kyungsoo stirred his chopsticks aimlessly in his plate. “Yeah,” he finally answered, because there was no use of him to lie. “I only have one month.”
“One month...?”
“Five weeks to be exact. I’m enjoying my freedom,” Kyungsoo simply said as he pushed a piece of shrimp into his mouth.
“You make it as if things are that bad.”
“It is bad,” Kyungsoo chuckled bitterly and he wished he didn’t have to talk about it. The image of the bastard he was going to marry appeared in his mind and for a second, he wanted to puke what he had just eaten. “...it is...really bad...”
Jongin decided to drop the subject. “I want to take you out tonight. Do you like coffee?”
“Coffee...? ...you have coffee in the cupboard.”
“Not that kind. This one is made with the best coffee beans and it is adorned with whipped cream and caramel,” Jongin explained enthusiastically, hoping Kyungsoo would be interested. “You’re gonna love it. We’re gonna have fun. Okay?”
Kyungsoo gave Jongin a small nod in defeat (because it seemed like he wouldn’t take no for an answer) and wondered how much longer the tanned male would make his heart speed like a race car.
***
Kyungsoo didn’t talk much during the trip to the coffee shop.
He didn’t feel comfortable with the seat belt pressing against his chest and stomach, but Jongin insisted for the sake of his safety. After minutes of silence, Jongin pulled over and Kyungsoo saw the said coffee shop across the street. Both of them clambered out of the car and Kyungsoo felt a hand was placed on his back, pushing him slightly to walk forward.
Jongin ordered both for himself and Kyungsoo and they waited patiently. Neither of them talked and Kyungsoo felt the butterflies burning in his stomach. He didn’t understand why or how, but instead of uneasiness, he realized it was a feeling of comfort that settled in him. Kyungsoo...felt somewhat safe beside Jongin. He had his eyes back and forth between the barista and the clerk who was taking order.
And then it happened.
Jongin turned to stare at him. Kyungsoo didn’t know how long had it been, but when he felt a pair of eyes were on him, he shifted. It was awkward and yet calming at the same time. Kyungsoo noticed the unreadable stare he got and absently scratched his nose because dammit why did Jongin stare at him and made him feel like he was in heaven. He heard a snicker and the next thing he knew, the blond male was patting his head.
Kyungsoo didn’t have enough time to show appropriate emotion because Jongin’s name had been called and the latter quickly responded by snatching their drinks with a soft ‘thank you’.
He surprisingly wished it would last a bit more.
And then they were back home with Jongin laughing into his phone, concentrating on shedding his shoes off before walking into the bedroom to change. Kyungsoo only stood there, his feet transfixed onto the carpeted floor, sipping the last of his mocha frapuccino-he was pretty sure he pronounced that right. Things were normal until Jongin’s phone rang on their way back and Kyungsoo kind of clenched his teeth because...well, just because.
Driving and texting weren’t safe, right?
Right.
Except the fact that Jongin wasn’t texting, duh. He was talking to someone and Kyungsoo felt he was being left out. Silly, of course, because it could’ve been a friend.
Or an ex boyfriend.
Kyungsoo was at the kitchen disposing the empty cup of coffee when Jongin called out his name. He answered in return but Jongin wasn’t in the living room, which meant he was... Kyungsoo gulped. ...in the bedroom.
“Kyungsoo,” Jongin called out once again and the said male almost had to drag his feet to the bedroom. He had his back on Kyungsoo when the latter appeared by the door. “Go change and sleep.” Jongin pointed to the bed and he followed his thumb. A pair of pajamas were folded neatly on the blanket-for him, obviously.
Kyungsoo cleared his throat. “Um... I’ll sleep on the couch tonight.”
Jongin closed the drawer with a hand and snorted as he turned around. “Don’t be silly. It’s just gonna hurt your back.”
“So-so does your back hurt now?”
Jongin blinked at the question and he slowly shook his head. “I’ll survive.”
“We can share,” Kyungsoo whispered although he was a bit too unsure. “The bed’s big enough for the both of us...please,” he hastily added when Jongin opened his mouth to reply. “It’s your place, and I’m supposed to be the one who sleep on the couch. So I’m asking you nicely to please...sleep-“ Jongin raised his brows in amusement and Kyungsoo wanted to kick himself. “-stay. Beside me. Until the morning.”
Or forever.
Suddenly, Kyungsoo realized that it was impossible. For him, forever wasn’t an option...
“...after you change, then.”
Jongin swept Kyungsoo’s bangs affectionately as he walked past him and closed the door. The latter felt like crying because Jongin was so sweet it hurt him for not being able to...wait, what was he thinking...? Kyungsoo quickly changed and let Jongin knew he was done. Jongin had just turned off the light in the living room and when he closed the bedroom door behind him, Kyungsoo’s heart was thumping loudly.
The beat was so deafening that he was afraid Jongin would be able to hear it.
Funny because they looked like newlyweds who had no idea of what to do on their first night and Kyungsoo wanted to laugh at his thoughts because really, this was not the time. In a few weeks, his freedom would be over.
His life would be over.
Jongin casually patted the empty spot beside him on the bed and Kyungsoo was pulled out of his thoughts. He nervously obeyed and both of them settled under the covers. Jongin shifted a few more times until he was content with his position and sighed. Kyungsoo swallowed thickly beside him with his eyes on the ceiling.
“Good night,” Jongin uttered softly and turned off the reading lamp by the nightstand.
“Good-“ Kyungsoo choked and instinctively reached for Jongin’s back. “T-turn it on.”
“Huh?”
“I-I can’t sleep with the lights off.”
Which was true.
There was a click sound and the room was lit up again. Kyungsoo was about to say thank you when Jongin turned off the light again and he shrieked.
“Jongin-“
“Why are you scared? I’m here beside you, all right?”
“B-but-“
The bed rustled and Kyungsoo didn’t really understand what was happening until he felt a pair of arms skittered on his, pulling him closer. His forehead was pressed against Jongin’s neck and Kyungsoo’s breath hitched, realizing what position they were in.
“It’s all right,” Jongin mumbled against his hair, his voice laced with sleepiness. “No need to be afraid. I’m right here.”
Kyungsoo let go of the breath he had been holding and leaned closer for protection.
God...
“Good night, Kyungsoo.”
He managed to fall asleep a few hours later.
***
Time flew quickly and without Kyungsoo realized, another week had passed and left him for only two weeks.
Jongin had taken him to a few places. He introduced him to a drink called Bubble Tea (“Sehun’s favorite,” Jongin explained. “It’s milk tea that runs in his veins and not blood.” Kyungsoo cackled at this). He took him to an Italian restaurant to let him have a taste of pasta. Jongin even brought him to the night club on Friday night, introducing Kyungsoo to his friends shamelessly with their fingers entwined together.
Slowly, but surely, Kyungsoo began to understand what he felt. He was starting to understand why his heart fluttered whenever Jongin caressed his hair. Why his breath became ragged whenever Jongin held his hand in the crowd. Why he felt protected even when Jongin let him took a small sip of his drink and his face was filled with genuine concern as Kyungsoo wrinkled his nose in distaste. (“You see why these drinks are bad? Because they make your cute face ugly.”)
But Kyungsoo was scared, that was for sure.
Jongin had given him so much attention and affection that Kyungsoo...
...wanted more.
Something foreign rushed through his entire body whenever Jongin was a bit too close. Whenever Jongin’s breath was on his face as they slept. Whenever Jongin’s shoulder brushed his in the slightest way possible. Kyungsoo selfishly wanted more, he wanted something that he couldn’t have.
Simply because he wasn’t available from the start.
When Kyungsoo was half naked with his pants and boxers were neglected on the floor, he gauged himself in the mirror because damn, Jongin’s oversize shirt looked good on him. He must have taken a lot of time to change because Jongin knocked at the door and walked in without waiting for a reply. Kyungsoo turned around in shock, hands flew to his chest by instinct-while he probably should have covered his southern part first. Jongin’s shirt hung low, covering and yet exposing Kyungsoo’s milky thighs at the same time.
Whatever it was that Jongin was about to say seemed to be swallowed back, because the male then took a step closer and closer and Kyungsoo found himself also taking a step back further and further, until both of them stumbled on the bed. Kyungsoo felt extremely weak and small at how Jongin hovered above him, the latter’s leg slid on the space between his thighs, and yet so gentle that it didn’t touch any of Kyungsoo’s skin.
“Kyungsoo.”
The way Jongin uttered his name drove Kyungsoo crazy and he did nothing but to welcome the warmth as Jongin leaned down to kiss him.
It was his first kiss and it was exactly how Kyungsoo thought it would be. He probably saw stars, fireworks, balloons as their lips molded together. A soft moan escaped Kyungsoo’s thin lips as Jongin ran his tongue inquisitively on his lips, wanting to taste more, wanting to know more and he parted his lips as a sign that he granted the request and Jongin didn’t waste the opportunity.
Kyungsoo almost bucked his hips in response when their tongues met. It was bad, because he felt needy, he felt helpless under the touch and Jongin’s hand on his wasn’t helping.
Jongin carefully slipped a hand underneath the shirt to touch Kyungsoo and he shuddered at how smooth the latter’s skin was. It wasn’t teasing, but merely a form of curiosity. Jongin didn’t know since when he had his eyes open to stare at Kyungsoo. They were so close that his vision became blurred, but Jongin couldn’t help it. Their lips were still locked. Jongin held his breath for a split second as he saw Kyungsoo’s unguarded face as his fingers ran on his ribs.
Pretty.
Kyungsoo let out a soft cry when Jongin detached his lips off of his and moved down. The tanned male carefully uncovered the fabric that had been covering Kyungsoo’s thigh and he peppered light kisses on the sensitive skin. Jongin loved the way Kyungsoo gasped as a reaction and his cracked voice on Jongin’s name.
His name.
Jongin slowly went back up to catch Kyungsoo’s lips, but this time he did it even gentler. He waited until Kyungsoo’s breath calmed down and stole another kiss before pressing their heads together. It was as if he was waiting. Jongin grabbed his hand and he kissed the inside of Kyungsoo’s wrist.
Kyungsoo felt his world stop spinning.
And then he gave him Jongin the permission.
“It’s for you,” Kyungsoo said shyly.
Jongin bloomed into a smile. His grip on Kyungsoo’s hand tightened and he claimed the latter’s exposed neck as he unbuttoned his shirt that was too big on Kyungsoo, before completely leaving him shirtless.
It is his.
***
Kyungsoo felt a horrible pain on his lower back when he woke up the next morning.
He winced and whimpered weakly as he tried to move. Realizing that he shouldn’t probably do anything yet, the male buried his head into the pillow and sighed. Kyungsoo placed a hand on his back, rubbing it slightly before noticing that he was alone.
Jongin was nowhere to be found.
Something tugged his heartstrings apart at the missing presence and Kyungsoo pulled the blanket up to cover his naked figure. Memories of their love making last night attacked him like a hurricane and his cheeks felt warm instantly. Kyungsoo helplessly pressed his hands on his face, trying to erase the (vulgar) images in his head.
But why should he, when it was a beautiful memory to hold on to...?
In a few weeks, he would marry the bastard (Kyungsoo had gotten used to the bad word). He probably wouldn’t be gentle like Jongin, but at least his first time was memorable. Kyungsoo slowly closed his eyes and tried to hold back the tears. He thought by giving it to Jongin, he would feel content afterward. He would feel enough. He would feel dirty enough.
But really, it just scared him even more.
All of a sudden, the thought of letting someone touched him-other than Jongin-terrified him. Kyungsoo sniffled sadly as he dug his nails deeper into his skin. For the first time in a few weeks, he didn’t want to marry the bastard. He didn’t want to sacrifice his life just for the sake of his parents. He deserved the right to be happy...didn’t he?
“Hey.”
Kyungsoo squeaked as his arms were pulled away from him, away from his marred skin. His eyes were filled with tears when he spotted Jongin sitting beside him, the tanned male’s hands gripping his wrists tightly. “J-Jongin...”
“Does it still hurt?” Jongin asked softly.
He deadpanned for a second because clearly Jongin mistook his action, but nevertheless his heart stutter badly at the affection he showed. Kyungsoo shook his head shyly. “Not really...”
Jongin then leaned closer to kiss him and he ignored Kyungsoo’s sharp intake of breath. Kyungsoo moaned in response because damn, he had morning breath and he waited until Jongin felt disgusted and pulled away, but it never came. Instead, Jongin tilted his head to a better angle and their kiss deepened, tongues meeting and licking and their teeth clashing. Kyungsoo was given the chance to finally breathe when Jongin pulled away slightly and he breathlessly touched the latter’s cheek.
“Jongin...?”
“I’m kissing the pain away,” Jongin lamely said. “Does it work?”
Kyungsoo burst out laughing.
***
The second time they did it, Kyungsoo wasn’t as tensed as the first time.
It was still awkward because he had no experience whatsoever, but it was Jongin and Jongin treated him gently like he was a fragile piece of glass. Kyungsoo still closed his eyes the whole time, not realizing that Jongin’s eyes were fixed on him every time he moaned, every time he parted his lips to cry out Jongin’s name, every time Kyungsoo’s fingers tightened on his shoulders-a sign that he was close to climax.
The third time it happened, Jongin told him to keep his eyes open. Which was very difficult for Kyungsoo at first because he almost couldn’t bring himself to meet Jongin’s eyes. Jongin’s firm words of ‘look at me’ and ‘think only of me’ brought tears to his face. Kyungsoo’s face was flushed with both embarrassment and happiness because Jongin made him feel loved.
Kyungsoo didn’t remember when it happened. But before he knew it, everything was perfect like they were dating and they were content with each other’s presence. Jongin treated him like a princess and Kyungsoo loved him deeply in return. Too deeply, in fact. It all happened naturally-their kisses, the sweet nothings Jongin whispered in his ear before sleep every single night, their linking fingers...
He was supposed to let go.
He wasn’t supposed to let himself get carried away.
He wasn’t supposed to love anyone...
Kyungsoo silently marked the calendar with a pen as he counted. Five days to go. Five more days to enjoy his freedom. Five days...to erase his feelings for Jongin. But it wasn’t as easy as flipping a hand and he knew it. Sooner or later, it must be done. His mother had called him again last night-fortunately when Jongin was in the bathroom-and he almost broke down at her tone. She sobbed that she was sorry, that they were sorry and Kyungsoo forgave her. He forgave his parents.
The sound of a closed door indicated that Jongin had come home and Kyungsoo slowly rose to his feet. He saw Jongin sagged on the couch and leaned his back tiredly against the cushion. Kyungsoo observed by the doorway before stepping closer to Jongin. The latter must have recognized his footsteps because he offered his hand without opening his eyes and Kyungsoo accepted it.
Their fingers curled together and Kyungsoo sat on Jongin’s lap before pressing their lips together.
It was a wonder how Jongin’s lips always tasted sweet. It was also a wonder how Kyungsoo had no hesitation to kiss Jongin. They continued to give each other fond kisses before Kyungsoo broke those to gasp for air, but Jongin didn’t let him go that far.
Then something unexpected happened.
“I love you,” Jongin murmured against Kyungsoo’s lips. “Marry me...?”
Kyungsoo froze. His whole body went numb at what Jongin had just said. He hastily pushed himself off of the other male and his face went pale.
“Wait, that’s not right,” Jongin scratched his head. “Let me ask in a proper way-“
“No.”
“...what?”
“No,” Kyungsoo answered sternly this time like it was the right thing to do, even though his heart was pierced by a thousand of needles. “I-I can’t.”
Jongin narrowed his eyes and he suddenly became wary. “Is this about you flying back in a few days? Because if you are, I can arrange-“
“I’m getting married once I get back,” Kyungsoo retorted heavily with his eyes closed. He could hear the thunder rumbling somewhere far away. Silence descended upon them and Kyungsoo only managed to crack his orbs open when he heard a thud.
Jongin had his fist on the table. “You’re joking, right?” His tone was dangerously low.
Kyungsoo swallowed the lump down his throat and shook his head weakly.
“Fuck,” Jongin seethed as he abruptly stood up. “You’re getting married when you get back??”
“Don’t yell at me,” Kyungsoo inadequately begged as he took a step backward.
“Then your wish to have sex-did it have something to do with not wanting him to have your first time???”
“Please, you’re scaring me,” Kyungsoo desperately pleaded. “Jongin-“
“Do you honestly think it’s that easy to get rid of me??”
“It’s the only way to pay the debt!” Kyungsoo cried in frustration and Jongin halted on his track. The thunder growled even louder and the sound of drops of water hitting the roof was audible. Kyungsoo immediately regretted saying it and clasped a hand over his mouth.
Jongin’s expression was unreadable and Kyungsoo couldn’t help but feeling judged under the stare.
“...what?”
“He threatened to kill my parents if I ever run away,” Kyungsoo choked sadly. “My-my parents have this debt...and that bastard...he said he would consider it paid if they give me to him. If I-if I agree to marry him, he would...leave my parents and the farm alone.” He looked up to Jongin, who still had a blank expression. “I’m poor, Jongin... The house and the farm are all my parents have. Without them, it’s...it’s nothing.”
Jongin directed his gaze to the carpeted floor and Kyungsoo felt broken.
“I’m sorry,” Kyungsoo whispered, feeling utterly devastated. “I’m sorry, Jongin-ah...”
Jongin thrusted deeper into Kyungsoo that night.
It was different than the nights before, maybe because there was a hint of fear and the reluctance to let go from both parties. Kyungsoo was being extremely vocal until his throat was sore, because there was no other name that he wanted to cry beside Jongin. Jongin took his time painfully slow, admiring Kyungsoo from every position they were in. Admiring Kyungsoo’s fair skin. Admiring how undeniably beautiful when Kyungsoo had his legs spread. Admiring those bruised lips that willingly gave up to be covered by his own.
Kyungsoo’s chest tightened at the simple and yet passionate gestures Jongin gave him. By the time both of them reached their climax, Kyungsoo realized that what they had wasn’t just exchanging bodily fluids.
They were exchanging their hearts.
The last thing he remembered was crying and holding on to Jongin deeply after they were done. Kyungsoo wished Jongin didn’t hate him and he wistfully told himself that repeatedly, that no, Jongin wouldn’t hate him. That they would probably work something out.
But as he jerked awake in the middle of the night and Jongin was nowhere to be found, Kyungsoo knew that it was over...
***
Kyungsoo went home earlier than expected.
He still had some money left and fortunately, the date on his ticket could be moved forward. They only added a few bucks for the penalty and Kyungsoo could still afford it.
The doe eyed male sent a long glance at the sky of Seoul, savoring his last moment in the capital city. He would never forget the place. He would never forget everything. He would never forget...Jongin. The male was the best thing that ever happened to him. Kyungsoo stifled a sob as he turned around and checked in at the international airport.
Kyungsoo never got the chance to say goodbye at Jongin.
He waited and waited that morning, but Jongin never got home. Kyungsoo didn’t blame him-it was his fault from the start. But there was nothing he could do about it, what was done was done. Besides, Kyungsoo didn’t even know what he was supposed to do. Everything that happened between him and Jongin was unpredictable. It wasn’t on his to do list.
His mother dropped her glass upon seeing her son by the doorway and his father turned pale. They dashed to his side to embrace him and Kyungsoo almost couldn’t breathe at the fact that he was being sandwiched. Funny how he didn’t feel so scared anymore. He would be lying if he wasn’t though, but it wasn’t that bad anymore.
A few days after that, Kyungsoo stared blankly at the mirror on his wedding day. He was clad in a cheap, rented tuxedo that was a size too big for him. Kyungsoo’s lips curved upward slightly at the memory where he wore Jongin’s clothes and it was also too big for him, but he liked it.
He liked everything about Jongin.
His parents refused to come with him to the church because they didn’t have the heart to see him off. Kyungsoo hugged them tightly, suppressing the tears that were threatening to spill over and told them that it was all right. He didn’t want to see them cry too.
So Kyungsoo headed straight to the said place. The ceremony was going to be held quietly due to his parents’ request and there wouldn’t be any guests. The thought of killing himself resurfaced as he paused by the entrance. His heart was heavy with doubts. But then Kyungsoo told himself that he needed to do it to save his family. He took a deep breath before encouraging himself to enter the place.
A young male clad in black clothes greeted him warmly. He was probably the priest. Kyungsoo didn’t really care.
“You are...?”
“Do Kyungsoo,” Kyungsoo answered nonchalantly.
“Ah, you’re the bride. Or the groom, I suppose. Come this way.”
The male led Kyungsoo to the altar and there was no one in the room-as expected. Kyungsoo scanned the place momentarily before staring blankly at the ground. He could hear the sound of his heart shattering.
This was it.
The last day of his freedom...
“Your groom will be here soon.”
“I don’t care,” Kyungsoo whispered. “Just let it be over soon.”
“You really don’t care?”
The familiar voice surprised Kyungsoo too much that the male almost cracked his neck for turning it so fast.
It was Jongin.
“J-Jongin-“
“Don’t ‘Jongin’ me,” Jongin clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Did you try to disappear from my life? You should know by now that it’s not a very wise thing to do.”
“B-but-“
“Besides,” Jongin firmly said as he grabbed Kyungsoo’s arm. “I’m not going to let go of someone who willingly gave his first time for me.”
Kyungsoo’s cheeks turned several shades deeper at how blunt Jongin had said those words. He gulped thickly before stammering. “B-but...the man I’m supposed to marry...”
“The only couple that’s getting married today here is Kim Jongin and Do Kyungsoo,” the young priest informed them with a grin. “That is, if you have the ring.”
“I have everything prepared.”
Jongin took a box out of his pocket and stared solemnly at Kyungsoo.
“I’m not joking about this.”
“B-but how...?”
“It doesn’t matter how. As long as you’re safe.” Jongin shook his head. "I told you I'm not gonna let you do it with someone else."
Kyungsoo’s black orbs with filled with emotions as he let Jongin pulled him closer. “I love you,” he cried those three words that had been occupying his chest for the past few weeks. “I love you, Jongin-ah...”
“I know,” Jongin murmured gratefully before pressing a soft kiss against his lips. “I’ve known it since the first time we met...”
End.
Junmyeon heard a loud knock on his door and paused.
It was raining hard, so it was probably just his imagination. But as Junmyeon resumed walking, he heard the firm knock on his door and someone was definitely outside. He pondered momentarily if he should wake Yifan up, but then he heard his brother’s voice faintly. Junmyeon hastily headed to the front door.
“Jongin-ah?”
Jongin was soaking wet and Junmyeon immediately dragged him inside. His brother had never visited him-not since he got married to Yifan. For some reason, Jongin disliked Yifan. Although he never said it out loud, but his attitude showed it all.
“I need your help,” Jongin said through his clenched teeth. Junmyeon was about to spin around to grab a towel for him, but Jongin stopped him from doing so. “Hyung, I need...your help.”
Junmyeon became worried. “What’s wrong...?”
“I need to borrow your money.”
“How-how much...?”
When Jongin mentioned the amount, Junmyeon’s eyes widened in disbelief. “What-what are you going to do with that much money...?”
“I’m gonna save a family,” Jongin replied and Junmyeon didn’t know how that was supposed to help him. “Actually...it would be easier if Yifan-hyung just fires one of his men-he’s the one who put this whole misery to the family, but I don’t want to ask for his help. So it would be better if I just borrow your money and I’ll pay it back as soon as I can.”
“One of Yifan’s men...? What do you mean...?”
“I’ve done my homework,” Jongin retorted. “So will you help me...?”
Junmyeon opened his mouth to say something, but he closed it back and narrowed his eyes at his younger brother. The male crossed his arms on his chest. “No.”
“Wh-why?”
“Go talk to Yifan about this. If what you’re saying is true, then it would be better if he just fires him.”
“You can tell him.”
“No, Jongin-ah,” Junmyeon stubbornly said. “You have to talk to Yifan or else you won’t be saving this so called family.”
Jongin growled angrily. “Fine. But only because I want him to be happy.”
Junmyeon’s eyes softened. “Who is he...?”
Jongin gave his brother a determined stare, one that he had never seen before.
“He’s the person I’ll grow old with, Hyung.”