Waiting for distance and buying some time

[visiongirl]

It was amazing the sort of things you could manage to hold inside when you were confronted with your past. Xander Harris. Boyfriend, former. Alot of time had passed since we'd last seen eachother but sometimes I looked at that reassuring smile and it felt like old times. It would never be like old times again though. Buffy, his hero, was gone.

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[_wes_pryce_]

She's worried about me? We can't have that. Although, I'm quite surprised she's worried about me. Perhaps I shouldn't be after our little talk upstairs, but I guess I've gotten used to the fact that no one worries about me. They didn't worry when I had my throat slit after all. They only knew where to find me when they needed help and then went back to pretending they didn't know me.

"I'm fine," I say, giving her a smile. Without thinking I reach out and pat her knee. It's such a normal gesture, I've done it so many times before to reassure her it just comes naturally. Only, things aren't normal anymore are they? It hurts that I feel uncomfortable around her now to do any of the things that seemed normal just before she went on her vacation with Groo. I keep the smile on my face, even if it hurts and slowly pull away my hand. Dropping it in my lap, I sigh and look at her.

"I'm quite experienced when it comes to spending hours with homicidal maniacs who are supernaturally strong," I quipped. And for some reason they feel the need to tie me up everytime, as if they can't take the puny little ex-watcher. Hah, pardon me for feel smug about that. It's not as though I've much to be smug about lately. "It'll be fine, Cordelia. It doesn't even hurt much anymore." Liar. I just don't want her to worry, she has enough to worry about.

"Any word on Faith yet?" Good one, change the subject. Keep her mind of what's going on. Right, asking about Faith really does that.

[visiongirl]

I had to press my lips into a thinner line when he told me he was fine. It was so beyond obvious that he was just telling me that. Trying to be strong for me and I didn't understand why. I'd betrayed him, we all had. Still, he was here with me and I wasn't sure I could keep it together without him. Hell, I wasn't sure I could keep it together period. Blinking back a few tears I tried hard to smile reassuringly as I looked up into his bruised face.

"Faith. Yeah, Xander brought her home a little while ago. Of course, she snuck upstairs before I got a good look at her. Xander said she needed to be alone, and that Angelus and Buffy got ahold of her." But she was alive, and that was good. As long as we had one alive slayer around here we still had a chance. A chance at....something. God, I didn't even know if Faith was ready to help the team yet or not. All I could do was trust her. And I hated having to trust Faith.

Swallowing over the lump in my throat, it got harder to keep the tears back and a small trail of water escaped my right eye even as I tried to blink it back.

"What are we going to do?" I asked, shaking my head and setting my jaw into a harder line. I wouldn't cry. Oh no siree, that wasn't my job. My job was to keep everyone together. I needed to keep morale up or else we didn't have a shot at winning this at all. The problem was? I wasn't sure there was anything left to win.

[_wes_pryce_]

Oh good, Faith is back. She's the only Slayer we've left and we'll need her. Wait a minute, Buffy and Angelus got a hold of her? Xander brought her home, well I guess all is well then. I'm sure the young man would've alerted us if there was any immediate danger. At least she didn't have to go to the hospital. Yes, that made me feel slightly better about my encounter with just Buffy. Damn Slayer healing. Entirely unfair.

I glanced over at Cordelia and raised an eyebrow. I know that look. It's the 'I'm not going to cry look'. She was trying very hard to keep it together, to make sure the others wouldn't loose hope. Which was our job I suppose. If we lost hope, then there would be no hope for either Buffy or Angel to get their soul back. My brow furrowed when I noticed a few tears escaping.

Looks like someone was loosing the battle to keep it together. I quickly glanced around to see if anyone else was nearby. Luckily we were alone though. I know Cordy would hate herself if anyone would see her cry. Clearing my throat, I dug my handkerchief out of my pocket and handed it over to her. Trying to look anywhere but at her. "Uhm...he-here." I've never really known how to handle crying women.

"We're going to do what we always do. We're going to win." There, simple as that. Only not really. "We'll get Buffy and Angel back and then Sunnydale will have its slayer and you all will have Angel back." To play the champion. Frowning, I duck my head to catch her eyes, reaching out unconsciously with my thumb to wipe away some tears.

"It may not look like it now, Cordy. But it'll be fine. We've been up against worse odds. And without Angel as well. We'll get them back."

[visiongirl]

Taking the handkerchief from him I gave him a hard look before balling it into my fist and looking down. God, I hated anyone having to see me like this. I felt so stupid! He was the one who got attacked by vicious vampires and I'm the one crying like a baby. Stupid. I was tougher than this, dammit.

I looked up again when his fingertips brushed away the tears that had spilled, and offered him a small shaky smile.

"I know." I answered him half-heartedly, because simple? Well, for once simple was better than honesty. Blunt Cordelia Chase, that was how I had always been. Just say exactly what was on my mind. And right now? My inner voice was screaming at me that all of us were doomed. Sure, Angel went off the deep end in the past and we had to cover his tracks. We managed without him. It wasn't easy, but we did it. But hello! Angel wasn't evil then just sort of...grey. Now? Now we didn't just have Angelus to contend with, but a slayer turned vampire on top of that.

To put it really super blunt? We were fucked.

"Thanks Wesley." Pressing my lips into a thin line again I looked up and met pale eyes. "For coming back...for helping me. You didn't have to, but you did anyway. It means alot."

[_wes_pryce_]

Obviously she's not happy about the fact that I've seen her crying, again. I don't know why, I've seen it before. After a vision, or after we'd been unable to save the one from the vision. Granted, the times I've seen her cry can be counted on one hand, and most certainly not lately. But I've seen it before. Apparently our relation ship changed so much she's ashamed that I've seen her cry. Odd how that hurts.

And I can tell she's not really buying me 'everything will be fine' speech. Well, it's not as if I believed that myself, but we still need to keep up hope. Oh who am I kidding, we're so buggered it's not even funny anymore. And yet here we are, we keep on fighting the good fight and all that crap. Hell, I even did it after they all dropped me like a bad habit. Apparently we don't know how to do anything else.

"What?" I look up startled, her voice tearing me away from my own thoughts. She's thanking me? "Of course I had to." Giving her a stiff smile, I pat her knee again awkwardly before snatching my hand away. "Just because I'm no longer on the team, doesn't mean I've turned my back the good fight and those who need help." Ouch, that came out wrong. "Err...I mean, you're welcome."