(no subject)
i sat in the bath today
watching the water fill up
and than go down the drain
completely dressed
i sat there completely dressed
holding my legs
just staring at the water which
filled to the top
and subsided
i tell myself it's okay to breathe now
it's okay to breathe
no one is watching you but me
you can breathe, Jean, you can breathe
so i let out the deepest sigh
i feeling my clothes begin to heavy
i put my head between my knees
silent powerless tears fell
i'm crawling out of the tub
my soaking wet clothes
make it nearly impossible
to get over the rim of the bath
but i do
and i curl up in a ball on the floor
and hold my head
like a pysc. ward patient
i begin to rock
as a way to comfort myself
as if i was alittle girl in her mothers arms
rock rock rock
it's time to change into dry stuff Jean
and go lay down
i walk like the dead into my room
i change
i sit outside my the porch
and i smoke my cig
my eyes are glazed over
i study the smoke rising through up and over my fingers
i do little smoke tricks
the people around me are smiling and laughing
every now and than they will
say things like
'are you okay?'
i look them in the eyes for a second or two
and than go back to the numbness
go to the computer
i have alot of e-mail
friends, myspace ads, my caseworker
and even my dad
without opening any of them
without reading any of them
i hit the delete all
and head to my room
i am at a new bottom
this is a SOBER bottom
who knew i could get sober?
who knew even when i did i would still be miserable?
luckily not all the time like it was
the good times last longer
but the last day, day and a half
i'm just not here
nope
i'm not here
watching the water fill up
and than go down the drain
completely dressed
i sat there completely dressed
holding my legs
just staring at the water which
filled to the top
and subsided
i tell myself it's okay to breathe now
it's okay to breathe
no one is watching you but me
you can breathe, Jean, you can breathe
so i let out the deepest sigh
i feeling my clothes begin to heavy
i put my head between my knees
silent powerless tears fell
i'm crawling out of the tub
my soaking wet clothes
make it nearly impossible
to get over the rim of the bath
but i do
and i curl up in a ball on the floor
and hold my head
like a pysc. ward patient
i begin to rock
as a way to comfort myself
as if i was alittle girl in her mothers arms
rock rock rock
it's time to change into dry stuff Jean
and go lay down
i walk like the dead into my room
i change
i sit outside my the porch
and i smoke my cig
my eyes are glazed over
i study the smoke rising through up and over my fingers
i do little smoke tricks
the people around me are smiling and laughing
every now and than they will
say things like
'are you okay?'
i look them in the eyes for a second or two
and than go back to the numbness
go to the computer
i have alot of e-mail
friends, myspace ads, my caseworker
and even my dad
without opening any of them
without reading any of them
i hit the delete all
and head to my room
i am at a new bottom
this is a SOBER bottom
who knew i could get sober?
who knew even when i did i would still be miserable?
luckily not all the time like it was
the good times last longer
but the last day, day and a half
i'm just not here
nope
i'm not here