(no subject)
Lost a kilo in a few days, now 42kg.
My urges to lose are so intense at the moment, its so difficult to fight.
but I have to keep going on with my recovery, I will not give in. I will get to 47kg and be healthy.
It may not make me happy, but I want health.
I want my periods back as not being able to have children is something that breaks my heart.
Plus I had to cancel my operation as Im now too thin again, which is so annoying as I have waited for a year for this operation.
But I feel so alone at the moment, and now I cant take comfort from my ed I just feel completely and utterly lost in my life.
I have friends, but right now I cant focus on recovery and keep a conversation going. all I can think about is food, my meal plan, my future weight, my future bmi, what i will look like, what people will think...
I want to see the numbers go down, I want to feel happy just for a few fleeting moments as I achieve something. I miss it, I feel so restless.
I want a day to pass when I havent shed a tear.
I feel so selfish for wanting all of this, I dont deserve it.
My urges to lose are so intense at the moment, its so difficult to fight.
but I have to keep going on with my recovery, I will not give in. I will get to 47kg and be healthy.
It may not make me happy, but I want health.
I want my periods back as not being able to have children is something that breaks my heart.
Plus I had to cancel my operation as Im now too thin again, which is so annoying as I have waited for a year for this operation.
But I feel so alone at the moment, and now I cant take comfort from my ed I just feel completely and utterly lost in my life.
I have friends, but right now I cant focus on recovery and keep a conversation going. all I can think about is food, my meal plan, my future weight, my future bmi, what i will look like, what people will think...
I want to see the numbers go down, I want to feel happy just for a few fleeting moments as I achieve something. I miss it, I feel so restless.
I want a day to pass when I havent shed a tear.
I feel so selfish for wanting all of this, I dont deserve it.