Love Me, Love Me Not.
Pairing: Junsu x Yoochun
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Length: Oneshot
Summary: Yoochun thought he was already safe on Junsu’s side. Maybe not.
Warning: Uhm... Cliffhanger? And this is unbeta-ed. There's probably tons of spelling and grammar mistake. Don't say I didn't warn you. (uhm, nina, if you read this, check your mail pretty please? Hahahahaha XD)
a/n: basically inspired by agatsuma soubi’s dialogue “Ritsuka, you won’t discard me, right? You won’t abandon me, right?” and Aoyagi Ritsuka’s answer to that “Did you bring me here to ask me this? It’s pointless. You don’t believe me.” Taken from loveless manga chapter 101 by Yun Kouga. You will deffinitely see that dialogue somewhere on this fics, but if you’re expecting a jun-chun version of loveless, this is not the one.
a/n2: One flashback episode of Yoochun past was kind of based on Jung Fox (LOOOL, who’s his real name, I forgot. But that’s how mookyeul call him, so I guess it’s okay.) past, from totally captivated manhwa.
* * * * *
It was raining, and yoochun was supposed to be seeking for shelter.
“are you thrown away?” he looks down to a shivering black cat on a carboard box. The eyes seem like it was telling him that it is indeed thrown away. “I am too.”
Instead of walking away, he picked up the shivering cat and hug it. Trying but did nothing much to shelter it from rain. “Are you cold, cat?” there is a soft merrow “I am too. At least we’re together.”
* * * * *
“Su, did you see kuu? I was going to bath him!” Yoochun said to a lone figure, sitting on a small sofa in a small rented apartment. “That cat just never learn! He would ended up getting a bath anyway.”
“He’s here.” Junsu said while picking up the black cat at the nape, one hand still busy with the book he’s reading.
“Hey!” The cat let out a loud merrow before struggling out of Junsu’s grip and run into a nearest cupboard to hide. “Sorry about that su. He’s naughty.”
The smaller man didn’t answer, instead focusing on his book.
It’s been a year since they started to live together, but Yoochun feels like he could never understand the smaller man mind. He rarely laugh and talk. Always acted cold towards the world. Is that mean Yoochun is special then? Small smirks appear on the taller man lips.
-------------------------------------------------------
Yoochun almost passed out, risking himself to a pneumonia when something shaded him from the rain. He looked up to a small face and soft looking brown hair.
“Thrown away? Are you really up for a grab?”
Yoochun got no idea about what the other man was talking about until he remembers what is written on the cat’s cardboard box. ‘I got nowhere to go. Pick me up.’
Yoochun’s mouth was opened, trying to answer but nothings coming out from his mouth. So instead of talking, he nodded his head shakily.
“Come then.”
And then there’s an open hand in front of him.
---------------------------------------------------------
“What are you reading?” He said while dropping himself on the sofa. Positioning his head on Junsu’s lap, peeking his small face from the small gap between the book and Junsu’s chest. Forgetting about bathing his cat. “Why don’t we go out? Think we could grab something to eat?”
“We already did.” Junsu said while flipping pages on his book.
“That was weeks ago” Yoochun whined. He suddenly snapped and hurriedly sitting up. Knocking Junsu’s book on the proccess. “I know it! You don’t want to eat out cause you’re paying everything for me right?”
Junsu calmly picked up his fallen book and searched for the page he was reading before the book was knocked over “Not really.”
“Look, I’m gonna look for a job. So we could eat out as often as I want.”
“No need.” Junsu put a bookmark on his book, and then stand up before dissapearing to his bedroom.
“Su?” Yoochun asked carefully while walking to Junsu’s bedroom. The smaller man was picking up his wallet before once again dissapearing from Yoochun’s sight. Now to the front door of their apartment.
“Junsu, where are you going?” Yoochun asked with a panicked voice. “Is it about me wanting to work? I won’t if you don’t want me to. Don’t go.” He hold Junsu’s hand when he catch up with the said man.
A hand softly rubbing his head. Ruffling his unruly locks. “Say, black bean noodle?”
Yoochun beamed at the question, his panicked state completely forgotten along with a loud “YES!”
* * * * *
“Ah! Junsu’s!” Yoochun yelled when Junsu’s handkerchief fly off of the laundry hanger. He quickly tried to catch it before it falls off of the veranda. “No!” He yelled when he failed to catch it.
------------------------------------------------------------
*smack*
*smack*
“Bad boy! Because you can’t do anything right!” Small hands with long nails beating up a small and frail body. “I said wash it good! My jeans still got it’s soy sauce stain!”
*smack*
*smack*
--------------------------------------------------------------
“Hush.” Yoochun was already a crying mess on Junsu’s arms when he finally come to his sense. “You are hyperventilating.” Junsu said “stop crying and start trying to breath slowly.”
“can’t” he said while gasping for breath. “if breathing was hard, why don’t you just stop breathing!!”
Soft hand grasping for his face. The hand was cold against his tear stained cheek. There was something. It was talking to him. “Yoochun. Stop crying. I’m here.”
“I am here.” He whispered before leaving a small trail of kisses, from Yoochun’s eyelid to the side of his lips. All the while rubbing soothing circles on the other hand.
“I am here”
* * * * *
“Su, where are you going?” Yoochun said from the bed. He caught a cold yesterday, thanks to the combination of inconsistent weather and his already weak body.
“I’m just going to bring you food.” The man said while caressing the feverish cheek.
“You really aren’t going to leave me, right?”
It was due to his weakened state, but Yoochun feels as if his past are all coming back to him. Everbody leave him. They never willingly coming to him anyway. Every soft smile and soft touch from Junsu makes his worry grow even more.
“I’m not.”
“For real?”
“I’m..” “He said he wasn’t going to go anywhere. Or do you want him to?” A crisp voice cut Junsu’s off. There’s a tall man. Taller than Yoochun, standing on the door of Yoochun’s bedroom.
“Changmin?”
* * * **
“He is sick.” The man was sitting on Junsu’s bed. All the while, eyes are on the closed door of Yoochun’s room.
“That is why he’s sleeping now.” Junsu answered the other man while typing furiously on his laptop. His manuscript was due tomorrow. It is a race against the time.
“He is. But that’s not what I mean.” Changmin finally divert his eyes to Junsu. Eyeing the smaller man with distaste. “He’s sick. On the head.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Well, that’s the only explanation I got for his behavior. He’s much too dependant on you.”
The typing stop. Junsu rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing a little. “I told him to.”
“Yeah, well, you saying ‘this is your home too, do everything you want to do here. You don’t have to work, i’ll cover for both of us.’ as aking to be dependant, I agree too. But that doesn’t mean he got to watch your every move and be afraid of it. There must be something wrong with him.”
“Nothing is wrong with Yoochun. It’s just his past.”
“Well does that mean he thought that you’re the same person with the people on his past then?”
“I don’t know.” Junsu started typing again. Ignoring Changmin sarcastic ‘humph’.
Changmin stand up to walk behind Junsu. He bow down and put his arms on Junsu’s shoulder. Hugging the small shoulder and putting his head on top of the older man head. “I know you love small animals. But he’s grown so big now.”
Junsu is still typing like there’s nothing latching on his head. “What are you implying?”
“I’m just saying that the hamster you picked up long ago, is now a big mutt. Think he could live fine on his own?”
“Su?” A soft whisper sounded from the door. Puffy eyes Yoochun was trembling at the words coming out from Changmin.
“Oh. Wake up already?” Changmin let go of Junsu. Walking up to Yoochun direction, not realizing the way the older man tremble as he walk closer. “Time to go then.” He picked up his jacket from the couch and walk to the front door. “I’ll come pick your manuscript tomorrow, hyung. Don’t be late. You’re never late before.” He said, before he finally walk away.
“Why are you out of your bed?” Junsu typed for a little bit more before he closed down his laptop and walk to Yoochun. “Are you hungry?”
“Why is Changmin here?” Yoochun asked while being pushed to the kitchen. He was more curious than hungry.
“He’s checking up on my progress.” There’s a rattling sound “Porridge or soup?”
“Ramyun?”
“Chicken soup then.”
The other man was pouting. “He’s not supposed to be here.”
“Well, he must. He’s my editor.” Junsu answered while chopping his chicken. He wasn’t such a maestro at cooking, but at least it was decent.
“Why can’t you just send it to him? I don’t like him!”
“Yoochun.” It was a scold. Junsu was scolding Yoochun in his usual calm manner. He was asking Yoochun to understand that it wasn’t how Junsu want him to act.
A pair of warm-almost too warm arms sneaking on Junsu’s waist. Face snuggling at the back of Junsu’s brown locks. “I’m sorry Su. Are you angry? I’m sorry. I’m not going to talk like that again.”
“Stop saying sorry for everything.” The older man turn his body, he’s now facing the younger man face. One hand cupping a warm cheek, the other holding a steamy ladle. “I’m not going anywhere.” A soft kiss to his forehead was all that Yoochun got before Junsu turned to his back again. Taking care of the soup he cook.
Merrrooww~ a soft merrow was heard from his foot. Kuu was dragging his food bowl. “Are you hungry too?” Yoochun said while picking up the black cat. “I am too. At least we are together.”
* * * * *
The last few days was not like usual. Yoochun was a little bit too gloomy compared to the usual days. He was still cooking and cleaning, but he took less time to talk to Junsu.
“I said, let’s gather some data for your upcoming book. Japan sounds good.” It was because Changmin is coming over. Everyday for the last few days. It was always like this everytime Junsu’s going to start a new books. And he was fine with it. But the conversation about a data gathering trip that coming through his ear is bothering him. He took his time eavesdropping on the while pretending to mop the floor.
“There’s internet.”
“It’s not good enough! You got to know every nook and cranny of the city.”
“Changmin, Ginza only appeared there for a few chapter. Not the whole books.”
“Well, you gotta make it realistic! What’s the problem with a two days trip anyway? Is it about Yoochun? You can’t leave that mutt behind?”
“That’s not it. And stop calling him mutt.”
“You know what, let me talk to him.”
There’s a thumping sound that grow closer to where Yoochun moping the floor. Changmin was walking to him with a gritted teeth. Yoochun didn’t like it at all. “Tell Junsu that he could go for the bussiness trip.”
“Pardon me?”
“He won’t go because he thought he can’t leave you alone. But it’s just a one night trip, so tell him he could go.”
“Changmin!” Junsu was walking out to Changmin, gripping the taller man arm and tried to take him away from Yoochun. “Yoochun, go to your room.”
“Let.Me.Go. Junsu, I wasn’t going to do anything to him. I was just asking him to do me a favor.”
“Yoochun. Your room.” Junsu said once again, with a more stern voice.
Yoochun was going to do just that and hide behind the safeness of his room. But his thumping heart won’t let him do so. “You...” The bickering heads turned to look at him. “You can go.” His chest feels even more thight after that. It was wrong to let Junsu go just like that. “I’m... I’ll be fine.”
Junsu warm hands cupped his cheek. “What do you mean you’ll be fine? You’re hyperventilating.” Strong arms picked Yoochun up and bring him to his room. “We’ll talk about this later, Changmin.”
“Fine!” The younger man said before stomping off the apartment.
* * * * *
“I said I’ll be fine.” Yoochun said to Junsu. The man doesn’t look all that convinced after the bout of hyperventilating that Yoochun got.
“I gotta bring you to the doctor next time.”
“Su, is that for real? You can’t go cause you don’t want to leave me alone?”
The older man shrugged, “I told you I’m not going to leave you.”
Yoochun hung his head low. Feeling guilty yet very content at the fact that Junsu actually care for him. “I’m sorry that I’m such a burden.”
“Stop saying sorry,” Lean finger touch his chin and bring his face to face Junsu’s. “It was not an important trip. Changmin was just trying to made me go to a holiday.”
“You need a holiday?”
“Not really. My work is not all that stressfull.” Junsu stand up and walk away from the room. Leaving Yoochun to think by himself. After a while, the younger man comes to an idea, and run out to search for Junsu.
“Su! Su!” He found Junsu on the kitchen, pouring some milk for Kuu. “What?” the older man answer with an unchanging face.
“Let’s go! Let’s go!” He said with excitement.
“Where to?”
“Jeonlla-do!”
* * * * *
“Oh wow, crow!” Yoochun shout while running around near the beach. The sun almost set when they finally arrived at the beach.
It was supposed to be a sudden trip, but both of them know why they are actually there.
--------------------------------------------------------
“My... mom and dad are... nice. I guess.”
“hmm..” Yoochun was having another bout of nightmare before he finally seetled in to sleep with Junsu for the night.
“I didn’t dream of them. They are not my nightmare.”
“Who then?” Junsu asked while patting Yoochun’s hip. Seemingly tried to make the younger man calm enough to falls asleep after his nightmare.
“They’re... mom and dad. But the other mom and dad. And some sisters and brothers. But they’re not my brother.” Yoochun’s real family died in a car accident while they’re on a road trip to Jeonlla-do. He was the only one safe.
“Have you paid a visit to them?”
“Who?”
“Your nice mom and dad.”
“I... I’m not good with cemetry.”
“Let’s go together next time. Introduce me to them. Allright?”
------------------------------------------------------------
“Yoochun.” He called out to the hyperactive man. “Get going.”
The other man suddenly stand still and stopped his attempt to catch the flying crow.
“I... What if they didn’t like me coming?”
Junsu walks to him and grabbed Yoochun’s hand, dragging him to their car “Whatever they think about your visit, you won’t hear it. So that doesn’t matter.”
“They’ll come to my dream!” The younger guy complained while having his seatbelt buckled by Junsu.
“But they never come before.”
“Well, they’ll come now! They’re going to ask me why I’m not dead with them!”
“Yoochun.” A stern voice calling his name effectively shutting him up. Both of them know it was just the reason yoochun made up cause he’s afraid to confront his old nightmare from having his whole family leaving him. All the things he’s been through making him afraid of leaving and being left out.
“I got it. I’m sorry.”
* * * * *
Junsu clapped his hand together and pray in front of a small family grave. There was nothing there. No flowers, no incense. It really is just a grave stone. With the name of three people written on it. Yoochunwas standing a few feet away.
“Aren’t you going to pray?”
“I did.”
“Years ago doesn’t count.”
Yoochun pouted and half heartedly walking to the grave. But he didn’t pray. “This is Junsu.” He said to the grave “I am now living with him.”
“Hmm...”
“Don’t take him away from me, please. I promise I’ll be good.” Yoochun said.
“Yoochun?”
“You’re not going to leave me alone, aren’t you?” Yoochun gripped Junsu’s arms while pleading “You won’t abandon me, right? Junsu?”
“Everybody left me. They don’t want me. But you’re not going to be like them right?”
“Did you bring me to go here to ask me this? How many times did I said I’ll never leave you alone?” Junsu removed Yoochun’s hands from his arms and went to hug him instead and whisper on his ear “If you didn’t believe me then, then it would be pointless to say it again. You won’t believe me anyway.”
“Let’s go home.”
* * * * *
“What?” Yoochun was in the middle of grooming Kuu when Junsu emerge from his room.
“I’m going to a publisher party tonight.”
“When... when will you coming home?”
“I think I’ll come home late. It usually dragged on till morning. Probably around 2.”
“Uhmm...” Yoochun walk lifelessly to the kitchen, preparing and afternoon snacks and tea. “But you’re coming home, right?”
“Of course.” Junsu sit down on the pantry, accepting the tea that Yoochun made for him.
Merroww~ Junsu picked up the black cat who’s scratching softly to his jeans clad legs. “That’s not your scratch post.” He scratch the back of the cat’s ear softly. Making the cat letting out a soft purring sound.
“Pet me too?” yoochun asked after serving a plate of lady fingers* to Junsu.
Warm hand stroke his head, ruffling Yoochun’s dark locks. “I am going to go home. I promise.”
“Hmmm...”
But a promise is just a promised on Yoochun’s world.
* * * * *
It was past one in the morning. Yoochun can’t bring himself to sleep while Junsu’s not at home, so he decided to wait for the later to come home before trying to get some sleep.
Merroowww~ Kuu was purring softly on his lap. “Kuu~ Junsu is not home yeeee~t.” He stroke the cat’s head softly “Junsuuuuu~~”
The silent atmosphere was gone when the phone rings. “Junsu!” Yoochun bolt out of he couch to pick it up. Unconciously dropping Kuu, making the cat landed on his paw on the floor while making a seemingly irritated purr.
“Hello?”
“This isn’t Junsu.” It was a highly familiar sound, but it’s not Junsu.
“Changmin?”
There’s a soft sigh, and soft bustling sounds could be heard through the receiver. “There was a little accident on the party.” Another sigh “Don’t get into your panic state, allright. Junsu is okay. He just got a little burn on his arms. He told me to call you, cause it seems like we’re gonna be back even later.”
There’s a distinct sound of Changmin explaining things to him. But all the words after accident was a blur to him. He consciously understand that he started to get hyperventilated. He gripped the phone receiver strongly, willing himself to calm down, but failed.
He dropped down and squatting on the floor. Letting go of the phone receiver, and now gripping tightly to his chest. It was getting harder by the minute. What should he do to stop his chest from hurting? “Junsu. Junsu. Junsu.” He chanted. Cause with every repetition of the name, it’s easier for him to breathe.
Mewwwrroww~ Kuu was scratching lightly at his foot. The cat seemed to be worry for it’s master. But the later don’t answer. Yoochun was instead started to lie down on the carpeted floor. Finding the coolness of the carpet soothing.
Junsu is going to come home. He’s going to. He thought to himself before he finally lost conciousness.
* * * * *
“Mama, where are we going?”
“We’re going to play! You never go outside, right chunnie?”
Yoochun was really happy that day. His step mother was never good enough to play with him, let alone bringing him outside. He was beaming, until he saw where their car headed to.
“Mama, where is this?” He asked, when they finally got off in the middle of a crowded treeses. “We’re not going to play?”
“We are! But I forgot to bring the food for us. Yoochun, would you be a good boy and wait at the house?”
There’s a small house, seems to be a hunting camp that is abandoned. It was small and there was nothing on it. But Yoochun was too happy that he was going to play with his mother, that he decided to shoved everything aside. “Okay mama. Where is hyung and noona? Aren’t they going to play with us?”
“They’re not. It’s just the two of us.” His mother shoved him hurriedly to the camp house. “Wait here till mommy come back, okay?”
“Allright mama.”
His smile faded a little when his mother closed the door, and there’s a distinct click sound of the door being locked. “Mama? Why are you locking the door?” He knocked on the door softly.
“Shut up! Just wait there!” It was no longer the sunny voice of his mother. It was rough as usual.
“Mama? Mama!” He screamed when he heard the engine of the car started. “Mama! Bring me too! Mama!!”
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Yoochun woke up to a ceiling he couldn’t recognize and something that seems like an oxygen mask. He was trying to find out where he is when he heard familiar voices talking near him.
“I didn’t say anything weird through the phone, I swear.”
“Of course.” A soothing hand rubbing on his tingling hand. “hey.” Junsu seem like he finally realized that Yoochun is awake. “how are you doing?”
“Uhm...” He was trying to answer, but the oxygen coming from the mask was too strong he got light headed instead.
Junsu lifted up the mask, trying to figure out what the other man was trying to say to him.
“Su...”
“Hey. I thought I was the one on an accident, but I’m coming home to a fainting you.”
“I’m sorry”
Yoochun felt warm hand on his head, ruffling his hair. “What are you so afraid of? Didn’t Changmin call to tell you that I’m fine?”
“Uhhm, sorry.” He leaned in to the hand that is now caressing his cheek.
There’s a soft sigh coming from Changmin. “I’m gonna look for the doctor” He said before walking out of the room.
“I’m back.” Junsu whispered softly on Yoochun’s ear.
“Welcome back, Junsu.”
* * * * *
The end! Awwwww... Uhmmm, well, yeah. I guess I'm back. With just one story though. Just got this sudden urge to write this after I re-read loveless from chapter 100 onward. It's kind of messy and unfinished, yes? I'm gomen ;____; Anyway, don't. I repeat, DO NOT expecting for a sequel. I may or may not write it. Could be a month or even a year later. So don't waste your hope on me. Hahahaha
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG-13
Length: Oneshot
Summary: Yoochun thought he was already safe on Junsu’s side. Maybe not.
Warning: Uhm... Cliffhanger? And this is unbeta-ed. There's probably tons of spelling and grammar mistake. Don't say I didn't warn you. (uhm, nina, if you read this, check your mail pretty please? Hahahahaha XD)
a/n: basically inspired by agatsuma soubi’s dialogue “Ritsuka, you won’t discard me, right? You won’t abandon me, right?” and Aoyagi Ritsuka’s answer to that “Did you bring me here to ask me this? It’s pointless. You don’t believe me.” Taken from loveless manga chapter 101 by Yun Kouga. You will deffinitely see that dialogue somewhere on this fics, but if you’re expecting a jun-chun version of loveless, this is not the one.
a/n2: One flashback episode of Yoochun past was kind of based on Jung Fox (LOOOL, who’s his real name, I forgot. But that’s how mookyeul call him, so I guess it’s okay.) past, from totally captivated manhwa.
* * * * *
It was raining, and yoochun was supposed to be seeking for shelter.
“are you thrown away?” he looks down to a shivering black cat on a carboard box. The eyes seem like it was telling him that it is indeed thrown away. “I am too.”
Instead of walking away, he picked up the shivering cat and hug it. Trying but did nothing much to shelter it from rain. “Are you cold, cat?” there is a soft merrow “I am too. At least we’re together.”
* * * * *
“Su, did you see kuu? I was going to bath him!” Yoochun said to a lone figure, sitting on a small sofa in a small rented apartment. “That cat just never learn! He would ended up getting a bath anyway.”
“He’s here.” Junsu said while picking up the black cat at the nape, one hand still busy with the book he’s reading.
“Hey!” The cat let out a loud merrow before struggling out of Junsu’s grip and run into a nearest cupboard to hide. “Sorry about that su. He’s naughty.”
The smaller man didn’t answer, instead focusing on his book.
It’s been a year since they started to live together, but Yoochun feels like he could never understand the smaller man mind. He rarely laugh and talk. Always acted cold towards the world. Is that mean Yoochun is special then? Small smirks appear on the taller man lips.
-------------------------------------------------------
Yoochun almost passed out, risking himself to a pneumonia when something shaded him from the rain. He looked up to a small face and soft looking brown hair.
“Thrown away? Are you really up for a grab?”
Yoochun got no idea about what the other man was talking about until he remembers what is written on the cat’s cardboard box. ‘I got nowhere to go. Pick me up.’
Yoochun’s mouth was opened, trying to answer but nothings coming out from his mouth. So instead of talking, he nodded his head shakily.
“Come then.”
And then there’s an open hand in front of him.
---------------------------------------------------------
“What are you reading?” He said while dropping himself on the sofa. Positioning his head on Junsu’s lap, peeking his small face from the small gap between the book and Junsu’s chest. Forgetting about bathing his cat. “Why don’t we go out? Think we could grab something to eat?”
“We already did.” Junsu said while flipping pages on his book.
“That was weeks ago” Yoochun whined. He suddenly snapped and hurriedly sitting up. Knocking Junsu’s book on the proccess. “I know it! You don’t want to eat out cause you’re paying everything for me right?”
Junsu calmly picked up his fallen book and searched for the page he was reading before the book was knocked over “Not really.”
“Look, I’m gonna look for a job. So we could eat out as often as I want.”
“No need.” Junsu put a bookmark on his book, and then stand up before dissapearing to his bedroom.
“Su?” Yoochun asked carefully while walking to Junsu’s bedroom. The smaller man was picking up his wallet before once again dissapearing from Yoochun’s sight. Now to the front door of their apartment.
“Junsu, where are you going?” Yoochun asked with a panicked voice. “Is it about me wanting to work? I won’t if you don’t want me to. Don’t go.” He hold Junsu’s hand when he catch up with the said man.
A hand softly rubbing his head. Ruffling his unruly locks. “Say, black bean noodle?”
Yoochun beamed at the question, his panicked state completely forgotten along with a loud “YES!”
* * * * *
“Ah! Junsu’s!” Yoochun yelled when Junsu’s handkerchief fly off of the laundry hanger. He quickly tried to catch it before it falls off of the veranda. “No!” He yelled when he failed to catch it.
------------------------------------------------------------
*smack*
*smack*
“Bad boy! Because you can’t do anything right!” Small hands with long nails beating up a small and frail body. “I said wash it good! My jeans still got it’s soy sauce stain!”
*smack*
*smack*
--------------------------------------------------------------
“Hush.” Yoochun was already a crying mess on Junsu’s arms when he finally come to his sense. “You are hyperventilating.” Junsu said “stop crying and start trying to breath slowly.”
“can’t” he said while gasping for breath. “if breathing was hard, why don’t you just stop breathing!!”
Soft hand grasping for his face. The hand was cold against his tear stained cheek. There was something. It was talking to him. “Yoochun. Stop crying. I’m here.”
“I am here.” He whispered before leaving a small trail of kisses, from Yoochun’s eyelid to the side of his lips. All the while rubbing soothing circles on the other hand.
“I am here”
* * * * *
“Su, where are you going?” Yoochun said from the bed. He caught a cold yesterday, thanks to the combination of inconsistent weather and his already weak body.
“I’m just going to bring you food.” The man said while caressing the feverish cheek.
“You really aren’t going to leave me, right?”
It was due to his weakened state, but Yoochun feels as if his past are all coming back to him. Everbody leave him. They never willingly coming to him anyway. Every soft smile and soft touch from Junsu makes his worry grow even more.
“I’m not.”
“For real?”
“I’m..” “He said he wasn’t going to go anywhere. Or do you want him to?” A crisp voice cut Junsu’s off. There’s a tall man. Taller than Yoochun, standing on the door of Yoochun’s bedroom.
“Changmin?”
* * * **
“He is sick.” The man was sitting on Junsu’s bed. All the while, eyes are on the closed door of Yoochun’s room.
“That is why he’s sleeping now.” Junsu answered the other man while typing furiously on his laptop. His manuscript was due tomorrow. It is a race against the time.
“He is. But that’s not what I mean.” Changmin finally divert his eyes to Junsu. Eyeing the smaller man with distaste. “He’s sick. On the head.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Well, that’s the only explanation I got for his behavior. He’s much too dependant on you.”
The typing stop. Junsu rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing a little. “I told him to.”
“Yeah, well, you saying ‘this is your home too, do everything you want to do here. You don’t have to work, i’ll cover for both of us.’ as aking to be dependant, I agree too. But that doesn’t mean he got to watch your every move and be afraid of it. There must be something wrong with him.”
“Nothing is wrong with Yoochun. It’s just his past.”
“Well does that mean he thought that you’re the same person with the people on his past then?”
“I don’t know.” Junsu started typing again. Ignoring Changmin sarcastic ‘humph’.
Changmin stand up to walk behind Junsu. He bow down and put his arms on Junsu’s shoulder. Hugging the small shoulder and putting his head on top of the older man head. “I know you love small animals. But he’s grown so big now.”
Junsu is still typing like there’s nothing latching on his head. “What are you implying?”
“I’m just saying that the hamster you picked up long ago, is now a big mutt. Think he could live fine on his own?”
“Su?” A soft whisper sounded from the door. Puffy eyes Yoochun was trembling at the words coming out from Changmin.
“Oh. Wake up already?” Changmin let go of Junsu. Walking up to Yoochun direction, not realizing the way the older man tremble as he walk closer. “Time to go then.” He picked up his jacket from the couch and walk to the front door. “I’ll come pick your manuscript tomorrow, hyung. Don’t be late. You’re never late before.” He said, before he finally walk away.
“Why are you out of your bed?” Junsu typed for a little bit more before he closed down his laptop and walk to Yoochun. “Are you hungry?”
“Why is Changmin here?” Yoochun asked while being pushed to the kitchen. He was more curious than hungry.
“He’s checking up on my progress.” There’s a rattling sound “Porridge or soup?”
“Ramyun?”
“Chicken soup then.”
The other man was pouting. “He’s not supposed to be here.”
“Well, he must. He’s my editor.” Junsu answered while chopping his chicken. He wasn’t such a maestro at cooking, but at least it was decent.
“Why can’t you just send it to him? I don’t like him!”
“Yoochun.” It was a scold. Junsu was scolding Yoochun in his usual calm manner. He was asking Yoochun to understand that it wasn’t how Junsu want him to act.
A pair of warm-almost too warm arms sneaking on Junsu’s waist. Face snuggling at the back of Junsu’s brown locks. “I’m sorry Su. Are you angry? I’m sorry. I’m not going to talk like that again.”
“Stop saying sorry for everything.” The older man turn his body, he’s now facing the younger man face. One hand cupping a warm cheek, the other holding a steamy ladle. “I’m not going anywhere.” A soft kiss to his forehead was all that Yoochun got before Junsu turned to his back again. Taking care of the soup he cook.
Merrrooww~ a soft merrow was heard from his foot. Kuu was dragging his food bowl. “Are you hungry too?” Yoochun said while picking up the black cat. “I am too. At least we are together.”
* * * * *
The last few days was not like usual. Yoochun was a little bit too gloomy compared to the usual days. He was still cooking and cleaning, but he took less time to talk to Junsu.
“I said, let’s gather some data for your upcoming book. Japan sounds good.” It was because Changmin is coming over. Everyday for the last few days. It was always like this everytime Junsu’s going to start a new books. And he was fine with it. But the conversation about a data gathering trip that coming through his ear is bothering him. He took his time eavesdropping on the while pretending to mop the floor.
“There’s internet.”
“It’s not good enough! You got to know every nook and cranny of the city.”
“Changmin, Ginza only appeared there for a few chapter. Not the whole books.”
“Well, you gotta make it realistic! What’s the problem with a two days trip anyway? Is it about Yoochun? You can’t leave that mutt behind?”
“That’s not it. And stop calling him mutt.”
“You know what, let me talk to him.”
There’s a thumping sound that grow closer to where Yoochun moping the floor. Changmin was walking to him with a gritted teeth. Yoochun didn’t like it at all. “Tell Junsu that he could go for the bussiness trip.”
“Pardon me?”
“He won’t go because he thought he can’t leave you alone. But it’s just a one night trip, so tell him he could go.”
“Changmin!” Junsu was walking out to Changmin, gripping the taller man arm and tried to take him away from Yoochun. “Yoochun, go to your room.”
“Let.Me.Go. Junsu, I wasn’t going to do anything to him. I was just asking him to do me a favor.”
“Yoochun. Your room.” Junsu said once again, with a more stern voice.
Yoochun was going to do just that and hide behind the safeness of his room. But his thumping heart won’t let him do so. “You...” The bickering heads turned to look at him. “You can go.” His chest feels even more thight after that. It was wrong to let Junsu go just like that. “I’m... I’ll be fine.”
Junsu warm hands cupped his cheek. “What do you mean you’ll be fine? You’re hyperventilating.” Strong arms picked Yoochun up and bring him to his room. “We’ll talk about this later, Changmin.”
“Fine!” The younger man said before stomping off the apartment.
* * * * *
“I said I’ll be fine.” Yoochun said to Junsu. The man doesn’t look all that convinced after the bout of hyperventilating that Yoochun got.
“I gotta bring you to the doctor next time.”
“Su, is that for real? You can’t go cause you don’t want to leave me alone?”
The older man shrugged, “I told you I’m not going to leave you.”
Yoochun hung his head low. Feeling guilty yet very content at the fact that Junsu actually care for him. “I’m sorry that I’m such a burden.”
“Stop saying sorry,” Lean finger touch his chin and bring his face to face Junsu’s. “It was not an important trip. Changmin was just trying to made me go to a holiday.”
“You need a holiday?”
“Not really. My work is not all that stressfull.” Junsu stand up and walk away from the room. Leaving Yoochun to think by himself. After a while, the younger man comes to an idea, and run out to search for Junsu.
“Su! Su!” He found Junsu on the kitchen, pouring some milk for Kuu. “What?” the older man answer with an unchanging face.
“Let’s go! Let’s go!” He said with excitement.
“Where to?”
“Jeonlla-do!”
* * * * *
“Oh wow, crow!” Yoochun shout while running around near the beach. The sun almost set when they finally arrived at the beach.
It was supposed to be a sudden trip, but both of them know why they are actually there.
--------------------------------------------------------
“My... mom and dad are... nice. I guess.”
“hmm..” Yoochun was having another bout of nightmare before he finally seetled in to sleep with Junsu for the night.
“I didn’t dream of them. They are not my nightmare.”
“Who then?” Junsu asked while patting Yoochun’s hip. Seemingly tried to make the younger man calm enough to falls asleep after his nightmare.
“They’re... mom and dad. But the other mom and dad. And some sisters and brothers. But they’re not my brother.” Yoochun’s real family died in a car accident while they’re on a road trip to Jeonlla-do. He was the only one safe.
“Have you paid a visit to them?”
“Who?”
“Your nice mom and dad.”
“I... I’m not good with cemetry.”
“Let’s go together next time. Introduce me to them. Allright?”
------------------------------------------------------------
“Yoochun.” He called out to the hyperactive man. “Get going.”
The other man suddenly stand still and stopped his attempt to catch the flying crow.
“I... What if they didn’t like me coming?”
Junsu walks to him and grabbed Yoochun’s hand, dragging him to their car “Whatever they think about your visit, you won’t hear it. So that doesn’t matter.”
“They’ll come to my dream!” The younger guy complained while having his seatbelt buckled by Junsu.
“But they never come before.”
“Well, they’ll come now! They’re going to ask me why I’m not dead with them!”
“Yoochun.” A stern voice calling his name effectively shutting him up. Both of them know it was just the reason yoochun made up cause he’s afraid to confront his old nightmare from having his whole family leaving him. All the things he’s been through making him afraid of leaving and being left out.
“I got it. I’m sorry.”
* * * * *
Junsu clapped his hand together and pray in front of a small family grave. There was nothing there. No flowers, no incense. It really is just a grave stone. With the name of three people written on it. Yoochunwas standing a few feet away.
“Aren’t you going to pray?”
“I did.”
“Years ago doesn’t count.”
Yoochun pouted and half heartedly walking to the grave. But he didn’t pray. “This is Junsu.” He said to the grave “I am now living with him.”
“Hmm...”
“Don’t take him away from me, please. I promise I’ll be good.” Yoochun said.
“Yoochun?”
“You’re not going to leave me alone, aren’t you?” Yoochun gripped Junsu’s arms while pleading “You won’t abandon me, right? Junsu?”
“Everybody left me. They don’t want me. But you’re not going to be like them right?”
“Did you bring me to go here to ask me this? How many times did I said I’ll never leave you alone?” Junsu removed Yoochun’s hands from his arms and went to hug him instead and whisper on his ear “If you didn’t believe me then, then it would be pointless to say it again. You won’t believe me anyway.”
“Let’s go home.”
* * * * *
“What?” Yoochun was in the middle of grooming Kuu when Junsu emerge from his room.
“I’m going to a publisher party tonight.”
“When... when will you coming home?”
“I think I’ll come home late. It usually dragged on till morning. Probably around 2.”
“Uhmm...” Yoochun walk lifelessly to the kitchen, preparing and afternoon snacks and tea. “But you’re coming home, right?”
“Of course.” Junsu sit down on the pantry, accepting the tea that Yoochun made for him.
Merroww~ Junsu picked up the black cat who’s scratching softly to his jeans clad legs. “That’s not your scratch post.” He scratch the back of the cat’s ear softly. Making the cat letting out a soft purring sound.
“Pet me too?” yoochun asked after serving a plate of lady fingers* to Junsu.
Warm hand stroke his head, ruffling Yoochun’s dark locks. “I am going to go home. I promise.”
“Hmmm...”
But a promise is just a promised on Yoochun’s world.
* * * * *
It was past one in the morning. Yoochun can’t bring himself to sleep while Junsu’s not at home, so he decided to wait for the later to come home before trying to get some sleep.
Merroowww~ Kuu was purring softly on his lap. “Kuu~ Junsu is not home yeeee~t.” He stroke the cat’s head softly “Junsuuuuu~~”
The silent atmosphere was gone when the phone rings. “Junsu!” Yoochun bolt out of he couch to pick it up. Unconciously dropping Kuu, making the cat landed on his paw on the floor while making a seemingly irritated purr.
“Hello?”
“This isn’t Junsu.” It was a highly familiar sound, but it’s not Junsu.
“Changmin?”
There’s a soft sigh, and soft bustling sounds could be heard through the receiver. “There was a little accident on the party.” Another sigh “Don’t get into your panic state, allright. Junsu is okay. He just got a little burn on his arms. He told me to call you, cause it seems like we’re gonna be back even later.”
There’s a distinct sound of Changmin explaining things to him. But all the words after accident was a blur to him. He consciously understand that he started to get hyperventilated. He gripped the phone receiver strongly, willing himself to calm down, but failed.
He dropped down and squatting on the floor. Letting go of the phone receiver, and now gripping tightly to his chest. It was getting harder by the minute. What should he do to stop his chest from hurting? “Junsu. Junsu. Junsu.” He chanted. Cause with every repetition of the name, it’s easier for him to breathe.
Mewwwrroww~ Kuu was scratching lightly at his foot. The cat seemed to be worry for it’s master. But the later don’t answer. Yoochun was instead started to lie down on the carpeted floor. Finding the coolness of the carpet soothing.
Junsu is going to come home. He’s going to. He thought to himself before he finally lost conciousness.
* * * * *
“Mama, where are we going?”
“We’re going to play! You never go outside, right chunnie?”
Yoochun was really happy that day. His step mother was never good enough to play with him, let alone bringing him outside. He was beaming, until he saw where their car headed to.
“Mama, where is this?” He asked, when they finally got off in the middle of a crowded treeses. “We’re not going to play?”
“We are! But I forgot to bring the food for us. Yoochun, would you be a good boy and wait at the house?”
There’s a small house, seems to be a hunting camp that is abandoned. It was small and there was nothing on it. But Yoochun was too happy that he was going to play with his mother, that he decided to shoved everything aside. “Okay mama. Where is hyung and noona? Aren’t they going to play with us?”
“They’re not. It’s just the two of us.” His mother shoved him hurriedly to the camp house. “Wait here till mommy come back, okay?”
“Allright mama.”
His smile faded a little when his mother closed the door, and there’s a distinct click sound of the door being locked. “Mama? Why are you locking the door?” He knocked on the door softly.
“Shut up! Just wait there!” It was no longer the sunny voice of his mother. It was rough as usual.
“Mama? Mama!” He screamed when he heard the engine of the car started. “Mama! Bring me too! Mama!!”
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Yoochun woke up to a ceiling he couldn’t recognize and something that seems like an oxygen mask. He was trying to find out where he is when he heard familiar voices talking near him.
“I didn’t say anything weird through the phone, I swear.”
“Of course.” A soothing hand rubbing on his tingling hand. “hey.” Junsu seem like he finally realized that Yoochun is awake. “how are you doing?”
“Uhm...” He was trying to answer, but the oxygen coming from the mask was too strong he got light headed instead.
Junsu lifted up the mask, trying to figure out what the other man was trying to say to him.
“Su...”
“Hey. I thought I was the one on an accident, but I’m coming home to a fainting you.”
“I’m sorry”
Yoochun felt warm hand on his head, ruffling his hair. “What are you so afraid of? Didn’t Changmin call to tell you that I’m fine?”
“Uhhm, sorry.” He leaned in to the hand that is now caressing his cheek.
There’s a soft sigh coming from Changmin. “I’m gonna look for the doctor” He said before walking out of the room.
“I’m back.” Junsu whispered softly on Yoochun’s ear.
“Welcome back, Junsu.”
* * * * *
The end! Awwwww... Uhmmm, well, yeah. I guess I'm back. With just one story though. Just got this sudden urge to write this after I re-read loveless from chapter 100 onward. It's kind of messy and unfinished, yes? I'm gomen ;____; Anyway, don't. I repeat, DO NOT expecting for a sequel. I may or may not write it. Could be a month or even a year later. So don't waste your hope on me. Hahahaha