(no subject)
Well I just got done watching One Tree Hill and crying my eyes out.
So much to say that is running through my brain but the sad part thing is that I don't know if I'll be able to put it all in words.
Things with Shawn and I were going great. Then one things happens.. and its all down hill. With his birthday and holidays approaching I just want it to be perfect. But this is Shawn and Ali that we are talking about. It's never perfect. But who's relationship IS perfect?? None that I know of.
A while ago.. um about when we met. I was all that mattered to him and I can't say that it was the same for me. But now that he is all that matters to me.. it's like we switch roles. He is all that I think about all day everyday. As I told him last night that he's it for me. He tells me the same thing.
But I wish I could believe that. Actions speak louder then words.. and I wish I could say what happened.. but I really can't for the sake of him and I. But I guess I could believe him more if he stuck to his word. His word means a lot to me.. and it would mean a lot more to me if he would keep it.
To you: You lied to me. Not once but numerous times. I don't know what to do from here or what to say to you. When I can talk to you again I will but until then you will just have to wait. I hope I'm feeling better about you before your birthday because thats the LAST thing I want for you is to have a shitty birthday because I know how it feels. I'm insecure with our relationship because you made it that way. It's my turn to be mad and I'm not going to let you turn it around on me. I'm sorry it has to be like this but I didn't put a gun to your head and tell you to do it. I love you and I know you know it.. you tell me you love me and at times I believe it and then at times I don't know what to think. When your ready to talk I'll listen and won't say a word and I hope you can do the same thing for me. It is something we have to fix and I'm done trying alone.. Now its your turn to work at it.
I love you.
So much to say that is running through my brain but the sad part thing is that I don't know if I'll be able to put it all in words.
Things with Shawn and I were going great. Then one things happens.. and its all down hill. With his birthday and holidays approaching I just want it to be perfect. But this is Shawn and Ali that we are talking about. It's never perfect. But who's relationship IS perfect?? None that I know of.
A while ago.. um about when we met. I was all that mattered to him and I can't say that it was the same for me. But now that he is all that matters to me.. it's like we switch roles. He is all that I think about all day everyday. As I told him last night that he's it for me. He tells me the same thing.
But I wish I could believe that. Actions speak louder then words.. and I wish I could say what happened.. but I really can't for the sake of him and I. But I guess I could believe him more if he stuck to his word. His word means a lot to me.. and it would mean a lot more to me if he would keep it.
To you: You lied to me. Not once but numerous times. I don't know what to do from here or what to say to you. When I can talk to you again I will but until then you will just have to wait. I hope I'm feeling better about you before your birthday because thats the LAST thing I want for you is to have a shitty birthday because I know how it feels. I'm insecure with our relationship because you made it that way. It's my turn to be mad and I'm not going to let you turn it around on me. I'm sorry it has to be like this but I didn't put a gun to your head and tell you to do it. I love you and I know you know it.. you tell me you love me and at times I believe it and then at times I don't know what to think. When your ready to talk I'll listen and won't say a word and I hope you can do the same thing for me. It is something we have to fix and I'm done trying alone.. Now its your turn to work at it.
I love you.