old lj post on my old lj re posted for posterity!
Every so often i consol myself by imagining the worst possible scenario, this is my latest one....enjoy
In my nightmares I am a stylist. Bad as that may sound it gets much worse. Its not one of those jobs where you’re hardly working; it’s a job where i have to work hard, something that goes against my flighty irreverent nature. I am a stylist for that rare breed of business owner, the one that insists on making and starring in his/her own commercials. (Think big Kev or sleazy Sam the used car salesman).
I'm visiting a client and discover that the stairwell has been closed for some obscure reason. I will have to take the elevator. I hate elevators. They make me nauseous with all that upping and downing without warning. I brave the cubicle of death, and am about to select my floor when in walks.....a clown. **shiver**
As Kristen once said "clowns, ugh what’s right about them?" they’re my number one phobia! So here I am ensconced in a lift come torture chamber with my nemesis ‘bozo-alco-kelpto-dorko-fucko-whateverclownname’. I take a deep breath only to be assailed by the most horrid smelling perfume known to mankind.
Some of you might not know this but in my early days i was given an appendectomy in a shithole of an outback hospital that resulted in a mild case of blood poisoning. The nurse who tended(tourtured) me wore this perfume she was a real walrus of a woman ....a grotesque sample of bad breeding who smelled as though she was built from reanimated body parts and all the bits of a duck that are not good to eat. Her favorite scent was Taboo. Oh how i LOATHE that smell. Rather than veil body odor, this cheap ass perfume has the extraordinary capacity to enhance ones putrid stench all the more.
So to recap i am going to a shitty demoralizing job, stuck in the elevator, with a c-c-c- clown who reeks of taboo. That’s when the music starts. You see, it’s the lead up to Xmas, my least favorite time of year and they're playing the same three tracks over and over....the first, is from Mariah Carrey’s Xmas collection. The second 'ditty' originates from that singularly talent less entity we know as David Hasselhoff (YES HE DOES HAVE A XMAS ALBUM) and last but not least the gag factor is exacerbated by the unkind inclusion of a third number. A carol rehashed by Michael i-cant-wait-till-mullets-are-back-in-vogue Bolton.
This is getting too hardcore; I’m going to have to stop before my companion ‘Dennis the lucky bucket’ becomes significantly less lucky.
Loads of washing
xx
Bekkella
In my nightmares I am a stylist. Bad as that may sound it gets much worse. Its not one of those jobs where you’re hardly working; it’s a job where i have to work hard, something that goes against my flighty irreverent nature. I am a stylist for that rare breed of business owner, the one that insists on making and starring in his/her own commercials. (Think big Kev or sleazy Sam the used car salesman).
I'm visiting a client and discover that the stairwell has been closed for some obscure reason. I will have to take the elevator. I hate elevators. They make me nauseous with all that upping and downing without warning. I brave the cubicle of death, and am about to select my floor when in walks.....a clown. **shiver**
As Kristen once said "clowns, ugh what’s right about them?" they’re my number one phobia! So here I am ensconced in a lift come torture chamber with my nemesis ‘bozo-alco-kelpto-dorko-fucko-whateverclownname’. I take a deep breath only to be assailed by the most horrid smelling perfume known to mankind.
Some of you might not know this but in my early days i was given an appendectomy in a shithole of an outback hospital that resulted in a mild case of blood poisoning. The nurse who tended(tourtured) me wore this perfume she was a real walrus of a woman ....a grotesque sample of bad breeding who smelled as though she was built from reanimated body parts and all the bits of a duck that are not good to eat. Her favorite scent was Taboo. Oh how i LOATHE that smell. Rather than veil body odor, this cheap ass perfume has the extraordinary capacity to enhance ones putrid stench all the more.
So to recap i am going to a shitty demoralizing job, stuck in the elevator, with a c-c-c- clown who reeks of taboo. That’s when the music starts. You see, it’s the lead up to Xmas, my least favorite time of year and they're playing the same three tracks over and over....the first, is from Mariah Carrey’s Xmas collection. The second 'ditty' originates from that singularly talent less entity we know as David Hasselhoff (YES HE DOES HAVE A XMAS ALBUM) and last but not least the gag factor is exacerbated by the unkind inclusion of a third number. A carol rehashed by Michael i-cant-wait-till-mullets-are-back-in-vogue Bolton.
This is getting too hardcore; I’m going to have to stop before my companion ‘Dennis the lucky bucket’ becomes significantly less lucky.
Loads of washing
xx
Bekkella