Always had the problem, But it never came down to losing everything.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve had this glitch in my personality. An issue no one could ever see but me, and now somehow she see's it too. It was nothing that would ever kill me, just something that burned every time I fell. The harder the fall, the more the problem would rip into my chest and devour a little bit more of my heart. Now, I’m down to nothing and need to fight to get my heart back. A fight I wish was friendly, but its my enemy that’s stepped up and is longing for war!! An enemy that disgraces me from the inside. An enemy that only show’s its unsightly hand as it destroys my happiness. An enemy that steals Love from my life and forces me to watch. (I WANT IT BACK!!!) My enemy is me.
Explanation- I’ve never been able to trust anyone. Even when they’ve done NOTHING to cause distrust. My brain and thoughts are the enemy and distrust is the glitch in my personality. Its like everyone has to prove to me that I can trust them. That shouldn’t be the way life is spent. I should have faith in humanity and not think everyone is out to screw me over. I know there are incredible people in this world and most of the people in my life right now are incredibly phenomenal. Which is why im so confused as to why my faith in humanity is so fucked. None of these people ever did anything to harm me. NO ONE HAS EVER DONE ANYTHING TO HARM ME.
Trust is the issue here. And im fighting to make my mind realize that without it, I’ll lose everything. You cannot love someone if you cannot trust them. And you all know how strong my belief in Love is. ”Love is something that should be fought for regardless of circumstance. why dont more people feel this way? we cant just sit around and wait for things to happen on they're own. even if it means taking a chance on someone that might or might not feel the same way you do. Love is worth any risk that need be taken.” This throws a wrench in my entire life. Now, how can I say I even know what love is without trust. Have I ever even felt love?
I can honestly say I’ve never felt more compassion for someone in my life than I’ve felt in the past few months. I’ve NEVER fallen so hard. And never has my distrust fought so hard against me to ruin my positive attitude and to pull my love away once again. This time its worth fighting for, and I’ll fight until my distrust is dead. ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE ABLE TO GIVE SOMEONE MY HEART AND NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT THEY’LL DO WITH IT. I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT THEY’LL TAKE IT AND NEVER LET GO. The only way to do this is to fight it and realize that she is who she says she is. When she tells me that we’ll be together forever and nothing/no one will ever stop that, I NEED TO BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!
She is worth fighting for.
Explanation- I’ve never been able to trust anyone. Even when they’ve done NOTHING to cause distrust. My brain and thoughts are the enemy and distrust is the glitch in my personality. Its like everyone has to prove to me that I can trust them. That shouldn’t be the way life is spent. I should have faith in humanity and not think everyone is out to screw me over. I know there are incredible people in this world and most of the people in my life right now are incredibly phenomenal. Which is why im so confused as to why my faith in humanity is so fucked. None of these people ever did anything to harm me. NO ONE HAS EVER DONE ANYTHING TO HARM ME.
Trust is the issue here. And im fighting to make my mind realize that without it, I’ll lose everything. You cannot love someone if you cannot trust them. And you all know how strong my belief in Love is. ”Love is something that should be fought for regardless of circumstance. why dont more people feel this way? we cant just sit around and wait for things to happen on they're own. even if it means taking a chance on someone that might or might not feel the same way you do. Love is worth any risk that need be taken.” This throws a wrench in my entire life. Now, how can I say I even know what love is without trust. Have I ever even felt love?
I can honestly say I’ve never felt more compassion for someone in my life than I’ve felt in the past few months. I’ve NEVER fallen so hard. And never has my distrust fought so hard against me to ruin my positive attitude and to pull my love away once again. This time its worth fighting for, and I’ll fight until my distrust is dead. ALL I WANT TO DO IS BE ABLE TO GIVE SOMEONE MY HEART AND NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT THEY’LL DO WITH IT. I JUST WANT TO KNOW THAT THEY’LL TAKE IT AND NEVER LET GO. The only way to do this is to fight it and realize that she is who she says she is. When she tells me that we’ll be together forever and nothing/no one will ever stop that, I NEED TO BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!
She is worth fighting for.